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I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.

My OCD has been a little better since I started this whole journey with therapy. The one thing I’m really struggling with is my anxiety. It used to be that my anxiety was fueled by OCD thoughts. It seems to have shifted though to just everyday life. I don’t even feel like I’m thinking about anything yet I have fear everywhere. I feel like I don’t know how to tackle this as it’s new territory. Living with this all day long fear has really started to take a toll depression wise. Just curious if anyone else has had a period like this. Any tips would super help.

Hi Everyone! I've had OCD starting at a very young age after my Grandmother had a massive stroke in front of me with me alone at home with her at age 6, a few weeks away from turning 7. She passed away on my 7th birthday. Soon after I struck with a mysterious illness that had the doctors baffled and they thought I may have leukemia. After a month (I really have no concept of time at that age, but my parents say I was in the hospital for a very long time. It began with major health anxiety obsessions and severe weather anxiety obsessions due to natural disaster films being shown in elementary science class. It was so bad, my parents had to request that I be removed during those films, and I was taken into a back room in the school library and made to watch The Dukes of Hazzard. Back in the early 90's, (age 9 or 10 for me) someone made the prediction that a devastating earthquake would cause so much catastrophy and d**th. I began collecting water into old soda bottles and our whole laundry room was filled with these bottles. Those type of obsessions are still prevalent, along with other ones from childhood I haven't mentioned. Today, I am obsessed with the state of our world. Obsessing over all negative things. I live near an airport so I can tell when it's a military jet flying over... by the sound and speed. I have an app on my phone that is a flight radar so when I hear that, no matter the hour, I check the app to see and when I see it was definitely a military jet, I go into major anxiety... "we are at war now..." I watch the news and check the news and other informational podcasts to try to reassure myself, but at the same time, I feel defeated. Like giving up. I've also really let my hygiene go. I feel so disgusting. It's a combo of irrational fear and just emotional and physical exhaustion and sometimes, I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I'm not s***idal or harming myself at all. I'm just so depressed. It's just so hard on a daily basis. I can't even leave my house anymore. I'm a recluse for the most part. I went through this in high school and had to be taken out in 11th grade. I just couldn't cope there anymore. Constant anxiety attacks. I do have intrusive thoughts all day, every day. None of the compulsive handwashing, counting... except for certain numbers have to selected for meaningless things, but very real for me. I have no support at home. My friend and boyfriend that I live with escalate matters. I don't think they truly understand my condition. Does anyone else suffer in relationships with friends, family and significant others? This is just a bit of my story. Does this kind of OCD resonate with anyone else in particular? Thank you, if you've read this far. I'm excited to be here. Respectfully, Elizabeth (Liz)

I’m moving from a group art studio into my own space tomorrow and I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m going to throw up from anxiety and I’m crying because I feel like I’m going to fail before I get started. My friends are excited to help but it feels like I’m taking advantage of them. Everyone wants to see me win but it feels like I don’t deserve it. I feel selfish. I have harm OCD and I’m really struggling with keeping my violent thoughts under control so I can try to sleep so I can be on time tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin the day tomorrow by not waking up on time. It feels like I can’t breathe.

I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with OCD that revolves around food? For instance I’ve had an eating disorder from OCD for about 2 years now. I’m scared to eat food I’ve always eaten due to the fear of an allergic reaction. I also have a fear of my food being poisoned or laced with drugs. It makes it very hard for me to eat at times because I’ll have the symptoms of anxiety where my throat feels tight as if I can’t swallow or I’ll feel really panicked after I eat a fear food. Logically I know I’m not allergic to many of the foods I’ve ditched. It’s like my OCD clings to the fact others have allergies to things like peanuts & other foods. I used to be able to eat foods just fine and I love food! I just have so much fear of not having control once I’ve consumed something and that what if thought pops in. I believe all this stemmed from me trying an edible and it being one of the worst experiences ever. Felt like I was spiraling and not in control of anything. I even deal with extreme derealization/depersonalization and it feels so similar to the bad high. & I just get scared someone will lace my food just for the fun of it. So now when I eat I get scared even though logically I know my food is just food and I need it!! I’m doing much better than before, I eat even when I feel anxious too. I had stopped eating and drinking water due to my ocd tricking me (didn’t know I had ocd at the time, I thought my negative impulse fear based thoughts were intuition but they weren’t) and ended up in the hospital. I still have many fear foods that are actually very healthy that I need to start eating again. I am suffering from low iron due to not eating correctly from this fear. I’m on a iron supplement though and I’m eating better than I was. I’m just wondering if anyone else has or is dealing with similar?

Hi, I have so many consequenses that it feels impooasible to describe my near past, specially the last five years where my entire life turned upside down due to the cresensdo in the last part before I got help. I have a hard time believing people will believe me and my story- its so much to rebuild? Anyone who recognize this and have experience?

I’ve had the same themes of ocd on and off for years. I have a new theme i’ve never had before now. Has that happened to anyone else?

Today I feel Stressed, un-worthy, ignored , and forgotten. What’s worse when your feelings are invalidated.

