I feel so close to my limit (TW)

I feel so bad right now, I feel like I’m back being in a dark place, I feel so convinced that I am attracted to these things like I genuinely feel like I am, and that it makes me agree with it, because it feels so strong… I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t deal with this anymore, I’m getting in a dark place, I tried to see if my therapist was available and she hasn’t been available since September 17th, before my breakup, before my OCD got even worse. I feel like shit right now and I don’t know why to do anymore, I just want the pain to end so bad… I just don’t wanna fight anymore, I’m not trying to imply anything bad, but like genuinely give up. I just can’t handle any sort of photo of a kid anymore.

POCD

Username: TexasOCD41TexasOCD41

Date posted: 13w ago

6 times on this one. ( using emotional reasoning). You might need to get with a new therapist. Do you use NOCD? mine is available every day. You also might benefit from medication to get your anxiety baseline more level. You appear to have lost your insight and the ability to detach your emotions from your logically reasoning and its so enmeshed. Do you attempt to do any ERP? is your therapist OCD specialized?

Username: King sillyKing silly

Date posted: 13w ago

@TexasOCD41 She is ocd specialized but I didn’t get to speak at her at all anymore… :(

Username: TexasOCD41TexasOCD41

Date posted: 13w ago

@King silly - Can you find another one? can you get in with an NOCD therapist? my insurance covers almost the entire cost for NOCD.

Username: digginaholedigginahole

Date posted: 13w ago

You will make it through this, you are not alone. Your best thing right now is to choose your boundaries for yourself and others. That’s entirely up to you, but you (Even if it’s hard right now to pin point,) know what is inherently right or wrong. Set those boundaries (by writing them down) on how much or how little you do things, then focus on listening to others, and after that seek service opportunities around you. Seek to build a sense of dependability and integrity. Seek to love others in a healthy and charitable way. Then, record and write down in a journal the good things that happened. For the bad things, write the lesson you learned, not about how much you suck or how much you feel like a horrible person. You’ve got this!

Username: sniffsniff

Date posted: 13w ago

yo sleepy, I feel ya

Username: letsgo

Date posted: 5y ago

POCD TW. Need some help. Hey guys! I hope everyone is doing well as of lately. I’ve been doing ~decent~ better than I was say 4-5 months ago. Due to the Lexapro I’ve been on it’s definitely made a dent. But everyday is still a struggle. Lately I feel as if I’m faking all of my POCD. Everything started with one particular child. I don’t know exactly what, but it started to make me feel like I had feelings or something like that. I hated it. I’ve been an anxious mess since. The thing that’s bothering me is I don’t see much online about people’s OCD particularly targeting one person. I also have it about other children in general. But it’s heavily influenced by one. There is an hour that goes by that I’m not thinking something about the child, sexual or not sexual it can just be general things. My thoughts tell me I want to be around this child, they tell me to walk by her so she will notice me. I hate this and want this to end. I want to go back to myself in September when I was going on dates with girls my age, and thinking about that. I would NEVER hurt a child. Never wanted too. I just need support. I went to a OCD specialist back in January who told me she definitely thought I had OCD. I haven’t been able to go back because of my work schedule. But I want too. I just want to feel normal. Can anyone relate? Idk. I’m just depressed again.

POCD

Username: hope

Date posted: 3y ago

trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(

POCD

Username: bilxie

Date posted: 2y ago

i cant deal with this anymore

i’m sat here on holiday and i don’t think i can do this anymore, in my last post i mentioned i was afraid i was attracted to a 13 year old who looked older, despite knowing this it feels like i still am. i’m so fucking scared it doesn’t feel like ocd and i cant get any help or message my therapist it feels like my worst nightmare has came true, i don’t want to live with this anymore. am i in denial still i cant tell what’s real anymore i don’t want to be here

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I feel so close to my limit (TW)

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