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Hocd is so confusing and scary. I’m scared I wont be happy with a man.

To say I am am mentally and physically exhausted would be the biggest understatement of the century. Sorry in advance for the details. I just need a safe and understanding place to vent. I spent over two hours bathing yesterday. I burnt my skin with liquid nitrogen and then rubbed acid into my wounds as a contamination compulsion. I didn’t eat. I ran until I felt like I was going to drop unconscious. This illness is completely consuming me. I feel like I’m doing everything possible to get better and I’m only spiralling more and more out of control. What is the next step from here? I have mentioned before that inpatient is on the cards. It was considered last week but I thought I could manage at home. I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and I just don’t know how to communicate just how bad things have gotten. Hope everyone has a wonderful day. You all deserve it. d a i s y

Question about compulsions: Hi guys! I’m brand-new here and just uncovered this world of ROCD. This might sound silly, but I’m trying to figure out if your phone can be a compulsion? I find when I’m triggered or anxious with thoughts, I’ll spend hours cycling through social media, almost like I’m trying to distract myself or find an answer or look for a sign or comfort? It just makes me feel worse because literally hours will go by and I’ve done nothing and feel terrible. When I’m not particularity anxious, I can go hours without checking my phone and it’s no problem. Can this be a compulsion? Or am I just being lazy? Thanks!

I suffer with harm ocd still waiting on mental health referral my doctor had put me on diazepam but that’s only a short course witch I finished on three days ago n I feel that I could hurt someone I have to shut myself away how can I get these thoughts out off my head coz I don’t wanna rely on medication and I don’t no how long the mental health ppl are going to take I just can’t deal with it ??

I’m so scared. My OCD is getting worse and worse and I’m just contributing to it by doing compulsions at every turn. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to dig myself out of this hole. I’m terrified of living, but I’m not ready to die. But, I’m even more terrified to push through with treatment. I don’t believe I’m strong enough, at least not right now. And never mind how bad my depression plays into all of this. I’ve expended every resource of support: therapy, medication, family, friends, pastor. I know it’s down to me, but I can’t do this. I feel so sick and that my mind won’t be able to handle it. I keep reading how people with OCD get to the point where they’ve had enough or hit “rock bottom” so to speak and push through. I think I hit “rock bottom” but I feel weaker then ever. Anyone been here and gone through treatment and made it out the other end? How on earth did you do it?

Can a celebrity obsession be linked to OCD? Never thought of it as a symptom, although it doesn’t hurt to ask

For the past 5 months the I have been suffering from adrenal fatigue which has caused me to have low progesterone levels, severe anxiety, panic attacks, morbid thoughts, racing thoughts, insomnia, fear, suicidal thoughts and recently thoughts of hurting my toddlers. After these thoughts of hurting them start I am discussed with myself, hit myself in the face and want to die because I love my children so much and I would never want to hurt them! Can anyone please help me who is in a similar situation!

Honestly the fact that I’m probably actually gay makes TOCD worse. Like, I know in theory that sexuality and gender identity necessarily aren’t connected. But being attracted girls seems mor nmasculine I guess? Plus I keep reading stories of people who first identified as lesbian and then came out as trans men. And my best friend came out as lesbian and then later as nonbinary. I know that doesn’t mean that applies to me but it makes the doubt so much worse and makes it feel more likely I’m trans because I’m (probably) gay or bi. I don’t know if my TOCD would feel as strong if I was straight. Idk it’s just really hard.

I am new to this, and really hope it helps. I have pretty severe driving OCD. It has definitely gotten progressively worse. Every bump in the road I hit, every bicyclist, every-time I have to drive on the highway I constantly worry that I hit someone or caused an accident. Some of the rituals I have been experiencing include driving around the “scene” multiple times, checking my rear view mirror (a lot), checking the local news to see if there were any accidents in the area. I have to have my husband confirm there is no damage on my car... it’s endless. To put it plainly, it is beyond exhausting. It’s also pretty lonely as the majority of people I tell have no clue or just look at me like I have 10 heads. If anyone else goes through this my heart is with you, it’s awful.

Does anyone here watch Chrissie Hodges? she’s a mental health advocate for OCD and specifically talks about pure o!

Ladies, when watching heterosexual porn do you find the girl arousing? I wouldn't have sex with a girl nor date one but the porn thing is what made my hocd relapse about 3 months ago and thats why I stopped watching it....

I feel uncomfortable when people notice me having to do a ritual to stop my OCD thoughts....

My OCD has really taken control of me this week.

