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Why do I feel like my subtype or worry keeps changing? I love this app but I feel like reading everyone else’s just makes my OCD a lot worse. It’s so annoying. Anyone else go through this?

im writing this at 1am because i feel the most intense fear ive ever felt in my life and i need some kind of support and/or advice, so fair warning because this may be very triggering for people with this particular trigger ive been dealing with the fear of cheating on my partner for a long time now, but recently ive become more fixated on the fears of emotional cheating because it’s something that i think is more likely to have happened in the past than physically or romantically cheating just because i know there’s no way that i’ve ever done either of those ive been obsessing over a time last year where i used to contact this male friend of mine about my relationship problems but mainly my relationship obsessions (my main trigger has been ROCD) because i wanted reassurance and advice about them and he would give me good advice on how to go about dealing with those obsessions. this friend and i used to flirt and dated for like a week in high school, before we realized we were kinda just using each other to get over our exes and we weren’t really into each other so i never counted it. because i opened up to him about my relationship problems, i would obsess over how that was inappropriate and it was emotional cheating because every article i’ve read compulsively says that if you open up about your relationship to someone outside of your relationship, then that’s emotional cheating, even though i know that the real reason i opened up to this friend was because i couldn’t just confess all of my ROCD thoughts to my boyfriend. i thought i had that under control until i did an exposure and read a story about emotional cheating and then i had a random memory pop back up in my head that wasn’t there before about how i may have accidentally, or intentionally flirted with him, which led me to review my old texts with him, and i found some things that could definitely be considered flirting…and now i don’t know what to do…i don’t know what i was thinking when i sent those messages and i definitely never had feelings for this friend while i was going to him for advice, so there’s that small chance that it may not have been flirting but it really feels like i did because looking back at it i don’t know how i would have interpreted it otherwise… i feel like the worst person on the planet and i feel the strongest urge to confess to my boyfriend because this feels so real and i’m almost certain that this is evidence that i have emotionally cheated on my boyfriend. part of me feels that he would be understanding but another part of me feels like this would break his heart and that our relationship wouldn’t be the same anymore,especially since we’re both victims of our parents being cheated on when we were kids and how that affected us and our families and i just cant help but feel like id be inflicting the same pain on him than my the kind that my mom did on me. i wish i had never read those messages otherwise i wouldn’t have even remembered that i said those things. what should i do? do i tell my boyfriend? i feel like if i were to not tell him i would just feel absolutely undeserving of his love every time im with him and the guilt would consume me to the point where i couldnt enjoy it. it doesn’t help that we might be about to enter a long distance relationship within the next two weeks after almost two years of being together, so this news on top of the fact that he’s about to leave and we’re supposed to be enjoying our time together makes me feel even worse. i also blocked that friend on everything, but should i delete our messages too? i would really appreciate the help because im losing my mind right now. just last night my boyfriend and i were talking about how lucky we are to have each other and how we can’t wait to see out future together after all that we’ve been through. he’s known about my cheating obsessions and just about every other obsession about him ive ever had but he’s decided to trust me and support me no matter what, he’s been nothing but kind and understanding…but this time it feels like i would be confessing the truth rather than just another obsession. i’m terrified.

Is it only me, or does anyone else see everything negatively? To me nearly everything is tiring and a burden - work, family, household, taking showers, brushing teeth, eating, using the bathroom, keeping up with insurances and bills and of course work. I used to love to experiment in the kitchen, bake and cook. I used to love my job and being good at it. I used to not even feature taking care of my body in as an annoying necessity ... My sister complained, that I have turned completely negative, but I only thought, of course I did! I have no partner anymore, no friends, my family (my parents and sister) is one of the biggest stress factors in my life and OCD and anxiety issues wear me down constantly, how to stay positive in that situation. I think my negativity hit rock bottom a few weeks back, when my ex confirmed, that OCD had been the reason our relationship failed. Then shortly after that, I found out, that I got catfished. It felt like me lying on the ground already and people kept kicking me...

Anyone have narcissistic parents? How does it affect you and your mental health? In recent years I’ve really noticed how messed up my parents are and how much I’ve been controlled, manipulated, gaslighted, and conditionally loved. I’m on an emotional roller coaster living at home with them. I’m 29 and in debt that’s the only reason I’m here. If I do something or say something that my mom doesn’t like (because she tried to vicariously live through me and make me an extension of herself) she goes into a rage and threatens to kick me out or something along those lines. College was a nightmare because she would see me partying and always threaten to take me out, which made my grades worse, and the only reason I partied so much was because she stressed me out so much and I needed an escape.

