Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I noticed a spot on my lip that looks to be a mole and I never noticed it before. Anytime I notice a change in my body or skin I just get scared I have something really deadly and I don't survive it

Before I even knew I had ocd around last year I used to smoke a lot of weed like dabs joints carts everyday like a lot of weed and I used to be completely fine until I did shrooms I took 5 pieces of a shroom bar and had a really bad trip where I thought I died and after that I started to get a lot more of ocd symptoms more than ever before I never even knew I had it before this (but I still had all of the symptoms just not as intense but ever since that trip id experienced really bad ocd the past year) it started when I smoked after my trip and thought I was having a heart attack because my chest and left arm hurt and I googled everything nonstop and had to check my pulse every couple of minutes and having a panic attack because of it and then after that I was like I’m going crazy it has to be psychosis and I just started googling and just convincing myself I had all types of different sicknesses this feeling stayed when I was sober but was intensified whenever I smoked especially the existential ocd when I was high I felt like my thoughts were spiraling just about everything my existence and time especially time time freaked me out so much just the concept of it and how nothing lasts forever and even when I was sober time just scared me it made me sad that was out of my control and nothing lasts forever and everything I do will be a memory and just so many thoughts about it that I just can’t even explain into words I recently heard people using micro doses of shrooms to help their ocd I was wondering if anyone had an experience like mine?

Since i had food poisoning, i developed fear, every little feeling of sickness in my stomach, i feel really anxious about my health. Now it became automatic, i just start to feel depressed, im so afraid of having something, become sick, even afraid of being alone and being sick. But one thing makes me really obsessing. I dont want to get checked. I know what you might think, this is avoidance, i should get checked as an exposure. When i told this to my therapist she quickly jumped to "im afraid, im avoiding so i should go, im avoiding cause they might find something" i mean yeah, who is not but thats not the main reason... am i the only one who dont want to get checked for every little reason? I dont want to go to the doctor everytime. If i would have to go everytime i feel something that isnt feel right i would be there every month... I dont like when people say you should go get checked, always make sure its not another problem. With this mentality i would go to the doctor evers 3 weeks... I know they cant say to not get checked, as they cant say to not take meds for mental health issues, this is a personal choice, but still it makes me obsess that i should get checked but i dont want, but if i ask someone else they say too that i should go cause its good and this just makes me feel worse. I have negative experiences with check ups. After covid i developed a very bad cough, it was a tic, it really made me suffer and i was afraid that i have problems with my lungs. I went to a doctor and they said i have a chronic lung illness, i cant do anything about it, it will get worse. I was depressed for the whole week. I couldnt process it. Then someone i know told me to go to the lung clinic and get checked there cause something isnt right about that first diagnosis, i went there and guess what. They found nothing. My lungs were healthy. This was a traumatic experience and i was really angry of the doctors. Second reason, my aunt works at the hospital, and when we had food poisoning she told us to not go to the hospital, only go if our eyes starts to get yellow, so only go if it gets worse cause we will get more illness if we go there.. so even someone who works there doesnt trusts the place... so because of these i developed this mindset that i only go if its a real problem. I dont think im avoiding doctors cause 2 months ago i had a back injury bc of work, and i knew this is something serious, its not ocd, and it wasnt a question that i need to go get checked, actually i wanted to go to know what is it. But there are symptoms that are really really scary for me but i think its bc of stress, and yeah im afraid that they might find something and i cant deal with it, but the main reason is that i dont want to go doctor to doctor to get checked and everyone says different things or noone says anything, and im just there suffering and being afraid. Oh and i forgot to tell you, in the lung clinic they didnt told me why do i have the nagging cough, they jjst prescribed me something. After years i still sufferend with it time to time, and this year i was so done with it, i wanted to find answers, and thank God i found it. A woman on youtube made a video about this,and she said that she went to doctor to doctor and non of them told her whats the problem, but eventually he learned from somewhere that the coughs are there cause of the coughing cycle, the way you stop it is to force yourself to not cough. I tried it, its very hard but it worked. So these things just streghten my view that only go to the doctor if you know its a serious problem. But now im still obsessed about my health and i feel fear that i dont go to get checked and it will be a bad decision

I just woke up out of nowhere with a terrible belly ache, accompanied with the overwhelming fear that I’m going to lose control and that there’s something more wrong with me aside from OCD. I’ve been doing very well the past week or 2, I haven’t felt anxious as much and typically if I’m not feeling very anxious I’m not having a lot of ocd flare ups. Yesterday however my boyfriend and I got into it over me not wanting to go on the boat for the 4th of July for 6 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy I went now. I stayed sober, we got home late but I felt okay in the morning and had a decent time but at the time I wanted nothing more than to just stay at home and snuggle with my dog. My reasonings for not wanting to go were 1. I didn’t wanna drink and be out late because 2. I had to work tomorrow. The last reason was kind of a fluke, I was hoping for the icing on the cake reason, but I didn’t wanna go with the crew we were going with. I have nothing against the people we went with but they’re quite a bit younger than us and I just didn’t wanna go overall so I was grabbing at straws. Long story short, my boyfriend told his brother the reason I didn’t wanna go was cause of the other people going. This sent me over the edge, I was already irritated about us arguing, and now I was worried about everyone thinking I’m a stuck up person that didn’t like any of them. I felt backed into a corner, like now I had to go, and I ran through so many emotions at once and ended up just bursting into tears. That alone had me worried I was gonna lose control because of how many emotions I had just run through and how overwhelmed I was. It’s not a normal occurrence for me to explode into emotions like that, however I know it wasn’t a normal situation for us to be in. I just started my monthly cycle today too which could explain being a little “over emotional.” Although, I know my boyfriend shouldn’t have said that as it put me in a bad spot and he apologized for that. I have therapy tomorrow thankfully and I’ll be able to talk to my therapist about this. I’d say that my biggest ick with OCD is the fear of losing control of my mental health. It fluctuates and I feel confident in my ability to handle my lows, I feel like I get better at dealing with them every time they come. I get so worried that I’m gonna snap into something scarier, something I can’t handle, but I don’t even know what that would be. I get so anxious about getting on medication because I don’t want SSRI’s, I don’t wanna be backed into a corner to take them. I take ketamine before bed for anxiety and ocd which has helped quite a bit with day to day life I believe. I guess this is the end of my rant, I just hate feeling like I’m gonna lose myself :(

I want to ask how you know youre having panic, but i dont mean it like a reassuring way. This is not trying to figure out everytime you have a panic if its panic. I ask this cause noone talks about this, usually videos about panic is about "if you have panic you go get checked" thats understandable, and if youre okay then you can say its panic. But what about those times when you dont have panic for a long time and then it comes back and you forgot about how it feels so youre worrying again if its something is wrong? Everytime you have a long time without panic and then it comes back you have to go to get checked? Everytime you forget or panic changes the sypmtoms or get mixed with real problems you run to the doctor? Isnt that panic fueled? I do forgot how bad it feels like, i didnt had panic more that a year and a half, and what was worse, it got mixed with real problem. I had food poisoning last months and i was really scared. For 2 weeks i didnt had good appetite, i ate but if i ate alot i felt nauseus. When it happened i vomited and had diarrhea, so it wasnt a good experience. I developed fear over vomiting or faiting. So i was working and i ate a little bit more and i got nauseous, i thought i will vomit and be very sick and i started to panic. Then because of panic the nausea got worse. And then i didnt know if im actually nauseous bc of eating so much or because im afraid of vomiting and the slightest sick feeling made me spiral to feel nauseous. So since then if i feel a little bit sick or just feel dizzy a little i get so stressed that those symptoms becomes more strong and it feels like a real danger now... This is one side only, i just have this dizzy, hard to breath panics that i can handle but i know panic can be fast heartbeats like having a heart attack, and if i will experience that i will not be able to stay calm. I remember i used to have rapid heartbeats, one day i had that nonstop for the entire day, my heart didnt wanted to stop and ofc i was worrying but it made it worse. I went to the doctor and they gave me vitamins that helps the heart and the blood, and then eventually went away cause i got calmer, but all day my heart was beating really hard. I felt it without paying attention to it. So i know if i would have that now i would go crazy if theres something wrong with my heart,so the panic and the heartbeats would become worse, which would make me panic more. So in this case i would have to go again to the doctor again cause im not sure what is happening cause i had these syptoms long ago and im not sure if its panic? So everytime you have a non panic season and then it comes back you have to check yourself with a doctor? That sounds more stressful to me. My question is how to know if after a good season the panic comes back, that its panic or it might be real issue?Or when it mixes with real issues like for me. That "everytime you have it after a big break and it feels unfimiliar you go to the hospital" it seems a bad idea. Cause you run bc of panic and you dont show your brain that its not dangerous. Everytime you have a new sypmtom or something that you forgot how it feels, it makes you run to the hospital then you will be alot in the hospital. Or wheb its mixed with a real problem. Someone who has blood pressure issues, if he has a panic attack, everytime he has he needs to run to the hospital? Thats just shows their brain that it is dangerous and they will be afraid of having panic. Or the first exemple they will teach their brain every new sypmtom is dangerous, i have to get checked... How do i calm myself down or remind myself that its not dangerous, its just panic in these situations?

