OCD makes me feel so alone. These last few months I feel like I’ve been unable to be honest or open fully with anyone. I’m so ashamed of what’s inside me and I’m scared. I feel like everything is my fault and I’m lonely despite having wonderful people and things in my life. I am alone and feel so fake and disingenuous.

Your thoughts are not representative of who you are, it is a faulty alarm system in your brain alerting you to the things you fear most. Your feelings and your thoughts are not always representative of who you are. There is something my therapist teaches me is the gun test, imagine there is a omniscient being and they have a gun to your head and they ask you are these intrusive thoughts real? If you say yes they shoot you in the head if they say no you live. You have to give your best guess, because there is uncertainty on everything. Going with your best guess is going against what you might feel or think it’s guessing the 99.9 yes instead of focusing on the 1% no

I can relate to what you feel. It's hard to hide it all from everyone and be always scared of being questioned or whatever. But a matter of fact is, your close ones may actually be more understanding than you think. Both my mom and later my gf were actually more or less understanding of that, and patient with all the stuff I had to do. I'm currently in therapy, and by knowing that my close ones will understand, I greatly reduce my anxiety and I'm able to fight my compulsions more effectively. Hope you can do the same.

Hi tulipomania, this is so hard to experience for sure and I feel for you. It can be a lonely road to walk alone, please know that OCD is a liar and will try and tell you so many things about you and that doesn't mean that it is true. Thoughts do not equal truth- they do not have to "mean" anything. I hope that you will continue to seek support through NOCD and through this community.