I feel as tho this is what I want and thoughts dont really disgust me. Anyone relate and some coping strategies?

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

When I say I feel like I like a thought, I don’t mean the OCD is telling me like a thought or that I concluded that from a physical sensation. I mean, I genuinely feel like something in my brain lights up and it feels like I like it mentally. Whenever I hear people talk about liking thoughts (excitement, arousal), I always see things about groinals or heart flutters. Physical things. I don’t think I really ever see people talk about the mental sensation if this is even a thing. I just wanna know if anyone relates to this or has found an explanation for this because seeing it from an analytical point of view seems to help me sometimes. This is so, *so* especially hard for pocd themed thoughts :( Anyone relate?

Was listening to the diarrhea song cuz I remember hearing it as a kid, this one guys version ended with “when she’s sitting on your face and you get a bad taste.” Anywho I had a whole thing bc of that involving different people but the main one that’s bothering me is I thought of my sister and her bf. They’re pretty edgy and I guess in general edgy people are freaky. Anywho I had the urge to imagine them while he gives her oral. And I tried to ignore it but it seemed too real and so I gave in and imagined it. And shocked, I think I liked it. Whether it’s because it’s sexual in nature so it was a general thing, or a taboo thing and that’s why I liked it BECAUSE it was gross and I shouldn’t think about it. But anyhow people say ocd can’t make you do things but I believe it still in a way made me purposely think that. Any words of advice appreciated !!