pls help. should i confess?

i’m very aware that one of my main compulsions is confessing/seeking repentance, specifically from my boyfriend. however i can never seem to get past this one specific event from my past. to sum it up, i remember while having me time (if yk what i mean) i kept having random ppl that i know in my daily life popping into my head and sexual images of them kept coming in as well. i felt like i couldn’t fully control it which makes me think it was OCD and i didn’t know it at the time. however, a specific person that kept coming to mind is now standing out to me. i would be lying if i said he was not an attractive person, but i would never in a million years actually want to be with him in any way. i love my boyfriend with every fiber in me and i am confident i would never do anything to jeopardize that. the thing is that since i know i found him attractive at the time i am struggling with my intentions behind those thoughts i was having about him. although its out of character i wonder if it was real thoughts and not just intrusive. it feels like a cycle of me trying to figure it out and i feel so incredibly guilty at times over it that i feel as though i should confess this to my boyfriend. this happened over a year ago and this person is no longer even in my life but i still can’t shake it. is this something i would need to confess to him or is it just my OCD taking? also, something that feeds into my obsessing over this is that i remember distinctly trying to make sure i looked okay when i was around this person in the past. not in a way that i wanted him, but just that i didn’t want him to think i was ugly or anything. i don’t think this is uncommon to want to look good in front of an attractive person, but at the same time i wonder if i was seeking attention for the wrong reasons or something. it’s just so conflicting bc it’s very out of character for me.

Username: TneuffTneuff

Date posted: 37w ago

This feeling like you need to confess is 1000% your ocd talking and is not you. As an objective third party male, know that this is not something you need to confess for and if you do it will only feed the cycle as it is a compulsion. So please don’t do it :) you got this

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous thank you ❤️

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w ago

I’ve had a very similar situation for years. It’s super hard to move past, I’m still dealing with it, even today. But, I know confessing is only going to give me temporary relief. I’ve even confessed these thoughts to my husband before, and the feeling that I need to confess about the same topic always comes back. Try and sit with it, know that you don’t control your thoughts and the feelings of anxiety will (probably slowly) go away. You haven’t done anything wrong. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. Be strong and know you’re not alone.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous what i’m mainly struggling with is the possibility that they weren’t completely intrusive since this was an attractive individual and that i’m disloyal for thinking this way

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous The obsession and the guilt that you feel makes me think they are intrusive thoughts. Noticing that another person is attractive is human nature. Wanting to look good in front of attractive people is also human. Having those thoughts doesn’t mean you’re wanting to cheat on your boyfriend or that you did anything you should feel guilty about or that you care about him any less. You got this, try and fight the urge to confess. I know it’s so hard but you can do it. Take the anxiety 10 seconds at a time. I’m willing to bet You can get through anything for 10 seconds. If you’re still anxious after the 10 seconds, start at 1 again. This is just your OCD trying to bully you.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous i appreciate you ❤️

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

hi! I went through this exact same thing. to the t. the biggest thing that helped me is realizing that the fact that I had guilt over it (even if it was unhealthy) tells me that I loved my then-boyfriend & didn’t want to do anything to hurt or disrespect him. there are truths that people with rOCD have a hard time navigating like the fact that we will find other people attractive. however, you have the power to act out on that attraction (like messaging this person and asking to meet up) or not acting out on it. remember that intrusive thoughts/urges/emotions goes against our values, that’s why they feel so scary and real. that’s why we feel so, so bad and the need to confess. what helped me is sitting with the discomfort, thanking my brain for sharing that thought with me (because it’s my brain that keeps bring it up), and choosing to love in the moment and love out my values (i.e., leaning into the love I have for my then-boyfriend). I hope this helps! please know your not alone & that you got this! <3

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous live in the moment and live out my values* oops

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous this helped more than you know. thank you so much ❤️

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous I’m glad <3 keep pushing through. you got this!

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

new obsessions

every time my OCD finds something new to obsess about I feel like it’s the worst one yet. I used to think feeling like i don’t love my partner is the worst but turns out feeling like i cheated on him is so much worse. especially because it’s not cheating OCD but real event OCD. I somewhat entertained things with a friend a couple years ago (assumed he was probably into me and didn’t stop it/ liked the attention??) and even drunkenly fell asleep on his leg once. and i have talked about it with my bf but not the detail about sleeping on his leg (i’ve told him other arguably worse things (no kissing or anything like that)) and we’ve gotten past it. this was someone who i definitely never had feelings for and never wanted anything more out of than attention. but now i feel overcome by guilt and anxiety and i replay the scenarios over and over in my head. i feel the constant need to confess every last detail i remember but i read that confessing can be a compulsion? ugh anyone else dealing with real event OCD have any advice? I can’t see my amazing NOCD therapist anymore due to insurance issues :/

Relationship OCD

Username: sofiarenee

Date posted: 1y ago

relationship ocd. so tired.

so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partner’s back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. i’ve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldn’t hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didn’t know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since i’ve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i don’t have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i don’t want to be with anyone else. but i’ve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i don’t want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - ‘what if you actually want to be with him instead and you’re just in denial right now’ or something like ‘you dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughts’ and i’m just so..drained. i’m so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously don’t want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with him…i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and i’m paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesn’t hold what i did against me but he’s well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesn’t deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i haven’t told my bf about these thoughts because i’m worried he would take it the wrong way. i really don’t think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i don’t want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)

Relationship OCD

Username: aneyh

Date posted: 45w ago

How do you deal with confession urges?

I have a really awful event. One that required a lot of non-OCD related confessions to my gf. It happened 4 years ago. I don’t really consider any of my thoughts around this event to be OCD related, because it was actually THAT BAD, and I actually should feel the things I’m feeling. The problem that keeps coming up is my urge to confess more details. The thing I did wasn’t one event, but a series of awful events. My girlfriend doesn’t want to know anymore details. She says no matter how bad it is, she doesn’t want to know anymore. I keep getting memories of details that I’m worried would end our relationship if she knew. I’ve confessed so many awful details and she hasn’t left me yet, but there are so many genuinely terrible things that I thought, felt, intended, and acted on. With the thought that revealing a detail could end my relationship, how am I not supposed to confess? I feel like I am tricking her and she doesn’t understand the full extent of my depravity. When she looks at me with love I feel sick and unworthy. She doesn’t want me to confess anymore, my therapist doesn’t want me to confess anymore, and these memories are just sitting in my head, eating away at my soul. I feel so alone. I feel like most of you can probably guess the nature of what I did and might not appreciate me posting about it here. I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to…

Real Events OCD

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pls help. should i confess?

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