- Date posted
- 1y
Discussion - does every action define you?
What's your thoughts?
What's your thoughts?
Your past does not define you. It is how you behave going forward that defines you. I didn’t say that someone else did. I may have paraphrased.
Ok, that's the exact kind of statement I feel a lot of people feel guilty about and holds them back from getting better. I always loved the saying, but I feel as if it's not absolute. What about present actions, do they define you? What if you don't know if something is wrong with you? Do these actions define you in your own eyes, or someone else's view of you? If both, then why?
I'm not knocking your input BTW. Keep it coming. I'm trying to spread a better perception and understanding
@Wolfram I suppose you can only act in the present. That is probably a good view for OCD.
@NotSoNewb82 True. What if you didn't know better, or didn't have the education on how to manage yourself properly? Does that define you as a person? Or does that define your situation?
@Wolfram Tbh I’ve come to terms with my real event/false memory or whatever that was and all things were true about it.
@NotSoNewb82 Good. I like your mindset. I'm curious to see others comment as theirs may be different and holding them selves accountable unfairly.
So what I believe, not all actions do. I agree with callum on his point regarding reactions rather than actions and I don't think a lot of people see stuff in their past this way. I think hindsight when reflecting on past actions/ reactions, with new understandings, information and perceptions change our view of those memories. I've seen a lot of people hold them self accountable for past errors as if they are their present self instead of who they were or forget the context of their situation at that time. We don't always have the answers and I think most of us did quite a few things we deem as mistakes. Truthi is, they quite possibly might be a learning curve. We are not born all-knowing. There is no rehearsal for life. Things will happen, good and bad. It's not your fault for having ocd or other mental health issues and brain disorders but you responsible for your actions and reactions once you know better, from that point forward. This is why therapy matters as it can educate and enlighten you. Not all actions always define who you are. Sometimes they define your situation, lack of understanding, perception, emotional and mental states at THAT point in time. You are not one moment. You are many. You are not frozen in time, you are moving through it whether you like it or not so let go of that thing holding you back because you'll never be able to undo it. Let go, move forward leaving your respects for your past self and become something stronger than you could've ever imagined before.
Incredibly well put 👏
No, there's a reaction to it aswell. You can do an action and feel disgusted by it, out of pure desperation to relieve anxiety or stress. It appears logical to do the compulsion, but you wouldn't have done it at all without the distress from the OCD. That isn't who you are, not at all. And no matter how many times you do a checking compulsion for example, that action doesn't change who you are. The fact that the action and your reaction (opinion) of the action is separate, means the action itself can never define you.
This is the type of answer I was looking for 👌
Maybe not one single action, but many actions over a period of time. For example, if you make a mistake once, and never do it again, that doesn’t define you. But if you do something repeatedly, then I think it does. Good question.
@emilytravelswild But I guess there are a lot of gray areas to this as well. Because we have repeated intrusive thoughts with OCD, but does that define us? I don’t think so.
There’s something that happens that keeps me stuck in a thought, it’s when I can see some part of myself agreeing with or relating to it in some way. That’s when the doubt creeps in. If I can understand *why* the thought is there, doesn’t that mean it’s not just random? Doesn’t that mean it actually reflects something about me? For example **(TMI/TW)**: I had the thought, *“I wonder what other people’s kinks are (including friends, family, even teenagers).”* And then I caught myself thinking, *“Well, I guess that could be interesting information… maybe I wouldn’t even stop someone from sharing it with me. Does that mean I actually want to know? Wait—does that make me perverted or incestuous for even having this curiosity?”* The same thing has happened with other thoughts, like wondering what someone’s privates might look like. I recognize that, on some level, that could be interesting—but does that mean the thought is truly mine? Maybe the answer is super obvious and I just can’t see through my OCD smoke. This was a bit embarrassing for me to write 🥲, but can anyone provide some insight?
I’ve been thinking a lot about how OCD changes the way we see ourselves, but I recently realized that I am not my thoughts. Just because a thought pops up doesn’t mean it’s true or that it defines me. I’ve started learning how to see OCD for what it is—just a disorder trying to trick me—and I’ve become stronger in dealing with it. Has anyone else here had a similar realization? How do you handle these thoughts when they show up?
Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.
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