- Date posted
- 1y
this sucks
i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person
i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person
I get it
It’s nothing short of hell
Sounds like you are letting your ocd win. Remember, it can NEVER make you do anything you don't want to do. You do compulsions because you want to. Ocd might whisper in your ear and and highly suggest you do them but in the end it can't make you do anything. It's impossible. Ocd has NO control.
People don’t understand this. They say to “trust your gut” and “you know what you feel” but you can’t and you don’t. You truly don’t have a gut or intuition. You don’t know what’s real feelings and what’s fake. You don’t know what thoughts are real and what are fake. And I think that’s the hardest part. Ocd convinces you that you are the worst version of yourself. It’s a 24/7 internal bully that you can’t turn off.
Maybe death is the cure I have white hair at 17 because of this disorder I’ve reached my limit with life and want to end it for good
I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
i feel miserable, i don't know who to turn to anymore. i had very bad periods in my life where i felt depressed and suicidal for years but nothing compares to this, not only i feel depressed but my ocd is at an all time high. idk what to do i Just want to cry. i feel like I'm a monster and it feels reasonable to see myself this way. im a horrible person who doesn't deserve any of the good things in my life
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