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Having a really bad day. OCD recovery feels impossible. Can’t tell if I’m suicidal. Anything helps

Hi all. Just wondering if this is actually part of ocd or if I should genuinely be evaluated by a psych asap. Do any of you who have Pure O/Harm O struggle with horrible, graphic intrusive violent images? Because that’s where I’m at and I’m genuinely starting to question whether or not there’s a bigger problem here than just OCD. It’s scaring the living crap out of me because they’re all about my main trigger which is my beloved dog and mixed with the physical sort of “urges” that come with this (which for me is just a horrible, constant awareness/physical feeling of apprehension kind of/adrenaline) I’m genuinely considering just admitting myself into a psych ward. The images are godawful. Constant, brutally graphic images of stabbing her, blood, etc…it’s horrible. I cry all day over this and have genuinely considered getting rid of her which I said in my last post but we’ve been together for 8 years and I don’t know if I could live without her and she without me. So it’s just…horrible. I check my feelings about this constantly and am scared I’m starting to go numb to it (though the thoughts still upset me beyond compare, so…) but I just always feel like because of the content of these images and how real it all feels I’m genuinely dangerous and it’s not just ocd. Please help.

has anyone ever had thoughts of what would people’s reactions be if you were in a dangerous situation? or wanting it to actually happen but you didn’t want anyone to actually get hurt? because i’m thinking about an actual thought i had towards a dangerous situation and it’s scaring me into thinking i wanted people to get hurt. it’s just weird because when i originally had this thought, it didn’t scare me or i didn’t overthink it like i am now. i think because it’s attached to my harm thoughts, i’m scared i actually wanted people to get hurt. but then i remind myself that if i wanted that to happen, i would constantly dwell and be anxious over it. but like what if i still want it to happen?

I love tik tok for fun stuff but sometimes I get true crime tik toks even about Gyp*y Ro*e & I my harm ocd latches on to it and my brain spirals & I have an intrusive thought of the thing happening & it’s like I’m there living in it. Does anyone else have any experience with something like this??? I would appreciate input. I literally canceled my whole day out with friends bc I could not sleep I was plagued with insane anxiety and panic attacks.

I’ve never worried about this in all of my SOOCD and ROCD journey. Suddenly I am PANICKING about how birth control impacts sexual orientation / attraction. I’ve been on it since I was 17 and am now 23. What if I go off of it and suddenly am attracted to women or no longer attracted to my boyfriend? I got into a hole with some googling. Ugh has anyone related to this? I could use some advice 😭😭😭

Hey guys! I’m new to this app and I find it really amazing we all have eachother to connect and relate with. Was anyone else misdiagnosed almost all their life?? At one point I thought my ocd was depression due to the nasty intrusive thoughts, but I never actually wanted to go through with any of the thoughts so I just felt lost and confused with what was happening. I am happy I am finally realizing what is going on, super grateful for this app and all of you!

so i’ve been an avid skin picker for as long as i can remember, specifically with my lips. at this point, i’ve kind of labeled it as a security blanket for my anxiety because typically i tend to need to do something when i’m super anxious. i get very fidgety and pace. anyways, is this something i should work towards doing less? i hear people wanting to stop skin picking or nail biting but i just don’t feel like it’s important for me to fix.

Should my therapist be saying… Intuitive thoughts will always be with me for the rest of my life And I need to just say to myself “these thoughts don’t mean anything” I tried explaining I know people have intrusive thoughts daily but that’s not the same as OCD intrusive thoughts She has no real therapeutic interventions for me other than to say “thoughts are just thoughts” supposely she has worked with people with OCD before… feeling irritated and hopeless with my OCD

Me realizing that the correct answer for certainty is no answer because it does not exist in OCD/anxiety. Certainty is holding you down and holding you back. Let go and accept the uncertainty.

Good morning NOCD community, I wanted to take a moment to share my own experiences over the years and also provide some hope out there to anyone who is struggling or having a bad day. Over the years I have struggled with OCD on many occasions and mostly related to real event ocd and also false memory ocd. It is crazy on how OCD will always create the worst story in your head and we will believe exactly what is happening and/or being told even though we have reassurance that nothing happened or not as bad as it seemed. Over the past 7 months, I have struggled with high anxiety levels, ocd which was directly related to an event that happened and turned my world upside down.. Over the months this obsession has calmed about the event and now has moved over too ROCD and impacting my relationship with my wife and constantly thinking about leaving because of the guilt/shame attached to the event.. I have experienced everything from high anxiety levels, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts and much more..... What I have learnt over the past months/years is the OCD will be here and that is ok and embrace our own mental health.. I have seen many different specialists over the months and was not getting the right support because they couldn't understand what my mind was going through and why I was obsessed over something so small and insignificant The reality is that OCD made this event very significant and very important to me and that's why this has been an ongoing struggle for so long because I was afraid to face my worst fears about the event and also tried to change perception of what happened What I have learned: 1. OCD will only tell you the bad story 2. OCD will latch onto something you most value 3. OCD loves information and will keep seeking for reassurance The most important part is that ERP is the #1 treatment for OCD because it helps to challenge your OCD in a very strategy way and will help to send a signal to your brain that this thought, worry is no longer important and no longer need to obsess about it Hopefully for whoever is reading this will either get comfort or some hope with respect to your own personal journey Stay strong and stay committed 💪

this is not relatable anymore. my life is over. my last dream broke me completely. i dont have any hope and it is irreversible

