Having thoughts like "your thoughts are real... you really are a bad person.... you don't have ocd, you're just using it as an excuse for your thoughts... you were 'diagnosed' by a college counselor, so it's probably not real... you like your thoughts....." and right now I'm able to keep the anxiety down which is good because I have one more class to get through today but I can tell that later I will be overthinking this and probably get extremely anxious. When I get really anxious I can't cry, I don't know why, but then my head tells me "well you're not crying so you're not really upset or worried about it because you're a bad person." Sorry in advance if I go on a posting spree later when this all hits.

Trust her diagnosis. And take a leap of faith in trusting yourself. Honestly the only reason this sticks around now for me is that when I next have sex I may see images of someone inappropriate doing to me whatever my wife is doing to me. Say performing oral sex. She could be replaced by a family member, friend or even my child. It’s sitting with it THERE that’s......man! That’s how it gets me every time. But if.......IF I can get through that and allow it, and not judge myself or worry, and be able to allow that repeatedly.......I might just break this curse. Dont overuse this app for reassurance. Your brain will never have enough of it. EVER! You need to start resisting and doing this repeatedly to allow your brain to recalibrate and understand and change the meaning you give to these thoughts. And absolutely no ‘what if’, ‘how about’, ‘maybe this’ etc will ever give you THE answer. Not an answer - THE answer: the unshakeable, unquestionable and undeniable proof by almighty god himself even that you could in any way shape or form, as you are, have some form of capability to develop an unwanted attraction against your will or desire that is directed towards children. It. Is. NOT. Impossible. BUT - it. Is. NOT. Impossible for anyone. It is, arguably, More probable for other 95% of the population to develop such a thing before you would. You are, after all, far more horrified at the prospect. What you have lost is that innate trust in yourself thanks to a massively over protective anxiety system that has flooded your brain. That is an ancient part of the brain that deals in binary impulse without any understanding of what it is. This FEELS real as a result. But it is, as a FACT, incorrect. You are getting the FEELING something is wrong. The feeling. Not the knowledge. Not the fact. The FEELING, and it is lying to you.

No problem but TAKE IT! You know on some level what you are doing is not working. Fortune favours the brave. OCD favours the avoidant. Trust yourself, don’t engage and let your brain do this thing. Remember it’s not really the thoughts but the dreaded consequence the thoughts indicATE MIGHT be the case. Being brave means being willing to see what happens when you don’t do the ritual. The brain doesn’t like that because of perceived risk. Unfortunately the way out of the disorder offers no other form of relief. What you think will make you worse will are you better. And what you think is making you better, is making you worse!

Great advice Soniclen. Thanks for all your help posting

Keep strong. You haven’t always been this way. Get back to yourself. And be mindfully Aware of the role of shame in all this. The idea of being a rapist, paedophile or someone who would harm those in their care who are vulnerable are all seen as the worst heathens of society. It’s a natural target for OCD. Don’t be fooled by the disorder.

When I was "diagnosed" by my college therapist it wasn't really like a formal thing? Idk how usual diagnoses are presented but I was in a session with her and I said "I relate a lot to what I've read about ocd, but I haven't been diagnosed, so I can't tell if I'm just using that as an excuse" and right away she said "Oh I did diagnose you. After our first session I diagnosed you with ocd" but she never told me that in our first session and I'm not sure why? So that makes me feel like it wasn't a real diagnosis so I doubt it all of the time

Thank you, Soniclen. I'm sorry that you have to deal with those images, but I am thankful that because of that you are able to offers genuine advice. Thank you

I totally resonate with your situation and what you’re feeling. I’m an ally and here for you