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working to conquer OCD
How to stop ruminating about the past? I keep ruminating on my past mistakes and I dont know what to do . I feel like I didn't really evolved as a person . I feel like I don't deserve to be happy
i am 2 years clean from self harm and im very proud of how far i've come. my intrusive thoughts attack my accomplishments and i struggle with false memory ocd. my brain takes instances where i accidentally get hurt and tells me i did it to myself. a couple months ago i noticed my wrist was itchy while i was just pacing around my room, when i looked at my wrist there was a scratch. i did NOT do it to myself, i must have accidentally scratched myself sometime throughout the day. but because i didn't remember what could have caused the scratch my brain told me i did it to myself even though i didn't. tonight i remembered when i got that accidental scratch and had a panic attack while arguing with my intrusive thoughts telling me i did. it hurts to be 2 years clean and have intrusive thoughts that attack my success in recovery. if you can relate to this or have advice, please let me know.
really triggered and sad by so many things right now. I feel like while brushing my teeth i spat into the sink and wiped my mouth with water too slow, i am so triggered by my eyebrows recently that iâve avoided even looking at them but if i accidentally see them i feel so horrible, and if iâm looking at an object but i feel like my eyes were blurry or stinging thatâs another trigger cause i feel that means i didnât see the object properly. sometimes sitting with distress is too much, is there something else i can do to also make me feel confident about my abilities in all these things??
Anyone else have overwhelming urges to eye roll, snort , contort body a specific way , clear throat, etc ? Psychiatrist says itâs a stress response but they are starting to feel like an â overwhelmingâ need to do them almost in the same fashion I have the urge to repeat sounds and noises in my head.
they donât go well with OCD. I was asked by my mother if I could make some chocolate covered strawberries for her boss+coworker. I have made them multiple times before and they always end up okay. now im worried about making it for them though. what if i get them sick? what if they get sick and my mother loses her job? what am i supposed to do about itâŚ. obviously i wash everything before i make the strawberries so i know that everything is clean. i have only ever made them for family so i donât use gloves or anything (gross?) should I just buy some gloves to make it for them? is that me being dramatic?? itâs either i wash my hands constantly or make them with gloves. i feel so bad for all the ones i already made for my family, what if they get sick?
I was remembering something my therapist said about how sometimes SA victims feel things in their body when theyâre being assaulted or can 0rgasm and stuff (itâs a physiological response, and it doesnât mean they consented or enjoyed it) and my brain briefly imagined a fictional character I like and their SA story and imagined them 0rgasming during it. And my brain was like uncomfortable, and I didnât even feel groinal response, but then like I didnât feel uncomfortable for a few seconds? And I donât know why, but my brain feels like I enjoyed it? Even tho immediately after I felt that lack of discomfort, I immediately felt fear and disgust over possibly being into the idea? I donât know what to make of this and I have no idea how to tell what I just felt or not. Iâm really scared because like⌠I absolutely despise SA and the idea of being into something to do with it. And this character Iâm like heavily emotionally attached to (I have adhd and theyâre my hyperfix and have been for almost a year) and this feels like a betrayal and really gross because what happened to them was awful. How am I meant to tell whether or not I felt arousal or not? What if my brain went into a weird headspace where I enjoy SA somehow? Is it possible my brain separated the action happening from the context for a split second? If thatâs what happened, does that mean Iâm into SA, or am a bad person?
First day of school after 2 month break, I feel both fine and stressed in same time. I wanna go back home, I don't wanna stay with normal people. They are all so normal while I'm so abnormal. I don't wanna stay with them. I don't like school. Everyone grew up, but I'm still the same.. No.. not the same.. I'm worse than previous semester. I can't touch anything that is dirty. I'm scared to touch my own bag. I'm scared to touch tables. I' scared to touch anything. Not even my own face or body. I can only touch my phone and my pocket and my hands. I wash hands 10 times at once or else I will feel like dying. Everything feels so dirty... I don't wanna do anything... No one understand me there... Not even my family... People will just say that I'm overdramatic if I explain... Hiding all these from people is better than explaining and got judged in the end. I hope I will survive.. I used to plan that I will die today...On the first day of the next semester. And today is that day... I don't wanna die yet... I hope I can surpass that plan... I don't wanna die before I could reach my goal... I hope I will be fine...
i feel like im being crushed by the weight of deadlines and my thoughts. i have so much to do in the next 3 weeks and i feel so distracted by my brain. i just got diagnosed with OCD and it feels good to put a name to all these endless thoughts i have. i think so much and never get a break and on top of it im so overwhelmed by assignments i feel paralyzed (i have adhd, too). even when i do things i enjoy my brain still somehow thinks of something to ruin the moment. đŤ
Does anyone else feel like theyâve really just convinced themselves they have OCD just to feel better about the thoughts and feelings they have? Sometimes I feel like a liar or a fraud. Iâm undiagnosed and sometimes I feel like an imposter on this app. I worry that Iâve just convinced myself of having OCD as an excuse for my thoughts and feelings, so I can feel better.
I just want my brain to stop. I feel like I canât even talk to anyone about it anymore because Iâm just bothering my boyfriend with my problems at this point. I have compulsively vented since elementary school about my intrusive thoughts, and thatâs all Iâve ever known. Iâm afraid of almost everything and canât even get on an airplane. I donât even have the money to afford specialized therapy for OCD. I keep thinking I might be God and everyone else is fake, getting scared at that thought and upset for even thinking it, but still continuing to think it. Iâve been stuck in bed all day. The worst part is nobody can give me reassurance because they could just be a figment of my imagination, so Iâm just stuck in this loop.
