Username: NODA

Date posted: 1y ago

Increased anxiety - 13 year boy in Serbia

Hello, I come from a country in Europe that used to be together with other countries including Serbia. Long time ago. We do not border Serbia, but there is still sort of a collective emotional connection with those countries. News from Serbia from 3.May23 has shocked me. A 13 year old boy killed a security guard and 8 children, 7 girls and a boy. He wounded 7 more. He took his father's guns. His father, a famous doctor, radiologist, in Belgrade, taught him how to use guns. The boy's only regret is not to have killed many more. He had a list with names of the kids he wanted to kill. He claims to have enjoyed watching the kids terrified and screaming. He was/is an excellent student and was always well-behaved. He was successful at school, at basketball, at drama/theater club, has won many awards I science, languages,.... competitions. His mom is a scientist. He had planned the killing for a month. He won't go to prison, he won't be punished since he is not yet 14 years old. He is being kept in a psychiatric hospital for adolescents. But they will probably let him go. His father is in prison, but the maximum sentence he can get is 2 months. For not preventing the access to his guns to the son. So far, he claims that he had followed all the laws and regulations about storing the guns, so he will be out in a few days, I guess. What shocked me even more is that he has tones of kids posting videos of support, awe and praise to him and laughing at the victims, insulting the dead, but admiring him on Tik-tok,... Other incidents have followed: a 21 year old shot a similar number of people a day after, a girl wanted to stab her teacher with a knife, kids film themselves threatening people with guns,..Just today, police have arrested 2 kids for posting the videos of support to the boy who killed. I am anxious. I feel scared. What's going on with kids? I am not scared for my safety or safety of the people in my country. I feel so anxious because I can't stop thinking about how something like that could have possibly happened. How can a 13 year old boy do something like that? He does not get it, but he did not kill 9 people, he killed 4 more. He ruined his own life, his mom and dad's and his 10 year-old sister's. Not to mention the lives of the victims' parents' and family and friends'. I keep thinking about what went wrong. He had it all. But did he? It is claimed that he was bullied by other kids for stuttering. He claims he was ignored by his peers, but there are girls who had a crush on him. He even had a girlfriend for 2 months. He describes himself as a psychopath. Kids develop empathy at the age of 3 usually. Is it possible, that he developed physically and in all cognitive educational ways since he is super intelligent as far a school is concerned, but emotionally stayed at the level of a 2 - 3 year old kid? He feels nothing. No regret. He hasn't even asked about his mom or dad yet and it's been a week since the shootings. All he asks is when he will be free to go home. Can a person be born with predisposition to become a psychopath and it depends on the environment, upbringing, family ties, if he or she one day explodes and does sth as terrible as that? There's been talk of a split personality. Like in the film 3 faces of Eve. There might be something on it, since just before entering school, he got all panicky and scared and intended to call his mom to tell her what was going on with him, how he was feeling, but all of a sudden he changed his mind, didn't call her, there was no fear in him anymore. All he wanted was to kill. A second before he was like a person with ocd - he got scared of the things his brain was telling him to do and panicked. He was on the brink of calling his mom for help. This is how we react. We get scared because we know the thoughts are not OK, not acceptable, not in balance with who we are and our morals. We try to escape them or prevent it from happening by performing compulsions. He understood for a short while, he didn't want to do it and wanted to prevent it by calling his mum. But then the resemblance ends. We don't give in. We don't do anything to hurt others. But he, in a split second turned all his emotions off, became a completely different person, collected, calm, cold, on a mission to kill as many as possible. No mom, no fear, nothing but killing was o his mind. He even called the police himself. He was completely calm and collected when they arrested him. No fear, emotions, regrets. A psychopath probably wouldn't feel like he did moments before entering school. He realized what he was about to do and it upset him, put him in a state of panic. Yet, the next minute the fear and panic were gone. He went on his mission. Like 2 completely different people living in 1 body. It is so heartbreaking to blame him alone for what he did. He is a child. How can we accept that a child can turn into such a monster? Am I a bad person for feeling sorry and sad not only for the victims, but for him and his family as well? People I know don't do that. They choose sides and attack the other side. It is gruesome. Everybody is putting blame on someone else. The politicians on one another, people on parents and teachers. Psychologists on teachers and parents for not noticing anything wrong with him. Only the kids are devided in 2 groups. Those who are shocked, sad, confused. And those who praise the killer as a king, as their hero, a role model. Oh, heaven! The last group causes the anxiety in me. What has gone wrong in our society, that a 10 year old threatens that he will also kill his schoolmates and teachers, just to continue his role model's work? Or that teenage girl, who trided to stab her teacher and a girl in her class. And the one who threatened to kill members of his church? Is it just me, but do you think it would be sensible to set age limit for all social media. Minimum age at 18 or at least 16. Why can't a 6 or a 10 year old child live without Tik Tok, Facebook, Instagram,...? Why are there no filters about violence, sex, threatening, bullying on social media, including YouTube? The boy was super active on Tik Tok, Instagram,.... He played violent games, was a fan of aggressive movies and videos,.... Maybe if more kids spent a quality time with each other in person, playing real games and sports (with a ball, or monopoly,...) they would grow emotionally as well. And if they were prevented from seeing and enjoying any kind of violence from anyone online including their peers, they would find idols and role models in other people - in family or a singer, an artist, a scientist... The only dilema with setting an age limit to social media is for me about communities like ours here at NOCD. These are life saving communities for grown-ups as well as children. And it is very good so. Here are also rules. Noone wants to insult others or blame them,... But FB, Instagram, TikTok.... phones at the age of 5 and on... Come on? Really necessary? I am sorry and I apologize because I know this will upset everyone. I just need your input on something like this, so that I can start breathing again. I can't expect the sadness and confusion will go away just yet, but I need to deal with this pressing feeling of anxiety in my chest caused by constantly thinking about it. My ocd is very happy. Anxiety is a stepping stone for the onset of ocd. So it's just a matter of time Ocd will start talking unless I stop the anxiety. I am so sorry for upsetting you as well. I hope I will wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream. It is not important where it happened. I would feel the same if it happened in London or LA or a small village in India,... what breaks my heart is that the actors and victims in this tragedy are children. Love and hugs. Please love each other, listen to and hear each other, don't ever disregard someone's pain. Not a grown-up's, and especially not a child's. Have a better day than I am having. I just feel like crying. There is this beautiful video of the only boy killed, playing the piano. He plays so beautifully. It just breaks your heart. The killers best friend, allegedly. Uhhh. I think I will stop following what's going on there, since it's becoming to stressful for me. Love you all guys. Bless you all.

