Reality disassociation

I have contamination ocd. It’s not really about germs or bacteria, but the “essence” of something I deem dirty or disgusting or contaminated. And if I touch x thing, then i’ll cross contaminate everything I touch and my family members and such. Fine so far. I can wash, whatever. But lately, my beautiful brain thinks “What if you’re sitting right now, but what if you got up and went downstairs and to the street and touched something dirty (or whatever, anything disgusting), then went back to sitting back to where you were? And all this without noticing, as in your conscious mind went blank and you don’t recall it, but what if that happened?” As you can see, It’s absolutely ridiculous, but the anxiety kicks in and its pure hell. Anyone experience something similar? Or any tips? I feel like I’m losing my mind now. Ocd is like being crazy without actually being it.

Self-trust w...

Date posted: 1y ago

I struggle with something similar so I feel your pain. As obsessed as I am with keeping my home clean, cleaning and washing and even going to the restroom are all uncomfortable for me because of contamination OCD. So my mind disassociates in the midst of these activities so then I question myself- did I use soap 🧼 when I washed? Did I open the faucet with an unclean hand or did I use my elbow (which is something I ALWAYS do, especially after using the restroom because I want to avoid contaminating the faucet handle)? I feel so ridiculous because I sometimes see a HUGE amount of soap foam in the sink from repeated hand washing. When traveling once my skin between my fingers cracked and my hands started to turn partially white from excessive washing. So not only do I use soap, I use too much of it and wash hands more frequently than necessary. But OCD often causes me to doubt myself and that's been the voice I've often listed to. Also, I end up using copious amounts of disinfectant on the faucet handles despite knowing deep down I only opened the faucet with my elbow. I even narrate while I'm doing things to convince myself of the truth of my actions like repeating "soap is on my hands" or "I see the 3 moles on my left arm. I see my left elbow. My left elbow opened the faucet ". Despite all evidence and narration, OCD gets me to still doubt myself so I too feel like I'm going crazy. I end up washing my hands and elbows too since I'm worried if I touched a contaminated faucet handle with my elbow. Even with all the excessive cleaning, washing, observation + narration I still worry about contamination. OCD truly is the doubting disorder and when OCD's voice is so loud 🔊, my rational brain's voice 🧠 gets drowned out. OCD is a bully and knows our fears and keeps us in a cycle based on our fears. Yesterday I just had an unpleasant thought about touching something disgusting and I immediately wanted to go wash my hands. I didn't because in the moment, I was able to remind myself that just because I had the thought doesn't make it true. Does that last bit help? Telling yourself that just because you think you might have touched something disgusting and didn't notice doesn't make it true. I hope this post helps you see that you're not alone, you're not crazy and I hope that we both can recognize when the bully voice is telling us something untrue. Thoughts aren't facts. It's hard to internalize this when the anxiety of OCD is present but I try to remind myself of this daily.

EllieH95

Date posted: 23w ago

How do you do ERP without spiraling?

I have contamination OCD that causes me to excessively wash my hands/clean items with disinfectant wipes. I know I just need to start with small exposures but how do I do that without spiraling? I tried a while back by just touching the outside of my dishwasher and not washing my hands after and it led to me being unable to even exist in my house. I basically lived on my couch for three weeks as it was the only 'safe' space that I had not touched with my dirty hands. I had to take a week off work to clean my house to make it somewhat liveable. I still haven't got round to cleaning everything though so things like my kitchen are still no-go zones that I don't enter. I just don't know how to start ERP without it making everything worse. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not seeing a therapist at the moment due to financial constraints.

Contamination OCD

Elliesmith

Date posted: 20w ago

Intrusive thoughts

I am starting to come to grips with intrusive thoughts, reading how your brain will think of the worst thing / or make you think of something that really distresses you. BUT, I’ve got something I need to get off my chest, not looking for reassurance but just to know I’m not alone I guess? I remember one time, I saw a girl I follow on Instagram go on a marathon, and then went straight out for dinner after without showering and I had the passing thought of, gosh she must smell, even worse, she must smell down there. That has got to be the worst intrusive thought EVER, and because it affected me so much, I have the urge to think of this horrible horrible thought most times I look at people. Wondering if they smell!!!! It’s disgusting!!!! :( I don’t know if this is because I also have contamination ocd and I do obsess about feeling and being clean.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15w ago

Help, Meta OCD/POCD?

I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?

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Reality disassociation

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