Does anyone feel like they will go absolutely bat shit crazy during a panic attack like you will just lose control and run into traffic or do something terrible or insane. Why does it feel so real

I’m sorry I just don’t understand I’m sad and am mourning who I was in the past and speculating if I could become her again. Im 17, but growing up I have genuinely never found anyone younger than me, and in most cases my age, attractive. I would see someone attractive, see their age and then immediately disregard any feelings or attraction I could’ve had. It would make me feel super uncomfortable and sick if I found out someone I thought was attractive was younger than me. I’d lose all feelings. Like it leaves my body. I have always only found men that are older than me or older men attractive. This is quite literally my trademark in my class, everyone knows this about me. It got to the point where my friends made jokes about “being concerned for when I turn 18” as they knew I’d go for any guy I’d see. That’s just my thing. But now I’m scared that I’ve changed. I’ve lost my usual attraction and everything is false attraction. Is that normal? Does it come back? Sounds dumb but I miss “falling in love” with every older dude I saw, it was fun. I can’t tell who I am anymore, if I’ve completely changed. The intrusive thoughts have become something else, (e.g. I lay on a blanket and now my brain is like”your laying on some preteens chest”) like what the actual hell is going on. They are so sticky I can’t ignore them. Am I becoming what I fear? Will these go away. Everything feels like it has a p undertone. I don’t even bother to push away the thoughts because my compulsions don’t even work anymore. I’ll say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ continuously and still be thinking about the thought. I don’t feel ANYTHING almost as if I don’t care. But I do care, I want to scream and cry and cut out this part of my brain and any of the memory I have of it. I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to do this anymore. Seriously this is a cry for help, will this all go away, will I become my old self again? Have I changed into a monster? Is it possible for your attractions to change? Is this POCD or am I a really fucked up person. Can pocd become real? Am I what I fear? Will I become that? I can’t keep doing this, I don’t want to. I miss the old me and I’m scared that I’ll never reach her. Please help me. Please tell me

I miss my mother.It’s been 5 fucking years since she has been in prison.I’m going thru so so much.Depression,Anxiety,Ocd,Impulse.It’s like I’m on a balance beam but struggling to balance.I’m so anxious everyday.I’m tired of hearing the same ol “you will see your mother” WHEN?FUCKING WHEN?! I told the mental hospital I was fine just to get outta there and I’m not going back.Then gonna have to drag my ass over there by my hair or knock my ass out bc I’m not going back.yelling everyday.Having anger issues.I screamed so loud today my throat hurts.I want the help I need.I’m not going to hurt myself but I get thoughts and it scares me.I’m scared I will get so fed up one day I will.Ik my family needs me but it’s not fair.Fucking bullies,Child molesters,Rapers,Murders.I just wanna be normal.I try doing coping skills but depression makes me go back in my bed and lay there.I tried cleaning my dressers out and organizing my clothes but I lost patience and just threw them all in there and lauded in bed on my phone.I’m so addicted to technology.But there’s nothing else to do.I live in a trailer park and my grandma is scared to let me go walk around bc she’s scared I’ma get picked up by someone which is understandable.I like basketball but I don’t like being around ppl.I like skating but don’t like being around ppl.I’m anxious around ppl.I always get a feeling ppl are watching me,Even at home.All of this shit weighing me down and it’s not even fucking funny.But I will stay strong for my family.I’m not going to give up.I’m just tired of feeling so weak and crying everyday just to get told “your fine” when I have kids when I’m older I ain’t going to be like that.I’m going to talk to them and not scream at them every five mins like I get.I’m not going to say hurtful things to them.I will give them the best life and I won’t decide to do drugs and hang around the wrong ppl like my mom did and get put in prison.I forgive her but it’s so hard to let go of.I’m 13 now I’m getting depression I’m a teen I need my mom,Not my grandma.As much as I live my grandma I need my mom.My mom understands me.My grandma is old she screams a lot.This is just a vent.Idk which road I’m on anymore.I feel like I’m going on a dead end.But I won’t give up.My family needs me.My friends need me too ig..Idk half of them r rude to me so yea:] if you made it this far Tysm for listening to me.I just need some advise.

