- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
This is insane. I literally just developed this theme. Yesterday I took an autism test and the results indicated that i was “mildly autistic” and that sent me SPIRALING. But this idea was actually to intense for my anxiety since i’m also struggling with the theme that I don’t even have OCD, which is so painfully complex because OCD and autism have such strong relations that i don’t know how to make sense of it. And then the topic of nuerodivergence popped into my head which was a whole nother beast on its own. I also suspect I have ADHD/Dyslexia which irrationally unsettles me not knowing. and ugh. so much rumination lmao. Sadly i can’t offer you solace as i’ve been googling my symptoms every hour of everyday for the past 3 days and just *not* coping healthily BUT i can offer you sympathy :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much! when I saw that I had a notification, my heart literally jumped out of my chest because I was praying that someone would see this and I was hoping someone could relate. And OMG... I was NOT expecting anyone else to have the same experience as me!!! Omg? But yeah, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It’s not fun. I have a history of severe health anxiety, and I think a lot of it relates to that, because I read something and I’m like, well what if... which I’m sure you can understand. Literally everyone with OCD has the theme of, “well what if it’s not OCD and these obsessions are real”, but that’s just another trope of the condition! And no worries at all, I am just settled by the fact that I’m not alone with this and that I’m not a freak. I don’t know your specific situation, but it’s important to note that social phobias and introversion are like the crutch of all those online tests, so if you have either of those, that IS NOT to say you have autism, but the tests tend to qualify those as traits. I’m personally fairly extraverted, so I’m usually weeded out of those. Although, of course, my OCD says “well what if you’re not extraverted” which is another ‘ugh’ moment. And there is a big relationship between OCD and autism, but that doesn’t mean that to have OCD you must have autism. I have a few friends with OCD who are by no means autistic. But, I’m not aware of your specific situation so I don’t wanna be making points on behalf of you, lol. But, we can chat about this if you like!
- Date posted
- 4y
This is so incredibly reassuring. It makes so much sense that those tests prey on introversion. I am v introverted but not because social situations are perplexing to me, it’s just because i’m introverted lol. Thank you for helping me to realize that and gain some clarity omg. And i’d love to discuss this more with you! <:
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, I’d be lying if I was to say “introversion isn’t a quality of autism”, because it is, but correlation isn’t always causation and should never be treat as that without more evidence! And yeah, you can add my insta if you’d like! I’d like to get to know more people who have OCD!! Fine if you’re not comfortable with that :-)))
- Date posted
- 4y
ohh so relatable I often catch myself with intrusive thoughts of autism cause I feel like I've always been... another? not like everyone around me, i guess I always had troubles with getting with people , I was bullied and abused with people of every society/company i was in. i've always been anxious and dubious, a lot of people can confirm it. i know that my fears of having autism are just obsessions, but knowing it doesn't make me feel more confident of my "normality", it just make me feel ashamed of my thoughts. my fears are killing me, i don't know how to resist it
- Date posted
- 4y
i totally relate with feeling like “another”!! And I’ve had very similar situations like yours with bullying/abuse. I personally wrote it off as me just being a little “off beat” just because that’s who i am. but i can’t help but wonder if this could be accredited to some sort of mental ailment. i’ve always been referred to as “quirky” which irks me a little because sometimes it seems so alienating to be referred to as such. as if people were kind of mocking me or something?? i don’t know, it’s hard to figure out. what usually helps me cope is realizing that i’m actually comfortable with who i am and all of the little knickknacks that make me, me. even if being “another” makes me feel rather insecure sometimes, i find that its my identity none the less. i don’t know if that was too wordy lol, all this to say that i relate!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, I had a friend who was particularly introverted, and I think being ‘quiet’ & ‘shy’ can cause you to appear vulnerable, and when someone seems vulnerable, it becomes easy for people to prey on them for their own entertainment, etc. For example, I’m 16 (17 in july) and I was close friends with a girl who I sat next to in maths. We got along really well, despite being fairly different people on the outside. She always had a very small group of friends, who l could never really jive with. A girl who I had been friends with in the past, who had a tendency to bully people found my friend, Holly and took advantage of her vulnerability. Holly is not autistic, at least I highly doubt she is, but on the surface, given what we ‘know’, she’d probably qualify to some degree as being autistic, given the parameters of the online tests. Not every single person who was bullied or felt ‘different’ is autistic. There’s a correlation, but correlation isn’t always causation! Hopefully that puts things into a bit more perspective if things are becoming blurred.
