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the NOCD Community

Need some advice I can’t get over the fact that I just found out today that I emotionally cheated on my (recently broken up) ex partner. Back then I think I didn’t know it was wrong but now seeing the old conversations with the person it makes me feel so much guilt. I let them call me baby and wished they could take care of me when I was sick. They told me they wanted me and I asked what way? (It’s not in a sexual way, just like wanted to know if they liked me romantically) We were kind of physical like cuddles and all that but of course I never kissed their lips or stuff. My partner was pretty affectionate with others too but seeing all of these and remembering I did and said all of these with another person makes me feel so bad. We were good friends. I had initially thought I like them. Which confuses me now because I knew I loved my partner then. I don’t know what’s real or not now and I can’t remember everything before. My reaction, my feelings, how it went. So my head keeps doubting everything. I forgot about all these and this was 2 years (almost 3) ago. Ever since I had never acted that close or affectionate with anybody, or so I remember, my head is making doubt things now. I love my partner so much and they have always thought I had emotionally cheated before. They know now again because I finally admitted today after just realizing it now. Anyway, I dont know why I feel like I have to specifically say what I saw and show them even though thats not a good idea and i really dont want them to see it and further hurt them! someone please hell me.

When did you guys first feel like you had OCD? Or the first symptom/thought/compulsion you felt was related to OCD?

Lately my bf has been showing me videos about Christians who say women who like to look good with make up dye their hair get their nails done do their hair and wear jewelry go to hell for vanity and my ocd is making me feel paranoid because I like to do all that. They also said that those women have a Jezebel spirit. I started to look up the characteristics of one and ended up even more paranoid although I KNOW I'm not one. As I was researching I started to hear a beeping noise on my right ear and Ive been told that means negative energy is around. I told my bf and he randomly told me "rebuke all thoughts " it was like God told him or something and that made me feel like my intrusive thoughts have much more meaning than I thought they had ???

How do I stop worrying about illnesses? For some reason I’ve been stuck on a kick where I’m constantly worrying about getting cancer and I am always googling symptoms of various cancers. I read that leukemia can cause a rash and I thought about it so much I have a stress rash now (which obviously makes me worry I have leukemia). I’ve had fatigue and headaches from pcos for years but I’m convincing myself it’s bc of cancer. It started bc I had pain in my armpit for a couple days and it went straight to me stressing about breast cancer. The pain resided after a few days but I’m pretty sure I have a phantom pain every once in a while bc it’s all I can think about. Any tips?

NEED HELP. sos. Please Just broke up with my ex. Past before I thought i had ocd: i started talking to a person before and they made me feel butterflies. however i did not want to leave my partner for them or dreamt to. this person was an almost lover but they left then i met my partner, we got together then this person came back. of course my partner knew about this. thing is idk if this was early signs of ocd but thoughts of like maybe i liked the person came because i liked talking to them and was actually sweet to them too. they tried to make advances and i did like put a barrier at times but i feel like some i even encouraged. Im not sure now cause of my memory. Present: my ex and i have been together for 3 years. In the past i have cheated (idk why i felt like it was an urge or like curiosity. I just made out with someone, they didnt take it too well cause we were only 3 months) YES i know i was an asshole. I accept that. That was also why they had trouble trusting me from the get go. then a few months after the person from the past came and just questioned if i was having feelings for another person. But god damn did i love them so much and did my best after that to be the best partner they had cause i truly TRULY regretted it. both of the incidents probably led to my fear and guilt of finding someone else attractive or interesting other than my ex Anyway, i was scanning through my files and fuck, i saw screenshots of some conversations with 2? Friends and immediately it dawned i may have emotionally cheated on them. now dont get me wrong, i’ve seen my partner “mess around” in a somewhat flirtatious way with other people, be affectionate with other people, call other people pet names and i did get jealous but we somehow knew they were only jokes/messing around and platonical. even though some of the people fell for them too. a lot of people have tried sabotaging us too. back to the point, guilt is eating me up. I feel so worthless and self loathing that i probably did emotionally cheat my partner before and i didnt even like know it was wrong or knew about emotional cheating before. Now im second guessing if i knew all along or not. Im just so torn and i hate myself so much. Sometimes i feel like dying. I just want to restart in life and treat my ex better because i love them so much.