sometimes I feel that I’ve gotten something called the mark of the beast, which is something that if you have, then you will go to hell no matter what. I know that it says in the Bible that the mark will only happen after the rapture, but I have fears that you can get it in other ways. I don’t believe in one religion, and I am from an atheist family. These situations where i think i have the mark of the beast are extremely damaging for my mental health. My only way to get relief in these situations is to disprove what my ocd is saying by proving how unfair the way I supposedly got the mark of the beast would be. but I fear I’ll get into a situation I can’t disprove. If that happens, things could get bad for my mental health. I recently had a dream where people offered me satanic goods, and I refused them. I also had someone ask me a favor, and in order to accept, I had to put my hand on a piece of stone, which looked like it would give me the mark of the beast. I decided to kick the stone away, but I noticed that the bottom of the stone had the mark of the beast on it as well. That really scared me, And then after that, I had another dream where I almost pushed more satanic goods away from me, but then I thought, what if touching these goods will give me the mark of the beast? So, I decided to walk away from them instead. Then, I realized, I had satanic items in my pockets, and inside of holsters. The clothes I was wearing looked satanic as well. As soon as I woke up, I prayed to god about the situation, but I felt like i was praying to him wrong, but I decided to ignore it because I thought it was my ocd. But then, i closed my eyes for a second, and saw myself with the mark of the beast, i don’t know if I fell asleep and I was in the dream again for a split second, or if my ocd was making me see things, which is something it can do. anyways, this situation really scared me, but I was really stressed already, so I ignored it. However, out of nowhere, I smelled one of my favorite smells, lego. That made me think about what I was risking by not praying. I didn’t want to Risk going to hell and not being able to experience things I love. Maybe god would punish me for being too lazy to pray immediately? Anyways, I decided to tell god that no matter what, I did not want the mark of the beast, which I have done a million times, but whenever I do it, I always feel I said something wrong, and I have to apologize for my sins and try again. Anyways, after that, I had to go somewhere in the passengers seat of a car. A family member was driving the car, and they know I have problems with praying, so they would stop me. I then thought that I could pray by just thinking of what I want to say to god, without putting my hands together or actually speaking, but it still felt like i did something wrong, but it made me feel a tiny bit better. but then the vision/ split second dream came back, but this time, it reminded me of this creepy pasta I heard once, which has nothing to do with the mark of the beast, but still scared me. I feel too uncomfortable to mention how it reminded me of the creepy pasta. I decided to do the praying without actually speaking again, and it still didn’t feel right.

I hate waking up. Last night I didn't want to go to bed, as I dreaded waking up this morning. I try to push everything that makes my mornings horrible away, but that didn't work... Especially in the mornings, I think about being alone at age 38, at not being and probably never been able to have a partner again, about all the things and people OCD took away from me... I missed out on so much, I lost so much and it is so horribly painful. The day POCD started marks the day of me slowly dying. And again the question: Why get up, if there is nothing and no one to get up for? And I don't only mean getting up from bed now, I mean getting up from the ground I'm lying on for over 1.5 years now. Love had always been my main goal in life and it seems, that OCD succeeded to take it away from me... I'm an empty shell.

At 21 years old I made the decision to get sober. Perhaps it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Sobriety is one of those things, especially being a college kid in America, that not a lot of people understand. People judge, wonder why, and feel entilted to know every detail. I have been sober since November and almost everyday I think about that. That I have to live my life sober. I am surrounded by drinking all the time, all of my friends and family drink, so it has been extremely hard. I lost a lot of relationships and I ultimatley spend a lot of time alone. Being so early in sobriety the road is still blurred. I have never dated in sobriety, I don’t know what sober people do when others go to bars. It seems my whole life was based around drinking and now that I can’t drink I am stuck in the here and now. I don’t regret qutting at all, I feel healthier and honestly pretty happy, but I would be lying if I said that it isn’t hard and lonley. If anyone else is sober, young, or wants to quit I would love to chat!

It’s only just sank in that I am never going to be able to live a normal life. All I have ever wanted from a young age is to have children of my own, I was a young mother hen when I was a child haha, I was always looking after the little ones. I never ever had an intrusive thought like that ever. I’ve been coping good with the POCD lately but when I think about having children of my own it absolutely terrifies me because I’d be left alone with them almost all of the time and I am so so so scared that I’ll harm them. I’d rather die than harm a child, I would rather be tortured to death than harm a child. I’ve been dealing with POCD for over a year and I still cannot understand why this had to happen to me. My whole world has been shattered by this. My confidence has been destroyed, it has killed me. I used to love the idea of children, now I hate it.