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink And for the record, I approached the girl who was taking advantage of my friend Holly with my other friends, and she was SO awkward. Lmao. It’s all fun and games until people get brought up on their bullshit. So yeah, that’s my story.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Itsgonnabeok Yes!! this does add a lot of perspective!!btw, people stink i’m sorry that happened to your friend :/ but i relate a lot with this situation. it seems like i attract people who have more overbearing, or at least in relativity to me, personalities. i’ve always described my personality as majority passive so it’s perplexing that i keep attracting fiery individuals. that’s probably why i feel so out of place socially. i’ve always thought that despite my introversion , i was especially in tune with people’s emotions and social cues and that i, myself, was a decent conversationalist . which conflicts a lot with the rather juvenile ideation i have of autism ( i.e social ineptness). i know you’ve mentioned this breifly but does this theme conflict heavily with your identity too?
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink Yeah, they do, lol. Fun fact, the girl we’re talking about (her names Lucy) had come up to me a few months later at a big party. She was a little drunk so she was apologising incessantly for how she had treat Holly, and I just accepted her apology on behalf of Holly. I guess most people are redeemable, maybe, lol. But, to answer your question, autism does not correlate with how I perceive myself whatsoever, but, like most themes, that doesn’t kill off the obsession. And yeah, I’ve always gotten a long with people who aren’t like me. I seem to be drawn to quiet people, I always have. Although, I was best friends with a girl who is even more ‘fiery’ than myself for many years, and as we’ve grown we’ve drifted but I still consider her a dear friend. But by in large, I am definitely drawn to the quiet introverted types I guess. And yeah, I enjoy people a lot, and when I find someone I like it’s just the best.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Itsgonnabeok oh lol i guess opposites really do attract. i wouldn’t go as far as to say i enjoy people but i do appreciate them a lot. but i admittedly love the feeling of “clicking” with new people as well! :,) also in having this conversation i’ve realized a lot about myself and definitely really deconstructed this obsession ( at least for the time being). the thought process that led me to believe i was on the spectrum seems a little neurotic to me now :p so i’m very thankful for this convo!! also you are so well articulated especially for your age (not that i’m much older lol, 19). it’s so refreshing to have spoken to someone like you :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink Aw thank you so much! It’s been super rewarding to finally hear from someone who has had this theme because I was SO isolated with it. And yeah, I guess ‘enjoying’ people is a pretty extraverted thing, haha. I think a lot of these obsessions are perpetuated by the internet trivialising things that aren’t trivial and blurring the lines between mental conditions and normal human behaviour. My mum had said something when I was telling her about my obsession. Her therapist many years ago (when she was suffering with post natal depresssion) had said something very relevant to us. She said that if you were to read the DSM back to front, you’d come out with a handful of different mental illnesses, most of which you would not have. You have to be qualified to interpret the literature, and I think a lot of the time we forget this and go down rabbit holes! At least I do. Come back to this thread whenever you need to talk something out, I’m always here!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Itsgonnabeok you’ve enlightened me so much! especially appreciative of the dsm bit, that’s such important information to know :,) and i just saw your insta message!! my handle is @parfwana
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink Yep!!! And yeah, just requested you :)
- Date posted
- 3y
I know I'm super late to this thread, but thank god its here! After an offhand comment from someone last week, I have been obsessing about whether or not I might have autism, and being totally stuck in a hole. Googling has been non stop for me, and taking lots of tests! Absolutely petrified that I've had it forever and never realised, so been replaying loads of old events in my head to see if I felt different then or if the signs were there. I thought I was the only one trapped by this!
- Date posted
- 2y
People with autism can blend in with the crowd too
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.
