Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Can it feel like you're enjoying the thought in the moment but then later, hours later feel anxious and do a compulsion?

Is this rocd??? I can’t stop worrying whether this is how I should feel in a relationship. For 5 years prior I never worried about this stuff. But now I’m just so anxious. I find myself looking at him checking to see if I find him attractive. And then when I look at him and dont feel anything I worry this means something … so overthinking I hate it .

"OCD is the biggest predictor for what will NOT happen. It has been wrong 100% of the time." My husband said this to me during an OCD flare up and it's lived in my head as one of the most useful things I've heard. Everytime I start worrying and overthinking I just repeat his words.

Hello everyone I need some advice. I’ve struggled with what I think and hope is ocd for a long time. It started when I was 14 I had a concussion and my brain convinced myself for 9 months that I had this concussion. Then I had a gf at 15 before we were official I did a terrible thing im regretful of it for sure. I kissed another girl. I told my now ex girlfriend about it and I started to overthink the situation and think maybe I slept with the girl or maybe we did more than kiss. In reality we didn’t. when I turned 16 I started having thoughts of maybe I cheated on her with other girls at our school. It would be false memories of me sleeping or doing things with 4 or 5 other girls. That eventually went away as I would ask reassurance like a crazy person. Then one day what I believe was either Christmas time or new years around that time I had this thought “what if I SA’d my ex little sister?” This thought tormented me for so long I couldn’t believe it. As she was so young it would be impossible for me to do that without someone noticing plus that’s absolutely horrifying and disgusting and I’ve never ever ever ever been alone with her or desired to. Then what I knew would happen came along with me thinking I SA’d my little sister or my baby brother at the time. It was a horrible experience. Then it went to me thinking I was a pedo without the false memories. Then it went to my other siblings thinking I did something to them in their sleep, I did something to the pets, etc. As I got older I realized what ocd was and what I was going through and it eventually all went away. But as time goes on I’m now almost 24 I have spiraled back into thinking I SA my ex little sister. It’s crazy because I’ve never had that desire or anything at all it would absolutely break me if that was true. With something like this saying maybe not maybe it did is crazy because it’s a serious thing. I’m getting therapy on Monday and am just wanting my life back. I just recently got engaged to my beautiful fiancé and I want to be regular again. Anyone have any advice or even have gone through the same scenarios? It’s just so tough.

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.

i have contamination ocd and i have a hard time knowing what’s normal- please help me get back to normal!! do you worry or clean under your fingernails when you wash your hands? do you specifically wash your thumb? if so how? do you pay attention to the pace you wash your hands at? do you ever feel the need to do things a certain amount of times or count while doing things? in the shower do you wash your hands at any time? especially after washing private areas? question for the girls!! how many times do you wipe after you pee? how do you all pee so fast?

I had a really hard day yesterday. I had a memory come up, of a thought i had years ago, when my OCD was still fairly fresh. I remember that i was fantasizing, and i had a thought pop in of one of my obsessions, and for a second, i think i may have entertained it- maybe even enjoyed it. I talked about this with my first therapist and was able to move past it, but it has remained one of my stickiest and most horrible thoughts. Yesterday i tried to think through it again, and i definitely had an arousal feeling. I have this terrible fear that i could enjoy my obsessions if i just let go. I don’t want to be the kind of person who enjoys these things. I have a life and a family that i love so much, i’m just so deeply afraid of being irreparably evil. I feel like i’ve done something horrible, and that it’s only a matter of time before people find out. I don’t even necessarily know what the thing is that i’m supposed to have done. My brain offers a myriad of options, of course, but i’m usually able to talk myself through them- or when i’m not, have a family member talk me through them. I’m afraid i’m fooling them all. I just want to be a good person, but i feel like such an imposter. I want to be loved so desperately, but i feel like anyone who can find it in themself to love me must be evil too.

