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the NOCD Community

Honestly the fact that I’m probably actually gay makes TOCD worse. Like, I know in theory that sexuality and gender identity necessarily aren’t connected. But being attracted girls seems mor nmasculine I guess? Plus I keep reading stories of people who first identified as lesbian and then came out as trans men. And my best friend came out as lesbian and then later as nonbinary. I know that doesn’t mean that applies to me but it makes the doubt so much worse and makes it feel more likely I’m trans because I’m (probably) gay or bi. I don’t know if my TOCD would feel as strong if I was straight. Idk it’s just really hard.

I am new to this, and really hope it helps. I have pretty severe driving OCD. It has definitely gotten progressively worse. Every bump in the road I hit, every bicyclist, every-time I have to drive on the highway I constantly worry that I hit someone or caused an accident. Some of the rituals I have been experiencing include driving around the “scene” multiple times, checking my rear view mirror (a lot), checking the local news to see if there were any accidents in the area. I have to have my husband confirm there is no damage on my car... it’s endless. To put it plainly, it is beyond exhausting. It’s also pretty lonely as the majority of people I tell have no clue or just look at me like I have 10 heads. If anyone else goes through this my heart is with you, it’s awful.

Does anyone here watch Chrissie Hodges? she’s a mental health advocate for OCD and specifically talks about pure o!

Ladies, when watching heterosexual porn do you find the girl arousing? I wouldn't have sex with a girl nor date one but the porn thing is what made my hocd relapse about 3 months ago and thats why I stopped watching it....

I feel uncomfortable when people notice me having to do a ritual to stop my OCD thoughts....

My OCD has really taken control of me this week.

I read books saying ‘no matter how we FEEL we should still get on with our day. Our day should never be about how we feel’ Then others saying ‘accept How you feel, don’t push it away, let the feelings be there. Allow yourself to feel every emotion.’ So, I’m sad and depressed and crying all day. What do I do? Cry all day and be there or make myself do things that I feel uncomfortable with. I’m confused.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to post about something I have noticed a lot in my time being in this group. Something I have noticed that I find bothersome is the amount of people on here who place meaning on their specific “theme” of OCD. I understand it can be relieving to be able to relate to others who are experiencing very similar to what you are. However, OCD can latch on to almost anything depending on your own personal circumstances and environment. The type or form of OCD is never the real problem. The issue is not whether or not your hands are actually clean or dirty after you have washed them, you *know* they are clean if you washed them. The problem is not whether you are actually gay or not, you *know* what your own sexual preference is. The real issue is the immense doubt we feel due to a malfunction happening in our brains. The specific obsessions, themes, whatever you want to call them, are pretty much always irrelevant. The less focus you give to these, the better. It is all the same disorder, regardless of which form it happens to take in your life. There is no special meaning that makes homosexual OCD so much different than contamination OCD. Or any other forms. This is why talk therapy does not work with OCD, you cannot get to the root of the issue, because the issue is not our specific themes. With my long experience I have had with OCD, I have dealt with several forms of it over the years, going to show how meaningless the specific obsessions are. They can change over time, it’s just what ever OCD can do to scare you the most. This is the reason why once you become bored of a specific theme, OCD will try to transform into a different theme. The point I am trying to make is that the less meaning and relevance you give to your specific obsessions, the better. The obsessions are not the problem, the problem is the disorder itself and something is not functioning the way it is supposed to. I sincerely hope I don’t offend anyone with this post, as that is not my intention; I just would like for everyone in this group to be able to get better, and I find some of the posts in this group to be counterproductive to that goal. I hope everyone will have a great day today! -?

I know a lot of you struggle with HOCD (I do too) so I just wanted to give y’all some encouragement and share with y’all how it has gotten better for me in the past month. I have struggled with HOCD as well as numerous other types of OCD throughout my life. HOCD was one of the hardest (oh and POCD too so if any of you deal with that, I am so so sorry) But with HOCD, I couldn’t seem to break free of it because I think women can be beautiful and that even boobs can be beautiful (something my OCD analyzes like crazy). However, I have only ever wanted to be with a man. One of my biggest dreams is to have a husband and kids. I think about men all the time, and I do not want to have a romantic/ sexual relationship with a woman. But because I think women are beautiful, I have unwanted intrusive urges/feelings of attraction that give me NO joy. What I realized is that you can think someone is beautiful (or handsome) and not want to be with them romantically. OCD twists our deepest desires into the things we do not want. So I encourage all of you and remind you that our feelings and thoughts DO NOT define us They are like leaves blowing in the wind. They do not mean anything. If we do not like them or want them (and OCD can trick us with this), THEN THEY DO NOT REPRESENT OUR TRUE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.