So even tho I'm not yet diagnosed, I am very sure that I have OCD because of other things unrelated to this post. But I was wondering if someone else also knows these situations and thinks this might be OCD as well^^ Sooo these are just three Situations but they are representative for other very similar things that happen to me every now and then. 1. So i was wearing a knitted jacket and noticed a lose sticht. This already made me angry because the jacket wasn't "perfect" anymore. So I took out my sewing kit and fixed the sticht and made it look as good as possible (and it DID look good in the end!). Nevertheless i had to check the entire day if it still looked good or if it looked ugly/unprofessionally done and then I always realized it still looked fine. 2. Whenever I wear tight pants or pants made out of thin material, I always worry about "something showing" through the pants. So I always have to check if people can see something and then I worry about people thinking I'm undecent/pervers for having a body that shows through clothing 😂 3. I was in the train the other day and there was this weird smell. Maybe someone was sweating or something. And then I started to believe it was me smelling weird and then I felt so gross, even tho I knew it was propably not me smelling bad.

Hi there, this is my first time posting but I thought it would help me to talk to others going through the same issues. I have had repeated health issues within the last few years that have lead to extreme obsessive OCD over the most minor thing. Most recently I had sinus surgery and have been freaking out about getting a fungal sinus infection post surgery after discovering large amounts of mold in my apartment. I have an infection that my doctor wants to treat with antibiotics now but I can’t help thinking that it is something more serious that the doctor might have missed (because it says online that it is often missed by doctors). Everyone I am in pain from it I can not help but thinking the worst and while I try pushing myself through, I am always brought back to the same thought, that I will be dead within a few weeks. No matter what I try I can not seem to push past this and even with doing exposure therapy in the past, it was hard to do because I would be literally doing things doctors would say not to do that would get me sick. Maybe I gave up to early with the exposure therapy to early but my OCD is so episodic, I couldn’t just replicate the feelings for a session. Just looking for some advice from someone who has had to deal with similar stuff, would appreciate anything, thank you!

OCD is being mean again recently. If I come across a video of someone who has cancer, or some kind of ailment, I have to watch it with so much focus, read every caption perfectly, or I feel like I’ll get the same cancer or ailment. Totally irrational. I know. I keep telling myself so. Yet I can’t help but give into these compulsions. Because I know they’re compulsions, and I know it’s OCD. But there’s still a “what if” flicker in my head. “What if this feeling actually a warning and not OCD this time.” Part of it is my scrupulosity OCD. I feel like God is going to punish me for “not being compassionate” Or empathy, or caring enough by giving me the same ailment I ignored. Like a religious karma. And I’d like to say I KNOW for a fact God won’t do that, but OCD makes me believe other wise. What’s your experiences with this, even if it’s not religion OCD related.

