- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey I don’t know y’alls pronouns but I am a cis-gendered male who now in a loving relationship with the woman I want to marry. But before her I was in a 3 year long emotionally abusive relationship that ended badly. I’ve noticed my partner having similar anxieties to yours and I wanted to share my thoughts about what I’m think when she feels the way you do. Honestly: I know that I am with my partner NOW because she is my best friend, partner, everything. Whether or not your relationships are at that level, the only way I compare my partner to my ex is in two ways. Just noticing similar traits in partners that I notice from time to time (i.e. for me it was having a sense of humor that is silly. They are silly in different ways but it’s that silliness that I know I needed In partner. The other way? I think about how much happier I am to be with my partner now. She is my WORLD. There is a reason I got myself out of the abusive relationship and now in a beautiful relationship with “M”. She is my other half. Now, idk if you’re at the level of engagement or anything, but as a guy, I never feel the need to compare because I only wanna be with my girlfriend. You know how you may have liked something like a “bad boy sketchy type” but later in life you’re like, WOW that’s not attractive (unless that’s you’re thing then peace, love happiness). By us choosing YOU we are growing and maturing further into our life and as we grow we learn to choose what would be the best partner for me in every way; mentally, lifestyle, interests, morals etc etc. Long story short, by us moving on from the past and choosing you to be our futures, it’s a choice that I know I don’t regret.
- Date posted
- 6y
I know where you're coming from, I hit a low point where I checked my boyfriends ex girlfriend's page almost every day and compared my looks and posts they shared, thinking she was better and prettier and less problematic etc etc. It only got better when I talked to my boyfriend about it and he told me all about their relationship and how problematic it was and he told me how he thought I was better for him in every aspect, sometimes I still obsess about it but this heart to heart conversation really helped me, so maybe that could help you too!
- Date posted
- 6y
Ugh I know how you feel.... I struggle with the other females, past or present, in my boyfriends life too.
- Date posted
- 6y
Forgive the typos
- Date posted
- 6y
Honestly I have talked to him about it and his relationship with her was also problematic. But I still obsess even tho I know it was bad. Which is why I feel like I’m going nuts
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭
- Date posted
- 16w
Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.
- Date posted
- 11w
I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.
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