Hello Everyone! I could really use some support, or perhaps advice with how to deal with this! 3 nights ago, I was at a house party and a girl offered me her e-cigarette. I rarely smoke except for a select few occasions, but decided to take her up on it. I noticed a small red bump on her lip, and politely asked if she gets cold sores. My OCD revolves around contamination and a fear of illnesses, and I also wanted to be a bit safe. She replied with a no. Later that night, she explains to me that she LIED and didn’t think it was a big deal. I met this girl through a family friend and presumed I could trust her. We even both shared something in common: OCD. She blatantly lied to me, knowing about my fears, because she hated the “stigma of oral herpes”. At my expense. At this point... I am enraged. This entire incident has me giving into my compulsions... I am terrified I have it, and I am terrified I could spread the infection to my genitals. I was wondering if any of you ever had a similar experience? Or have cold sores and have any tips on how to resist compulsions? Am I taking the contagiousness of the virus way out of proportion due to my OCD? Or is it generally pretty serious? Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated! I know the disease is common and nothing to be ashamed about! I would just love some advice from someone who may be going through something similar. Thanks!

In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.

I've recently decided to get tested for HSV because I have kissed someone with HSV-1. I tested negative several months ago, but I want to be sure. Today I started feeling a tingling sensation and when I pressed my lips together I felt a bump there. So ever since, I've been trying to confirm if there is or is not a bump, where it is, if it's an early HSV breakout or an early pimple. The web searches say that tingle sensations usually means cold sore, but I know that as of a few months ago I tested negative and I have in fact had this tingle happen for zits along my lip line. So I'm super confused and dying to have an answer. I'm planning on heading in to a clinic for a test first thing tomorrow morning but if I can get any advice or knowledge I would so appreciate it, even if that advice and knowledge is helping me break from my compulsion to fidget with my lip or search up information.

This is about OCD but also I just want to rant, I feel very lonely at times. My dad died when I was very young & as the oldest daughter I feel like I’ve had to be strong my entire life. My friends & family love and support me but for some reason I’ve never felt comfortable being vulnerable or discussing my feelings. Everyone tells me I’m the person they go to for advice/support but I have never once opened up to anyone, it almost feels impossible to do so. I mask so well that none of my friends or family know I struggle. No one has ever seen me cry. Also, as a college student with a small group of friends who go out of state, I don’t have many friends in my area so that contributes to feeling isolated. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, & ADHD. As long as I can remember I’ve felt like a bad person and undeserving of love unless i prove myself by being good or useful. I try to keep myself working, volunteering & double majoring in school to feel worthy of love. I genuinely do love life & am so thankful because I feel very blessed. I have good friends & family. But I also feel isolated. (Ik I isolate myself but at the same time I don’t know how to stop). Anyways back in December I broke up with my bf who I had dated for yearsss. He really violated my trust & cheated on me after making me feel crazy for so long & swearing he would never betray me again. It hurt deeply. But ofc I handled it the only way I know how. By being strong. I self isolated. I didn’t tell any of my friends for weeks that we broke up and when I did, I didn’t tell them why (to preserve his image). No one saw how badly it hurt me. To everyone else I seemed fine. I started coping with it in embarrassing ways. I had casual sex with multiple people very quickly that clearly only wanted that from me & didn’t care about me as a person. I am ashamed of this. I’ve stopped meeting new people and decided that’s not the way I want to be and I want to put my energy into healthy outlets. But sometimes in moments of weakness I have had relations with past people (wanting to feel loved & desired & wanted). Anyways my recent theme of OCD has been health + morality related, specifically the fear that I have an STD. I started having some bodily sensations (that i’ve had in the past & aren’t STD related) and started worrying that I may have an STD. When I get health anxiety, I sometimes avoid doctors. I did that for about a month but finally scheduled an appt for Monday. But now the guilt is eating at me and saying “what if you had an STD this whole time & knowingly gave it to others bc you avoided doctors?” That causes me a lot of guilt & shame. I know this is OCD so I’m trying not to ask for reassurance. Sorry that was so long, this is the first time I’ve ranted in a very long time. I just want someone to see me.