- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
This was very helpful, thank you so much. Sending you positive vibes❤️
Great post?
Love the post but on vacation right now so gonna leave this comment here and finish it when I get back lol I’m proud of you brother !!!
Great post! Glad your feeling normal again!!! ??
thank you for all the kind words everyone ❤️
Hi your post is amazing and related to me in alot of ways apart form I'm a straight male, I just wanted to know how your doing now? I'm going to try what you said and ignore compulsions and try fight through uncomfortable situations with horrific groinal responses. I just wanted to know how I stop myself from looking at girls and thinking what there age is and if they are underage why I am still attracted to them or not, it really sucks thankyou for your post anyway.
I'm doing much better and I'm having my first therapy session today, actually. I encourage you to do the same because I don't know the answer to those questions.
@Vimli Okay I will look into it
It's been possibly 8 months since my OCD clicked. I have been diagnosed. Though progress hasn't been made at all sadly. Sorry to let everyone down.
Look for a spiritual solution to your problems. Please look up Krishna.com and read a few articles on the “mind”. Haribol
@Kuch No thank you.
Hello , how are you doing ? Came here to look up some great ERP for my HOCD ... my ocd is weird probably think I’m bi polar now .... it comes and goes trough out the month depending on my cycle .
How are you doing now? Any flare ups
Good afternoon, Background: I am a 34 year old male who has a wife and two kids, four and one. I have had anxiety since I was in elementary school. In the third grade, I would go to the nurse every school day because I thought I was sick. I also struggled with thoughts about burglars entering the house, my family getting hurt, etc. I got "passed this" (not really), but then I became obsessed with rituals when I played sports or was in high tense situations and felt tremendous anxiety when I didn't do them. I graduated high school and moved to college. While at college, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. What brought this on was I couldn't walk past a certain crack in the sidewalk without thinking an intrusive thought. This repeating helped take away the pain and sadness of the thought. After talking with the licensed school counselor, I started taking Sertraline and continued to deal with repeating. However, I was able to live my life and came to the understanding that repeating would just be part of it. At that time, I thought "I would much rather have anxious thoughts, repeat, and move on then try to face them." What Led Me Here: I had ups and downs regarding my mental health in adulthood, but I never really put much thought into it. COVID 19 happened and my son was born in 2020. I found an OCD therapist that helped me deal with intrusive thoughts about my newborn son. I would ruminate and think about whether my son would get hurt or die. I didn't feel bodily anxiety in this situation, because I would just repeat and the thought would go away. I worked with my therapist until the negative feelings went away. It seemed like everything was fine, until 2024. This past winter, I began to feel bodily sensations related to anxiety. I reached back out to my OCD therapist in January and started working with her again. At the end of February, I had an anxiety attack for the first time in my life. The feeling of anxiety I had never felt before lasted for a week and a half and it was extremely difficult. I was always proud of myself when I told people, "My OCD has never affected my ability to complete tasks or do important things." This wasn't the case anymore. I had to take a mental health day for the first time ever. I was able to get through that experience. Two weeks later, it came back. It lasted for about two weeks and my therapist helped me get passed those feelings. Instead of working with her every week, we moved to every other week. Fast forward to my current situation. I had not felt that bodily anxiety sensation for a while, but it came back when I got home from a five-day golf trip. Intrusive thoughts about not wanting to be a father or husband filled my body when I got home. The anxiety feeling returned and now I am here. **If you have read this far, thank you. I feel like it is important to know my story. These three encounters with anxiety and OCD has shown me that I have not been doing my part in getting myself better. I am always looking for short cuts and ways to barter with my anxiety and mental health. Now, I am attempting to not argue with my OCD and let intrusive thoughts in. My therapist and I are working on I-CBT (Inference Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and I wasn't following through with the plan my therapist and I came up with together. Why I Am Writing this Novel I am trying to be positive and believe my core values (wanting to be happy, be a dad, be a husband, etc.), but I no longer have repeating to fall back on. Now, it is just rumination, obsession, and assurance seeking - the battle within. These past couple days, I have struggled mightily with my happiness. It is constant negativity in my head: - "Why bother? You will never be happy" - "You are a horrible parent. You would rather watch TV then be with your kids." - "You are a horrible husband. You are putting your wife through all of this." - "OCD will always win and dictate the life you have." - "See! You are feeling anxiety, so all of your work is worthless." I know the answers to my obsessions. I know the tools I need to use. I am just very afraid that I will not get better. My son, daughter, and wife deserve a present family member. I simply cannot live life like this. It is not a life full of happiness. It is just a life of continuous worry. I mean, I am already feeling dread about my kids growing up and graduating and they are four and one! Again, thank you for reading this. I just want to be better.