We don't have ERP therapists in my country. I did CBT and it helped a little. Now I'm doing schema therapy. I saw someone (a professional) wrote talk therapy (this means all psychotherapy????) is terrible for ocd. But my therapist said OCD is a symptom for me and it's good to see what's deeper (with schema therapy). What do you think?

I’m in a relationship right now, it’s my first real relationship, and I’m struggling a lot with different flaws that I find bothersome about my partner. I’m trying to learn acceptance but it’s difficult. One of the bigger ones that’s bothering me right now is my bf’s voice. It can be irritating and it’s higher pitched and nasally/twangy. I was doing a lot better this weekend, I found that I wasn’t overthinking so much about his voice is I just let it be when I felt bothered instead of analyzing it. But today my best friend and her bf were talking about my bf and they were mentioning he “doesn’t irritate them as much as he did” when they first met him. And I asked what it was that irritated them most and the first thing that was mentioned was his voice. And to be honest I can agree with them, his voice is different, it is higher than normal, and it’s nasally and twangy, especially in social situations. And it can be bothersome for me. And all over the internet I see people saying that voice is such a huge ick that made them instantly turned off. I’m worried because I really struggle with my partners voice, and it can be a turn off at times, but I don’t want it to be a deal breaker, because he’s so amazing and I love him a lot. But I’m struggling because I don’t know what to do. Sometimes he can annoy people, and I feel that some people have a bad first impression of him due to his voice, or the tone in which he speaks. I sometimes perceive negative tones in his voice, even when he’s genuinely not trying to. He just sounds snarky sometimes, and like he’s constantly teasing but I know he’s not doing it to hurt anyone, he’s genuinely just trying to be funny and have a little fun. I love my bf so much, but how can I get past the parts that irritate me. I want to learn acceptance, I don’t want to let these things bother me forever, but I worry that I won’t be able to get over it. And knowing that other people find his voice irritating and it’s not just me makes it more difficult, because I was convincing myself that I was just focusing too much on his flaws, making them feel like a bigger deal than they were, but now I’m not so sure. I really need some sound advice from someone who can relate in one way or another.

Hi, I’m writing because I’m extremely triggered by a video I watched on instagram. I hope I can find someone to provide some insight. I’m happily married and my ROCD has flared up since we’ve got married and moved to another city, started a mortgage and trying for a baby. My thoughts focus on the beginning of our relationship: I was very interested in my husband when I first met him, but even though I was attracted to him, I didn’t fully like his physical appearance. I know it seems a bit shallow, but he wasn’t 100% the type of person I had imagined for me. The more I tried to understand, the less I liked him, so I rejected him, especially because he already was really into me and it didn’t seem fair to lead him. After a while I decided to try and date him, because I missed him, I liked talking to him and I wanted to be with him. In therapy I worked on my OCD that focused on physical aspect and chemistry (main theme) and it felt like I was forcing it, though I really wanted to be with him and chose him, guided by the mantra “love is a choice”. Now I’m worried because I keep thinking that back then I have only convinced myself to love him, or that I just wanted to reciprocate only because he was in love with me, but it was all forced. I feel so bad like everything is a lie… I saw a video on instagram about it and it triggered me sooo much! My therapist is on holiday and I can’t talk to her, please can you help me? I need someone to help

im scared shes going to send me to a psych ward or send me to the police or something, she felt my arm and my c-ts and she asked to see my arm. Im shaking, i didnt need this to happen to me right as im getting out of a dissociative episode

MAN this shit is so convincing. (tw: paragraph below mentions something potentially triggering!) So, while I was still in the worst of my OCD (currently in recovery), I heard that ‘people who are actually gay are able to stop thinking about their sexuality.’ Well, lo and behold, being in recovery means that I don’t always think about it. My coworker told me I seemed gay the other day (dude, mind your own business 🙄) and I’ve been spiraling since. I fit into a lot of bi stereotypes, am friends with a lot of queer people, and often worry that my attraction to men is too superficial. I have a feeling that a lot of that is because I’m neurodivergent, but I worry that I’m just making excuses. Since I’m in recovery, the compulsions aren’t TOO bad— just ruminating and some checking behaviors— but I am genuinely worrying so much that I’m nauseous. I seriously feel like it might be real at this point. I don’t expect reassurance here. I just wanted to vent, because I know you guys will understand.

i’ve been panicky for the last few hours but have been trying to keep it from turning into a full blown panic attack. however i just can’t distract myself from it any longer and i’m just letting it happen. i’ve been having thoughts about feeling weird about being alive. like being a separate living being if that makes sense. i don’t know how to explain it but then i start to think about having to live with this anxiety for the rest of my life and then it gets out of control. i’ve never been suicidal and i wish i didn’t have these thoughts. but when i really think about living with what feels like weights on my chest and shoulders and i start to freak out. i’m trying to remind myself that this doesn’t have to be forever but it’s not working. how do you get through this?

