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Would love to hear people’s experience and stories on their journey with HOCD with ‘false’ attraction?

I’ve been trying to put into words what living with R-OCD has felt like for me, especially in a long-term relationship. If you’re in a long-term relationship, please tell me whether you can relate to any of these experiences, and share examples if you feel comfortable. Been with my partner for 8 years, married for 2 (10 in total). For me, it can start with a thought like, What if I married the wrong person? What if I’m not really in love? What if I’m settling, or we’re not compatible? Part of what makes this especially complicated is that I don’t always feel as though I consciously “chose” him. He pursued me, and I wanted to be in a relationship. It also helped that he offered me financial stability. At the same time, he was never really my type, and he doesn’t have what I once thought was the most important trait I would want in a partner: humour. Then I start analyzing everything: whether there’s still a spark, what an interaction meant, and whether a small annoyance or “ick” is proof of something bigger. For some reason, I have a *million* icks at the moment. I can replay old memories and conflicts, second-guess my choices, and imagine whether I’d be happier in another life. Sometimes even ordinary things about my husband—his clothes, the way he talks, or how he sleeps—can suddenly set off that feeling of aversion. Then I panic about what the feeling means and worry about how critical or unkind I’ve been. I can feel calm for a while, then a doubt comes back and I’m pulled into trying to solve the whole relationship right now. I look for reassurance or signs that will finally give me certainty, but the relief doesn’t last. I’ve spoken to married people about this, and they often say something along the lines of, “Sure, he isn’t funny, but he has other traits that a comedic partner might not have.” They’ve also reminded me that I don’t have every one of my needs met by my spouse, and that this is okay because one person isn’t meant to fulfill every need. I can understand that intellectually, but I still go back and forth between my doubts and that perspective. Here’s the thing though: I have quite literally everything I could dream of. If I want it or need it, he’ll make it happen. I am so unbelievably taken care of that i wonder how I got so lucky and that I don’t deserve having such a comfortable life. Even then: I still flip flop so hard. One of the hardest parts is not knowing what to make of it. I know that having OCD doesn’t automatically mean every concern is OCD, and I’m not saying real relationship problems can’t exist. I’m trying to understand the difference between a concern I need to address and a thought loop demanding an answer I may not be able to get with total certainty. One more thing: Another layer that makes this especially complicated for me is having ADHD. I’ve always craved newness, novelty, and stimulation. I can jump from one hobby or interest to another, constantly looking for something that feels exciting and engaging. A ten-year relationship is the longest-lasting thing in my life, which is meaningful, but it can also feel confusing because relationships naturally become familiar and predictable over time. I can’t simply move on to something new whenever the initial excitement fades, and sometimes I wonder whether my restlessness is about the relationship or whether I’m struggling with the normal lack of constant novelty. Some people crave the comfort of an old relationship, but I honestly feel like I’m bored. If you’re in a long-term relationship, can you relate to any of these experiences? Have you struggled with constantly analyzing the relationship, checking your feelings, wondering whether you chose the wrong person, or feeling like every little thing must mean something? If so, please share specific examples of what it has looked like for you. It’s hard feeling like you’re all alone in your feelings.

I think I've got strep throat and ugh :( Not been able to do anything to occupy me 18+ please// Feeling so so guilty for my past, I really wish I never got in the porn rabbitholes I did and I think I've developed some false memories about how often I searched this stuff, my intentions, my fantasies etc. I know rationally I didn't even fantasize about this stuff, and if I did it was in very isolated amounts. I was very dependent on my then-boyfriend at the time and I know he occupied all of my sexual fantasies, but I've convinced myself that this was all I desired and wanted and I was a sick predator. Spinning in my head because I found forums about this stuff too? I think I'd felt guilty about being aroused by this content and would google about it, then found forums of people normalising and enjoying this and I don't think I could really conceptualise WHY it was wrong at that age, I would've been no more than 13-14 years old. I just want to move on. I don't know why I searched or watched that stuff. I watched a ton of stuff, literally every category I think, but I've got tunnel vision about this stuff specifically and I can't shake it. I feel so gross. Unrestricted internet access damaged me so badly, I should've never had access to everything I did but it feels like my situation is so much worse than everyone else here. It was so so easy to find, so I really assumed it wasn't THAT bad.

I can’t sleep. I’m spiraling. I’m doing my best to not seek reassurance through friends, family or the internet anymore, and leave the discussions to therapy only, but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. It’s been over two and a half months since a major spiral/reassurance loop, but I still have my daily mental and physical compulsions that pulse through my body like a stress induced poison. My mind is telling me that I know something everyone doesn’t, even though I’ve shared my worries with people hundreds of times and everyone tells me I’m safe and I genuinely have nothing to fear. The problem is my OCD mind doesn’t rest, but I know checking with an AI chat bot that gives inconsistent answers is dangerous, as I’ve already lost so much time to them. I have been on 100mg of Fluvoxamine every evening around 7-8pm since July 10th and I can’t sleep. My med manager prescribed me 25mg of Trazodone, but it’s not helping. Last night I got drunk to suppress the OCD loops. I want to give in and check and find reassurance online, but I know I’ll feel so much worse than I do now. I’ve been unemployed since May. I’m lonely, overweight and so scared; I’m literally crippled by fear. I just want my life back. I requested to reschedule my therapy session to an earlier day this week. I need to fight for my life again. I feel so awful.

Hey! i get super anxious even leaving the house or driving now after a panic attack on the highway a year ago even with i drive with people i’m not really comfortable having a panic attack around i avoid going out or even working and its been a struggle because i was always out working and etc but i also struggle with intrusive thoughts too the point i feel super detached from myself i look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself literally please tell me has anyone gone through this im struggle bad

Just started doing erp and it’s so hard when I’m with my dr and he’s trying to help me stop doing this compulsions and the way he explains how much its ruining my life I get it but erp is so hard and exhusting . Does anyone like do it on there own or only with there dr and how does it work for you thank u so much

TW controversial nsfw. Mentions of taboo. - - - Repost/rephrase. I feel like if I don’t admit this then I’m deceiving everyone that I did nothing wrong. Not trying to make excuses for my choices. I was exposed to explicit content since I was very young, started watching in my mid-teens. I used it as a way to cope with all my stress. It was an on and off addiction, sometimes I’d go months without it, then crash and come back. I’ve seen taboo anime material. Adults roleplaying in certain scenarios. It’s disgusting. I’ve quit watching nsfw material altogether because it was harmful, I’d never want these taboo things IRL, but I’m losing sleep. I’ve been spiraling about whether this is unforgivable or not. It’s getting hard to speak with anyone because I feel like I’m not giving them the agency to cut me out by staying silent. I. feel. so. gross.

How do you tell the difference between a thought and a belief? With OCD, it's said the thoughts are distressing because they go against your beliefs. But it makes me question whether these are thoughts going against my beliefs or if they are beliefs that I don't want? A few weeks ago, I had a horrible bigoted thought regarding my girlfriend upon waking up from a dream. Even though it made me sick with anxiety, I fear it's a belief or view I hold, even though I don't want it. The thought is disrespectful to her existence and identity, and I'm so afraid that I'm not who I think I am. If she knew I had that thought, it would change the way she thinks about me. I don't want to be the kind of person that believes things like that. But what if I am and I can't change it? I talked about the thought in therapy, and I feel like I betrayed her by saying it out loud to someone else.

Lately, i felt extra bad as i can't do anything: listen to music, read books or fanfiction, role play, make fake scenarios in my head or watch movies. All the medications, including zoloft, lexapro and other stuff; therapy; talks with other people with ocd are bassicaly useless. Nothing helps me. Spiralling over weird topic: starting 'you loved your bully' (WHICH IS NOT TRUE), continuing 'you can't read, imagine scenarios, role play cause it will give you groinal responses, and you're gonna do smut' (i'm asexual, by the way) and ending with some strange topic about having meltdown about Chani goes back to Paul (that is sad, but why am i so worried about that? It's literally made up couple). Ocd never ends, it only gets worse. Over my main topics i have 'additional' ones, like: i have no friends, but i can't say or think about that, because 'it's out of my style'. I just don't understand, cause i really want to have a friend, but i feel so guilty admitting it. Or topics about washing my body and hands, having food poisoning and many other ones. Please, give me some tips or idk. I feel so bad. As i said, I started spiralling over MOVIE PLOT and i just can't stop for some reason, i even understand that this topic is super weird and just silly to worry about. But i still feel so anxious and devastated about Chani being back together with the person who betrayed her. I just can't stop having thoughts about that and googling if she's going to leave him in the 3rd movie (at least in the middle or in the end). I've been feeling and spiralling like this already for TWO DAYS now. I keep repeating my compulsion phrases in my head all the time. I feel so bad and tired. I really want this to end, i'm so tired of ocd. Sorry if it has a poor grammar, but i can't really think about it right now

*This is not intended to be used for your own medication treatment. Please consult your medical provider for your own treatment.* Today I was prescribed Lexapro. If anyone takes this, how did this help you with OCD and anxiety symptoms? I know that people have differing reactions to mental health medication, but was just curious.

Does anyone else struggle with this. I have been diagnosed with OCD and still have trouble believing that it is that. I have been fearful and legalistic my entire life and now I can’t discern what is ocd and what’s just my legalisms and then what’s real conviction. I basically walk around always feeling like I’m sin and then my brain has all the logical reasons what those sins are. At this point, I have run back to hyper vigilance. Basically working all the time, never slowing down, all to avoid thinking and avoid spiraling in fear. At this point, it’s no longer doubts and intrusive thoughts. It’s statements, it’s arguments, it’s real in my mind. Anything any ounce of conviction, responsibility, consequence scares me so bad that now my brain just shuts down and I do things however I want to. That impulsivity has gotten me out of being paralyzed, but at every corner I’m just making decisions and not repenting. Or maybe I am and I can’t see. Anytime I read the word now or sing or take communion, I have to presume on gods mercy that I really am not doing anything to fight my sin. It’s this weird confusion of what is actual sin and what’s legalism or OCD’s version of sin. Many times the when I have desires to do the wrong thing I get scared. But because I don’t know how to approach it I feel confused. Do I approach it as OCD and not worry about it: no because than I let myself give in to the thing. But Do I approach it with fighting: no because then I spiral about the fight.

The only thing keeping me from getting rid of my pocd theme is the false attraction. At least I really hope and pray it is. I just can't get over it. How did you guys overcome that part?

Hi all! Just been realizing that a lot of the heaviness I carry is due to grief about my family. I had a bad traumatic childhood, and my current family doesn’t want to get better and seems like they are waiting for someone to save them. I’ve always felt like a burden. I am feeling this more recently due to the natural separation from family that occurs when engaged/getting married. Any advice or words of love would be appreciated…

Hello everyone, I would like to describe a situation involving my partner that has been bothering me a lot ever since it happened. I would like to know how you perceive my behavior and whether I am spiraling into compulsive overanalysis or whether my doubts are understandable. Most of all, I want to learn how to break out of this constant questioning and this need to find out exactly what really happened. The situation in the bathroom My partner was in the bathroom. The bathroom door was open, and while he was in there, I did not hear a single thing. It was completely silent—not a single sound. Since, from my perspective, he had already been in the bathroom for quite a while and I had not heard anything from him at all, I eventually assumed that he had already left the house. As I approached the bathroom and was almost there, he suddenly came out and quickly gave me a hug. I then asked him what he had been doing in the bathroom for so long. He said that he had not done anything except briefly wash his hands and then come straight back out. This made me suspicious because I had not heard him at all during his entire time in the bathroom, even though the door was open. So I asked him why I had not heard anything. He explained that he had only turned the water on slightly. This was his explanation for why I might not have heard him washing his hands. Nevertheless, this does not make sense to me. I had the impression that he had been in the bathroom considerably longer than would be expected for briefly washing his hands and then immediately coming back out. What particularly bothers me is that, in my estimation, he was definitely in the bathroom for longer than five minutes. To me, that amount of time simply does not fit with the idea that he only briefly washed his hands and then came straight back out. As far as I know, he did not use the toilet or do anything else that would explain why he was in there for so long. This contradiction is what I cannot stop thinking about. He says he only washed his hands briefly and then came straight back out. However, I have the impression that he was in there for much longer. I cannot understand how these two things could be consistent with each other. Because of this, I am afraid that he lied to me or did not tell me the whole truth. However, I do not know that for certain. I am finding it very difficult to cope with the situation right now because I desperately want to understand what actually happened. What I noticed at the sink afterward Approximately 10–12 minutes after he came out of the bathroom, I went into the bathroom myself to take a closer look at the sink. By that point, the sink was almost completely dry. The gray ring directly around the drain was slightly damp. In addition, a small amount of water had collected in a little indentation where the ring meets the ceramic. There was also a small droplet of water hanging from the faucet. There were no noticeable splash marks. Overall, there was very little water visible. His clothes were not wet shortly after he had been in the bathroom. I also could not see any indication that he had dried his hands on his clothes. The towel was not wet either. Because I desperately wanted to understand whether the condition of the sink could be consistent with his explanation, I later conducted my own comparison. I washed my hands and deliberately used only a small amount of water. Afterward, I looked at how wet the sink was. In my experiment, the sink was slightly wetter than it had been when I checked it approximately 10–12 minutes after his visit to the bathroom. It was the same bathroom, no window was open, and the temperature probably had not changed significantly in the meantime. I also tried to take into account the time between when he supposedly washed his hands and when I checked the sink later. This comparison made me think about the situation even more because I concluded from it that he must have been in the bathroom longer than he claimed. However, I cannot assess for myself how reliable or meaningful this comparison actually is. Why I get so caught up in this The problem is that I cannot simply let the situation go. I keep going over every detail in my mind: How long was he in the bathroom? Why did I hear nothing? Why was the sink almost dry? Does his explanation fit with what I saw afterward? Could things nevertheless have happened the way he says they did? I try to connect the different observations to figure out whether his explanation could be true. At the same time, I realize how much this constant analyzing is affecting me. I check details, compare situations, and try to draw a definite conclusion from small things. Nevertheless, I never achieve any real certainty, and I start all over again. I am afraid that he lied to me. At the same time, I do not know whether my conclusion is actually justified or whether I am focusing so intensely on the duration and the individual details because I feel compelled to find an explanation. I realize that I am currently struggling to cope with not having a definite answer. I want to know what happened, and I find it very difficult to sit with the thought that he might not have been honest with me.

