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Does the idea of marriage scare anyone else? I’m 20 and have a bf of 2 years. Everyone around me is getting engaged, and although I love my bf, I’m not ready to get married. It causes me anxiety when I think about it. Anyone else?

My boyfriend showed me a video on Instagram with a person interviewing a couple on the street asking the guy if he’s okay with his girlfriend having male friends, trying to bait them into saying it’s not okay but they were just like no obviously that’s fine, and they said anyone who tries to control who you’re friends with is controlling and isn’t worth your time. This really triggered/upset me because my boyfriend has a female friend he’s known longer than me, but they’ve had feelings for each other on and off in the past. Over last year and the year before their feelings came up again and we had a rough time within our relationship with him being confused and me being insecure. Last summer he broke up with me (it ended up being temporary) and while we were broken up he hung out with this girl a lot and they kissed once. We later got back together and worked through it and he said that it made him realise it was me he wanted to be with. But basically I’m still really insecure as I always have been and my OCD focuses a lot on this girl and what they did etc. I have at times expressed that their friendship makes me uncomfortable, and before they’d kissed I know that he thought I was being controlling but I was just afraid of what would happen with their feelings, and then what I feared did happen. Now even though we’re stronger than before and he says he’s 100% sure it’s me he wants to be with and his feelings for her are gone, I still feel so insecure and ruminate on it all a lot and have compulsions relating to it. The words from this video “controlling” and “not worth your time” are going round and round my head and I’m so afraid that’s what he thinks of me or will come to think of me and that I’m a bad person, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. I cried with my boyfriend after seeing the video and he knew why and reassured me, but of course OCD doesn’t take reassurance. It sucks because I know it’s partly OCD, but it also feels like a genuine thing to be worried about given what’s happened in the past. Thinking about it all really takes over my life a lot of the time. Anyway sorry about the rant :/

I found a way how to manage with OCD First you have to Change your mind. And think that if you know how to help people with OCD , that means that you know how to manage with it because it Works for you. First of all 1.Go deep inside of you. 2. your Obsession comes from your panic. 2. Your panic makes you anxiety. 3. Learn What should you do to manage with your panic. 4. Do you have Any Story with your heart attact or feeling like your Heart will stop when your Heart accept your Stress that you have? 5. Check your heart with doctor if you have Any medical Problem. 6. If not, Realize that the panic or Stress you have the things is Hard for you And if you manage with it , you just gonna be old earlier then your age. 7. The Stress makes you More closer to be or Look Older. 8. Do not taking the things just you cannot Deal with it. It is harmful for you. 9. Do not try to be responsible too much for Other people feelings. 10. If you do, its gonna affact you seriesly And you will look older More them. 11. Try to increase your dopamin, avoid from Stress And let go the things that you cannot Deal with it. 12. Do not make empathy with all people or Try to take their stress just Try to do make them calm ( if you don’t have Easy Option). 13. Do your all responsibility with time flow to make everything easier for you. 14. Do your things on the right time to not think about them later. 15. It Is not Bad if you say someone that i cannot think about it. The More you think more you anxious, more you feel tried. 16. It doesn’t make you Bad person to Focus only your Life and try to think too much with Other Person. 17. The more you become obssed the more the affact other people. They do not have to take the heavy things with you just for you to feel comfortable. 18. Do not think bad when people doesn’t think with you how to solve your problem. 19. They don’t have to spend their brain function with being anxious because of you. 20. focus more on your response 21. Everything will be happen with your passed experiences. You cannot control the things. 22. Everything in the life is connected there is no suprise. If what you do, even if you don’t want , you will have to take response of your actions. 23. Accept your stress your heart should accept or learn how to accept the things. 24. Leave everyone‘s life if it is not your business. 25. Someone else’s action is not under your control maybe on their head the way how they what to behave you is their own life. 25. If someone wonder about you idea to keep or end with your relationship , you cannot control it again. If they ask you it’s your life too and you can decide yes or not. But if it is without your decision it’s also their life how they want to be as a person, is not your life again. 26. The person had a decided something without your decision is should make you to think that you are not even in their life if they make a decision without communicating with you. And it is little bit selfishness and you can decide actually easily that with this kind of person , your relationship would not go more anyway. It could go more worst. 27. Do not forget! With just assuming you shouldn’t decide the things. It makes you selfish too. You must always communicate with people. 28. say the right things and right time. That’s why if you feel nervous afraid or etc realize your emotions and express it. Do not avoid from that. 29. Do not create or imaginate things by yourself the feeling first comes from other person how they reflect you. By obssing with them makes it more bigger! Just don’t do it yourself. Stay calm! And healthy! ☘️

Are they the same thing? I know this could be seen as reasurance seeking but I'm generally asking what the difference between the two is not for reasurance reasons but for educational reasons. I've tried differentiating them but can't seem to? Can anyone explain?

I have had retroactive jealousy for three years in my relationship which is my first relationship as an adult. After my boyfriend and I had met, I still continued to see other people to keep my options open. He even asked if I wanted to be exclusive and I said I’ve never had a boyfriend I just don’t think I’m ready. He had told me he was going on a hiking trip with some people. Later on I found out specifically one girl from his hometown who he didn’t know, but knew of was on the trip. they were friends on Facebook And he reached out about hiking in her state after she had liked his photos or something. Time went on and while he was on the trip I even slept with someone else since I was keeping my options open. through social media I became very jealous seeing their photos on Instagram and I knew it was more than just a friendship that they were probably hooking up. I don’t know why this would hurt me since I even went to a hotel with a guy when he was on the trip. Now, three years later, I think about her and him together on the trip constantly. It’s taken over my day-to-day life I’ve been to three different therapist. I’ve tried three different medication’s. I’ve seen a psychiatrist, and now I am on a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant to help. I will go months sometime without thinking about her or the trip or caring. But most of the time I’m picking a fight comparing myself crying and obsessing. To this day, I still won’t go to any of the national parks or states they went to because the thought of them together their drives me insane. I wish I wasn’t like this. My boyfriend doesn’t deserve it because he is the best boyfriend in the whole world. We were younger with all of this happened and have matured together so much but I can’t get it out of my head. I have mental breakdowns all the time Panic attacks before work and have to leave because of this girl To be honest, I am a bit jealous of her, her job, her smaller nose, her straight hair, and I’m jealous that my boyfriend found her attractive and they shared so many memories that I wish I could erase I feel like nothing works. We want to get engaged but he tells me he can’t propose because I always bring this up , in other than this, I’m the perfect person and the person he wanted from the beginning but I screwed it up and now it’s like I can’t forgive myself.

Racing thoughts and can’t sleep. Dealing with scrupulosity and ROCD and addiction. I’m so sad

My mind is literally running around in circles over this…. Bit of a rant, so stay if you’re ready to read it…. Okay so bit of back story: in the past while I’ve been with my bf, before I had ocd, I used to basically “like” or react to whatever post/photo (to an extent) I do admit some things were like why tf would I even like that…. Anyway so even tho I never had any bad intentions I used to like whatever, and not think twice about it…. I’ve always had the rules/boundaries for my partner that if he sees a photo of a girl in a bikini to just scroll on and not like or react because even if he had no intentions it made me uncomfortable… which is a fair request not that he was the type of guy to do that anyway… a lot of time has passed by since back then & I developed ocd (mainly POCD, ROCD AND SEXUAL OCD) I took myself off social media Agers ago because of being triggered and it just filled my head with bullshit. But I’ve recently had the intrusive thought “what if one day if you go back on socials you come across a tik tokker I followed who I’ve looked up her onlyfans befroe in the past - not with intent - just out of curiosity but still massive regret” anyway - me and my partner had a convo because of this thought, even tho I know confessing doesn’t help, and he basically said to me even tho I don’t consider myself bi anymore since I’ve been with him because of my expectations of him (which is fair) then it should be the same for me, wether it’s a shirtless guy or a girl in a bikini I don’t know (unless she’s my friend) then It’s not okay for me to like - now I’m just pointing out that’s not an issue for me, even if I would never have any intent by liking some tik tok persons photos or something like that - he still wouldn’t ever have intent either and I wouldn’t ever want him doing something like that…. So since that point because he said to me don’t like photos of guys with their shirts off or girls you don’t know in a bikini, it’s sparked all these questions in my head like , “what if it was a girlfriend of mine with their bf at the beach, or what if it was a friend of his that I became friends with his gf and they posted a photo at the beach, what if it was a friend of mine who posted a photo of her and her friend at the beach, or what if it was a photo of my boyfriend with his mate but they were at the beach, what if an old friend died and someone posted something for them but they were in a swimsuit.” Anyway I know these things sound ridiculous but that’s what ocd is, it makes me question my own morals…. Because my brain is not logical - it’s hard for me to understand right from wrong cause for so long I’ve felt everything is wrong, and because of how I used to be I just used to think that liking certain photos was normal…. I sometimes depend on him to tell me what is okay or not because I don’t have that logical part of my brain working, anyway as you can imagine I’ve had all the “you would like this, you wouldn’t like that, maybe this maybe that” all that BS! Putting images in my head, confusing me so much… I would never want to do anything to disrespect my relationship or man. When I’ve tried to ask him these specific questions it has made him almost break up with me because he can’t handle hearing this stuff 24/7… all the hypothetical things that won’t happen etc. He refuses to read or listen to those questions about specifics which he is totally in the right about putting up boundaries - I just am confused because ocd tells me one thing while my heart says another…. I have thought to myself that I wouldn’t have worried if he ever liked a photo of one of our mates with his gf, because I knew there would be no intent; but he still just wouldn’t do that because the girl is in swimmers and he feels that is disrespectful to me or our relationship. And now it’s saying well you don’t think any of this is a big deal it’s been repeating that for so long…. Like when I’ve found out something is disrespectful to my partner and he has voiced if he wouldn’t do that then I shouldn’t either - then it’s obviously disrespectful to me because anything that he feels disrespected by obviously I think is bad too cause I never want to harm my relationship. It just keeps saying “you don’t think this is a big deal” putting all these different scenarios in my head… like I’m not trying to think that??? Just because I may not have seen things as a big deal back then, doesn’t mean I feel that way now, when I heard it from his perspective it made me think differently and think I should have the same expectations of myself that I do for him - that Is fair and equal! But then I just have these continuous things go through my head trying to make it seem like I want to do those things or something… making it seem like that I think “he shouldn’t care because I have no intent” like um hello??? I know he would never have intent but I know straight up certain things would make me uncomfortable if he liked it. He is aloud to care just like I care about him liking certain things - my rules should be the same as his, isn’t that fair??? He does have a point, tho im not anymore, but I used to identify or think i was a different sexuality until I met my man, I didn’t want to associate with that label again when we were together. So really it should be the exact same rules for me as it is for him… so why the fuck does it keep saying that I will do these things or want to do these things or don’t see them as problem? When I actually do now. Even if I had no intent it’s about not disrespecting my bf, he never has spoken up and said these things before so I never used to see an issue with liking anything back in the day but I just feel like my whole viewpoint has changed now. All it needs to come down to is that if someone is shirtless or it’s a girl I’m not friends with who has a bikini on or something along those lines, then I won’t press like, simple it should be, not so simple for my ocd brain 🧠 to understand, because it puts lots of different hypotheticals to make me doubt and question everything, I would never mean to do anything that would hurt him, or disrespect him but he’s actually verbally told me what he thinks is okay and not okay - I trust other people’s judgment more than my own because I have ocd. It’s not like “oh my boyfriend told me no but I still want these things or think it’s acceptable” it’s not like that at all, when your partner verbalises to you something makes them uncomfortable you should be respectful if you love them & I do love him so much… why is it so hard for my brain to understand I’ve had a change of opinion compared to what I thought was okay in the past…. He won’t answer my specifics so just to be safe even if I never had intentions I’m just not going to like anything that has a girl in a bikini (unless it’s my friend) or a guy that’s shirtless - because I now view that as not acceptable because of how he has put it to me…. Why does ocd torture people like this? It’s demanding I give it Answers, I literally was just crying and almost having a panic attack today saying “JUST STOP” over and over again while I showered. I almost lost my relationship today because I can’t stop confessing for almost 2 years. I have lost him before because of confessions constantly, he doesn’t deserve this as much as I don’t deserve to go through this either. Like I just don’t understand why it keeps saying “this isn’t a big deal to you” when it has become one, just because it may not have been in the past doesn’t mean I have that mindset now. F U OCD.

I reminded my bf that I have been getting anxious and nervous about anything remotely sexual lately and he was sad and distanced himself from me. Then later I tried bringing up solutions and said if he’s ever unsure if I’m uncomfortable with something like kissing, he can ask or I can let him know (I’m usually hesitant to because I don’t want him to act distant for the rest of the night like what happened earlier, I hate that feeling). I told him I think the best solution would be for him to just ask because it’s easy and good communication. He said he just won’t touch me at all and I told him I’m really not okay with that because I’m actually very physically affectionate, love hugging and kissing, and I already tell him often that it feels like he’s distant when it comes to that. He called me selfish for saying I’m not okay with him just not showing me any physical affection… because it’s all about what I want and that the root issue is my mental health needs to be treated so why are we “dancing around it” by trying to come up with solutions to help in the present. I know I shouldn’t be posting here but I feel so hopeless. He has called me selfish multiple times before and it feels like every time I try to bring up something like this it turns into an argument because he thinks I’m “coming at him” or “scolding him” so now it feels like all of my obsessions about being in a toxic relationship or about his behavior being really messed up are true. Because I know that it’s bad what he’s done.