So, last night i atarted my sertraline journey and i halfed 25mg into 2 halves and took one in the evening and one in the morning just so i could gauge how sensetive i am to them and after i took the first abt 12mg after an hour i noticed my head was instantly a bit more clear. Whether that was the medication or the fact that i was distracting myself i dont know but that has turned into a fear that the meds are working too fast and thats somehow a bad thing even though i cant find any reason why it would be anywhere. Then it turned into thoughts that im going manic somehow every time i laughed at something or smiled i would get thoughts saying im going manic or the next time i take a pill ill go manic or have an alergic reaction or something. The worst part is that my anxiety has been a bit better today than yesterday, but im still also obsessing and afraid but i dont feel it? Im genuinely really worried about what this means because i cant find a lot of info about it.

I had a great childhood but one bad thing happened and I feel like things just haven't been the same anymore. My teen years sucked and the start of my adult years aren't the greatest. I have good moments still, and there are very high moments but I'm mostly just not happy. I'm just not feeling the days anymore and OCD makes it so much worse. I just hope I can work out the past hurt, guilt, and shame. I try to shake it off but I just can't. I just remember it all over and over again and it's hard to let go of it. I really hope I can somehow get back to where I used to be. I'm mostly worried about how my addiction abuse affected my physical health. I'm always afraid that I'm going to catch a bad disease or that I won't make it the next day. I hate it. I just want to stop worrying and just live my life. I have a lot of good things in my life but I just can't let this stuff go.

Hi, I'm currently on 40mg of Prozac for my OCD anxiety and depression and I have a fear of never being able to get off of my meds. I've been on them for 8 years now and constantly changing the mgs. I don't wanna be dependent on medication anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to have to be on it forever. My psychiatrist just upped me to 50mg and says it's normal for people with ocd to take that much. I've never taken this much and I'm genuinely afraid going up more is gonna cause me to die or have a seizure or something bad. Im afraid I'm going to be at the highest dosage eventually and it is not gonna work for me because of my tolerance. I'm so terrified of possibly going back to being very depressed again.

For a long time now I've been having problems breathing and having a narrow airway so I constantly check my throat and have anxiety and thoughts about dying in my sleep choking or having an allergic reaction. Some nights it is very hard for me to sleep where I just am overthinking and hyperfixating on my throat to the point it feels like my airway is blocked and air can't get through. I do believe I have sleep apnea due to the fact I have nights where I wake up choking and coughing as well as making weird sounds at night. For this reason I am also terrified to eat in restaurants for having a fear of choking as well as sleeping with someone in fear of them hearing me snore and make weird noises. I also worry nobody including doctors will understand what I'm talking about or how I think. I just scheduled an ENT appointment after years of putting it off and I'm more scared of them not finding anything wrong with me. Id rather have something wrong with me so it can be solved. I am constantly thinking about the state of my throat and worried that I am going to die because I can't get a full breath of air.

It’s been 4 years since I started becoming so concerned about my heart rate and how I breathe. When it first started, I didn’t know what was happening. I thought it was asthma - I couldn’t take full breaths, my chest felt so heavy, I would get lighthearted, my pulse felt so low. After tons of medical tests, I discovered it was just anxiety and honestly I felt worse about that because it wasn’t just gonna go away. I have tried meds, cutting out caffeine, sleeping in certain positions, relaxation techniques. Nowadays, I usually fall asleep with my fingers on my neck so I can feel my pulse when I go to sleep (which is probably a compulsion and I should stop doing it but how do you stop doing something that makes you feel like you can breathe?). It gets in the way of my life dramatically - I get lightheaded at the gym, it keeps me up at night, it’s hard doing roadtrips and being in the car, I feel like I’ll randomly pass out at the grocery store. There are things I do that exacerbate it like drinking coffee but I love coffee and I just want to feel like a normal human being and do things that I enjoy. I’m saddened that through everything, it always comes back and I’m just so tired of it.

i want to feel human. i want to feel emotions how normal people feel them. i get everyone is different but i dont get it. everytime i feel human for a second i get a random feeling of discouragement and false sense of temporary joy. i want it to stop but it wont stop why wont they stop. ocd and bipolar are not a good combination

it started happening suddenly. i just get so scared when i take medication. i immediately look up the symptoms and i start to overthink that i am having the bad reactions. i have visited the er twice because of this. i dread getting prescribed something. it has made me stop taking all my antidepressants. i am terrified of having something wrong with me all the time too. any little chest pain i freak out and i try to tell myself its anxiety but another part of me thinks to the most extreme like a heart attack or pneumonia. i am not too sure where to start the journey to getting better about this.

