- Username
- T.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Trust her diagnosis. And take a leap of faith in trusting yourself. Honestly the only reason this sticks around now for me is that when I next have sex I may see images of someone inappropriate doing to me whatever my wife is doing to me. Say performing oral sex. She could be replaced by a family member, friend or even my child. It’s sitting with it THERE that’s......man! That’s how it gets me every time. But if.......IF I can get through that and allow it, and not judge myself or worry, and be able to allow that repeatedly.......I might just break this curse. Dont overuse this app for reassurance. Your brain will never have enough of it. EVER! You need to start resisting and doing this repeatedly to allow your brain to recalibrate and understand and change the meaning you give to these thoughts. And absolutely no ‘what if’, ‘how about’, ‘maybe this’ etc will ever give you THE answer. Not an answer - THE answer: the unshakeable, unquestionable and undeniable proof by almighty god himself even that you could in any way shape or form, as you are, have some form of capability to develop an unwanted attraction against your will or desire that is directed towards children. It. Is. NOT. Impossible. BUT - it. Is. NOT. Impossible for anyone. It is, arguably, More probable for other 95% of the population to develop such a thing before you would. You are, after all, far more horrified at the prospect. What you have lost is that innate trust in yourself thanks to a massively over protective anxiety system that has flooded your brain. That is an ancient part of the brain that deals in binary impulse without any understanding of what it is. This FEELS real as a result. But it is, as a FACT, incorrect. You are getting the FEELING something is wrong. The feeling. Not the knowledge. Not the fact. The FEELING, and it is lying to you.
No problem but TAKE IT! You know on some level what you are doing is not working. Fortune favours the brave. OCD favours the avoidant. Trust yourself, don’t engage and let your brain do this thing. Remember it’s not really the thoughts but the dreaded consequence the thoughts indicATE MIGHT be the case. Being brave means being willing to see what happens when you don’t do the ritual. The brain doesn’t like that because of perceived risk. Unfortunately the way out of the disorder offers no other form of relief. What you think will make you worse will are you better. And what you think is making you better, is making you worse!
Great advice Soniclen. Thanks for all your help posting
Keep strong. You haven’t always been this way. Get back to yourself. And be mindfully Aware of the role of shame in all this. The idea of being a rapist, paedophile or someone who would harm those in their care who are vulnerable are all seen as the worst heathens of society. It’s a natural target for OCD. Don’t be fooled by the disorder.
When I was "diagnosed" by my college therapist it wasn't really like a formal thing? Idk how usual diagnoses are presented but I was in a session with her and I said "I relate a lot to what I've read about ocd, but I haven't been diagnosed, so I can't tell if I'm just using that as an excuse" and right away she said "Oh I did diagnose you. After our first session I diagnosed you with ocd" but she never told me that in our first session and I'm not sure why? So that makes me feel like it wasn't a real diagnosis so I doubt it all of the time
Thank you, Soniclen. I'm sorry that you have to deal with those images, but I am thankful that because of that you are able to offers genuine advice. Thank you
I totally resonate with your situation and what you’re feeling. I’m an ally and here for you
Trigger warning: therapy/ false diagnosis worry. Haven’t posted in a while as things have been looking up, but I went back to CBT today and the latest worries I’ve had my therapist said don’t fit into “OCD categories” and are more ‘what if’ anxiety worries or low self esteem/ self critical thoughts .... my intrusive thoughts seem most distressing and real in times of high anxiety and that’s when I struggle to let them go and take them seriously. Now I’m worried that they were all real, including sexual/ violent/ immoral ones and that I thought I had OCD and I don’t. I thought I was part of a community of people going through the same thing but maybe I’m just a monster if my thoughts don’t even fit the standard OCD pattern :( Anyone feel the same way?
There are times where my ocd just stops acting up, but then I remember like you are such a horrible person for having those thoughts and the cycle begins again, I start crying and sweating and over all just having an anxiety attack...I hate this
Sometimes I worry that I don’t have ocd and that I’m losing my mind and that I’ll never feel better again. I was starting to feel really good last night and I thought it was finally over so I went ahead and did a lot of the stuff I enjoyed doing before this happened (the reason I had to stop was because certain things were triggering in either one way or another) but eventually I hit a point where I just could not bring myself to do something because it was causing too much anxiety. I got this horrible image last night in a dream and then I began to get a flurry of bothersome thoughts, so now I have 2 obsessions to worry about now. The first one is kind of in control but I’m just afraid what’s going to happen to my brain and I’m worried about having an episode in front of my family, who I’m supposed to be having a small dinner with today. I don’t want to tell them what’s going on but I’m afraid they’ll notice that I’m not well. I’m never present because I’m always in my head analyzing and ruminating and worrying. The feeling last night gave me hope that I could be myself again but I just worry that these thoughts will always linger and make me lose my mind. :(
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond