- Date posted
- 1y
Feeling very hopeless
I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.
I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.
I can relate to your thoughts of never recovering and life punishment. Sends me into depression and the why me mind set. I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than try to do the opposite of how your feeling. That's what was suggested to me last session. I struggle with my emotions. If you're feeling down look at things in a positive way. In your case try to find all the positives to look forward to. Easier said than done I know when you have negative feelings.
@proudmommy Thanks so much for your reply ❤️
@Youarenotyourthoughts You're welcome. I hope it gets easier for you ❤️
@proudmommy Thank you! I hope the same for you 🫶🏻
I think we all fall prey to the doom and exhaustion that ocd brings from time to time. It’s the nature of the beast and we are only human!! BIG HUGS AND LOVE TO ALL MY FELLOW OCDers out there!!!! We are blessed to have each other to lean on!! 🥳😍
I feel so awful and ungrateful. My partner and I are moving to a new place for which we worked very hard. There were lots of tears and sweat. Instead of being excited and grateful, here I am making it about my stupid thoughts. I guess the big move has triggered my anxiety. I don’t know what to do or how I deal with it.
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(
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