- Date posted
- 1y
Has anyone else isolated themselves
And if so what does that look like to you. I think i may have and I can't figure out if I have or not.
And if so what does that look like to you. I think i may have and I can't figure out if I have or not.
I certainly have but I'm trying very hard to break out of that. Isolating for me is not taking anyone up on offers to spend time together, not seeing my family, not engaging with coworkers. But isolating for me is also hiding from myself and the things I enjoy. For example I have stopped my hobbies and anything else that I like. All of this is due to my irrational ocd fears. Essentially I have no time for anyone BUT my OCD. I'm trying very hard to turn that around
I hope you do break that cycle, you got this.
With my rocd, I find myself refusing to do certain hobbies because I’m afraid I’ll lose control and start having horrible thoughts.
I've had experiences like that.
Yes. It made me worse. When I was 10 my family moved from the town where its busy and my friends are all around, to the country side with one neighbour and fields surrounding us. I used to go out to the local park every day but that instantly changed. I have a little brother and he'd kick and scream to go see his friends to the point where my mum would cry. Due to my moral scrupolosity, I didn't want my mum to cry and kept my mouth shut regarding my needs. I started playing video games and shut myself away in my room because that's all I felt I could do to be sane. My school attendance dropped to about 60-70%. My anxiety went up. I became withdrawn and people told me I never smiled. I was outgoing before, shy but outgoing. Mental health issues kept coming in including audible hallucinations with ocd. I struggled to sleep for years with the berating demands of my very vocal ocd. I ended up sleeping at school when I could. I went from a straight A student to getting Ds and Fs. I didn't do homework because I was so tired all the time and saw detention as a chance to rest. I then began to drink energy drinks to keep me awake during the day and became dependent or addicted. That did not help with anxiety at alllll. To shorten the story, I isolated myself for almost 10 years like this. It took a full family mental breakdown for this to change. Plus, getting my driving licence and a car helped a lot because of no local transport 😅 My habits and diet were awful. I love my parents but I had a huge go at them 2 years ago about how they completely neglected my needs as a teenager. I called them every name under the sun and said the worst stuff possible. I meant everything apart from one comment which I took back. Couldn't speak prolifor days because I don't think I've ever screamed that much in my entire life. So yes, I isolated and it felt like I was being a martyr for my OCDs values and gave up an important part of my life for nothing.
Dang man sorry that I made you have bring that up
@spaceo I'm good now dw. 🤣
@spaceo Sharing this stuff helps others. Shared stories form other users helper me get better. I hope this helped you
Wow! Speechless! Which as you know is a miracle for me. 😉. I am truly sorry you had to go through it all. I am also truly happy that you have moved on and are strong enough to share that and help other people. Big hug.
@NODA It was what it was. We put parents on a pedestal naturally when we are younger but as we grow up we slowly figure out they're just winging it like everyone else. It's disappointing and funny at the same time 🤣
Speak for days *
I have this strong yearning to tell my mother all my thoughts and what I go through on a daily basis but then I get scared of what she'll think of me or that she'll worry even more and feel like it's her fault. I just want someone to understand what im going through but whenever I even begin to explain my thoughts to my therapist, she doesn't really get it and today it feels like no one ever will. like I try to make my therapist understand and bless her heart, she's super compassionate and understands how much pain it causes me but beyond that, it still feels like im not able to fully convey it. I'm sure this is something many people can relate to, but still. I feel alone.
Did anyone experience SA as a child. I've come out and people have blocked me almost across the board. I know this isn't totally OCD but it kind of is because I have so much doubt on how to proceed. I have no evidence and I believe I'll fail so much. Can I get through the turmoil of this with OCD? I'm a friendless mess.
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
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