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I have co-occurring Autism, GAD, bipolar, and ADHD along with my OCD and I always thought I had this great insight but there’s something that I never realized. I hate transitions. I don’t like being between phases. Between getting to a restaurant and being at a restaurant. Between sitting and placing your order. Between done eating and paying the check. There are other non-restaurant examples, but those come to mind because I’m heading to dinner. My NOCD therapist asked what I do in these situations. I explained that I have certain things that I do and that I have the people with me do. She asked why I thought people should follow what I said. I told her that the way I do things is right and logical and if they understood that, they’d want to do it my way. If it doesn’t matter either way for them, they should just do it my way because it matters to me. If they don’t care and they won’t do it my way that means they’re being difficult. She asked if I realized that I was forcing people to participate in my rituals and that, even though it seemed very logical to me, none of it was actually based in logic. It’s all just compulsion. That never occurred to me before…

Some of my friends have noticed that things have got worse for me and have asked me what is wrong. I try to explain it in a way that shows how much I’m struggling but not so that they think I’m crazy but they just don’t get it. This would be fine but they think that they understand and they just don’t. One of my best friends asked if I was going to a psychiatrist and being tested for psychosis because I get annoyed when one of our friends chew loudly. What do I do it’s so frustrating.

I have been anxious about this one specific thing for a few days now. I keep telling my parents about it over and over again. I am going on a big trip tomorrow with my friend and big trips or events trigger my OCD into thinking the trip has to be perfect. Should I tell my Mom what keeps bothering me before I leave for my trip even though I’ve already told her several times about it the past few days I’ve been anxious about it and even though she keeps getting mad at me for repeating it?

Since the age of 11/12 i've struggled with OCD. It started when I was at secondary school. My compulsion was to constantly check my homework was packed for the next day, this would happen all too frequently. I never really knew what was happening and just accepted this is who I am without really speaking to my parents about it. OCD has continued and various sub types have appeared and disappeared over time, still at this point I just thought "this is me and everyone has their quirks" I'm now into my mid 30's and in particular the last 3/4 years have been incredibly difficult. I was definitely in a state of depression alongside with chronically bad OCD and anxiety. I'm thankfully past that stage without much external help or medication. Since the start of this year I've been doing mindfulness exercises and learning more about OCD. I live in the UK and have not seen a doctor about this and therefore never been diagnosed. The general advice seems to be to use telephone talking services? I'd be interested to know more from people living in the UK about what there experience has been with our public or private services?

i feel like im being crushed by the weight of deadlines and my thoughts. i have so much to do in the next 3 weeks and i feel so distracted by my brain. i just got diagnosed with OCD and it feels good to put a name to all these endless thoughts i have. i think so much and never get a break and on top of it im so overwhelmed by assignments i feel paralyzed (i have adhd, too). even when i do things i enjoy my brain still somehow thinks of something to ruin the moment. 🫠

I'm a bit confused on ERP. I understand not doing a compulsion in response to an instruive thought, but the planned, on purpose exposures confuse me. For example, I'm ordering a new phone and I had an instruive thought that said "When the phone arrives, you're going to take, soap, toothpaste, olive oil, etc. and put it on your phone before you put the screen protector on." A weird thought, I know. So now for exposure, I need to do what the intrusive thought says? I imagine I'll worry that I've smeared something on my phone before I put the screen protector on. I don't actually want to smear anything on my phone, I think that could damage it. But, for exposure, are you supposed to do this? It's confusing. What makes sense to me, and what I come back to is just letting the intrusive thought be a thought, and not doing a compulsion. That makes sense to me. It's the extra, planned exposure part that confuses me, and honestly gets me stuck in a worry cycle about ERP/CBT therapy itself.

Help! If you can’t picture yours or your partners body parts and bodies perfectly in your head does that mean you’re picturing someone else’s body or body parts or that you’re turned on over someone else? Please let me know I worry because I would never get off or feel turned on by anyone else but I feel confused when I haven’t pictured something perfectly 100% does it mean what I’m worried about??

