- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
This is insane. I literally just developed this theme. Yesterday I took an autism test and the results indicated that i was “mildly autistic” and that sent me SPIRALING. But this idea was actually to intense for my anxiety since i’m also struggling with the theme that I don’t even have OCD, which is so painfully complex because OCD and autism have such strong relations that i don’t know how to make sense of it. And then the topic of nuerodivergence popped into my head which was a whole nother beast on its own. I also suspect I have ADHD/Dyslexia which irrationally unsettles me not knowing. and ugh. so much rumination lmao. Sadly i can’t offer you solace as i’ve been googling my symptoms every hour of everyday for the past 3 days and just *not* coping healthily BUT i can offer you sympathy :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much! when I saw that I had a notification, my heart literally jumped out of my chest because I was praying that someone would see this and I was hoping someone could relate. And OMG... I was NOT expecting anyone else to have the same experience as me!!! Omg? But yeah, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It’s not fun. I have a history of severe health anxiety, and I think a lot of it relates to that, because I read something and I’m like, well what if... which I’m sure you can understand. Literally everyone with OCD has the theme of, “well what if it’s not OCD and these obsessions are real”, but that’s just another trope of the condition! And no worries at all, I am just settled by the fact that I’m not alone with this and that I’m not a freak. I don’t know your specific situation, but it’s important to note that social phobias and introversion are like the crutch of all those online tests, so if you have either of those, that IS NOT to say you have autism, but the tests tend to qualify those as traits. I’m personally fairly extraverted, so I’m usually weeded out of those. Although, of course, my OCD says “well what if you’re not extraverted” which is another ‘ugh’ moment. And there is a big relationship between OCD and autism, but that doesn’t mean that to have OCD you must have autism. I have a few friends with OCD who are by no means autistic. But, I’m not aware of your specific situation so I don’t wanna be making points on behalf of you, lol. But, we can chat about this if you like!
- Date posted
- 4y
This is so incredibly reassuring. It makes so much sense that those tests prey on introversion. I am v introverted but not because social situations are perplexing to me, it’s just because i’m introverted lol. Thank you for helping me to realize that and gain some clarity omg. And i’d love to discuss this more with you! <:
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, I’d be lying if I was to say “introversion isn’t a quality of autism”, because it is, but correlation isn’t always causation and should never be treat as that without more evidence! And yeah, you can add my insta if you’d like! I’d like to get to know more people who have OCD!! Fine if you’re not comfortable with that :-)))
- Date posted
- 4y
ohh so relatable I often catch myself with intrusive thoughts of autism cause I feel like I've always been... another? not like everyone around me, i guess I always had troubles with getting with people , I was bullied and abused with people of every society/company i was in. i've always been anxious and dubious, a lot of people can confirm it. i know that my fears of having autism are just obsessions, but knowing it doesn't make me feel more confident of my "normality", it just make me feel ashamed of my thoughts. my fears are killing me, i don't know how to resist it
- Date posted
- 4y
i totally relate with feeling like “another”!! And I’ve had very similar situations like yours with bullying/abuse. I personally wrote it off as me just being a little “off beat” just because that’s who i am. but i can’t help but wonder if this could be accredited to some sort of mental ailment. i’ve always been referred to as “quirky” which irks me a little because sometimes it seems so alienating to be referred to as such. as if people were kind of mocking me or something?? i don’t know, it’s hard to figure out. what usually helps me cope is realizing that i’m actually comfortable with who i am and all of the little knickknacks that make me, me. even if being “another” makes me feel rather insecure sometimes, i find that its my identity none the less. i don’t know if that was too wordy lol, all this to say that i relate!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, I had a friend who was particularly introverted, and I think being ‘quiet’ & ‘shy’ can cause you to appear vulnerable, and when someone seems vulnerable, it becomes easy for people to prey on them for their own entertainment, etc. For example, I’m 16 (17 in july) and I was close friends with a girl who I sat next to in maths. We got along really well, despite being fairly different people on the outside. She always had a very small group of friends, who l could never really jive with. A girl who I had been friends with in the past, who had a tendency to bully people found my friend, Holly and took advantage of her vulnerability. Holly is not autistic, at least I highly doubt she is, but on the surface, given what we ‘know’, she’d probably qualify to some degree as being autistic, given the parameters of the online tests. Not every single person who was bullied or felt ‘different’ is autistic. There’s a correlation, but correlation isn’t always causation! Hopefully that puts things into a bit more perspective if things are becoming blurred.