My sex drive has been through the roof lately, I am on medications that are supposed to show libido down, I feel like I’m having the complete opposite. So I’ve been having these intrusive thoughts of is it possible I’m a sec addict? I am married, my husband works a lot of hours and we spend time we can together, but I feel I’m not going enough of what I need from him, I’m not cheating and have no desire to, I just don’t know if this could be OCD or something else going on. Could someone please comment if you’ve been through this, or possibly know anything about it? Thanks.

i am spilling over with anxiety and it feels like my thoughts are racing at 100 miles per hour. I get so anxious when it is my family members birthdays, im so anxious about being a pervert or a p3d0phile or a creep. I try so hard to hold eye contact with people and not look at private parts, i dont want to but my eyes do that because i think so hard to not do it. I am always so short on breath and grinding my teeth, my lexapro is not helping and i can no longer afford therapy for ocd because I am not in a job currently because I am too socially anxious to work. I am so tired, i eat 1-2 meals a day because i do not want to look overweight and then people will think i am a creep for being "ugly", i do not judge other people based on looks but i am so afraid people think im disgusting for the way i look so i put on a lot of make up. Im only 19 years old but I think that no body will ever fall in love with me and I will die alone. I cant even imagine myself in a healthy relationship and dont know how to trust people because I have been abused in the past and groomed as a child. I dont know what to do, Im still doing college and working on my bachelors degree but i feel useless and its hard to concentrate at school, I procrastinate and get everything done last minute because school is painful to concentrate on. Eye contact with family members and friends is my worst fear, I tend to avoid it, and I still get jumpscares from my narcissistic father who lurks around and spies, even digs through the family trash cans. I am exhausted. I am tired of also having OCD thoughts that I will die of cancer, and that I have breast cancer because I always feel breast pains. I am tired of tourette tics always and constant teeth grinding, Im tired of the headaches and im tired of being tired. I just want to be normal again, before i was abused, when i was social and when i could make friends easily and eye contact, i lost my social life and confidence after the incident being groomed at 17 by a 25 year old. I feel alone and ugly and ashamed and guilty and doubtful and gross. I hate my body and thoughts, I hate my past and it feels like a stain that always irks me that i can not wash off. I feel like in eye contact people can also see the shame i feel in my eyes and that im disgusting. I feel gross all the time. I dont have an appetite anymore either so im not eating as much for that reason as well. I always question if i am a narcissist because i dont want to turn out like my father who is. I feel like a burden, i feel guilty to be wasting earths resources. i feel guilty and ashamed to even type this because i feel like a narcissist for talking about myself so much. i am also depressed because i am 4 foot 9 inches tall even though i am an adult, so my dad will always be taller and he bullies anybody who is smaller, I dont grow vertically so well so im afraid i dont look professional like a tall adult which could potentially affect me career as well as romantic relationship-wise. I just want to erase my past and erase the tattoo on my body and erase the social anxiety, or atleast figure out how to learn from it and move on. I dont know how to move on, any advice?

Can OCD calm down for no reason? I’ve always had pretty bad symptoms and it’s usually quite overwhelming, but recently I’ve moved to uni and for some reason my symptoms are minor now, there’s still some there but I can cope with them? It seems like a good thing but at the same time I feel like I’ve been faking this whole time.