Hey everyone! It’s a long post (sorry😂). I just wanted to share something I experienced today, hopefully it will encourage many of you to see that there is a life that you can enjoy whilst battling OCD! I have been pretty much compulsion free for 5 months! I have been really proud of myself and I have genuinely been loving life! However, today, was not a good day. It was a complete nightmare in fact. I had this intense feeling of anxiety, fear, panic, doubt, and guilt running through me all day. I kept avoiding things because I knew it was going to trigger me, and I was expecting my unwanted intrusive thoughts to pop up (which obviously they did 🙄). I found myself engaging in compulsions all day. I struggled to watch a TV series as I kept thinking that I wasn’t paying attention, and then OCD would tell me “what if I wasn’t actually paying attention to the TV series, and what if I did something bad and don’t remember it?!”. I found myself constantly rewinding the programme in order to relieve my anxiety and distress, and to gain certainty that I saw every single scene perfectly to reassure myself. Obviously as you can expect, this did not do me any favours. It only did one thing, it made my anxiety worse and increased the amount I was doing compulsions. This has easily been one of the hardest days I have had in a very long time, and I kept thinking to myself, “why is this happening to me?”. I sat down in the evening and started to think about my day. I realised that OCD will do whatever it can to keep us in this cycle. It can pop up at anytime, and it will try the same old tricks it always has. But the most important thing I realised today, is that progress isn’t linear. One bad day DOES NOT mean I am back to square one. I just had a bad day, that’s all! It doesn’t mean all the hard work and everything I have accomplished has gone down the drain, in fact it is actually an opportunity! An opportunity for me to use all the skills and tools I have learnt to be able to deal with setbacks! After this, I told OCD to bog off, and I watched the TV series without engaging in any compulsions! Did I feel scared? Hell yes 😂 Did I have doubts pop into my mind? Of course I did, it’s what OCD is, it’s the DOUBT DISORDER! But most importantly, I chose to do the hard thing and not give into OCD, I chose to lean into the uncertainty and discomfort and just let it be! I just wanted to share this as a message of encouragement for anyone on their recovery journey! It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to still have doubts and “what-ifs” pop into your mind. It’s okay to be uncertain! This is how OCD works! It targets the things we love the most, and it will target our values and intentions! Remember, you are so much more than your OCD! You all got this! Keep going!🙏🏽🫶🏾
Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha
I have had so many different types of unpleasant and unwanted thoughts and I believe the worst of them all started in 2019, I'm only 16 and I know a lot of people on here are adults, but I was around 10 or 11 when I started getting my first fears in my brain or like the worst of them, because even when I was around 5-8 and and maybe even beyond that I used to question if bad things were going ti happen to me because I saw bad things happening to other people on the TV. Anyways, 2019 I remember coming home from a place and it was fine when I was there but when I came home I had the thought of "what if I was still there" I shouldn't really bring it up because if I've feared it before I feel I'll trigger myself to fear it again 😭 but yeah, I'm not fully sure how long it lasted but I believe it was months and had the thought about different places I had been, basiy my mind was trying to make me think and feel these unpleasant thoughts, and even thinking of them as of right now isn't the best lol, but I just wanted to talk about all the different intrusive thoughts I have had are. After that one went, I believe I was okay, at the end of 2020, literally on the new year, I started spiralling so bad, I was 12 I believe, and I was putting on all my social media stories "happy new year" even like days after because I felt the need to keep doing it, or my brain would tell me "it's not 2021 if you don't do this" like blah blah blah, and it all started first because I was anxious and that "I had to" post "happy new year everywhere" unless it wasn't the new year, I basically went crazy with it, and it lasted a while, until the 21st because I was like yeah 21 is now a lucky number because of 2021, but I literally went to the extreme of messaging everybody it basically everywhere even days after, probably the worst one I've had but yeah 😭 After that I was fine for the whole year, 2021 was really good for me, and then maybe around the start of the