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi. I sm so terribly sorry I caused you to feel this way. The only thing I can say to you is, that you worrying that you might become like him shows that you could never do anything like he did. It upsets you. You condemn it. You are going to be OK, because you feel empathy. The boy does not feel anything. He just asked the doctors when WI they let him go home, because he has a job to finish. He didn't manage to kill all the kids on his list and he needs to finish the job. See the difference?! You are upset by what he did, and he is NOT. You WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER hurt anybody, he plans to finish the job. You are human, he is NOT. He knows that by law they will have to let him go, unless the psychiatrists say he is mentally ill. But he is described as a narcissistic, which is only a personality trait and not an illness. Out he goes. Please, do not fear anymore. I am so sorry I caused you to suffer. Never meant to. I have bin on the bri k of tears for days now, and just wanted to get in input from sane people. Either I am nuts for letting this upset me so much, or the people who are not upset are. Biiiiiiiiiiig hug. Please believe me. You will never ever be like him. Never. Maybe if you cursed outloud at that K. K. boy, your ocd would realize you mean business and would let you at piece. I kindly ask others to show support for you. And not hate me for posting this. It's really hard to go through this alone.

Username: Xyz Xyz

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you, sorry I didn't reply earlier. I feel really bad after replying that, sorry if I hurt you. I really hate this OCD, it picks up on the tiniest of things and doesn't let go until you doubt yourself sooo much. Thanks for your kind words, I'm feeling a bit ok but still scared of my thoughts.