Ive been really sad lately because i am afraid my bf doesn't care about me. He said he loved me for the first time yesterday. But today i am scared he is lying to me. I got a trigger today another guy texted me something weird and i sent him the text and was hoping he would be protective. But he just said that guy might have been the one who smashed his car window. And was t really acting protective at all and so now i am scared that means this is all a huge lie. I am so sad. All the time. I can't tell if he really cares and i feel like i should know. When we are lying in bed he never comes to my side to cuddle i always go to him. I know i shouldn't ask for reassurance but i need help, if someone can help me feel some relief somehow...i feel so sad and scared all the time my biggest fear is if someone is lying to me about how they feel
my rocd changed back to ex theme (which freaking sucks) so in the beginning of my relationship my fiancĂŠ didnât gave me any memories of my exs a lot he looks very different from them but like 2 weeks in I scared believing he was my ex since I was 13-14 and etc. and I thought my ex was getting quote on quote revenge or pay back (Iâm was being very delusional) so now us being 1 year and 9 months now Iâm getting the same thoughts as before again now I did thought about how sometimes he brings back memories of an ex that I simply donât want to remember and has moved on from it (even tho my rocd wants to say I havenât but I did bc I would choose my fiancĂŠ over everyone else in the whole world) but now it has gotten so much worse especially since I had a dream about them and him and obviously I choosen my fiancĂŠ but I think thatâs what really triggered in ep today because on ft he reminded me of them again and I was like wtf and I moved on from it but the intrusive thought keeps on popping up in my head over and over and I even gotten this heart sinking feeling in my chest aswell so I tried to calm down and look at photos of him bc it really calm my nerves but it only gotten worse the photos i saw of him looked a lil like my ex and I will panick and would get this heart sinking feeling in my chest and it wonât go away and the thought of my ex wonât go away even tho itâs makes me so uncomfortable⌠the only thing thatâs similar is literally the hairstyle, and the glasses if far away and maybe the face structure but I never realized that until now when Iâm in this ep and manners?? Which was also smt that I never thought was similar until I had this ep and I completely think Iâm panicking so much that itâs making it so much worse and I honestly want this to end now. I have no desire to be, to see, to speak, or to even think about this person!!!! NOT TO EVEN DREAM!!!! Even if my rocd says I do miss them or wtv but I truly know I donât! So please help me and give me some advice Iâm so tired of this and I just want to live a happy life with my future husband
When I say regular therapist I mean the ones that have you sit down and have you talk about stuff like how they show in the movies. Thereâs no erp therapist near me that take my insurance so Iâm thinking about just going to a regular therapist but Ive heard that regular therapist can make ocd worse.
How do people handle confessional compulsions? I feel like I have to confess everything all the time or else I'm a liar and a bad person and not confessing makes me feel sick to my stomach. Any advice for overcoming this? Ive tried to not confess but I just get so ill
I hate this crap, why does this make me feel so numb, Iâm scared that it means that I donât love my girlfriend anymore, even know I know I do, so much in fact, but why does it make me feel like I donât? Why do I feel absolutely nothing right now? Why do I always feel numb? And only blush at what she says occasionally but more times than not I just feel drained, and my OCD says I need to leave because I donât love my gf and the feeling nothing is proof, but I donât want to leave, I donât want too, I wanted to stay forever I donât want too, but Iâm scared what if I donât feel something and Iâm leading her on? Iâm scared, I donât want to hurt her and Iâm scared and I donât understand my feelings, because I feel absolutely nothing, through some I love yous/youre prettys/etc, but that could be normal. I know itâs not normal to always be flustered at the fact your partner said they love you, I understand it all. Iâm just scared it means that I shouldnât be here
When i was a teen (younger than 18) i fell into the world of đ˝. I admit i would get off to it and it may have became an addiction. Eventually i fell into more taboo topics. Things like cnc and pee which eventually lead to diapers. I donât have those kinks but as a teen it was just something new. Anyway the main thing that distressing me was people roleplaying younger. I didnât know they were trying to act like kids and thought it was just something new. About a year later i was diagnosed with ocd officially even though i had been dealing with it my whole life. Then i fell deep into a spiral thinking i got off to kids. I obviously never watched child p or things like that it was all roleplay and stuff but i feel horrible. Iâm older now and think about it all the time. I read things about real pedos doing stuff like that when they were younger and iâm so scared iâm one. I didnât even realize they were trying to act like kids i thought that was just how it was. I feel horrible and wonder what to do a lot. Please donât be mean iâm really struggling.
If you click my profile and check the post before this one.. it would really help me out đ thx
Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to roleplay a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time...
literally randomly through the day ill worry âare u a p?â Or my brain tells me I am one and it actually feels like I am one. I get these groinal responses immediately after and get the urge to self soothe. that is a bad compulsion of mine. I really hate this. my mind goes straight to p related things for EVERYTHING it doesnât even have to be kid related but somehow my brain does and finds connections in anything about me being a âpâ im really scared i am one. i have no âproofâ besides these thoughts, urges, and sensations and compulsions, which i feel like is enough proof and i should search for help for being a p.
Iâm curious to see what other diagnosisâ this community may be suffering with, I personally have ADHD, OCD and PTSD ⌠do some of you also have as many struggles as I do đ
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OCD doesn't have to
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