I got dumped by the man I had been madly in love with in January 2021. It felt like my body would just collapse, so bad had my emotional pain been. I got dumped before and even though that had felt horrible, it was nothing compared to how I felt that time. Due to Covid , I didn't meet friends, I searched for contact online and I found a chat and gaming website. Quickly many chats with guys turned sexual and I found that while engaged in these kind of chats, I could forget the great loss that had occurred, so I got addicted to them. I also went on an app solely for sexting, sex calls or sex video chats. It was later that I wondered, if the guys I had been chatting (sexting) with had really been grown men. I didn't wonder whilst chatting, but later on. With some I only chatted once, with others regularly. At some point in 2021 it hit me and I started ruminating. I made a list and wrote down with whom I have sex chatted and if they could have been minors. I think I can remember that I came to the conclusion, that by the way the chatted and the words they used, they must have been grown ups. I also talked to a friend about it and she said, that if they lied about their age, it's their wrong doing, not mine. I left it at that and didn't think much about it anymore. I kept on having sex chats and sometimes, when I felt I needed to check, I asked for age verification, but when I didn't feel like it was necessary, I didn't (no idea why I didn't always feel the need). Then I met a guy in November 2021, we talked for many hours nearly every day for between 6 and 8 weeks, our longest chat had lasted 18 hours in a row. Sometimes it took us 30 minutes to say goodbye and log off. We not only had funny chats, we talked about deep stuff, too. He even helped me when I had anxiety attacks. After this 6 to 8 weeks, we didn't chat for that many hours and not daily anymore. But I had already fallen madly in love with him. We also had sex chats, but only about 3 or 4 times in the 5 months we had been talking. Before we first engaged in sex chats, I asked him to verify his age and gender, but he told me, that me asking had turned him off and he logged off. THAT should have made me stop engaging with him beyond normal chatting and gaming, but I couldn't. We had the most sweet romantic chats, talked about falling asleep and waking up snuggled in to each other. He preferred snuggle chats and normal conversations over sexting and he would divert my attempts to sex talk most of the time. When I sent him sexy pics, he had been reluctant and he didn't like them, it was weird right after. I thought he might have felt forced to reciprocate. He told me I should have patience and that he would talk to me outside of the chat site we had met one after a while. Around New Year's he revealed that he had never intended to talk to me outside of that chat site and that he didn't see a reason to do so. I practically begged him to at least verify his age, but he refused. I had fears of him being a minor flash up a few times, but most of the time, I was convinced he is an adult, as I thought ... which teenaged boy can pull of chatting for so many hours, talking about food, family, bad childhood memories and movies and more over listen to me crying my heart out? ... which teenaged boy diverts attempts to sexy chats to food or other topics? He could get childish, short tempered, jealous and angry, but only very rarely that made me doubt his age. It was only after we stopped talking, that this popped up more often in my head and started to manifest as proof. We had a fight and he deleted his profile two weeks ago. With the pictures he had on his profile a guy I know found his facebook page. Two of the pictures we used to find him with are on his facebook profile, the other two selfies are not. Due to that, I thought that married guy must be the person I engaged with for 5 months, as where could have someone else gotten those other two pictures from. If it is him, he is married and has two little sons and everything he told me about his life had been a lie. But what if it is not him? What if a minor, maybe a relative of him, used his pictures to catfish me? Maybe he was a teenaged she and therefore liked the talks and romantic fantasies shared more, than sex chats? The guy I talked to on that chat site said he is 33, the guy on facebook must be around 29. I feel horribly guilty, not only about this particular thing, but also about the times I didn't verify someone's age before sexting. I even can't recall, if I at least asked for their age every time. I contacted my catfish on facebook, but he didn't reply. Even, if I resolve the thing with him and can be sure it was him, the 29 year old, I had been engaging with for 5 months, the doubts about the other sex chats will sure come back up. I feel like I committed the ultimate sin and that I won't be able to ruminate and think my way out of it, as I have failed horribly. I don't know how much of this is my heighten sense of responsibility due to suffering from OCD and how much of this horrible guilt is normal to have in a situation like that. I think the catfish situation is the worst at the moment, as I fell in love with and miss him. It really does my head in... Since I suffer from P and ZOCD, it often felt like I committed the ultimate sin, but this time, I really feel I had done horribly wrong and can't forgive myself for it. Sorry it is such a long text, with disgusting content. I held back sharing it for days, because it is beyond anything someone with OCD should engage in, as we tend to at least try and stay safe, or so I think.

Like, that little voice in your head, I understand that for everybody it’s a little different, but it’s 100% separate from your normal inner monologue due to the nature of the thoughts. Does anybody else’s talk to them CONSTANTLY? Like a whole bother person in there. Commenting on every thing they do or thing they think like a symbiote from Venom or something

So yesterday I had an appointment with a cardiologist about my palpitations he says I’m healthy just like every other doctor I’ve seen in the past. He did ordered a heart holter basically a monitor to catch the palpitations. All my EKG’s are normal I’ve had 5 of them this year so far smh. He did ordered and Echocardiogram to just make sure and it is freaking me out. All I think about is possibly dying and having heart failure even tho I just get the palpitations and no other symptoms at all. Please please be kind with your comments as I’m very vulnerable and everything triggers me.

Anyone else scared to take medication because they don’t want it to make them suicidal? Heard things..I love life and don’t want that to change. OCD/anxiety just really blows and I want it to take the edge off

How does anyone deal with there etmephobia? Fear of vomiting. I’ve been nauseous for a month and haven’t gotten sick once but every time I think I will and embarrass myself. I’m in college and keep avoiding events and parties because of this fear. I want to get hypnotized to get over it. Does anyone have any tips?

My sister told several of her friends about me suffering from POCD. I told her off for it, I felt so betrayed. She said it also has in impact on her, so she thought and still thinks it is okay. She then told me, that she thinks about telling her kids. I told her not to. She said that it might be better, they know. I said no. She asked her therapist and he told her not to tell them. Only then she decided to not tell them for the time being. I feel violated. I met people who don't understand POCD and who thought I was a pedophile, me telling them it is POCD and offering links to official websites, didn't help. I want to tell her, that if she ever tells the kids, or anyone else without my permission, that I don't want to speak to her again. @POCD sufferers: What are your experiences with family and friends? How did they react? Did anyone cut you out? Did anyone tell it to other people without your permission?