I can’t stand the ignorance of some people in the world still! I read some comments on a Facebook post about anxiety disorders and it’s baffling how many people make comments like “just speak to god”, “take vitamins”, “go for a walk” and “trust in Jesus”! What I would love to respond with is thank you but that’s about as fucking useful as saying have a cup of tea! If you don’t experience it don’t open your mouth! ??

I dont think my mom understands OCD. She told me she might have a little bit because she keeps checking and checking stuff. How do i even explain its not just that. It’s the endless thoughts and fear and doubt and guilt

Any tips on how to deal with mental compulsions like memory scanning?

When you get the urge to confess your thoughts because it makes you feel bad, should you,

Anybody with HOCD/ROCD that can relate? Sometimes when I’m around my girlfriend I get really irritable and anxious cuz I’m so in my head and I feel bad because all I want to do is be away from her in those moments when she doesn’t really understand what’s going on. I have a tendency to focus on her negative attributes and they get so loud in my head that I just can’t function around her sometimes. What can I do? I feel like I can’t escape these thoughts anywhere I go.

I HATE having sexually intrusive thoughts about family members and especially around holiday season I'm around family ALL the time, I'm dreading it so much. I'll be going back home from college and I have a feeling I'm going to get ill again

On a scale of 1-10 (1 low, 10 high), how helpful is this community? What can be improved?

I suffer from incest thoughts and I will be around family members this holiday season and the thought of just being around my family makes me feel disgusting and miserable. But I love my family more than anything. I don't know how I'm going to get through this, the thoughts seem so real sometimes

So I’m starting to worry that I may need to stay on Zoloft the rest of my life. Could that be the case??

Does anyone here have a fear of hantavirus?

I’ve been seeing this guy, and I wanna get more serious but my trust issues are really preventing that from happening. I get these obsessive thoughts that he’s talking to/seeing someone else and check his social media all the time for any clues. I haven’t found anything conclusive, and I guess there’s no real reason to think this way but I can’t help it. Does anyone have any tips? It causes me so much anxiety and I consider everything suspicious behaviour and start creating scenarios in my head that give me anxiety to the point of crying. I don’t know what to do. I like this guy but I know he can only tolerate so much of my questioning.

This is My Story and How I Overcame OCD First My Names Adam and I got OCD at age 25 , It all started when my very close friend was moving away for 2 years overseas , we all went out 1 night and had a few drinks and by the end of the night , it was time to say goodbye and then Suddenly I got a thought Kiss Him. The Next day I woke up thinkin why would I think that then My OCD was like Maybe your gay then came the Snowball Effect where it got bigger and Bigger used to get thoughts of naked guys and have to check my groin for reaction for ages ages. Then came Reasurrance and Ruminating like Crazy , Researching , Reading Stories, I used to think as much gay shit as possible that I actually gagged and dry heaved then I would be ok that’s a good thing but I’d only keep doin it over and over then checking for Groinal Response, for a long time I was Depressed I couldn’t Smile, thought about Suicide many times so I went to my GP who has OCD Knowledge and she asked me questions and said Sounds like OCD and gave me Meds. But it seemed if I got rid of OCD another Theme would come , it’s gone from Hocd to Harm to Pocd and it’s been stuck on this for a while but sometimes it seems like I have Pure O aswell. It all got better when I realised that I’m not the Only one out here , used to be on Stuck in a Doorway and became good friends Mark Freeman who has a Youtube Channel (Should Check him out if you shouldn’t) What I didn’t realise was Each day I was getting stronger and stronger , some days I’d be like I give up , I can’t take this shit , if sleep all day and be like tommorow I’m gonna tackle this thing head on, Gonna ignore it fully and each time I would and it would become easier each time. What helped was in a Big DBZ fan and I just tried to be like Goku and Vegeta and be like “Ok OCD do your Worst let’s see what you got and I’d do everything in my power not to obsess over anything that day” each day I’d challenge myself. But Exercise helped aswell so much I mean A lot Everytime I feel shitty it means I’ve relaxed and hasn’t exercised as much. Now I rarely have OCD I get a few spikes but in a day it’s gone and feel back to normal. My Advice Acceptance is help I know it’s hard to accept u could be what you fear but one day just say fuck it and Everytime just say maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Exercise it’ll make you feel better and get better You are NOT your thoughts. If you were flying a plane and your Brain was telling u you haven’t taken off yet but you looked out the window and saw sky and clouds , who would u believe OCD is a Mind Terrorist , Don’t Negoiate with them , don’t reason with them , don’t even try to outthink them, just Ignore them. OCD is a bully calling you names , be like yeah I am a weirdo So what. I did Hiearches just for fun and it turned out it helped a lot If your Brain told you were a Dolphin and you on the moon would u believe it , Don’t talk about your OCD to much it gives it Power, The less you don’t think about it, React to it or talk about it , The Faster it goes away. Everyone you can do this , I’ll try and Help as much people as I can.

