very sexy and hot of the most important people in my life to listen to my experiences with ocd and then try to convince me that i don’t have a disorder

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ‘little movies’ that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror. And it’s even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and I’m so disgusted of myself that I feel like I don’t deserve him and I feel like I can’t be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that I’m doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually don’t like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I don’t like it. It’s getting worse day by day. It’s in my head 24/7, can’t concentrate on anything else, I can’t eat because I’m constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because I’m so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that there’s something wrong with me, they think I’m depressed but sadly It’s not something I can talk openly about with them. I’m seeing a therapist next week but I’m genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that I’m having.