next year I started a new obsession and anxiety literally based off of anxiety and I had no idea why it was sticking around, and I'm glad I know now. In 2022 some girl was rude to me or something and I probably cried 2 hours straight afterwards because of it and she wasn't aware, but teachers helped but yeah whatever, few days after or soon I was fine and didn't think about it much or at all, and then one day when I'm in the car coming home from somewhere aswell my brother starts talking to me about school and how somebody else said "they don't associate with me" like I honestly had no idea why they all turned 2 faced to me because I never did or said anything wrong but yeah 😭 but that brought up that other memory of what a different girl had said to me and I started worrying about that because I was like "oohhhh I just forgot about that" and then I'm not sure if it picked up slowly or fast, but regardless, that person's name was stuck in my mind and ruminating around my mind for months, I was anxious whenever I thought about it so it kept coming back, I genuinely think my brain got so tired and annoyed it just gave up in the end, but that's just proof that your mind can worrying about literally anything, like anything. After that was over, 2023, last year now I only had mild usual OCD unless I actually had an OCD that I never knew I had to do with relationships. I'll keep it brief because I know this has already been long, but I like my friend who was a boy and let's just say he didn't like me back, I would gaslight and convince myself that he did even when he was just being friendly, even tho sometimes I felt like his other friends wouldn't be doing certain things we do, but yeah, I used to worry about what he was doing with who and would get so jealous to the point where I was literally thinking or unaliving the other people who he would talk to or hang out with, and I had lost people who were my friends before because I got too jealous, I stopped talking to him tho because it was getting absolutely nowhere and he started acting weird and hanging out with people who don't like me because I wasn't speaking to the other people, so I basically just left, but I don't have to see him anymore anyways, we had good times tho, but yeah if someone has got this far and you know, tell me if you think or know that that's an OCD too, like relationship OCD or something. Now 2024, I would say it's kinda been everywhere, but the start of the year has been good and only recently it's been affecting me bad again, since June, after I had finished my exams, I thought to myself on the night of me finishing my exams "ahhh~ I don't have to worry about anything anymore" and it was like 3 and a half months break aswell, so I was like over the moon, and guess what, my brain starts to think and worry again. There has been so many topics this year but I'll express the main ones. It's basically been my brain to worry about anything I can, anything that is possible. So the first one that made me loose my mind and panic for days and also make me loose sleep was one about a person again, also a person that I have never associated myself with I had literally just seen them and thought that I didn't want to think about that and then I did basically and spiralled bad, anyways next one after that was about just being super or hyper aware like "think everytime to see a colour or a shape or focus on your breathing or blinking" stuff like that, stuff I couldn't avoid basically, they didn't get too bad but you get what I mean hopefully lol, and now this one that has been new, about numbers and rituals, they were more manageable and quick to "end" aswell, but the one I have of current is long because it's like worry that I keep doing more, like to be real, I simply do not care for any of the thoughts I have but I just feel I do, it's seriously just the anxiety tho, because earlier my mind cleared for a brief moment and I was looking and thinking about the situation with no judgement and being like, yup, kind of like thinking about it as it happened ages ago and that I wouldn't go back to it kind of feeling, but yeah I think it wants to stay maybe a little longer, but no panic attacks today, that's all I can say. Also anyone who has read the whole thing, my heart goes out to you, if you are panicking right now, I've been there, it sucks I know, but you will find peace eventually. If anyone relates or has anything similar to share that would be great to hear, and any advice too, even tho I'm fully aware of all techniques my brain isn't getting the hint 😭 But yes thank you for reading it all if you have gotten this far, here is a cookie ->🍪 Byyeeee I love youuu, remember you are capable of doing so much and I am here for you 🫶🏻🩷
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond