- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Me too š
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- Date posted
- 22w
iāve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completelyš. i havenāt been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. iāve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldnāt leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking āim going to die one dayā āidk whatās going to happenā āis god realā āi donāt want to dieā āwhat if there is no heavenā and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like āomg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.ā finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad thatās over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts havenāt been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. iām still in college but i donāt know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i donāt want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i donāt go out, i donāt ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i donāt put in that much effort into school, i donāt have hobbies, i donāt want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im āokā now is bc iāve avoided literally everything. iāve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. iām not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. iāve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didnāt know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. iām definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i donāt experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything š. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i donāt have any libido, i donāt find ppl attractive, i canāt get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i canāt even get myself to go on a small walk. i donāt know where i was going w this but if someone whoās going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.
- Date posted
- 20w
Iām so tired. Iām so tired. Iāve lost so much weight due to this mental illness. I sleep 18 hours a day to escape these thoughts. I grieve my old self so much. I miss crushing on men, I miss loving men, I miss dressing up nice and get compliments from men, I miss listening to music and daydream about my dream man. I miss wanting to get married and have my own kids with my dream husband. All of those things⦠Iāve desired them so much and Iāve daydreamed about them so much. My OCD is telling me that itās all fake. I miss my old desire and love for men. Iām so tired of being alive. Iām so tired of seeing multiple posts where people who apparently suffered from SOOCD became their fears. Iām so tired. Cause yāall probably didnāt even have ocd in the first place idc. I will say it again, has it been someone with pocd or harm ocd and their obsessions/fears became true NONE of yāall wouldāve had the same reaction. Stop normalizing soocd obsessions becoming true. It is someoneās worst nightmare. People are out here attempting because of it.
- Students with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 20w
I feel like Iāve lost who I am , even since my depression and ocd started. I donāt even know what I like anymore:(( I doubt everything I think and itās so draining because I just want to feel like my old self againš I feel like I have no motivation to get better which is bothering me so much because I want too but something is holding me back from doing what I need to do :/ with all my thoughts and doubts , I feel like I canāt trust myself . I donāt know if Iām the only one that feels this much pain
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