- Date posted
- 13w
So I’m new to this app and I knew there was something wrong w/ my brain for a few years now. I’m a professional volleyball player and was playing in France last year while in a long distance relationship. I would ruminate and think that one small thing was going to ruin my career every. Single. Day. And I have the fear that I NEEDED to end warm ups with a good hit or else I would play terribly. I had constant fears that my teammates don’t trust me and think I’m bad - when in reality and looking at the statistics I was one of the best players on the team - the fearful ruminating keeps me awake at night and it would get so bad that I would break into a rash on my neck. Lots of rashes from anxiety and over thinking :( My relationship was new but it was long distance. I never experienced this in my life: my mind became OBSESSED with the idea he might be ugly. I couldn’t stop thinking that he was ugly and feared that that meant I needed to break up with him and I felt like a terrible person constantly and the thought ate me alive - I was constantly googling about it to try and get some relief which I am now learning is seeking reassurance. I also have struggled with some forms of disordered eating for many years but it got so bad in France. I was binge eating a lot. I gained ten pounds in a month. I knew it and I felt it and I became OBSESSED with the idea that I’m so fat and a weak terrible person for not being able to control my binges. My therapist gave me some screener exams. I scored very highly on the anxiety test and the OCD test which blew my mind cuz I’ve never considered OCD in my whole life. I started taking Prozac which honestly I feel like saved my life. It’s been over 6 months since that point now and everything is so much more manageable. I’ve also recently learned that I may have autism as well. My brother has it and dad is convinced he has it but I was never diagnosed. I also learned I may have a bit of ADD as well recently. I’ve known I think differently for some time but this is just overwhelming and validating and confusing and a bit scary. My current obsession is worrying about my future career - I’m obsessed. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so afraid of my making a lot of money in the future. I take aptitude tests all the time when I get anxiety or go on Reddit to hear about other people which makes me feel okay for a little but it always comes back. My head is spinning. I just want to enjoy being 24 and having an interesting career and trust that my life will be okay but I’m so convinced that I’m going to suffer immensely if I don’t start pursuing a high paying job immediately. Im a smart girl - graduated from UC Berkeley - have done tons of networking in different industries - I have a financial plan for the future for when I start a normal job - but I cant stop this cyclical torturous thinking that I’m going to be poor and suffer immensely I also learned a few years ago I have an anxious attachment style which I thought I worked through but in my new relationship I have strong feelings for him and I feel the intense fear abandonment coming up and I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin the relationship - I thought maybe I’m just someone who needs a lot of reassurance but if I have OCD maybe that will make it worse? Feeling like I need reassurance to regulate? I just would like some help - have you experienced this? Is this even OCD? Am I making things up for attention? I’m going to bring it up with my therapist.
- Date posted
- 11w
I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist on NOCD for about 4 years now. I went through therapy here and I was officially diagnosed. My mom knows about the diagnosis because I’ve pretty much told her all my struggles and unfortunately confessed a lot of what I was dealing with in the past. She was not understanding at first and told me there was no way I could have OCD that I don’t “clean and organize” like people she has worked with before or been around. I told her that I wanted to go through therapy at the time and she said no and really said some mean and hateful things. Eventually though she did start becoming understanding but not in the way you would think. My mom isn’t exactly emotionally supportive. So talking to her about everything was really hard to go through. Well getting into what’s bothering me….in the past I have thought maybe there was a possibility that I could have autism. I’ve seen people on TikTok talk about it and what they have experienced and it was similar to me but I pushed it aside and never talked about it with anyone. I do struggle with “misophonia” and my mom is also aware of that even though she doesn’t believe in it either and that I’m just “misdiagnosing” myself. Well today she randomly says “There’s a video I watched earlier that I think you should see. I think you have autism. I don’t think you have OCD. You were misdiagnosed and it’s your trauma that is making you think you have OCD.” And it really hit me the wrong way and was quite triggering. The things that I have put in my head and all the hate towards myself before I was diagnosed came back because I was starting to second guess myself. I told her you can have OCD and autism at the same time. There’s no way for me to know unless I’m diagnosed and she said you don’t need to be diagnosed you kind of just know or something like that. But it really put it in my head that I’m making the OCD symptoms up and what if I really was diagnosed and it confirms that I’m a “bad” person. Sometimes I wish I never told my mom anything. She has never really shown care or understanding towards how I have been feeling for years. Who knows, maybe I do have autism but I know for a fact I have OCD. I just hate she put it in my head that theres a possibility I’m an imposter and I’m really what my mind tells me I am. If anyone relates to this please reach out. I’m not really asking for reassurance I just don’t know if I should listen to my mom. Yes I’m an adult. I’m 26 and still live at home. Now that she thinks I have autism, is she going to use it against me too? This sucks so much 💔
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