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Its making me feel like its more exciting looking at girls and talking about girls than guys. And like in my head more exciting to date girls than guys and it feels like its the truth and I’ve been hiding it for years. Ughhhhh

so i wanted to come back on here because for the past few weeks i have been struggling and today i woke up in tears, crying at my thoughts and i can’t take it anymore. my anxiety has crept up to a very intolerable level. i am having constant thoughts of leaving my relationship, monitoring my partners actions, ect. backstory: i can trace these feelings and thoughts back to something that happened within my relationship almost a month ago, my partner hurt me badly with what we think now was something related to an autistic outburst. to elaborate, his therapist and others have suspected he might be autistic due to a lot of issues like bluntness, sensory issues, not reading social cues, invalidation within our relationship. i have been with my partner for almost 4 years and through my bpd, ocd and other mental illnesses plus his it’s been so up and down and downright heartbreaking at points, we almost broke up this year due to a bad “splitting” episode i had with my bpd back in june and that was very low for me. i got my shit together and now i can say my bpd is being managed. but with his issues he still struggles with poor communication (only when he is emotionally overwhelmed it’s usually never when he is able to properly read a situation). and something happened like i said a month ago where he had a anger outburst and it hurt me quite a bit. because for the first time i wasn’t reacting. he hasn’t been in therapy long (4 months i think) because it took time for him to be evaluated and he does have adhd and depression. but ever since then i keep having these thoughts and they are constant all day long (they aren’t present if i watch my favorite movies like harry potter) but it’s like 10 times a day. the other day we had a rather intense disagreement and now I’m noticing even the slightest of conflict I can’t handle, whereas even eight months ago we were fighting and it got really loud and obnoxious and it wouldn’t really affect me. But now, since I’ve been on my healing journey, and myself work journey, I just no longer create those types of arguments or ways of communicating. Now 95% of the time I am really trying to initiate that healthy balance and it’s not like he’s not doing any work at all. He’s really pushing himself to work on himself in therapy and focus on coping skills, but I just have, these thoughts every day like I said earlier in the post I woke up this morning crying because my thoughts are so loud it physically makes me anxiously ill and start to panic now and all day until I go to sleep I’m just debating whether or not I should leave or not. I can’t do this anymore. It took me over two years to get out of these habits into actually start healthy, communicating and he’s just now started, but what’s really going on and what I just discovered is I’m trying to make him meet my needs when he’s emotionally overwhelmed and he does not communicate boundaries. For instance, that he can’t talk about the situation, whatever it might be so I’m taking that at face value and going oh he’s never going to change. What if our relationship doesn’t work out what if I just put all this effort in for nothing? And what I mean it taking it at face value is he’s not communicating that he either needs more space or he can’t talk about the disagreement and that’s exactly what happened the other day he didn’t communicate, and so he wasn’t understanding he wasn’t validating, I don’t know what I just can’t get over all of these thoughts in my head all day we’ve come really far and our arguments are nothing like they used to be. In fact, they don’t even happen but once or twice twice a month I just keep having thoughts going back-and-forth, comparing my relationship, thinking it would be better off if I just left because there’s someone who can meet my needs even though I’m expecting my partner to meet my needs when he’s emotionally overwhelmed and there’s Points not even just points where I can’t even do that for my partner if I’m not calm so my therapist says it’s really simple that we need to wait till we can calmly initiate the conversation. I don’t know I’m just really heartbroken and I don’t know what to do our relationship has ty tests like no other relationship would have and I really don’t want to be with anybody else and I can’t tell if this is my intuition screaming at me or if it’s relationship OCD again creeping back up.

i was watching funny videos of kids on youtube as an erp way to prove to myself i’m okay with kids and familiarise myself to kids again so i don’t feel so anxious when i’m around them. when i was looking at a video to watch there was a man lying down with a naked baby on him with the baby’s bum facing him and i think the video was babies farting on people or something but it’s just made an imprint on my mind and made me feel really guilty and horrible.

Hello y’all! It’s been a minute since I’ve come to this app and really relied on it for when I’m feeling low, but tonight, my anxiety hit me like a brick. I started college in August and instead of making my thoughts worse, it has actually made them better. Yes I still have the thoughts, but the volume has lowered and I can be more happy with my life. However, it’s a give and take situation. Because I have harm and contamination ocd, my harm is worse at home but my contamination is far worse at college. It does get frustrating, but I’m trying to work through it. Anyways, I wanted to just let out what’s going on through my mind right now. I’m having bad harm ocd at the moment and the anxiety is very intense. My heart is pounding, screaming for me to just act on it. There are some days where I wonder why I don’t and what exactly is stopping me. Like I question if I really think harming someone is bad. However, before this ocd came on, I remember being absolutely terrified and sickened by these thoughts. I remember thinking that if I hurt someone, it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I just can’t understand why my feelings towards them feel like they’re changing and it’s confusing me. I usually chalk it down to “it’s just ocd”, but sometimes I feel like I don’t believe that. Also, I feel confused about my values and what I 100% knew was truly me. Is this a normal thing? Furthermore, my brain thinks, well what if you’re forcing yourself to not act on them when it would be easier to just do it? It’s hard to think about the fact that acting on these thoughts is something I really could do if I wanted to and I’m confused about my feelings on that. I just need some input on other’s experiences because it usually helps to calm me down.