I hate this I hate this I hate this..I just finished therapy and I couldn't even say the story right. Along with that my thoughts switch to my boyfriend being the intrusive thoughts and the ex being "the partner" LIKE NOOOOOO I want my boyfriend and I want to get rid of this girl in my head. I don't want to be gay, I don't want this ex..I don't ever want this ex I want my boyfriend I always wanted my boyfriend. Please I just want my boyfriend I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't want to be a cheater I don't want this ex. I was 13... JUST 13 WHEN I DID THAT MISTAKE THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WAMT THE EX. I blame my head it's so unfair.. first it told me I was gonna cheat on my boyfriend because of this friend of his...after spiraling and telling myself I would never do such thing to my lover, I was feeling great and oki knowing I would never EVER do that to my boyfriend..it made me remembered what I did when I was 13 thinking I was a cheater all along and quickly said "do you feel bad for the ex? Do you want the ex then? Should you go back? You should" like bro I just GOT OUT OF A HELL HOLE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. I only was feeling bad for my past mistakes that doesn't mean I want the person back. I don't want them back I was just scared of how that would change my now relationship slightly knowing what I did when I was a PRE TEEN. Now this person has become my intrusive thoughts and it has been worse than ever. I really don't want this ex ik I don't. It's just making me feel bad for this other person and telling me what to do. I don't want this ex. I just had a thought because I saw the ex account and it triggered me then a thought said "I wish I was with the ex like all the time" | felt panicked and it felt real. I just want my boyfriend Ryan he's better way better.

i hate starting with a new therapist. i obsess over my trauma and then when it’s time to go to therapy it’s almost unbearable to talk about. last therapy session was on friday and was my first ever appt with this therapist, found her through my job’s employee assistance program. i was telling her how i feel like a bad person and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. she was not warm or reassuring. she asked me how i would do the deed and i explained to her and she did not say much at all. i left the session feeling worse. i have another appt at 3 today and the roads are icy and i’m just dreading it. and if i cancel i will feel like an irresponsible piece of shit. i already told her so much so i feel like i need to keep going. but im depressed and it is so hard for me to think about leaving my house. what do i do?

Has anyone just not had the anxiety stop, now If I don’t feel the chest tightness I think about it and it just comes flooding back in… anyone have any good tips to bring the anxiety down ?

Having a panic attack and can’t calm down. Please help.

Can anyone share any success stories from doing ERP therapy and anything else that may have helped you? I understand now that I've probably had OCD most of my life, but getting started and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel are two completely different things. I really want to recover from this. Mine stems mostly from real events, but I have other themes as well.

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

Hoping to find others that suffer with similar issues.

I had another OCD dream related to the death of a loved one and I’ve been in bed for 6 hours ruminating or trying to neutralize my thoughts and anxieties. I want to get out of bed but I feel so. Stuck. I know I can do it but it feels like I can’t! My brain thinks it can solve the puzzle but now I know that’s a lie. But it still feels so hard!!!

So this recent situation I’ve been having and it’s really scary and almost doesn’t feel real that I would be able to think this. So I’ve been with my partner for over 4 years now and recently I kinda got into some trouble that been super stressful and the last week on Saturday or Friday night i had a terrible dream or “thought” that I stabbed my partner and since that day it’s been an on going thing and at the slight thought of it my heart shoots up and I just get into a intense panic and I’ll have to convince myself it’s just a thought and I wouldn’t ever do it and we recently got engaged and she’s my world and has been my saving grace for every situation I got myself in (I have hobby’s of racing cars and motorcycles and a year ago I got into a motorcycle accident that put me in almost a month long coma and got a severe tbi due to it) and she’s been there through every step of the way with that and I just couldn’t fathom as to why I would even have that thought and why all of a sudden I’m a nervous wreck when I have never been the super panic type or anything. Had history of depression and anxiety but nothing to this degree. Also I’ve never had recurring thoughts that just slammed out of nowhere and got stuck for days. Unless it was with a car or motorcycle or something impulsive where it would give me gratification and this is none of those areas I feel deep remorse and guilt for even having those thoughts. She’s soon to be my wife I just engaged to her and I cannot believe this is even a thing to happen to me.. just in a panic and not sure what’s going on.

I guess this post is just a rummage of thoughts. I have been wondering lately as to why some people respond well to medication and others do not. Im also very curious as to the real reason SSRI's work. Could there possibly be a hormone it works on that hasn't been found yet. Im not buying the seratonin theory. First, Psychiatrist are not doing bloodwork to see peoples seratonin levels before prescribing drugs. 2.) If it just low seratonin why does SSRI's not cure OCD? A lot of people who take SSRI'S only see a mild decrease in symptoms. Even at high dosages.Im interested in the data coming out on GABA. If they can see that the brain behaves abnormal during screenings what is causing so much misfiring. Why do some people develop it as children, while others have an onset later in life? Besides Pandas. More importantly for children who contract it during strep, why does it normalize. Its weird that one bout of strep could permanently damage your brain, especially one that is still forming. I would have thought it would autocorrect. Why are more women diagnosed than men? Like I said just thinking.

Does anyone else struggle with always searching for something to be wrong, especially in good times? When things are good or I get good news I am looking for the next terrible possibility.

Hello does anyone struggle to go to sleep at night? feels like my mind is awake all night and wake up exhausted.