Right now, my only struggle is the issue of POCD arousal. It happens every single time, and it even occurs independently of anxiety, which makes it feel like I'm just making excuses for myself. I know I can't solve it this way, but what I want to ask you is this: It feels almost real. Making the distinction becomes practically impossible. Even before I knew this could be OCD, I couldn't make sense of it. There is no desire, but there is arousal, even when I don't feel anxious. The fact that this only happens with specific profiles is also terrifying. Could you explain this thoroughly? I mean, is there an actual mechanism for something like this? Or does this have no explanation within OCD? Also, are there actually other people who experience this without feeling conscious anxiety and still receive an OCD diagnosis?

My ordeal with my appearance is so odd. I feel as if it's freaking me out a lot, the thing is currently I don't feel ugly. I've been working out recently, + taking care of myself now since I began to look miserable and puffy so my body itself feels good. <3 Thing is.. I look at myself in the mirror. Dark brown eyes, dark brown hair, full lips, tan, nose that's a bit upturn but a bit big at the front. Okay,, I like how I look. But then I look at my photos, and for some reason I just cry and feel washed. Like especially old photos, when a few years ago my skin looked a bit lighter than usual, my hair was a bit lighter and overall I just feel as if it's all wrong, my face looks morphed. I feel washed and it's this stupid theme that's going on. I see my family, my older sister she has more of a downturned nose, slightly darker skin currently, and has such features that makes me a bit jealous. (She's really pretty ! 😭) must've taken mostly of dad's features with a bit of my mom's, my mom is beautiful as well but I just look hmmm.. not ugly, not bad, just... ??? I continue to analyze my features with many different things, when I was a teen people also compared me to Jenna Ortega (she's also really pretty), now when I see myself I don't really see it as much..? Maybe others still do, I don't know. But I still feel a bit odd, I just want to feel unique with my features. People also say that the more Spaniards you have in you, the less Mexican you are and it scares me a lot. I used to whitewash myself a lot back in the days, and now I can't tell anymore,, my mind tells me I'm colonizing my family lolol. < /3 I sometimes say "You look brown, what are you talking about?!" And then the next I'm like "Oohhh this picture says different... uhm,," This is so annoying.

Guys, how do you stop obsessing over really meaningless details as if they were SO important? 😭 Today, a woman and her child were walking in front of me, and the child dropped her bottle right in front of my feet. I automatically bent down, picked it up, and handed it to her. This happened a few hours ago, and I still can’t stop thinking about it. Like, WHY DID I DO THAT? 😭 I’ve washed my hands more than seven times and cleaned my phone five times. I also didn’t like their energy, and I wish I hadn’t picked up the bottle in the first place. I talked to my mom about it, and she was like, “People out there have real problems. What the hell are you even talking about?” But in my brain, this feels like a REALLY big deal, you know? 😭 Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

I was diagnosed with OCD in 2022. It’s been a journey struggling with it and all the different themes OCD can throw my way. This year has been a great year of not being consumed by OCD. Fast forward to the end of September-present day, I feel like I jinxed myself by realizing how good my mental health has been, that out of nowhere OCD gave me a new theme. To me, this is the worst OCD theme I’ve ever had. OCD has hit me with POCD. Just when I thought I’ve come so far and have overcome OCD’s tricks, it throws this new POCD theme at me. Again, it’s the worst type of OCD I’ve dealt with. It’s scary and makes me so anxious. I had a panic attack about it lastnight. If anyone is also struggling with POCD or is struggling a lot with their OCD in general, any words of wisdom or advice would be appreciated greatly.

these past 2-3 months have been super hard on me. my health has been off lately and everythings triggering. its hard to keep this all to myself since my family doesnt really understand and sometimes try to do things to trigger me more, but i feel like this is never going to end and ive been crying over remembering who i used to be before i let all of this consume me, and my daily life. so far ive been diagnosed with pots and mcas. i was disgnosed with pots in 2022, and mcas mid 2025. Symptoms from them two trigger my health ocd severely and can be debilitating. ive had some other things happening that doctors refuse to look into because they "tried everything". im scared ill feel like this forever, i miss who i was before all of this even happened. im only 17 and i feel like my life is over, i just need guidance and maybe some people that relate. thank you for listening <3.

my mother goes on and on about this but it’s kinda my only option at the moment and she also scares me a bit with how badly she talks about them. how bad are they really?