- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Honestly it's just so damn painful.. Support groups like this help but sometimes they trigger my intrusive thoughts as well.. Sometimes I can't even look at myself in the mirror when I'm truly stuck in the loop of obsessing and analyzing.. but when I can I say things like 'Cmon this isn't you" "It's the OCD..Not me!" Also I was told once something I try to remember from time to time that "I am not making this happen..This is happening to me"
- Date posted
- 4y
Are you in therapy or taking medication
- Date posted
- 4y
I just stopped taking my meds because I thought they were making it worse but I don't know if they really were or not because I literally doubt and question EVERYTHING..I do have a zoom meeting with my psych next week so I want to ask her for something that is specifically for OCD..if there is.. I'm also getting an emotional support dog.. This OCD breaks me .. Like of all the things in all the world why this? And why these god awful themes? And then I get scared I'll never have inner peace.. It is a thief of joy.. Then it eventually loops around to "What if I don't have OCD? What if I'm a bad person?" And then during these episodes I will catch a glimpse of 'Me'.. the me without the OCD symptoms kicking my ass and living a life that I can actually enjoy and be at peace with and it makes my heart so damn sad.. I guess that is what keeps me going.. trying to get back to the person that I know I am in my heart of hearts and that person is good and kind and will always help someone and never hurt anyone.. I'm sorry I know you asked a specific question and I rambled and made myself cry now lol
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t apologize and youre the very first person I’ve even talked to that sounds like you have the same problems as me. I thought I was alone and it’s been pure hell. We are good people. We are kind people, and we will get better.
- Date posted
- 4y
yes
- Date posted
- 4y
yes.. I'm in an episode now for over a month.. Like 24/7 almost some days.. I'm constantly trying to push the thoughts away but then I go right back analyzing and dissecting the intrusive thoughts.. makes me hate myself and feel like a big pile of shit
- Date posted
- 4y
Me too and it’s so scary, has anything helped you get thru these episodes?
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes I would say I'm good 99% of time outside of these episodes.. When intrusive thought would come in I could just shake it off or say my lil mental mantra and go on about my day.. In these episodes though, It's just always there nagging in the back of my mind, like hey analyze me asshole or I won't go away! This is my second worst episode.. Last one was in 2017 but I have been battling this lots of years longer tthan that.. It's really scary and painful.. I get horrible headaches and nausea because of it.. OCD has stolen the most valuable relationships from me 😭 I have to love them from a distance.
- Date posted
- 4y
The real me is happiliy married to the love of my life and have the most wonderful beautiful son, almost a picture perfect life... OCD me, is so scared of losing all of the things I care about right now if I don’t get better soon.
- Date posted
- 4y
Same!! Literally all the things you named and then some! I feel like anything that could possibly make me a bad person my mind will try to throw in an intrusive thought to have me think so! Like ANYTHING! The ones that bother me the most, related to the POCD, I obsess and ruminate on more because I find it the most appalling I suppose..then when I clear my head for a moment from that I'm obsessing if I really love my man? Do I have enough faith? Do I have a purpose in life? My mind will twist and turn everything that is good that brings me peace and happiness into something terrible that makes me want to literally die
- Date posted
- 4y
I can’t believe I found someone with almost identical symptoms as me. I’m so glad I’m not alone as terrible as all this is. Just means we’re not crazy, that we are good people with no bad intentions. If we were just bad all of these things wouldn’t terrify us so, OCD is truest terrriying. But like we said, he have been better and healthy and normal and we can get back to that, as impossible as it seems
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes we can..and as I wouldn't wish this garbage on anyone it is comforting to talk with someone that truly understands
- Date posted
- 4y
It is comforting. Please don’t be too scared to reach out for more help from a professional. I know everything is scary at this point we’ve got to take care of ourselves
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes we will get better :)
- Date posted
- 4y
How many episodes have you had? Are you good 99% of the time outside of these episodes?
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand.. I am in an amazing relationship with my soon to be husband.. He is so amazing and everything I've ever wanted in a man.. Now the past month or so with me not being able to turn the ocd off I feel like I'm going to lose him or push him away because I am so mentally exhausted and just fucking angry at life for dealing me this hand.. It's ruining me being able to be intimate with him.. He can only understand to the extent someone without ocd can I guess.. He knows it hurts..he knows I am in pain.. But I feel so guilty that he has to deal with me sometimes
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand. My husband has gotten thru 1 epoisode with me so far, 2yrs ago, and I didn’t scare him away then so that reassuring. If anything were stronger and closer and more in love now. Do you mind if I ask what type of OCD you have? And some of the scary thoughts? I think mine is pure OCD, it’s just terrifying thoughts of anything that scares me. Like I’m gonna go crazy and be taken from my family, that I’m a child predator, that I don’t love my husband. Literally every scary scary thought I could ever have. I’m having and I can’t get out of my head. But a month ago, when I wasn’t having an episode, these weren’t even a thought in my head.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yep!
- Date posted
- 4y
I am appreciative just chatting with you.. My psychiatrist doesn't know my main theme because I am so ashamed and embarrassed.. Also the place where I go to see my psych is state funded and idk .. I am hopeful that I might be able to find a doctor that is reasonably priced that specializes in ocd because of lack of insurance..I did have a therapist last year for a few months that I think I might have been able to open all the way with eventually but lost her due to Covid.. Ideally I would love to have a therapist again and I am going to start meds again I think.. I keep hearing people on here mentioning prozac.. I've been on Cymbalta, lamictal, xanax, just to name a few
- Date posted
- 4y
Have you quit your meds every time?
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm sorry I did not reply sooner.. I just now seen this.. No I did not quit them every time.. I quit recently because I thought it was making them worse.. But idk.. maybe I just needed a med adjustment.. I hate that I can't talk to my doc in person and its all over zoom
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Anyone else develop it in their 30s? I’m 33 and just started showing symptoms in October 2024. So far have only been diagnosed with GAD , PD and depression.I started having intrusive thoughts after a series of panic attacks . My compulsions would be googling. I have made an effort to stop though because it only makes me feel worse. My intrusive thoughts have been around fear of going crazy
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, I wanted to come on here today to just share this post because I’ve been struggling with this recently. I just wanna know if this is a common thing in relationship OCD. So last Friday me and my boyfriend had a conversation that was important, and my emotions were high and I got a little emotional about something he said and we had a long talk about it, the conversation went great and afterwards everything was okay. On Saturday I was so excited to see him after work and I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and excitement. Sunday was great and we stayed on FaceTime just enjoying the day together after he went home that morning, and then came Monday. I remember getting a thought like this, “What if I’m losing feelings for him and I’m just leading him on?” And even this thought, “I don’t really feel anything towards him right now, does that mean I fell out of love with him?” And then the anxiety came, I could literally feel myself breaking out in cold sweats and I could feel the pain in my chest after these thoughts crossed my mind. But what bothers me so much about this is on Saturday and Sunday I felt so content and happy with him and I was so happy and I didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever, and then Monday came, and I had those thoughts and I feel almost numb and I can’t feel anything else except the feelings of worry and fear and my anxiety has been at a all-time high and I keep feeling this pain of guilt and hurt in my chest and I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced the same. Because personally one thing I hate is that one day I can be so happy and energetic and then the next day I can feel numb and feel absolutely nothing towards my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this can correlate with my menstrual cycle as well, but I’ve heard that that can also make your relationship OCD worse and cause you to feel differently about your partner. Just wanting to see if anyone has dealt with the same!
- Date posted
- 14w
i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help
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