I read books saying ‘no matter how we FEEL we should still get on with our day. Our day should never be about how we feel’ Then others saying ‘accept How you feel, don’t push it away, let the feelings be there. Allow yourself to feel every emotion.’ So, I’m sad and depressed and crying all day. What do I do? Cry all day and be there or make myself do things that I feel uncomfortable with. I’m confused.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to post about something I have noticed a lot in my time being in this group. Something I have noticed that I find bothersome is the amount of people on here who place meaning on their specific “theme” of OCD. I understand it can be relieving to be able to relate to others who are experiencing very similar to what you are. However, OCD can latch on to almost anything depending on your own personal circumstances and environment. The type or form of OCD is never the real problem. The issue is not whether or not your hands are actually clean or dirty after you have washed them, you *know* they are clean if you washed them. The problem is not whether you are actually gay or not, you *know* what your own sexual preference is. The real issue is the immense doubt we feel due to a malfunction happening in our brains. The specific obsessions, themes, whatever you want to call them, are pretty much always irrelevant. The less focus you give to these, the better. It is all the same disorder, regardless of which form it happens to take in your life. There is no special meaning that makes homosexual OCD so much different than contamination OCD. Or any other forms. This is why talk therapy does not work with OCD, you cannot get to the root of the issue, because the issue is not our specific themes. With my long experience I have had with OCD, I have dealt with several forms of it over the years, going to show how meaningless the specific obsessions are. They can change over time, it’s just what ever OCD can do to scare you the most. This is the reason why once you become bored of a specific theme, OCD will try to transform into a different theme. The point I am trying to make is that the less meaning and relevance you give to your specific obsessions, the better. The obsessions are not the problem, the problem is the disorder itself and something is not functioning the way it is supposed to. I sincerely hope I don’t offend anyone with this post, as that is not my intention; I just would like for everyone in this group to be able to get better, and I find some of the posts in this group to be counterproductive to that goal. I hope everyone will have a great day today! -?

I know a lot of you struggle with HOCD (I do too) so I just wanted to give y’all some encouragement and share with y’all how it has gotten better for me in the past month. I have struggled with HOCD as well as numerous other types of OCD throughout my life. HOCD was one of the hardest (oh and POCD too so if any of you deal with that, I am so so sorry) But with HOCD, I couldn’t seem to break free of it because I think women can be beautiful and that even boobs can be beautiful (something my OCD analyzes like crazy). However, I have only ever wanted to be with a man. One of my biggest dreams is to have a husband and kids. I think about men all the time, and I do not want to have a romantic/ sexual relationship with a woman. But because I think women are beautiful, I have unwanted intrusive urges/feelings of attraction that give me NO joy. What I realized is that you can think someone is beautiful (or handsome) and not want to be with them romantically. OCD twists our deepest desires into the things we do not want. So I encourage all of you and remind you that our feelings and thoughts DO NOT define us They are like leaves blowing in the wind. They do not mean anything. If we do not like them or want them (and OCD can trick us with this), THEN THEY DO NOT REPRESENT OUR TRUE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.

*Trigger warning for ROCD* My partner told me regarding the Bible that Eve was not Adam's first wife and instead was a girl named Lilith. She wasnt willing to submit to Adam because she was all about independence and when they'd have sexual relations she would refuse to be on the bottom . She wanted to take control and be on the top. She eventually abandoned Adam and went to the Red Sea where there were a lot of demons. She ended up having sex with all of them amd they impregnated her and had birth to more than 100 demons. God had no choice but to forsake her for her disobedience and that's why she's not mentioned in the Bible. Articles on the internet say she became a demon who was sexually frustrated and wanted to have sex with men in their sleep so she can get pregnant by them and eventually kill them by strangling them. Point is I started to feel real uneasy listening to all this and my ocd kicked in making me have mind chatters telling her to do that to my partner. I began pleading the blood of Jesus over us as a compulsion but I was still feeling tense and then when my partner left for a while outside I heard a woman talk multiple times but o couldn't make out what she was saying. It sounded like a woman on speaker or through a walkie talkie. I tried real hard to snap out the fear I was feeling thinking that what if her spirit actually heard me. Well things got worse and this morning during me and my partners sleep he choked about 2x back to back and kept coughing nonstop for a long time. I asked em what was wrong and he didn't know. But after that I been on and off feeling the anxiety that her spirit heard my mind chatters last night and maybe she was the one who made him choke. My fear right now is that what if my partner randomly dies in his sleep because of her ?

My dad told me that all you have to do to get rid of a mental illness is to pray to God and worship him. But I told him I tried that and I don’t even remember what happened after that but he basically kept going on and on about how there’s different demons for everything and now I’m starting to doubt myself and my struggles and idk I’ve got into this subject myself and researched it and there are other Christians who struggle with mental illness who have prayed and also take medication and go to therapy so uh idk my dad just he’s ugh I mean I like him more than my mom but sometimes he can be eh Yaknow what I’m saying

So I started therapy yesterday and I know the first session is always weird but she told me she doesn’t think I have OCD but instead repressed anger?! It wasn’t a definite diagnosis but now I’m just feeling even worse. And I don’t think the repressed anger would fuel intrusive thoughts and obsessions? Everything I do is OCD and I’ve also been told my other therapists it’s OCD. I don’t know what to do now, so any advice would be great.

Is there anyone here currently doing/ or has done ERP for contamination ocd? I am about to start ERP for my severe contamination ocd here in the next few weeks and I’m very reluctant and scared. I’m hoping someone could give me some idea of what is has been like for them and how they feel about ERP? I’m worried that it might not be successful and I’ll be putting myself through all of the stress for nothing. Thanks y’all!