Sometimes I feel like my life would be more empty without OCD. Even though it causes me so much stress and anxiety, I feel like that stops me from being bored. Sounds silly because I know that everybody STRIVES to be relieved of OCD and the trouble it causes. I guess I just feel like having OCD makes me different from other people (and I like to be bold and stand out). Without it, I’d just be like everybody else. And that’s why I fear NOT having it; that would mean I truly am just like everybody else and my thoughts are real. Idk. It’s also nice to be part of this community where we all push eachother forwards and celebrate eachother for all the things we do. I don’t want to lose that.

Ahh ok I see. Well thank you! Also, irrelevant, but I went to Canada recently and it was really nice ?

Yes exactly! I just don’t know who I’d be. And I don’t know if I’d take my happiness for granted, in the same way that I did before all this crap started.

I pretty much experience this exactly. Where you know you want to feel better but then have this feeling that you don’t, because you identify with it. I think it’s another way that our ocd latches into wanting to feel certainty and fear of the unknown: at least we know that we have ocd. This is one feeling that I really struggle with in recovery, but I try and remind myself that my ocd does NOT make me feel good. I think thought replacement helps the best: rather than thinking “I don’t want ocd to go away because it makes me feel unique and that scares me” think of it more as being proud that you can use your ocd as an advocate for mental health and helping other people. These are just some ways that make me feel better about the feeling, rather than trying to find out what’s wrong with me for having it. I hope it helps:)

That did help! I would love to advocate for mental health / kill the stigma around keeping it silent in the future once I’m better. And to get better, I’ll have to ditch OCD at some point! I guess it’s just that I don’t even have certainty about whether or not I have OCD so I often feel like I’m faking it for attention or to be unique (even though I’ve told very few people).

Ok thanks, that’s helpful to know! I don’t have veryyyy bad physical symptoms so I don’t think medication would be necessary for me but ERP is definitely important.

From my understanding, a psychiatrist (at least in Canada) mainly just prescribes meds and diagnoses, whereas a therapist is usually there for talk therapy and CBT, but usually can’t prescribe meds.

Very honest of you to say that, Eden. It’s a bit different for me: I just can’t imagine myself not being... well, myself. My therapist makes a differentiation between my OCD and me, but I just don’t know who I am without it! Too many years suffering from it... I wouldn’t know how to live and be another person. I told her, and she says it’s absolutely normal.

I have had some form of anxiety for as far back as I can remember. Some periods of my life, I was able to function normally, but for most of my life, anxiety has been in the forefront. I am not sure who I would be without it, but I am certain I would have made more of my life-better education, better job, more exciting life experiences, etc

(I haven’t yet been diagnosed)

I’ve had the same experience where I questioned whether I even had OCD, until recently when I was diagnosed. If you can, it may give you some peace of mind to have a diagnosis (as it did for me!) because it makes it easier to put the thoughts and habits into perspective. I had one appointment with a psychiatrist and she was able to tell me with certainty that I have OCD, and these people are professionals and see it every day, so they know what they’re talking about! Of course your brain will still try to tell you that it’s not OCD, but I’ve noticed that the further along you are into recovery, the easier it is to recognize the textbook symptoms of OCD. I’ve also had the same feeling when I tell people that I have anxiety and OCD (that I’m looking for attention) but more than anything, if they’re the right people, they will believe you and be there as another support.

Me and my mum have been looking into therapists recently so I can finally get a proper diagnosis because, like you said, I think that’s what I need right now! Dumb question but what’s the difference between a therapist and a psychiatrist? Should I see a therapist in order to get properly diagnosed?

A psychiatrist can prescribe meds, where therapists usually cannot. Some psychiatrists also act as therapists, and others just prescribe the meds and that is it. If you have a psychiatrist who will also help with ERP, you don't really need a therapist imo.

haha some parts of it are beautiful!!