- Date posted
- 1y
Discussion - does every action define you?
What's your thoughts?
What's your thoughts?
Your past does not define you. It is how you behave going forward that defines you. I didn’t say that someone else did. I may have paraphrased.
Ok, that's the exact kind of statement I feel a lot of people feel guilty about and holds them back from getting better. I always loved the saying, but I feel as if it's not absolute. What about present actions, do they define you? What if you don't know if something is wrong with you? Do these actions define you in your own eyes, or someone else's view of you? If both, then why?
I'm not knocking your input BTW. Keep it coming. I'm trying to spread a better perception and understanding
@Wolfram I suppose you can only act in the present. That is probably a good view for OCD.
@NotSoNewb82 True. What if you didn't know better, or didn't have the education on how to manage yourself properly? Does that define you as a person? Or does that define your situation?
@Wolfram Tbh I’ve come to terms with my real event/false memory or whatever that was and all things were true about it.
@NotSoNewb82 Good. I like your mindset. I'm curious to see others comment as theirs may be different and holding them selves accountable unfairly.
So what I believe, not all actions do. I agree with callum on his point regarding reactions rather than actions and I don't think a lot of people see stuff in their past this way. I think hindsight when reflecting on past actions/ reactions, with new understandings, information and perceptions change our view of those memories. I've seen a lot of people hold them self accountable for past errors as if they are their present self instead of who they were or forget the context of their situation at that time. We don't always have the answers and I think most of us did quite a few things we deem as mistakes. Truthi is, they quite possibly might be a learning curve. We are not born all-knowing. There is no rehearsal for life. Things will happen, good and bad. It's not your fault for having ocd or other mental health issues and brain disorders but you responsible for your actions and reactions once you know better, from that point forward. This is why therapy matters as it can educate and enlighten you. Not all actions always define who you are. Sometimes they define your situation, lack of understanding, perception, emotional and mental states at THAT point in time. You are not one moment. You are many. You are not frozen in time, you are moving through it whether you like it or not so let go of that thing holding you back because you'll never be able to undo it. Let go, move forward leaving your respects for your past self and become something stronger than you could've ever imagined before.
Incredibly well put 👏
No, there's a reaction to it aswell. You can do an action and feel disgusted by it, out of pure desperation to relieve anxiety or stress. It appears logical to do the compulsion, but you wouldn't have done it at all without the distress from the OCD. That isn't who you are, not at all. And no matter how many times you do a checking compulsion for example, that action doesn't change who you are. The fact that the action and your reaction (opinion) of the action is separate, means the action itself can never define you.
This is the type of answer I was looking for 👌
Maybe not one single action, but many actions over a period of time. For example, if you make a mistake once, and never do it again, that doesn’t define you. But if you do something repeatedly, then I think it does. Good question.
@emilytravelswild But I guess there are a lot of gray areas to this as well. Because we have repeated intrusive thoughts with OCD, but does that define us? I don’t think so.
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
How do you know if it is OCD or just anxiety caused by inner conflict that needs to be resolved? Thoughts - discussions?
Input please. Whenever I have a thought or come across something like news about pedophilia or other awful things, I feel like I try to make it okay in my head. Like I am trying to explain it away, excuse it. And when I look at that from a more compassionate lens, I think maybe I am just trying to process something bad. Maybe I am trying to make something horrific feel a little less horrifying so I can keep existing in a world where it happens. Because the truth is, whenever I hear about something terrible, it does not just go away. I do not have that ability to shove it aside and move on. I have to live with it. I carry it. I live my life alongside these awful things that exist. But then, when I look at it through a different lens, it gets darker. Maybe I am not trying to process something bad. Maybe I am actually trying to justify it. Maybe I am trying to convince myself it is not that bad… because deep down I agree with the people who do it. Or maybe I am afraid that if it were not so stigmatized, I would somehow be okay with it. And that thought worries me. I know that why someone holds moral values is not as important as the fact that they do. I know that what matters is your actions and your commitment to being a good person. It still scares me. I keep asking myself: am I trying to justify something awful just so I can mentally survive it, or am I trying to justify something awful because some part of me agrees with it?
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