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

@Xyz Hello. Thank you soooo much. Don't worry about me.I am just glad you are OK. Well, as OK as you can be at the moment. Yes, Ocd is all the bad adjectives there are. I was so frustrated with it, that I didn't know how to go on. I was exhausted from compulsions and constant anxiety to the point I couldn't move. I decided to go on meds. After about 8 to 9 weeks, I started feeling lighter. The obsessions calmed down. The thoughts and fear are still there, but much less than before. Way less. I can live now. There are side effects. Well, in my case it's better to spend time fighting the side effects than ocd. Ocd is a sadistic freak. I was scared of my thoughts as well. To the point where I needed to take a shower just if a certain thought crossed my mind. I was ready to stop it all. I have gained weight since on meds and have to deal with a teenager rash on my chicks, but before meds my life was pure hell. I hope you are getting some help, meds or therapy. Or both. Whenever you feel like talking, I am here for you. And try not to read posts with trigger warning. Especially not the one from Grusome person, because your ocd makes you go in a state of panic when you read sth bad. I have just seconds ago seen that post for the first time and just by glancing at it, my heart is aching for the Grusome person. Do not read it, please don't, you will feel terrible. I will read it now carefully and will reply as soon as I get over the initial shock. I am sending you love and support. Try accepting the intrusive thoughts but believing yourself and not the thoughts. Hugs 🤗

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

What a beautiful presentation of India. Well written. Beautiful. I can imagine myself traveling through India and admiring it's beauties. I It's not very likely, but I do wish I got the opportunity to visit India in this lifetime. It's interesting that yesterday I spent several hours reading about Jainism. Thank you for your effort and time. Great job!!! .

Username: osler the ocd fighterosler the oc...

Date posted: 1y ago

Do visit India if possible

Username: Xyz Xyz

Date posted: 1y ago

At first I was going to type God bless all the victims and their families but I got interrupted with something. This led me to think what if I turned into someone like the kid in the post. Guys I think my theme is about to change and I'm scared now (by the way no hate to the person who posted this, I hope you're doing ok).

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

Xyz. Please tell me you are ok. I am thinking of deleting this post. If it will upset anyone else so much it triggers their ocd. It's not worth it.

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

@Grusome person Thank you very much. I never meant to upset anyone. It's just that in situations like this, when one feels the world has gone totally crazy, and it spreads general anxiety and fear, it is easier to cope when you share thoughts and feelings with other rational people and not deal with it alone. Thank you again.

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

Xyz please let me know if you are feeling better. I am worried. I suggest, whenever you see a trigger warning next to the post, avoid it. Thank you for reading it, but now I feel responsible for your reaction. Maybe you're not getting or reading my posts anymore, which I would completely understand since my post upset you. All the best to you from the bottom of my heart.

Username: osler the ocd fighterosler the oc...

Date posted: 1y ago

Gun laws ...

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah. Gun laws. They do have the laws, but obviously the majority doesn't obey them. In this case, the father had all permissions to keep the guns. But he taught his young son how to use them to perfection. He claims, his guns were put away safely in a safe and that the son had no knowledge of the passwords or codes,.. So... how did he open the safe? The boy believes he is the Hitler reincarnation. He said it, not me. It's so hard to even try to understand what was going on in that child's mind and why.

Username: osler the ocd fighterosler the oc...

Date posted: 1y ago

Ohk Iam from India , India is the "120th" civilly most armed country in the world .only in remote villages there's gun violence There should be strict laws

Username: osler the ocd fighterosler the oc...

Date posted: 1y ago

@osler the ocd fighter And that too once or twice in a year

Username: NODANODA

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello. It is so nice to communicate with someone from India. What are the punishments if one breaks the law? O believe Serbia has two big problems: there are more reality shows in Serbia than in the USA. As I find out, the violence, aggression, hatred, sexual misconduct, bullying is so vividly shown in those shows that it is more than I can understand something like that is possible. Whatever shocking you can see in America, the Serbs have taken it to a whole new level of horror.

Username: osler the ocd fighterosler the oc...

Date posted: 1y ago

I cannot deny that India experiences crime, including issues like bullying and sexual violence. However, the prevalence of guns is relatively low compared to some other countries. India boasts a diverse culture, with each state having its own unique traditions. It is characterized by a rich tapestry of religious practices, cultural monuments, and varying climates. The country showcases the mighty snow-clad Himalayas in the north, arid deserts in the west, and the Deccan Plateau with its rugged terrain and rolling hills, which exhibit a range of climates from arid to tropical. The fertile Gangetic plains, embraced by holy rivers, form a significant part of India's agricultural land. The coastal regions extend along the Arabian Sea in the west and the Bay of Bengal in the east. The Western Ghats, a UNESCO World Heritage site, form a distinctive V-shaped pattern extending from east to west and are adorned with lush green forests and rare flora and fauna. In the northeast, the majestic Himalayas are accompanied by dense forests, hosting unparalleled biodiversity and providing a habitat for numerous endangered species. India truly exemplifies unity in diversity.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

