- Date posted
- 2y
Trouble
I've lost my ability to differentiate between right and wrong. I'm lost.
I've lost my ability to differentiate between right and wrong. I'm lost.
me too
i believe it is my ocd causing me to have a hard time knowing what is right and what is wrong. i just try to not do the things that deep down inside of me i feel are wrong. i still sometimes do things that i feel are wrong, but i tell myself we are all humans and we all do some things wrong sometimes. OCD has had me trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong for a long time now. And then OCD tries to make me figure out, why the right things are right and the wrong things are wrong. And then the OCD makes me question if what I think is right and wrong is correct. And last the OCD makes me question, what if some things I think are right, are actually wrong and some things I think are wrong are actaully right. Now my common sense tries to tell me, everyone has a different opinion of whats right and wrong and different beliefs as to why things are right and wrong. I cannot reason with my OCD though. I am going to have to live with some uncertainity and not have a definate answer about everything that is right and and everything is wrong. I wish I had some good advice to give but I start therapy at the end of this month here at nocd. I am learning that me arguing with OCD about why something is right or wrong, will not help me. I feel like I should, but that for me is a compulssion. I'm sorry you are going through this. Have you thought of therapy for the OCD?
Thank you for you putting so much effort in your post. I've take therapy from NOCD but haven't seen any affect
well, i may not have the answer, but sometimes it helps me to know I'm not alone in my struggle. So just know you are not alone. I'm sure there are many others with this problem from OCD also. Have you tried asking for another therapist? Sometimes a person and their therspist just doesnt work out for somw reason. If you have tried for a whike with your therapist and its not working out, maybe NOCD will give you another therapist. Im not trying to force you to stay in therapy, I'm just saying, maybe another therapist can help in a different way. I believe Therapists have different therapy techniques. I have had bad experiences with counselors before, and i had to just take a break from therapy forna while. But now I know what is helping and what isnt, so when a tehrapist is not helping me or says something that is either unhelpful or I don't agree with, I speak up and tell the therapist. If it doesnt work with a therapist, I wont try to make it work, I will just try another therapist. I am hoping nocd can help me since my main problem has been OCD but thats not what I recieved therapy for with other counselors in the past.
For me having a relationship with God has helped in this area tremendously. I’m not so selfish like I use to be & only worries about me & my family. 🙏❤️
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
I’ve been worried that I will go to hell and have lost a lot of my interests, personality and even music I like . I don’t know who I am anymore
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
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