'Deep down you know

There’s something that happens that keeps me stuck in a thought, it’s when I can see some part of myself agreeing with or relating to it in some way. That’s when the doubt creeps in. If I can understand *why* the thought is there, doesn’t that mean it’s not just random? Doesn’t that mean it actually reflects something about me? For example **(TMI/TW)**: I had the thought, *“I wonder what other people’s kinks are (including friends, family, even teenagers).”* And then I caught myself thinking, *“Well, I guess that could be interesting information… maybe I wouldn’t even stop someone from sharing it with me. Does that mean I actually want to know? Wait—does that make me perverted or incestuous for even having this curiosity?”* The same thing has happened with other thoughts, like wondering what someone’s privates might look like. I recognize that, on some level, that could be interesting—but does that mean the thought is truly mine? Maybe the answer is super obvious and I just can’t see through my OCD smoke. This was a bit embarrassing for me to write 🥲, but can anyone provide some insight?

Today I've let myself go down a huge rabbit hole regarding this phrase and it's stressing me out. Sometimes, yes, it is that deep. But other times, it really isn't. I keep finding myself torn between these two ideals. I've been seeing all these videos regarding the rise of anti-intellectualism and the anti-woke mob, all that. These videos make me extremely worried about cancel culture and moral guilt, and they had me rethinking every morally wrong, gross, questionable thing or thought I ever had. I saw many comments saying that yes everything is that deep and it feels like my mind is on constant security and asking myself "what would the internet think about the things I've thought of or may have done?" On one hand, I feel like if I say "it's not that deep", I feel like a hypocrite or a bad person or an idiot. But on the other hand if I say "it is that deep", my OCD begins to spiral and analyze everything about myself. It's not healthy to overanalyze everything but it's also not healthy to ignore bad things. It's very stressful Does anyone relate to this?

I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??