- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey I don’t know y’alls pronouns but I am a cis-gendered male who now in a loving relationship with the woman I want to marry. But before her I was in a 3 year long emotionally abusive relationship that ended badly. I’ve noticed my partner having similar anxieties to yours and I wanted to share my thoughts about what I’m think when she feels the way you do. Honestly: I know that I am with my partner NOW because she is my best friend, partner, everything. Whether or not your relationships are at that level, the only way I compare my partner to my ex is in two ways. Just noticing similar traits in partners that I notice from time to time (i.e. for me it was having a sense of humor that is silly. They are silly in different ways but it’s that silliness that I know I needed In partner. The other way? I think about how much happier I am to be with my partner now. She is my WORLD. There is a reason I got myself out of the abusive relationship and now in a beautiful relationship with “M”. She is my other half. Now, idk if you’re at the level of engagement or anything, but as a guy, I never feel the need to compare because I only wanna be with my girlfriend. You know how you may have liked something like a “bad boy sketchy type” but later in life you’re like, WOW that’s not attractive (unless that’s you’re thing then peace, love happiness). By us choosing YOU we are growing and maturing further into our life and as we grow we learn to choose what would be the best partner for me in every way; mentally, lifestyle, interests, morals etc etc. Long story short, by us moving on from the past and choosing you to be our futures, it’s a choice that I know I don’t regret.
- Date posted
- 6y
I know where you're coming from, I hit a low point where I checked my boyfriends ex girlfriend's page almost every day and compared my looks and posts they shared, thinking she was better and prettier and less problematic etc etc. It only got better when I talked to my boyfriend about it and he told me all about their relationship and how problematic it was and he told me how he thought I was better for him in every aspect, sometimes I still obsess about it but this heart to heart conversation really helped me, so maybe that could help you too!
- Date posted
- 6y
Ugh I know how you feel.... I struggle with the other females, past or present, in my boyfriends life too.
- Date posted
- 6y
Forgive the typos
- Date posted
- 6y
Honestly I have talked to him about it and his relationship with her was also problematic. But I still obsess even tho I know it was bad. Which is why I feel like I’m going nuts
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 11w
I stated dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. This is my first boyfriend ever. He’s been in 2 serious relationships in the past and multiple sexual partners. I’ve had neither. When we first started dating/ at one point were just friends, he told me a lot about the last girl he was in a relationship including their sex life. Fast forward to us dating for about a month and I found out he had been texting her. We almost broke up. But also for context she broke up with him because she figured out she was a lesbian. But still… anyways we moved past it. And now… I’m sure we can all see this coming… I have this theme! I think about his ex gf all the time. I stalk her on social media and try to find hints and clues about their relationship. I compare myself to her. It really impacts my relationship because I’ll get mad at him for no reason. For example we went thrifting recently and he picked out stuff that completely wasn’t my style, but was hers. Which made me spiral. Is he purposely dressing me like her? Does he want me to be someone else, someone like her? The whole texting her thing was put in the past. I’ve forgiven him. But I can’t help but have resentment towards him and think/ visualize all these thoughts about them together and how I’ll never measure up to that. It makes me think I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. That maybe I’m better off by myself. But like all of us. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could believe he liked me for me. But sometimes it’s really hard.
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