I have ocd depression and anxiety and I have worked with psychiatrist in the past to try to find a good medication that worked for me. So far I haven’t had any success, I’ve tried about 5-6 different medication’s over the past 5 years but haven’t had much luck. I’m disappointed because I was really hoping that one of them would bring me some kind of relief, but they always end up giving me side effects (rashes, sweating, sleep problems, lowering libido). I read online that medication has been a big game changer for a lot of people and it motivates me to keep trying but the side effects affect my quality of life and I’m not sure if it’s worth it. Has anybody had a similar experience with medication? Should I keep trying? Also, my psychiatrist once mentioned that there’s genetic testing you could do to see which medication’s interact well with an individual, has anybody ever done that or had any luck?

I'm so scared because I gave my dog a plum but the pit was still in it whole. He normally doesn't chew stuff and just swallows it. He's swallowed pits before and nothing ever happens. He's a big dog too. Yet I had an intrusive thought telling me my dogs gonna die. So I looked it up out of a compulsion. It said it's toxic and I'm freaking out. Nothing seems to be the matter and he's comforting me because he can tell I'm scared. I can't stop thinking I'm a murder and did that on purpose and that I don't love my dog.

I have a sinus infection. I’m scared to take the meds because I have read that the meds can increase anxiety. I also read that a sinus infection can turn into meningitis. So now I’m terrified about that. I’ve convinced myself that I’m terribly ill and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so tired but can’t sleep because I’m so anxious. I just can’t stop thinking that something horrible is going to happen but won’t take the meds because I’m scared they will make something horrible happen. This thought process is long and very repetitive. How do I break the cycle and start to feeling better? Being sick wreaks havoc in my nervous system. But so does taking the meds . I don’t know why to do anymore.

So my theme has revolved around the fear of having schizophrenia for about a year now, many therapist and mental health professionals told me they believe it’s a mix of ocd and hypochondria. Well my main symptom of this disorder is the fear of having delusions, so over the course of this year I’ve had thoughts ranging from “what if my wife is a demon” “what if this song means something” “what if there’s some hidden message in this movie” “what if the government created the world and controls everything” “what if Satan is the true creator of the world” “why did my cat look at me like that, what if he’s a spy created by the government, what if all animals are?” Literally crazy shit but it all feels so real, I’ve thought about this stuff so much that I’ve started to have almost an emotional detachment from the world around me, I’ll have thoughts like, “why should I care, nothings real anyway”. And now it’s starting to feel like my normal line of thinking, like now I genuinely feel like everything is fake or staged in some way, nothing feels real or genuine, it feels like everyone around me, the media, news, politics, all feels like some sort of big act or lie. Feels like there’s something more to reality that I’m missing or something, everything feels “too perfect”. I’ve lost all happiness in everything and I’ve become SO suspicious of every single thing, everything has to have some deeper meaning according to my brain, it sucks. Has anyone ever had the fear of schizophrenia and it got this bad?

My placement is started I have many fears related to ocd, patients, me and Nursing. Example contamination then reassurance that I will not get infected. Then health related ocd. Other thing is which is not ocd is I hate getting up early in cold weather and go for job. Maybe I have trauma to start a day and managing time for patients which now creep me out that how will i manage just a placement and how will I do job. Also always thinking in advance how will I enter in hospital, whom I will ask where I'm working, am I in right hospital because it's first day if not iam already late. Any suggestions to motivate myself for doing placement I actually kind of gave up and it's the last placement of nursing