Spiraling, it’s hard because its like i know is true. That me not wanting to be intimate must mean something, not wanting to go out a lot, but then some days i want to see him. being anxious and unsure of the relationship, i see him and feel like im lying to him. I dont want to lose him, but this feels like its time you know. And sometimes im sitting down and my mind is thinking “stuff like how am i going to tell him its over” and stuff like that. I was diagnosed with depression, and i know that also affects my mood, intimacy etc, but most of the times im angry and dont want to do anything, and little normal things that never bothered me are starting to bother me now. Please how can i get better🥺 its hard to make plans and think of the future when i dont think is going to work, i feel like im scared of the future because i think that if i stay is always going to be like this and im going to be sad all the time, and i want to be happy🥺🥺🥺🥺 but its not his fault, so how can i get better, just keep pushing even if i feel anxious or scared? But im tired of being like this for 2yrs straight, with better days than others of course, but always doubting please help

I am new to NODC and starting therapy this Tuesday. I am excited but very anxious and honestly a bit triggered about starting and making my symptoms worse (on top of my other current triggers). I hoping for some positive vibes and the ability to take back control. All of my issues are mental obsessions and compulsions in various categories of OCD. Any good insight would be much appreciated!

i’m so scared right now. I’m so scared that i’ll hurt someone or myself im so so so scared i can’t breathe i don’t wanna hurt anyone but i feel like my mind is trying to trick me and make me think i want these thoughts but i don’t i just want my life back i don’t wanna live like this but i don’t know what to do im scared that i’ll lose control or something pls help me

Guys Im currently feeling low as a christian. I dont feel anything. I dont feel that god lobes me that he wants to heal me that he hears me I just feel like a bad person because im struggling with thoughts especially sexual ones and the sad thing is i fear what if i lile these thoughts because sometimes i see a girl i find attractive and when there comes a thought i hate myself :‘)

Hi everyone, my name is Alexa and I have OCD. I live in Romania with my parents, they are a little bit older than other parents of kids at my age, if it does matter. I noticed the first symptoms of OCD two years ago. I associate this onset of OCD with my grandfather's illness, which affected me badly. The symptoms were like: • obsessive screenshots at different magical numbers • symmetrical touching of different things (if I touch something with my left hand I MUST do the same with my right hand) • counting during different activities • intrusive thoughts about my existence • or intrusive thoughts followed by compulsive actions (for example: if you don't touch the wall 4 times something bad will happen to your parents) •in the last year, the situation has worsened a bit, and a recent symptom is the fear of contamination (the feeling of germs on the hands after touching an object touched by someone else) At first, I didn't know what are these things, but after some searches, I found that I identify with mosts of OCD symptoms. I told the school psychologist that I might have this problem but was ignored. After this incident, even I chose to ignore my problem. Lately though, I feel like I can't carry all these things anymore. And I want more than ever to heal! I want to get rid of this damn disease once and for all! So, I installed this app with the hope that it will manage to change something in my life. If not, at least I know that I shared all of this with someone, and that I didn't keep it all to myself. Thank you!

Some backstory: Come present day I've been off Prozac for a few months and went through some withdrawal symptoms such as my OCD starting to come back. I've started independent therapy by reading a mental health book and practicing meditation and working out. Recently I bought a prop knife for my DnD inspired Halloween costume and I realized it distressed me because of how sharp it was. This wasn't meant for survival, just a costume. I suddenly got a flash of anxiety and desperately felt the need to dull it in order to make sure it was safe. Was this the right thing to do, or is this a compulsion? I was very afraid of stabbing a friend or family member as my distressing thoughts, but didn't want to act on them. I did accidentally poke myself as a tiny dot of blood came from it, so it increased my need to dull it, and I did so using a large file. Now it feels safe, but my anxiety is still a little high from this, and the thought is still stuck to my mind.