*Trigger warning for ROCD* My partner told me regarding the Bible that Eve was not Adam's first wife and instead was a girl named Lilith. She wasnt willing to submit to Adam because she was all about independence and when they'd have sexual relations she would refuse to be on the bottom . She wanted to take control and be on the top. She eventually abandoned Adam and went to the Red Sea where there were a lot of demons. She ended up having sex with all of them amd they impregnated her and had birth to more than 100 demons. God had no choice but to forsake her for her disobedience and that's why she's not mentioned in the Bible. Articles on the internet say she became a demon who was sexually frustrated and wanted to have sex with men in their sleep so she can get pregnant by them and eventually kill them by strangling them. Point is I started to feel real uneasy listening to all this and my ocd kicked in making me have mind chatters telling her to do that to my partner. I began pleading the blood of Jesus over us as a compulsion but I was still feeling tense and then when my partner left for a while outside I heard a woman talk multiple times but o couldn't make out what she was saying. It sounded like a woman on speaker or through a walkie talkie. I tried real hard to snap out the fear I was feeling thinking that what if her spirit actually heard me. Well things got worse and this morning during me and my partners sleep he choked about 2x back to back and kept coughing nonstop for a long time. I asked em what was wrong and he didn't know. But after that I been on and off feeling the anxiety that her spirit heard my mind chatters last night and maybe she was the one who made him choke. My fear right now is that what if my partner randomly dies in his sleep because of her ?

My dad told me that all you have to do to get rid of a mental illness is to pray to God and worship him. But I told him I tried that and I don’t even remember what happened after that but he basically kept going on and on about how there’s different demons for everything and now I’m starting to doubt myself and my struggles and idk I’ve got into this subject myself and researched it and there are other Christians who struggle with mental illness who have prayed and also take medication and go to therapy so uh idk my dad just he’s ugh I mean I like him more than my mom but sometimes he can be eh Yaknow what I’m saying

So I started therapy yesterday and I know the first session is always weird but she told me she doesn’t think I have OCD but instead repressed anger?! It wasn’t a definite diagnosis but now I’m just feeling even worse. And I don’t think the repressed anger would fuel intrusive thoughts and obsessions? Everything I do is OCD and I’ve also been told my other therapists it’s OCD. I don’t know what to do now, so any advice would be great.

Is there anyone here currently doing/ or has done ERP for contamination ocd? I am about to start ERP for my severe contamination ocd here in the next few weeks and I’m very reluctant and scared. I’m hoping someone could give me some idea of what is has been like for them and how they feel about ERP? I’m worried that it might not be successful and I’ll be putting myself through all of the stress for nothing. Thanks y’all!

Does having anxiety / OCD every single day for a year necessarily mean that you have GAD also? Also does chronic mean for the rest of ur life? Or chronic can mean for a long one ( ex a year then you become better)??

HOCD knows how to kick my butt.

Anyone wanna share their story of when they discovered they had ocd?

My Christian boyfriend and I fight alot because of my ocd. Everytime he sees me on this app he doesn't like me helping people out with the same stuff I'm going through. He thinks ocd is a joke when it's really not. it breaks my heart because he says he wants to be a pastor but how can he be one when he doesn't seem to be considerate of the mentally ill people when I'm one of them too? He claims he loves me but I'm beginning to realize he obviously doesnt. I'm sick of getting into the wrong relationships. That's one of my ocd consequences. It's ironic because whenever he gets depressed I'm there for him but whenever I'm in anxiety mode he gets annoyed. Not fair. Not fair..

Anyone else on here have obsessions surrounding work (doing your job perfectly, getting in trouble at work, losing your job, etc.)?

What’s something you believe the general public and/or media misunderstands or misrepresents about OCD. I personally believe too much (if not, all) the attention is given to the visible part of the illness. That is, the compulsions. The media (in my opinion, anyway) represents OCD in a way that can be portrayed as “quirky”. We often see movie characters etc with “OCD” simply flicking a light switch on and off, washing their hands or being preoccupied with simple tidiness. While these very well can be compulsions actual OCD sufferers experience, little to no attention is given to the debilitating intrusive thoughts (obsessions) that drive OCD sufferers to these compulsions. Hence, a lot of the public has a very much distorted idea of what OCD is actually like to live with. It’s hard enough to tell someone you have OCD, let alone when they believe all the illness consists of is some desirable, quirky traits like neatness. Let me know what you think! It’s something I’m extremely passionate about and would love to research further. d a i s y

Do any other Christians on here struggle with not wanting to go to church anymore because the people there make you feel alone and unnoticed even when you try to help out on things? I used to be really into church and would go even on weekdays but now I don't. I go only on Sundays and instead of coming out feeling blessed I come out feeling depressed. I don't feel comfortable there anymore.I don't know if these negative thoughts are ocd related or just a form of spiritual warfare.