I don't know how to describe it, but when i walk down the street it's like I'm always very aware of whether people are looking at me or something, and i can feel some concern if some older men slightly look at me, if they are stalkers or they are watching me because of my butt, or other parts, and i tend to squeeze it or hide it, i get uncomfortable and want to leave quickly. This also makes me question whether i actually experienced something that i'm not remembering or that i have blocked, because i think my reactions and my fears are somewhat more strong and weird. It's weird, i used to objectify myself to get attention and that's where most of the bad actions i did come from, but now it's like i feel hypervigilant, besides being afraid of being terrible myself, i also worry about other people being like that. It's also like i want to have nothing sexual, to have an operation to remove my parts or something like that

I remember reading a comment someone had made to one of my posts on an OCD subreddit and they told me how they believed their OCD symptoms got worse during a time in their life when they were socially isolated. Reading this comment made the brightest lightbulb go off in my head because it basically summarized most of what I’ve been going through. In addition to OCD, I also struggle with depression and social anxiety. I feel like these three things and the profound sense of loneliness I’ve felt throughout my years in college (undergrad) feed off of each other. I know that OCD can manifest in so many different ways regardless of what your social life looks like, but I can’t help but feel like the lack of relationships (specifically friendships)/community in my life has something to do with my mental health and the delay in my recovery. Side note: I’m still relatively new to NOCD, but I’m happy to say that I’ve been making some good progress in my therapy sessions <3

i keep having such intrusive religious ocd thoughts, i feel like i’m sinning and i don’t want to leave my religion p.s i’m a muslim

How do you guys manage your thoughts about death? It’s one of the harder ones because it’s truly an unknown that cannot be proved either way. It always causes me the most grief and I’ve been stuck on it for a week now. Getting worse.

Everyone is frustrating me at work and I’m about to crash out😭!! Maybe it’s how I grew up and have been gaslit a lot but does anyone ever feel like whatever they do they are in the “wrong?” I don’t know …my coworker made me feel like that. What’s wrong to her might not be wrong to me and vise versa. I just wanna scream and throw hands lol. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this. And they wanna have this conversation in front of customers and then I look like the “bad guy” 🙄. So over it. Workplace is toxic asf and I’m trying to find a new job but it seems impossible these days . I feel like I’m not the best at conversations on the spot. That’s why I keep quiet so ion look dumb, but both coworkers came up to me and approach me. I feel like I try and smile and nobody really smiles back. Or when I say thank you and go to places like ulta, all the girls are bitchy. It makes me think am I not smiling enough? Am I doing something wrong? Etc. Maybe it just the people I’m around . I just feel nothing but anger and I’m trying to calm down but I really just wanna go off

it feels like the fear i once knew it wasnt real now it is, it feels like i dont like him anymore and that i have changed. i am numb.

I keep on getting restive thoughts based on curses and stuff. I keep on closing my eyes and get this one feeling that if I open I get bad luck or smth and I must pray to get it away. It feels so close idk how to explain. I’ve used holy water and it feels better but isk

Hi - I’m new here but I’m going through this right now and was wondering if anyone can share their harm ocd recovery stories and what your experience was like. Thank you (:

I need advice for intrusive thoughts. I used to feel like I could handle them. They weren’t nearly as bad as the things that related to my actual life. But now, I’m suffering. I haven’t had a sexual experience in over a year that didn’t involve constant intrusive thoughts. Most are somehow related to kids and I keep chasing off the thoughts but it’s so bad. I know you’re supposed to ignore them but I don’t know how I can just ignore that and continue what I’m doing. But they’re coming on stronger. I had one earlier I could not get rid of just as things finished so the thought came on strongly just before my orgasm hit and now I feel absolutely disgusting. I hated the thought and I know it’s not me and it was not enjoyable but it still feels like I was getting off to it. I feel sick. I’m so fucking tired of these thoughts. They’re in my every day life too and it’s all the time. I just want it to stop but ignoring it feels so wrong. What should I do?

I've been in and out of talk therapy for OCD-related issues for years, but it hasn't been effective long-term. I am struggling with body image / eating disorder adjacent obsessions and I am really hopeful that ERP might actually give me some relief. I had my first session with my NOCD therapist a few weeks ago. It felt like a good match and I was ready to unpack my obsessions and compulsions to try ERP for the first time. The day of my second session she canceled due to personal illness. Then this happened a second time. Yesterday all of my future booked sessions were canceled without explanation. I went to schedule with a new therapist and the ones that seemed could be a good fit are filled up until at least early April. I booked a slot and sent the therapist a message letting her know I would be interested in starting sooner if a slot opened up. I am just disappointed. I could just meet with another therapist who has earlier availability, but it's most important to me that the therapist be a good fit since I've been through therapy so many times. I feel like I'm in limbo until I have an ERP plan set up and I'm not sure how to move forward in the meantime. I'm planning try out a support group but I need a personalized exposure plan and I'm not sure if that's something I should just try to set up myself? Anyone have something similar happen to them? Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.