Being uncertain about everything makes me feel physically ill. I can never know what's going to happen in the future. My current obsession is my health. I can't know if I'm going to develop some sort of life threatening illness like cancer or a tumor or schizophrenia. I don't know how to deal with this. How do I sit in uncertainty? How do I live without knowing what's going to happen? Please someone give me some tips on how

I have this irrational fear that my mom is going to ☠️(i can’t type the word because i’ll trigger myself but i hope you get what i’m trying to say) and i won’t know because i live far away from her and it literally keeps me up at night and i’ve cried so much about it. A lil context my mom is like my best friend I love her so freaking much and that’s where this fear stems from because i simply wouldn’t be able to live if she did pass away. This fear will trigger my compulsions so i literally need to check in with her almost every day and make sure im telling here to be safe and just being annoyingly over cautious with everything she does bcuz it’s like ahh!! don’t ☠️ mom!!! If i love someone a lot the thought of them dying becomes actually debilitating and feels like it’s already happened in a way even when their perfectly safe and healthy. Just death all around I obsess over, even those who I have actually lost i obsess over the fact that their watching me at every minute of everyday and i cant do anything that i wouldn’t do in front of them? if that makes sense? Is this a type of OCD?

It’s going to be 3 years of the same theme. I want to be excited about my bday but I can’t since this reminds me of relapse. In addition, I’ve been in therapy for too long and in a place where I’ve accepted I may be a lesbian but that doesn’t make sense, then I accepted I may be a bisexual. It felt so anxiety provoking! But now, it’s not. Now, I feels like I want it and I feel horrible because I love my husband but my mind is always throwing the thoughts with no anxiety and feelings like I want that. Now,every woman is a trigger and I hate it because I’m still not ok with being a bisexual. I don’t want to be w a woman! I think about me being w my husband forever and being w a woman is just not me, like I cannot picture me living w one and having that kind of life. Just need some encouragement 😢

Are there any Mormons here who have ocd obsessions about perfectionism and if you leave the church you go to Hell? The church teaches this.

Anyone else see that post about the gurl who's so-ocd came true? I'm so worried now that this IS me and I'm just in denial...because my sexual intrusive thoughts showed up before 12 and that's when they say most kids have their sexual awakening etc... I'm scared

It happened again, but mostly my sleep has been affected. I've been having so much trouble with getting sleep because of what I can only assume is my worrying and my intrusive thoughts showing up either at night or in my dreams. Unfortunately I did googling compulsion about my health related worries and got POCD triggers again. I seriously hate that that kind of stuff is in the related searches. I don't want to find that, just an answer for my worries. I can't see a doctor for a while now.

finding uncertainty really hard it feels like i've believed the fears outcome to be true i keep crying because i feel so hopeless and that i'll never get better i try and sit with the uncomfortable what if and anxiety but the doubt is so trying it's unbearable i can't switch my brain to something else i feel so stuck and scared i really don't know what to do anymore

I go to bed early; I can't sleep. I go to bed late; I can't sleep. I go to bed at the same time; I can't sleep. I just get super exhausted, and have to get up with zero sleep time. And today was already guaranteed to be so horridly bad, I've been stressing over today for the whole week... I feel so unheard. I'm so frustrated. And I feel like crying

Can anxiety cause little muscle twitches. I woke up today and I felt my thumb twitched randomly and I started focusing on that and now my legs seem to twitch every few minutes. I have an extreme fear of brain tumors so I'm panicking really badly. I know it could be anxiety related and that I'm focusing on this but I can't let it go

Today I found out I have the biggest OCD disorder Existencial crisis ( OCD) the biggest Depersonalization I easily become triggered , I don’t know how to interact , don’t know who I am no more , my peace can easily be taken away but Ik what brings it back Being surrounded by those that makes me at peace Taking the bus School a little bit Being distracted Nice weather and being able to sit or be in a cool place with a nice weather . Relaxing videos of people leaving a slow village cottage life I think this is because that’s the life I used to have and the only happy memories I remember where I was poor but yet genuinely happy I think that life style again would be the cure to all my problems and I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry because people be like If you live like that you’ll be happy to miss what you can have with money but right now I have money and I feel like is one of my biggest problems and stress while seeing this videos this people are surrounded by laugh and genuine people . I probably just need a vacation home . Ik that I’m kind but I feel mean as I be so mad at when I’m home or by myself and that affects my alone time to study and get tasks dones or to manifest good thoughts to then manifests good things in my life I have the biggest self insecurity I have the biggest fear towards being myself which I also share it with people phobia ( words had hurt me and I am on ny healing process but I think is so much that I just can’t sometimes haha so the only thing that seems to bring peace when too overwhelmed and mad is sleep but I hate the idea of putting myself to sleep sometimes thought when I do I feel like a baby the silky blankets and nice temperature on the sheets making my body refreshed when I can feel like that I feel like in my best. I love watching animal videos and videos of people doing things it’s the little moments where we’re hopeless that make us slow down and appreciate our surroundings law of placebo effect states that we always see from our perspective and never slow to see all around us when we do this turns into either regret cause we appreciated too late or into a beautiful lesson I feel sometimes we missed out a lot and our people phobia was because people didn’t think we cared enough for them but that’s because we never could find the enough words to appreciate them to tell them the beauty we saw in spending time with them In specific days and moments where it might seem normal to the normal human naked eye but to one it can mean so much To that one person thank you for choosing me to be part of your days