Help..

Hey today I’m feeling very tired because of my OCD I’m just so tired of it. I feel I’m doing everything to get better. I disregard the thoughts, I’m trying to do things like I don’t have ocd but it doesn’t want to go away. I was doing fine for a long period of time and now I feel like I’m back a square one. It’s been almost 2 months now I’m battling with OCD and I’m just tired. Sure I have moments where it’s better than others, I also have days where I barely have OCD but I also have really bad days like today where I just don’t want to get out of bed. Last time I had a relapse it took my 4 weeks to get out of it I don’t understand why this time it takes me more. I’m starting believing that I will never feel better again. Anyway I’m gonna try to find the strength to get out of bed and to start my day. But I just wanted to share. It’s such a horrible illness.

I have come so far in my therapy and days like today feel like I’m just still buried in OCD. Sometimes it is so insidious and I don’t realize I’m in a loop. Once I do realize it, it’s hard to get out. I thought sharing here may help, as I never have, but I know you guys will understand. It’s so hard to decipher between regular anxiety and obsessions and compulsions. It has all just become one big ball of panic. Anyway, I’m just struggling today - so thanks for listening.

I've been bedridden with anxiety and haven't eaten much. I tried going on a walk and broke down halfway through to cry. It kind if helped my physical anxiety but hasn't helped my ocd much. ERP is so difficult. It just makes me exhausted and anxious and cry. And I don't even feel a little better afterwards, so what's the point? I get I'm supposed to build up resilience but when? when do I finally feel some reward? I'm suffering, I don't have the energy to fight these thoughts when all the thoughts I have are rumination or intrusive. Medications haven't worked for me either. Maybe I'm not going to get better. Happy new year to me.