Exposure therapy is so hard and so scary i can barely do it but i don’t want to be consumed by my ocd. does anybody have any tips on how to get through it.

Its time for me to leave the app ? My family and therapist have been nagging me about this for the longest time, because they know how problematic forums can be for my mental health. If I don’t have an obsession, I obsess over it until it forms. You guys are a wonderful community and I’m grateful to this app for starting me on my recovery journey, but its time to continue on my own now. Over the past few weeks I’ve been writing my exposure scripts into a notebook so that I can continue on my own, and the last one got transferred tonight. I’ve made so much progress in such a short time, and that’s exciting! Although I’m a little scared about what life might look like if I ever conquer my OCD. Almost all of my obsessions are under control now, and the light at the end of the tunnel is faint, but there. I’m not so optimistic yet, but I have hope. I haven’t disassociated in 4 days! That’s amazing! Since about the start of this year, I’ve disassociated 24/7 out of stress. I know I must be on the right track to be headed this far, and even though I’m still very anxious, I feel like I’m turning a corner. I got OCD when I was 14. I didn’t get a proper medical diagnosis until I was 16, nearly 17. And I didn’t go into recovery until my 18th birthday this year. Some people might view all that as wasted time, but I don’t. I wasn’t ready, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. Some days are tougher than others. I’m still very exhausted and drained a lot of the time. But I’m growing and learning, and every day I get a little bit better! I know its hard. Its so hard. OCD is hard, anxiety is hard, and recovery? Recovery is so so hard. The best advice I can give is to be patient. Don’t be hard on yourself. I constantly beat myself up over how I’m recovering so slowly and then go “...Tabby its been 5 months! Chill!” This stuff takes time. Self care is SO important! We need it more than other people (although I personally believe everyone needs it way more than they think) so make time for it! Learn to love yourself. That’s nearly impossible for me sometimes. I think a large part of my OCD is fuelled by self hatred, and then my self hatred is fuelled by my OCD! Learn to build self esteem. And DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT put things on hold until you get better. Do them now! Show your brain that intrusive thoughts are not important! I wish you all the best on your recovery journeys. Because it is a journey. Its a gradual learning experience, not a race to the finish line. I’m sort of glad this happened to me to be honest. Its been a huge sign to slow down, stop pushing myself, to learn who I am and what I need. Its not easy. But nothing worth doing ever is. Love to you all! ❤️?????

Trigger warning: therapy/ false diagnosis worry. Haven’t posted in a while as things have been looking up, but I went back to CBT today and the latest worries I’ve had my therapist said don’t fit into “OCD categories” and are more ‘what if’ anxiety worries or low self esteem/ self critical thoughts .... my intrusive thoughts seem most distressing and real in times of high anxiety and that’s when I struggle to let them go and take them seriously. Now I’m worried that they were all real, including sexual/ violent/ immoral ones and that I thought I had OCD and I don’t. I thought I was part of a community of people going through the same thing but maybe I’m just a monster if my thoughts don’t even fit the standard OCD pattern :( Anyone feel the same way?