- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Trust her diagnosis. And take a leap of faith in trusting yourself. Honestly the only reason this sticks around now for me is that when I next have sex I may see images of someone inappropriate doing to me whatever my wife is doing to me. Say performing oral sex. She could be replaced by a family member, friend or even my child. It’s sitting with it THERE that’s......man! That’s how it gets me every time. But if.......IF I can get through that and allow it, and not judge myself or worry, and be able to allow that repeatedly.......I might just break this curse. Dont overuse this app for reassurance. Your brain will never have enough of it. EVER! You need to start resisting and doing this repeatedly to allow your brain to recalibrate and understand and change the meaning you give to these thoughts. And absolutely no ‘what if’, ‘how about’, ‘maybe this’ etc will ever give you THE answer. Not an answer - THE answer: the unshakeable, unquestionable and undeniable proof by almighty god himself even that you could in any way shape or form, as you are, have some form of capability to develop an unwanted attraction against your will or desire that is directed towards children. It. Is. NOT. Impossible. BUT - it. Is. NOT. Impossible for anyone. It is, arguably, More probable for other 95% of the population to develop such a thing before you would. You are, after all, far more horrified at the prospect. What you have lost is that innate trust in yourself thanks to a massively over protective anxiety system that has flooded your brain. That is an ancient part of the brain that deals in binary impulse without any understanding of what it is. This FEELS real as a result. But it is, as a FACT, incorrect. You are getting the FEELING something is wrong. The feeling. Not the knowledge. Not the fact. The FEELING, and it is lying to you.
- Date posted
- 6y
No problem but TAKE IT! You know on some level what you are doing is not working. Fortune favours the brave. OCD favours the avoidant. Trust yourself, don’t engage and let your brain do this thing. Remember it’s not really the thoughts but the dreaded consequence the thoughts indicATE MIGHT be the case. Being brave means being willing to see what happens when you don’t do the ritual. The brain doesn’t like that because of perceived risk. Unfortunately the way out of the disorder offers no other form of relief. What you think will make you worse will are you better. And what you think is making you better, is making you worse!
- Date posted
- 6y
Great advice Soniclen. Thanks for all your help posting
- Date posted
- 6y
Keep strong. You haven’t always been this way. Get back to yourself. And be mindfully Aware of the role of shame in all this. The idea of being a rapist, paedophile or someone who would harm those in their care who are vulnerable are all seen as the worst heathens of society. It’s a natural target for OCD. Don’t be fooled by the disorder.
- Date posted
- 6y
When I was "diagnosed" by my college therapist it wasn't really like a formal thing? Idk how usual diagnoses are presented but I was in a session with her and I said "I relate a lot to what I've read about ocd, but I haven't been diagnosed, so I can't tell if I'm just using that as an excuse" and right away she said "Oh I did diagnose you. After our first session I diagnosed you with ocd" but she never told me that in our first session and I'm not sure why? So that makes me feel like it wasn't a real diagnosis so I doubt it all of the time
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you, Soniclen. I'm sorry that you have to deal with those images, but I am thankful that because of that you are able to offers genuine advice. Thank you
- Date posted
- 6y
I totally resonate with your situation and what you’re feeling. I’m an ally and here for you
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
- Date posted
- 14w
I know I am going a bit cuckoo because my period is coming up, but lately it feels like every intrusive thought I have, I *like* it. Like I genuinely feel like I like it, and then I immediately panic because I start checking. Mentally, emotionally, whatever it is. And I know that is a compulsion. I *know* that. But it feels so real that I cannot stop myself. Every single time I check, it still feels like I like the thought, and it is driving me absolutely insane. It is especially the POCD thoughts. They feel so real. I feel like something is going on mentally, like some kind of confusion or glitch, because I swear I was not like this before. I would have intrusive thoughts, and they would feel real, but not *this* real. And I do not even know if this is normal. I know OCD is **supposed** to feel convincing. That is the whole thing. But I have never experienced it to this extreme. I have never gotten the same thought so many times and still felt like, “Oh my God, I did enjoy it,” even after checking a million times. It is like no matter how many times I check, it feels like I liked it. Especially during intimacy :( and it is making me lose it. Then I start thinking, “Well, I am in distress, so maybe that is proof it is not actually me.” But right after, I am like, “What if I am only panicking because I care about what society thinks and not because I actually have morals?” And then I spiral again, wondering if maybe I just care about how I am seen rather than who I am. I am panicking so much no today. I had to take my Xanax today for the first time in two months, and I needed three separate doses. I really need some support right now.
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- Date posted
- 12w
I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️🩹
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