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink And for the record, I approached the girl who was taking advantage of my friend Holly with my other friends, and she was SO awkward. Lmao. It’s all fun and games until people get brought up on their bullshit. So yeah, that’s my story.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Itsgonnabeok Yes!! this does add a lot of perspective!!btw, people stink i’m sorry that happened to your friend :/ but i relate a lot with this situation. it seems like i attract people who have more overbearing, or at least in relativity to me, personalities. i’ve always described my personality as majority passive so it’s perplexing that i keep attracting fiery individuals. that’s probably why i feel so out of place socially. i’ve always thought that despite my introversion , i was especially in tune with people’s emotions and social cues and that i, myself, was a decent conversationalist . which conflicts a lot with the rather juvenile ideation i have of autism ( i.e social ineptness). i know you’ve mentioned this breifly but does this theme conflict heavily with your identity too?
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink Yeah, they do, lol. Fun fact, the girl we’re talking about (her names Lucy) had come up to me a few months later at a big party. She was a little drunk so she was apologising incessantly for how she had treat Holly, and I just accepted her apology on behalf of Holly. I guess most people are redeemable, maybe, lol. But, to answer your question, autism does not correlate with how I perceive myself whatsoever, but, like most themes, that doesn’t kill off the obsession. And yeah, I’ve always gotten a long with people who aren’t like me. I seem to be drawn to quiet people, I always have. Although, I was best friends with a girl who is even more ‘fiery’ than myself for many years, and as we’ve grown we’ve drifted but I still consider her a dear friend. But by in large, I am definitely drawn to the quiet introverted types I guess. And yeah, I enjoy people a lot, and when I find someone I like it’s just the best.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Itsgonnabeok oh lol i guess opposites really do attract. i wouldn’t go as far as to say i enjoy people but i do appreciate them a lot. but i admittedly love the feeling of “clicking” with new people as well! :,) also in having this conversation i’ve realized a lot about myself and definitely really deconstructed this obsession ( at least for the time being). the thought process that led me to believe i was on the spectrum seems a little neurotic to me now :p so i’m very thankful for this convo!! also you are so well articulated especially for your age (not that i’m much older lol, 19). it’s so refreshing to have spoken to someone like you :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink Aw thank you so much! It’s been super rewarding to finally hear from someone who has had this theme because I was SO isolated with it. And yeah, I guess ‘enjoying’ people is a pretty extraverted thing, haha. I think a lot of these obsessions are perpetuated by the internet trivialising things that aren’t trivial and blurring the lines between mental conditions and normal human behaviour. My mum had said something when I was telling her about my obsession. Her therapist many years ago (when she was suffering with post natal depresssion) had said something very relevant to us. She said that if you were to read the DSM back to front, you’d come out with a handful of different mental illnesses, most of which you would not have. You have to be qualified to interpret the literature, and I think a lot of the time we forget this and go down rabbit holes! At least I do. Come back to this thread whenever you need to talk something out, I’m always here!!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Itsgonnabeok you’ve enlightened me so much! especially appreciative of the dsm bit, that’s such important information to know :,) and i just saw your insta message!! my handle is @parfwana
- Date posted
- 4y
@rvpink Yep!!! And yeah, just requested you :)
- Date posted
- 3y
I know I'm super late to this thread, but thank god its here! After an offhand comment from someone last week, I have been obsessing about whether or not I might have autism, and being totally stuck in a hole. Googling has been non stop for me, and taking lots of tests! Absolutely petrified that I've had it forever and never realised, so been replaying loads of old events in my head to see if I felt different then or if the signs were there. I thought I was the only one trapped by this!
- Date posted
- 2y
People with autism can blend in with the crowd too
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 10w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
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