ERP helping people as opposed to turning them into the bad thing doesn't make sense to me. How is fixating on the uncomfortable thought not going to turn you into a criminal minds episode?

I didn't wanted to say it's useless or it's never helpful, but I feel like it's really black and white and people use it to categories others in "personality groups" and it's wrong how they do it. Yesterday I gave a chance to a video cause I was like "let's learn about myself" and I watched it with curiousity, And at the end of the video i was triggered... Im sure someone without ocd just ignores it and all this is just my ocd but im curious what other people thinks. First thing that triggered me is that making jokes is a coping mechanism, which is somewhat true, it can be for some, but in that video it was told like if you like to make jokes and you like to make people laugh, you only do because you need attention and your mother never gave you attention when you were a kid so now you want attention so you make jokes...As an ocder this got me triggered cause I like to make jokes,but if it would be to get attention it would be forced... and i dont feel like mine is forced,I do it cause I can laugh at my own jokes and making others laugh is a really good feeling. Sometimes Im a troll on the internet, and i like when people read my comments on youtube but thats a normal thing, everyone likes when they get any attention, its normal human behaviour, but psychology often tells you that you have a deep psychological problem and thats why you do these things. And it really feels like an attack, expecially if you have ocd. I remember when I was in therapy, alot of things i do was attacked with this "you do this cause you want attention cause you didnt get it from your parents" and it made me spin and stop doing those things. Its really toxic if you think about it. The other thing was about ocd... I dont know if it's psychology or just the beliefs of that person who made the video, but it's 2025 and people still dont know what is ocd... I read before about "obsessive personality disorder" , the whole personality disorder thing is just made up to label people into groups in my opinion,when people can be in more than 1 group... but what triggered me was that he said "the differece between ocd and obsessive personality dissorder is that people with opd are perfectionists, obsession got their whole life and it controls everything." Now this makes me question what that person thinks about ocd... So ocd does not gets into your life? It does not takes your life away? Here was another he said. "People with ocd do the compulsion because of fear, while people with opd do that because of anger/frustration". And I would ask, what type of feeling is anger? Anger is a second feeling and many times behind it theres another feeling and often it is fear... And people with ocd can become angry and frustrated with their compulsions, some of it does not act on compulsions because of fear but because of frustration. Everyone with ocd is a perfectionist, i know this might trigger you, but its true, everyone with ocd is hard with themself, and can drive others crazy with their rules. These people still thinks that ocd is cleaning and wanting things to be organized... Its sad that the only people who knows what ocd is are the ones who has it or got through it... this is why I dont go to therapy, instead i watch videos on youtube from people who had/has ocd and I have to say it was really helpful and I noticed alot of progression in my mental health...

So i bought this product last year. The total for all the purchases was 68 dollars. It was a combination of 10 dollar products, 6 of them. Well they forgot one product and wouldn’t send me it/ it took awhile for them to respond and i got annoyed by that. I also thought they sent me expired products but it turns out that wasnt the case. Anyways i emailed about this gave up on trying to find a resolution and asked my bank to reverse the charge. Then i ended up feeling guilty because i found out the products WERENT expired (my OCD was going off thinking they were tampered old, or expired, but after some sleuthing i found out that wasnt the case. They just missed an item. So then i felt too guilty to use any of it. I thought of giving it away at some point and repurchasing or purchasing some similar but different to make up for it. Writing it feels a bit illogical now but… im wondering what to do. Because reversing that bank charge on all of those items seems ridiculous/wrong for only one item but it happened already, a year ago. I think my magical ocd was telling me it was wrong to use and I would taint/ negatively impact anything i used it with because of what i did… or is it guilt because i really “stole” more than they “stole” from me?