Struggling with mental health and feeling lost, hoping therapy will help.

Trying to get better cuz I haven’t been my best

I honestly do not know how to get through or do better anymore. I’m really hoping therapy will help, I hope ERP will help, but I’ve been so bad off for a while and it’s only getting worse. I hoped I could be okay during this weekend with my brother’s wedding and all, but having it in Vegas and and all kinds of things around me that were new and/or not my speed just wrecked me. I have snapped and I feel like im just lost. All the time. I ruined Thursday night when my brother and I had a fight. It’s okay now but I still feel the guilt (and ruminate on the whole thing). My friend that came with me is really worried about me because she feels like im getting more and more self destructive and when I told her about how bad the thoughts in my head were she was like “holy shit I love you and I’m here for you and I want so bad for you to get help cuz it’s scaring me how bad off you are.” But I don’t know if anything will help. For so long I was okay and I was going forward and I felt like I had a handle on myself and my mental health and instead I’ve backslid into this disastrous cycle of thoughts and like even through it could be just ocd talking (I mean the amount of doubt if I really have it or not is high) or if it really is all my fault. I don’t know. I don’t even know what shouting into the void will do. But im slowly feeling like I can’t function and im scared of going back to work Tuesday and I’m scared of trying to take care of myself even though im so tired of always feeling like everything is my fault and that I can’t do anything right and that if I do try to express myself I can’t do it correctly anyway so why bother. I’m just so tired. I was doing so well for a bit and now im just tired. Like I said. I don’t know if talking into the void of this app will help. I don’t know if anything will. But honestly it can’t hurt anymore than it does not trying *something* and I am so tired of how much I hate myself and my mind and my lack of function. I guess im just shouting into the void. Thank you for reading if you did and no worries if not.

Username: Anon.Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

For me, prior to starting ERP/therapy, I was in an absolutely hopeless suicidal place. I was barely functioning on a day to day basis and stopped doing most of the things I loved. My OCD was taking a toll on the relationships in my life. This desperation was what led me to finally seek help. 11 months later, after doing consistent ERP daily for months in the beginning, I no longer feel like that anymore. I feel like I’ve been given my life back, and have way more mental freedom from OCD than I previously had. I’m hopeful about the future again. I’m just a regular person, no one special! Anyway, I wish you the best with your ERP/therapy journey. I hope this helps in some way!

Username: Jojo💕Jojo💕

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Ocd is the doubt disorder sometimes that doubt spills beyond our themes and onto our confidence in our abilities and just makes us feel powerless. Give yourself credit, you pushed yourself to get to and thru the wedding weekend (which in itself without ocd is stressful) These are all heavy weighted thoughts and feelings, give yourself compassion your doing what you can to survive Do what you can to take care of yourself- I know you mentioned your afraid to but do it anyways the urgency to not to is just ocd trying to keep you down Here’s a response I use when I’m in similar mindsets: compassion feels better than perfection, I do what I can with the tools available to me.

Username: blazedblazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry, OCD can truly be so debilitating and painful. I know it’s very discouraging when you’ve made progress but then face a setback. Though, sometimes taking a step backwards is necessary to move two steps forward. Healing is full of challenges but you don’t have to do it alone, there’s always help available. Starting ERP gave me hope bc it made me realize that things don’t always have to be this way. Recovering and living a great life with OCD is possible. I’m not quite there yet, but I was completely hopeless at the beginning of my journey but I’ve gotten so much better since then. So I highly encourage you to start ERP bc it can be so life changing. Don’t give up, you can always get better.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Thanks everyone. It really helps to hear people who get what it’s like with the doubt and all

Username: sophie02

Date posted: 4y ago

I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.

Username: Anonymous:,(

Date posted: 3y ago

I feel like my thoughts have been getting worse and I ruminate a lot. This morning I told myself I wasn’t going to let the thoughts get to me but it’s hard. Than the anxiety kicks in and my heart starts racing so fast and I just have these intrusive thoughts. And I don’t want to do the things I normally do to feel better but I feel like I don’t do my compulsion I will end up doing what my intrusive thoughts are and it scares me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so scared. I want to get out of this cycle but I lack discipline and strength. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this. I want to get better but I can’t seem to ignore the thoughts or the feelings. I wish I could be like some of the people on here who can discipline and know thoughts are thoughts. I’m just so weak minded. It’s so hard, I want my life back before I had all these disgusting thoughts. I want me back and I don’t know if I ever will. I’m scared that erp won’t work for me. I’m just so pessimistic. I’m scared of doing erp and coming out of it realizing I am those things. Everyday I wake up it’s like I’m trying to survive. I worry about when night comes and what will happen if I sleep and if I’ll be able to get sleep. I worry about waking and waking up to me checking to make sure everyone in my house is okay. To make sure I didn’t do thoughts that I had about my family members. I feel guilty being around my family members because of the thoughts I have about them. I’m afraid of being alone with them for too long because I’m scared that the anxiety will get to me and I’ll do something disgusting. I just don’t understand why this happened to me and why I have to suffer. Everyday is a constant battle. I just want to give up or just move away. Maybe even get up start a new life where I just live alone and don’t hurt nobody. This is so hard and I hate it so much. If you read my rant, thank you💗.

Username: madalynne

Date posted: 1y ago

New to the Community

I’m trying to be vulnerable and share here about my experience. I’m just gonna let myself write and not think I’m crazy or try to delete.. I find myself feeling alone a lot, feeling crazy, being unsure why I can’t just snap out of it. I know my past caused this in me (I experienced 2 large traumas - sexual abuse by a parent and parent death) But i find myself obsessed with asking myself why and trying to change the past in my mind. Trying to move on. Thinking maybe if I find out more I’ll feel better. It feels like I can never have a complete good day like I can never feel good. i have happy moments, but if it’s not perfect which I logically know no day is.. I feel upset by my day. Somethings always wrong in my head. I can’t get through a day without thinking my husbands mad at me, or he’s not the actual one for me (we’ve been together 11 years…) or that I can try to solve what I’m feeling by just keeping my house clean, exercising, eating healthy, journaling, meditating. It’s almost like my compulsions have become healthy ones. I feel safe not doing some of them, but if it’s been more than a couple days - I begin to feel bad about it and say “well this is why I feel bad - I’m doing it to myself” Lately, I’ve been experiencing outbursts where I hear the thought telling me to think rationally, but it’s as if I can’t control it and then I’m in a yelling fight with my husband who’s simply trying to be there for me.. I just feel so scared to trust him because my intrusive thoughts tell me he’s out to get me, he’s gonna die, a lot. I’m on Zoloft and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, buT OCD was never brought up. It wasn’t until I searched something in July of 2022 trying to figure out why i had such intense thoughts about leaving my husband but no desire to actually leave that I started to realize I might have it. Since then I’ve improved and I’ve gotten bad. My OCD is around work. Around things being perfect. Around my relationships - always afraid I’m not acting right or I’m going to hurt peoples feelings. Even coming here and interacting feels scary - my ocd wants me to feel alone I guess. I also feel nervous that I over share and people will think I’m crazy. I really don’t want to post this.

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Struggling with mental health and feeling lost, hoping therapy will help.

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