SSRI success story: so far... It’s been 5 months since my POCD flare up. And it’s been by far the worst experience of my life. I was terrified to even leave my house and go to work (I work in child care) in December I decided enough was enough and went to see a specialist for a diagnosis. She diagnosed me instantly with OCD and recommended I gave medicine a shot. I started on Lexapro 4 weeks ago yesterday and the change has been incredible. That with a mix of ERP and Acceptance of the thoughts (Acceptance has been the biggest help, and very easy to do when the Lexapro makes me not care about the thoughts) Now, I won’t say I don’t get thoughts. I still absolutely do, but I get less of them. And when I get an extremely hard convincing one, I accept it in, and sit in any guilt I have until it naturally dissipates. I’m not recovered, not by a long shot. But I have a small piece of me back, and it feels good. I’m hoping with hard work, and not letting OCD thoughts get under my skin. Recovery will be possible. If you’re scared to try an SSRI. I completely understand. I was lucky enough to have the first one work for me. The side effects were HORRIBLE, almost worse than the OCD for well over a week. But the benefits I have now outweigh the negatives of that week. I’m not promising a fix with an SSRI. But I think it’s worth a shot. Hell, this could all come back to bite me in the ass, who knows? I believe in you guys, and I’m starting to believe in myself again. We can do this. We’re one big family here, and we need each other. (But no reassurance ??)

I am FINALLY starting to (somewhat) recover from this last existential spiral, which admittedly, was probably the cruelest my OCD has ever been to me. Only thanks to you all. You were all able to provide me with kindness, understanding and support… without the kind of reassurance that feeds OCD, of course. When I downloaded this app, I was genuinely terrified. I was so scared that I was permanently doomed to the endless whirlpool that is the thoughts produced by my own brain and that life as I knew it was over, that I would never be happy again. For anyone who might be feeling that way right now, your OCD is LYING to you! Whatever you may be going through, it CAN get better. As hard as it may be right now, HAVE FAITH! Get up and do that thing you want to do in spite of the fear and discomfort. Take the fear with you like a whiny, unwilling toddler and do it anyway. Watch the movie, read the book, order that takeout you’ve been craving, bake the cake, wash the dishes… Please do it anyway! It will be hard at first, I won’t lie. But the OCD part of your brain, like a toxic partner, WANTS to win. It wants you to give up on those things that you love, all those things that make you happy so that there’s no space for anything but itself. Don’t let it win. The more you push yourself, the more you rewire your brain to realize that as much as it may feel like, the obsession doesn’t matter! Thanks to you all, even without therapy (YET - I’m starting that journey on Tuesday because there’s still a lot to unpack, and I know that OCD won’t just magically go away), I was able to get a basic understanding of ERP and learning to sit with discomfort and how to live life in spite of it, rather than letting it take over my very being. So for that, I thank this community. I think I would be in a very different place right now if it weren’t for the people I’ve met here who truly understood my experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please don’t give up. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your brain is telling you ❤️

I suffer since 10 - 15 yrs from specific fears. It was years that my OCD constantly wanted to be checked if I have HIV or not. I had a lot of sex and I thought this is normal. But I ruminated in my backhead about and was testing like 5 - 10 times a year. After the test I felt everytime so relieved. In Corona I was addicted to porn and even I lost control and was watching pretty hard stuff. I was chatting with a girl and we fantasized about really disturbing things. I never wanna meet her and for me was sure it's just kinda onlinestuff. I was in a relationship 3 years now. And I lost fear of HIV. But then came Morality OCD, Real Event (this chat) and after some times POCD. This combination was knocking me out, I felt like the badest person on earth. I did everything wrong and searched for relief and reassurance. It put me to the point of suicidal. I never ever hurting somebody, but my brain was making me a monster. I had to quit the relationship because I just couldn't give her what she deserved. I was in a clinic for 3 months. And we tested medication with ERP (before I took escitalopram for years). Anafranil was working first, then too many side-effects. I tried even without meds, but was so depressed. Now on sertralin for 5 weeks, but only 2 weeks on therapeutic dose 200mg. And wow, now I really feel so confused in the brain. I feel like how big my OCD became. The specific thoughts are not anymore, BUT it sticks on EVERYTHING atm. It's delusional how it feels in the brain. I really hope so deep my brain makes finally a reset and I need to wait it out. I could live with OCD for a long time but the last 1-2 yrs it took absolutely everything. I remark that POCD doesn't stick anymore like before but my brain is now constructing a very bad future because of past mistakes (that I all discussed with family, friends for relief over and over and over again). So it's like my OCD is now Real Event (The sexchat) again. Anyone was on the same point in life?

Hi all. Unfortunately I have relapsed with what I believe is POCD/ REOCD again. Im 33 going on 34 (m) and from the ages of around 23 to 26/27 had terrible OCD / shame and guilt from a mistake made in early teenage years ( Im going to say 11/12 ). It was truly the greatest struggle to make it through those years. From ages 27/28 to ~ 6 weeks ago my OCD was I would say 99% under control with the help of 150mg sertraline which was fantastic and allowed me to live as normally as I could have hoped for. A real event from almost 10 years ago randomly popped up in my mind , and the past 6 weeks have been truly awful with very little headspace for rational thought and certainly no good mood. A few panic attacks thrown in and an inability to hold my job down makes this seem like an impossible challenge to overcome. My mind is telling me its only a matter of time before police show to my door and Ill be socially berated. Ive become a bit paranoid and really do not feel worthy/ able for living a happy life going forward. Previously, on the earlier theme I had confessed to a parent not knowing it would be damaging in the long run and to be honest I dont know what helped to recover. Maybe I could have recovered sooner had I known it was definently OCD I was dealing with and effective treatment options. In the end I think I adopted a " so what" and "it is what it is" attitude after so much internal anguish which helped. With this theme, once again my mind tells me its not OCD and I am just feeling huge amounts of guilt for past actions which may never leave me. I do feel Im looking at this event in a very black and white manner however my mind wont allow anything else. Ive had days where I could function while being able to tell myself " if the worst case scenario happens, it happens " but Ive also had days where my mind tells me I wont survive another week of this guilt, let alone deal with the real life cosequences. I have no experience of ERP but I do intend to look into it. What makes me think it may be worthwhile is that last week while at work I came across an event on social media where someone went to jail for something "similar" ( my mind tells me my actions were worse ) and I just sat with the fear and anxiety which was awful in the moment - however I got some moments of positivy and become almost "carefree" that evening as the bad feelings came and went without giving in to compulsions ( main ones are googling and mental review/ re reading texts ) Of course they came back a day later . I guess Im just showing my face here so to speak, and letting you all know that there are others in the same fight, and that youre not alone. I appreciate all input. J Ps if anyone has had previous success on increasing sertraline from 150mg upward please let me know. I do feel I need a higher dose/ something more effective for this episode as I am not getting much relief from my thoughts. I have heard from some sertraline is more useful at higher doses ( 300/400 mg ) for OCD??? Any thoughts? Thank you