Attraction to others while in a relationship

@Hopefulcharles46 Thank you - I appreciate this. It’s like I know this, but my mind is telling me because I’m still anxious about something 3 years later, it MUST mean something etc. and it MUST NOT be OCD, and “what if this,” etc

@Hopefulcharles46 Do you think it’s a big deal it’s my boyfriends friend though? Or does that not matter?

@Anonymous39826 It doesn’t matter what matter is you feel guilty about it.

@Hopefulcharles46 Thanks. Do you have advice on how to let the thoughts just pass? When I get a thought, immediately my brain goes to “this must mean something, maybe somethings wrong, envision your self with them to check”. Checking is the biggest compulsion I have besides reassurance and idk how to not check

@Anonymous39826 For me what helps is understanding that thoughts are just thoughts. Nothing more. They do not define us as individuals. Our wants. Our needs. Our true desires are deeply ingrained in us. Our morales. Our beliefs. The things we love and the people we love. These are the things that define us. Not whatever silly thoughts creep in from whatever dark or unpleasant place they lurk in the back of our mind. We are all people. Flaws and all. Good and bad exist in each of us. It is like the old Native American proverb says “ It is about which wolf you feed.” I myself choose to feed my goodness. My true self. The one which experiences joy. So that’s how I try to live and how I’ve overcome previous bouts of OCD. I’ve always managed through. So I’ll do the same here and now. And I’m sure you have that same power. Deep down inside you. You know you do. That’s why you keep fighting.

@Hopefulcharles46 Thank you so much 🤍

@RaRaRa Thank you for the advice, this is helpful! I don’t think my boyfriend would see finding other people attractive as cheating. He does know I have OCD, just not necessarily all the symptoms of it, I try to not confess to him as it usually is a way of me finding reassurance. I think what makes me so upset here is I’m like “okay what if I accept I think his friend is attractive, what if I grow a crush?” And it spirals from there. I think also because it’s someone we KNOW and not a movie star or stranger heightens the anxiety for me

@Anonymous39826 AH SAME It just feels weird I get what you say and I don't like that feeling either. When that happens I usually say "okay, we got friends in common, and he does find any of these friends cute when they are showing an outfit or haircut, it's okay, it's okay, I'm just noticing they have nice features and that's okay" Honestly I'm still a newbie when it comes to OCD (I'm undiagnosed but I'm pretty secure I have Pure ocd and false memories because it was relatable with all my life) so I don't know if looking for reassurance time to time is okay or not, there are things that you have to fight yourself but there are things where it could be better if you talk with your partner! So you can know what are your boundaries Today when I was in uni a fem classmate told me "hey beautiful" and i got freaked out, I know she said it because I have complimented her outfit selection and asked about her pants (for my mom lol) before but still felt I was cheating if I didn't told my boyfriend about it so I told him, nothing bad happened but he knows I'm a anxiety ball when it comes to our relationship and not being disrespectful to him. Yet I try to fix thing by my own too bc i know I have to be a big girl and hold my stuff

@RaRaRa Also personally I think your partner should know! But don't push yourself, just tell him if you feel like it. It might help him to understand you because there are going to be days where you will be struggling a lot and being distant because of your fears, it would be nice to have a heads up so he can understand you. But is just an advice!