- Date posted
- 1y
Has anyone else isolated themselves
And if so what does that look like to you. I think i may have and I can't figure out if I have or not.
And if so what does that look like to you. I think i may have and I can't figure out if I have or not.
I certainly have but I'm trying very hard to break out of that. Isolating for me is not taking anyone up on offers to spend time together, not seeing my family, not engaging with coworkers. But isolating for me is also hiding from myself and the things I enjoy. For example I have stopped my hobbies and anything else that I like. All of this is due to my irrational ocd fears. Essentially I have no time for anyone BUT my OCD. I'm trying very hard to turn that around
I hope you do break that cycle, you got this.
With my rocd, I find myself refusing to do certain hobbies because I’m afraid I’ll lose control and start having horrible thoughts.
I've had experiences like that.
Yes. It made me worse. When I was 10 my family moved from the town where its busy and my friends are all around, to the country side with one neighbour and fields surrounding us. I used to go out to the local park every day but that instantly changed. I have a little brother and he'd kick and scream to go see his friends to the point where my mum would cry. Due to my moral scrupolosity, I didn't want my mum to cry and kept my mouth shut regarding my needs. I started playing video games and shut myself away in my room because that's all I felt I could do to be sane. My school attendance dropped to about 60-70%. My anxiety went up. I became withdrawn and people told me I never smiled. I was outgoing before, shy but outgoing. Mental health issues kept coming in including audible hallucinations with ocd. I struggled to sleep for years with the berating demands of my very vocal ocd. I ended up sleeping at school when I could. I went from a straight A student to getting Ds and Fs. I didn't do homework because I was so tired all the time and saw detention as a chance to rest. I then began to drink energy drinks to keep me awake during the day and became dependent or addicted. That did not help with anxiety at alllll. To shorten the story, I isolated myself for almost 10 years like this. It took a full family mental breakdown for this to change. Plus, getting my driving licence and a car helped a lot because of no local transport 😅 My habits and diet were awful. I love my parents but I had a huge go at them 2 years ago about how they completely neglected my needs as a teenager. I called them every name under the sun and said the worst stuff possible. I meant everything apart from one comment which I took back. Couldn't speak prolifor days because I don't think I've ever screamed that much in my entire life. So yes, I isolated and it felt like I was being a martyr for my OCDs values and gave up an important part of my life for nothing.
Dang man sorry that I made you have bring that up
@spaceo I'm good now dw. 🤣
@spaceo Sharing this stuff helps others. Shared stories form other users helper me get better. I hope this helped you
Wow! Speechless! Which as you know is a miracle for me. 😉. I am truly sorry you had to go through it all. I am also truly happy that you have moved on and are strong enough to share that and help other people. Big hug.
@NODA It was what it was. We put parents on a pedestal naturally when we are younger but as we grow up we slowly figure out they're just winging it like everyone else. It's disappointing and funny at the same time 🤣
Speak for days *
Very brief mentions of pocd and nsfw jokes,id like this to be adults only . Repost bc i had to edit something Does anyone have experience with real event ocd attached to your online footprint etc? I keep checking old messages,trying to find old people i knew i used to talk to etc. To find out every problematic thing I did and if I've ever been unfollowed or blocked by anyone I used to be friends w online/atleast on good terms w. I am particularly concerned abt doing something bigoted,esp racist bc i have racism ocd,and doing something predatory bc of my pocd. I remember hanging around people who could use 'edgy' or offensive humour in my teens and i remember a lot of sex jokes and that i would join in on sex jokes sometimes . i dont remember details w the offensive humour as much,i feel like i didnt join in on it as much but i was definitely WAY passive abt things and prob let a lot of bad stuff slide i shouldnt have bc i didn't speak up it was wrong,I remember one friend in an online community would say slurs and horrible jokes when i was 16. I dont remember my response to it as much but i feel i didnt speak up abt it aside one time i found in the dms where he made a bad joke on a thing i shared for social justice. I cant stop going thru old messages and stuff or trying to find ppl from the past. I feel like if I don't check it now,that eventually it'll come to haunt me or that I'll stumble across it eventually. I worry what if someone messaged me on one of these apps I un-installed or on one of the accounts I don't have access to,confronting me abt all this stuff I did. I had an obsession w this back in 2020 and did check in depth on all my accounts,but now that it's been 4 years the obsession is back in full swing.
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
Hey, so I've never actually been diagnosed with OCD. I did a little bit of research, I always thought OCD was organizing things. But I'm not normal, I have this thing where I feel something isn't right. I obsess over it or if I brush my hand over something correctly then it's fixed. Or I have to do this thing on stairs, I'll walk up a few or down them because something isn't right. I read this thing on memories. I know something happened, but then I doubt myself to the point I don't know if it happened. And I think too logically in relationships. I'll put statistics on things and if they might not work out I distance myself, there's other odd things I do. My family always told me I was fine but then said things like I was messed up, and said to just ignore what I felt. Like I was making it up. I don't know what to do, I don't have a doctor currently, I was never diognosed. Is there a way to be sure I have it? Or a way to stop everything? I just want to stop everything, please and thank you. Sorry for the long post. If anyone can help, I would be so thankful.
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