Having POCD is the most damaging thing to ever happen to me. Like even if I get better or even if I get cured, the compulsions will always haunt me. I've always wanted to be a famous person. And my naive ass still has that dream, but if I get famous, I really wanna talk seriously and raise awareness about how extreme OCD can get. The problem is, how do you explain all this shit to people who don't have OCD and also convince them that youre not a genuine freak. How do you explain that "oh some people with POCD willingly think of sexual scenarios to check for arousal" or "Some people with POCD masturbate to their thoughts to see if they can achieve an orgasm and some of them do by pure stress response" and also how am I going to explain that I've seen rare cases of people with POCD who try to find CP in order to see if it arouses them? How am I going to explain this to people without them being like "so where is the fucking line drawn? Just because none of yall have ever hurt a child means that we should trust you?" It's bad enough as is that just because that one dude with OCD comitted a heinous crime and already people are pulling out the "its his mentol ewness that made him do that" shlock but also the fact that I've read that in extreme cases some folks with HOCD test themselves out with same-sex partners. Like to a normal person saying all this shit basically looks like I'm trying to paint a paraphilic disorder as an anxiety disorder problem, but at the same time it is what it fucking is and I still haven't seen anyone with POCD hurt any child. Just because there are some bizarre cases of desperate and extremely anxious possibly teenagers doing dumb shit doesn't mean that POCD isn't or has never been a treatable anxiety problem. I talked about this with a friend and she was like "why would you have to talk about any of that when you can just keep quiet?" Because it makes me feel like a creep in disguise. Yes, compulsions have made me do gross things but at the end of the day it was all self-harm basically. It never had anything to do with doing harm to anyone but myself. Yes people with OCD have the choice to resist compulsions, but if you don't even know whether or not you have OCD and you're not working with a professional, most likely scenario is you're gonna give into a lot of compulsions. People don't choose their compulsions as OCD is highly-individualized and different for everyone. And there's no such thing as a compulsion where you hurt a child to test yourself. That is absolute bullshit. I'm upset, because there was a study by this dickhead that was like "people with HOCD regularly or excessively look at gay porn. If CP was accessible, no doubt that people with POCD would be seeking it out too." ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. Whoever wrote that can fucking choke. I'd rather die than see shit like that. FUCK OFF. These fucking mental health researchers are crazy sometimes like someone tried to test how high pedophiles and other paraphiliacs scored on the Y-BOCS test.....What the fuck was the reason for that? Can you do something more productive? I am upset with how horrible this disorder is and how much nobodys ever gonna get it. I want them to get it, because OCD is treatable and harmless, but people are too busy trying to milk their own perceived moral highground to try and take this seriously. It's bad enough that most of us can't be convinced that our OCD is actually real and is OCD and that we aren't being lied to by our therapists or whatever, but if the more severe cases of OCD get exposed to the general public we're gonna have them reinforcing that to us too. I feel completely hopeless and I honestly wish that the people who would raise their eyebrows at someone who has severe OCD, do something to make fictional CP illegal, instead of being willfully ignorant at already tormented people with a harmless mental disorder. Like I seriously can't even look at erotic fanart of a buff rugged adult fictional character without having the most disturbing shit pop up in the "recommended images" section AND THIS IS GOOGLE IMAGES like this isnt some nasty smut website I got on. If people really cared about the safety of children they would be doing everything BUT making people with POCD feel like menaces to society.