Hey! I've been seen a lot of people with this nightmare, including me. I have a son and a love him with my entire soul, I could never hurt him, for that I'm sure. I still comparing myself to others, moms and different pedo stories to check if that could be me. I watched some of you saying that you are convinced or starting to actually believe you are a pedophile. Something im working on right now is sticking with my life plan, purposes, stuff that has big value in my life. So if I get a arousal feeling or an intrusive thought, I just think or say "yeah sure" "oh that's a possibility but I don't prefer it" "I'm having this feeling now but I can live with the discomfort" cause I know that it doesn't serve my life And the feelings often show up on the most random times, sometimes it doesn't even make sense (it's never rational but sometimes it makes sense when it's after an intrusive thought) and I just continue with what I'm doing, even if involve my baby, cause I won't let it mess up my plan, my life. I had seriously dark times and I still have A LOT to learn and conquer, but I'm willing to be trigger and uncomfortable, yet I'm not willing to beat myself or treat me like a monster, because I know that only make worse It's not easy to be easy with myself, but I want to change that. I'm gonna live with myself my hole life, so I gotta start liking myself, with pros and cons, with easy times and obsessing times. I want the life that I want, sometimes I doubt of it, but I know it's just because I'm so scared and forgot how to put energy and time in real life difficulties and not OCD thoughts. I don't know if I ever stop thinking this shit or feeling this shit, but I do know I don't wanna keep wasting my time caring about every little thing that goes thru my mind I just wanted to talk to those in my same shoes. Hope I can help Just keep living, here and now 💗

I started with the worst OCD you could possibly imagine last August. I woke up one day and randomly started analyzing every last part of my being. It was as if I was awoken to parts of me that I was unaware of. I couldn’t eat, sleep, lost 20 lbs., cried multiple times a day, had intrusive thoughts, and was hanging on by a thread. I confessed the most cringy things to my therapist who I ended up seeing twice a week for 2 hours at a time. The embarrassment, the shame, the way I dissected things that most people would keep to themselves was earth shattering to me. I told her I thought I was a bad person, weird, & saw life in an abnormal way. I also told her how I feel off. For example, I can hear a song and it can totally make me romanticize someone to the extreme where ai can lay out their whole like in my mind, imagining them even listening to the song. Of course, I told her way more in depth, but every single thing I told her she said was normal. Even the things that made me feel like a bad person, full of myself, crazy, or just plain weird. One of the things that really, really rocked my world was something I have done as far back as I can possibly remember and that was becoming so infatuated with people I liked. I will do things like watch their favorite movies just to see exactly what they see on the t.v. screen, or to have the same sort of feelings they have towards a movie. Same thing with a song. I will listen to their favorite song just to hear the same lyrics or the beat they hear. Doing these things makes me feel closer to them. Almost in the same way that people will stand in the same place that their favorite celebrity stood or touch the same light pole that their favorite celebrity touched. I’ll even do this with books. Just to read the exact same words they read or eat the same food they like. I’ll even take the long way home just to drive the same highway the do. There’s times where I’m laying on the couch watching some random tv show and I’ll pull up Google maps just to look around their area to see what their neighborhood looks like. Doing these things makes me feel more connected to them. It kind of brings me in to their world. I have always done these types of things in which my therapist says is harmless, but if I think about the people I have in my life who I’ve done this with, it scares me because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m absolutely nuts, obsessed, and maybe even scare them off. I’m afraid they’d be scared by me. Eventually this all wears off after a while, but I am so curious to know if there’s anyone else out there who does the same thing or thinks in the same way. I have never had a problem with making or keeping friends. I’m 41 and have the same friends I’ve had since elementary school and middle school. I’ve never thought of myself as weird and have never had issues with others thinking I’m weird. It’s just like my own secret little world, but does everyone do this sort of thing or is it just me? Of course with OCD I have worried a tremendous amount of times if I had some kind of mental illness and have been told by two different therapist that I do not. I’m just insanely anxious they say. Please no mean comments. OCD is hard enough. 😊

Today I have had two sticky thoughts (which is a HUGE win because usually it’s a daily ongoing thing) and they have just felt real and as if I wanted to make sure that I felt that way. I had a pause between “that’s….hot” when someone was telling me a story, and the hesitation felt like it needed to be something and that I meant it in that way rather than just being like “woah that’s cool”. I don’t know. Just struggling and just trying to remind myself these thoughts are not my actions. Thank you for the support beforehand:)