Username: Hollow99

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi everyone, this is probably going to be long, so sorry for that I need some assurance.. Im going mad I don't see a doctor in 15 years because I thought that whatever I end up having I get better or I just die, so I have no ideia If I have OCD. But you know what Im afraid.. Being a pedophile. Im 30, and a week ago I was living my normal life and suddenly out of nowhere I get a horrrible thought.. Hurting a child. I realize that and start thinking what the hell, why did that pop in my head? And start analyzing it over and over in my head and I began being overwhelmed with thoughts of hurting children, and I worried more and more, couldnt stop thinking about it.. I barely slept that night When I woke up, the thoughts slowly came back but worse, now it was sexual related.. And thats when my life truly became hell on earth. These thoughts/images were pretty much in mind all the time and anything would trigger, sometimes not even a trigger is needed, they just appear and get stuck in my head.. Like there was two me in my mind. And without realizing, I started doubting myself.. Will I ever hurt children? Am I evil? Am I.. a pedo? I started walking inside my house randomly when it gets really bad, shaking my feet or legs when sitting, and I check my penis all the time now.. I even compare the size it is and sometimes if its even 1cm longer, I panic and do it all over again.. mind you I never got an erection.. I even torture myself thinking about these thoughts just to check and it pains me, makes me feel physically sick even. These things are pretty much automatic, I do them without even realizing it sometimes. I argue with myself in my mind, i seek comfort in memories but they are somewhat changed making me doubt even more.. I avoid thinking about my niece that I love and miss so much, just so these horrific images/thoughts don't show her. My head feels so heavy, like its about to explode, I thought about killing myself, I avoid children, just the mere mention of one makes me anxious and worried.. What if Im really a pedo? What if I end up hurting children? What if? What if? Always what ifs.. But then I get the thought that I am a pedo and have to accept it and I argue with that thought trying to prove its wrong and the reasons.. And so on and on I don't even masturbate anymore with these thoughts popping in my head I never had these thoughts before, always loved women and their body and never had thoughts about children like that in my life. My life was always a mess, depression, backstabs from people I trusted, anti-social and social awkward, emptyness, and so on... But then my niece was born and she was like a light in that sent my hollowness away.. She is 7 and she is a part of my life since she was born, we are very close.. Im not even joking when I say that when she was little, she would cry if I had to leave, but she wouldn't if her dad or mom went away as long as she was with me.. she gave my life a meaning, made me feel like someone important in this world and I vowed to protect her at all costs.. And now I am afraid if she comes near me, I am afraid she will think I don't love her.. Its breaking my heart just thinking about it.. She is the most important person to me in the world.. And now I need to protect her.. From me.. I cry everyday, I cant find comfort anywhere, I argue with myself all the time, I feel a demon.. Or even worse than that.. I honestly just want it to end, I pray for that everyday.. I can honestly say that this is and will always be the worst thing that happened to me and Im 100% sure of it. This is hell on earth for me, I would rather be dead, crazy, a killer, whatever.. I dont know for how long I can endure this.. Its pretty hard, trust me.. I cant enjoy what little life I had before.. I just want to die, I even told God to just kill me cause I cant take it anymore.. And its been only one week of this.. Ever since my hell started, I do google searches regarding these thoughts everyday and try to find some comfort and yesterday I posted my situation on a YouTube video of a girl talking about POCD and I felt much better that night.. Like I was me again, didnt have any of these thoughts but I could hear a low voice in my head all the time saying that I should worry, are you a pedo? You are a pedo, etc.. But I ignored it and it was a relief.. I always thought my life before this was baby, but that night my previous life looked like the best thing ever.. I was so happy, I thought about my niece clearly without any random shit that my brains decides to pop added, I cried, I thanked god, I thought I was myself again.. But then I woke up.. And for a while these thoughts and images were trying to gain control but I stood strong for a while.. And now Im here.. I lost the battle.. So.. Can I have some kind of OCD or am I just a monster? Please be honest.. Cause if I end up being indeed a pedo, I will make sure I will never see my niece again, never be near kids or watch shows with them, I will tell my family about the monster I am and will seek castration or something. BTW, like yesterday, talking about it is making me feel better.

Username: LeaLou

Date posted: 3y ago

Just venting...sharing my experince. Very afraid, but going on meds and seeking treatment from NOCD. Triggers: False Memory OCD about Cheating and POCD I have struggled with what I assume to be False Memory OCD for about 10 years now... I'm a 33 y/o female. I've gone to a couple of therapists, one a specialist who was the first to ever recognize the sub-type of OCD I was likely dealing with. My flare ups happen when I'm in a relationship, and I will have this sudden thought/fear that I was sexually inappropriate with someone (perhaps someone I was working with, had been around). Eventually a scenario will pop into my head, or I'll *create* a scenario, and mentally check/compulse for HOURS and MONTHS to see if these things really happened. I'll go back and forth thinking these things happened and didn't happen. They end up feeling very real, and I can never decipher 'deep down' if they truly happened or not. It's just this cycle of "Review, Review, Review, eh maybe this didn't happen, Review, Review, Oh GOD I think this happened....did this really happen? Do I really think this happened? Oh god I did...I need to figure this out some more..." I've had many scenarios in the past where I've eventally gone to the person I thought I may have done something innapropriate with, and they reassured me it was all in my head. And then at one point I had one where I mostly convinved myself I sexually abused my boyfriends child....I became suicidal. Fast forward to now, I'm in a new relationship of about 8 months with EASILY the love of my life... In the past 4 months I've had two instances where I had thoughts/fears 'latch' on: 1) I became convinced I was sexually innapropriate with a friend and 2) months later another where I got it in my head I slept with my boyfriend's best friend when he visited us for a night. In particular with that last one, at the end I became pretty damn convinced I snuck up into the loft and slept with him. I get these thoughts and scenarios in my head, then mentally review and imagine those scenarios to see if they happend. Particularly with the second one, I become pretty damn convinved I did it....a certain image will really 'stick' and it's like omg shit...I think that happened! But I eventually checked with both people, who both reassured me I had done NOTHING by any stretch of the imagination. Just as I was starting to accept maybe this was all just my OCD, I had a fear/thought latch on that I was sexually innapropriate with my boyfriend's 3 year old nephew the last time the three of us went out and I was alone with him...about a few months ago in the spring. Initially I was like oh shit...not THIS scary stuff again...I'm just going to ignore it. I've seen him multiple times since then, even this last weekend...SURELY if I had done this stuff it would have been in my conscious before and I would KNOW." Well, now I have a scenario in my head that I kinda think happened...it feels like it did when I imagine it and do those mental reviewing/compulsions. And I'm torn up over it...it makes me want to throw up and just...die. It's horrifing. I spend all my time memory reviewing...." Did I do this? Lets imagine it and see...oh my god I think I did this! Did I really?? No, this has JUST got to be your OCD bullshit....but then why am I thinking this happened when I imagine it?! I would KNOW if I had done this...do I know? Am I just not admitting it to myself because I am scared?" And the cycle of fear continues. I don't even have a deep gut belief that it DIDN'T happen....just like, "I would HATE myself if I had done this. I don't want this to be true, it's HORRIFIC!" So I just spend my time in complete fear and depression, and then I'll get pissed and be like "NO. It's your OCD. It pretty much fits your patterns, so if it walks and quacks like an OCD duck...it's OCD! And you KNOW you cannot trust your mind to 'figure out' if you truly did these things or not." Which gives me peace b/c then I don't have to believe my thoughts when I think these things happened....but then I feel like I'm just in denial and using that as an excuse to not have to deal with the ramifications of having done this shit. And around we go. If I look at my patterns of OCD over the past 10 years, it certainly fits my pattern...but this last one with the child I pretty automatically got into the headspace of "omg I think I did this!" when I imagine the scenario and mentally review. And it's just like....WTF, I would never want to do this! The first time I thought I hurt a kid it mortified me and I wanted to die! And here it is again and I'm terrified and wouldn't want to live b/c I'm a terrible person. Yesterday I decided to call my doctor and have been put on Clomipramine....I've always gone unmedicated b/c I'm afraid of anti-depressent side effects. I'm also going to get help from a NOCD therapist. I've told my boyfriend all of these things and he is SUPER supportive and loving, for which I'm grateful. I'm just really scared. He told me IF something did happen with his nephew, we would get me help b/c obviously I'm not that type of person and I self- shame and self-flagellate way more than anyone who ACTUALLY does these things would. I just...would be devastated if I did this disgusting thing to a child. I'm just so afraid I'm thinking it happened b/c it did happen....but then another part of my brain is like you KNOW this shit pretty much follows your OCD patterns and latched onto you like OCD does. It's OCD brain, and you CANNOT trust your thoughts. So take the leap of faith it is OCD... I'm just also afraid that it's real....if it is, there is no way my boyfriend should be with me. He wants to eventually get married and I couldn't do that to him....to his nephew...to their family...I would hate myself for forever and just live my life in solitude b/c I'm no good for this world or for anybody, and ruined my relationship with the love of my life. Not sure why I'm posting this ....I guess hearing other people's struggles makes me feel less alone. It's isolating in my own head.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Increased anxiety - 13 year boy in Serbia

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community