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

I'll be 31 this year and I'm such a complete failure as a human being. I just had a breakdown over doing dishes. I have four specific cups that I use and normally I try to wash all of them at once, it really reassures me knowing I have three backup cups in case the one I'm using gets "dirty". Lately, though, I've only been able to wash one at a time and that causes a lot of stress only having one usable cup because if it gets dirty I have to spend the next half hour washing it, my hands, etc. Well tonight my cup got "dirty" and I thought everyone was asleep so I thought I'd try to wash them all. I don't like doing it when people are awake because it takes so long, I have to do it in a specific way and I'm embarrassed by it all. So I started and I was really struggling. I kept having to rewash and rewash because the bubbles just wouldn't go away and then my mom came into the kitchen and we were talking. My anxiety spiked because I was afraid she'd mention how long I'm taking or try to rearrange my cups or touch my arm and I just felt like a horrible person thinking these tboughts when all she's doing is talking to me but it just makes an already really stressful situation even more so. Then she left. I got two done, so I was half way through and then I thought the next cup was clean and I put it into the stack of clean ones but then I noticed it still had bubbles and now I had to start all the way over again. I wanted to cry and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I just wanted to be done and get something to drink and lay down. I tried starting over but my mom came back and I just couldn't deal with it so I quit and she smiled at me and said "finally done?" She knows and tries to understand how much I struggle and tries her best to help me and I love her so much for that and I'm so awful for feeling more anxious around her and having thoughts of just wanting to be left alone. She looked so proud of me, thinking I finally got done with my stupid little task and I just couldn't handle knowing how much of a disappointment I am and I started crying. She hugged me and offered to clean my cups for me and I wish I could let her but I can't. My OCD won't let me. Only I can clean my cups. My OCD isolates me and makes me feel so alone. I need help but I can't have any. And just facing the realization that I'm having a breakdown at 1am in the kitchen over not being able to clean cups properly just made me want to die so bad. Every little victory I have doesn't mean anything because I'll never get better. I lost so much time, I'm old and I don't know how to be an adult or take care of myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself.

I’ve always had a feeling of having OCD but I’ve never been sure. I’m a teenager, and I’m hoping people on this app can help me try to figure out if I have OCD or I’m just crazy. Starting off with these terrible thoughts I have all the time. Someone can come home late and I immediately think they got into a car wreck, and check my phone for recent car crashes and other thing etc. etc. number 2, I always have intrusive thoughts, terrible ones ever since I was a kid I can’t control. I immediately feel like thinking these will lead god to hate me, and that he made an imperfection on me. And every time I try to hide these thoughts away, like right now they’re coming out I just can’t stop thinking of them and it’s so hard to do anything. Just thoughts like, “you hate your mom” or, “you hate god” and stuff that scares me like spiders. It’s hard to do anything with these thoughts. I’m also a major perfectionist, if anything is out of order I freak out. Yes, my room is messy. But I feel a sense of incompleteness and anxiety if I don’t empty the dishwasher, or don’t clean dirty dishes around the sink. These are recent and I feel like God will punish me for committing the sin of laziness. I also have a thing with the number 5, when I touch something it needs to be 5 times and if it’s not 5 times I freak out. I’m also terrified of getting sick, every time my friend is sick I freak out and don’t get near them the entire day, constantly washing my hands. Writing this is triggering a lot of my terrible thoughts and I don’t want to continue writing. Please let me know your thoughts, mental illness runs in my family but my mom is constantly telling me there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s right.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always counted the syllables of the words said by myself and others - even just thoughts in my head. For example, is someone says “hell-o-how-are-you?” I use my teeth on either side of my mouth and tap twice on one side, then the other, then back again etc to see if the amount of syllables in the sentence is even. If it isn’t, I would respond with an odd number of syllables such as “good-thank-you”. This habit is so engrained into my life I have no idea how anyone else’s mind works and I am constantly fighting myself to stop it but it’s impossible. I will even admit that I am doing it right now writing this 😭 . Does anyone else have a similar problem? I am still in education and feel like it’s affecting the way I listen to my teachers etc.

so i used to not give into the compulsions because my therapist told me it would relieve me more then being subject to doing it. I started having these meltdowns and get angry and have an episode, eventually i just gave into my compulsions and tweaking every little thing. I find its so comforting and helps me forget about what im stressing about. Since ive gave in i havent had any episodes, my anger seems to have resided. I’ve also had less intrusive/impulsive thoughts. I dont know really what to do because i find myself giving into them more and more everyday but at the same time im not really upset about it. ??

I get paranoid a lot because of the feeling of being alone. I’m constantly talking to Jesus and listen to sermons and read Bible verses to help me. Due to health issues and body limitations I’m not able to clean the way I used to. Now that I have a home health aide, I’m having to adapt to someone touching my things and putting them different. I am finding myself getting annoyed with her, but I haven’t said anything. How do I deal with this?

I clearly remember the day it started. I was in sixth grade in 1967 and like the flick of a switch I felt off one day. I kept thinking I had died the night before but was still moving around. It was so weird but it continued from then on, the intrusive thoughts, the constant moving around and racing thoughts about what has to be done that day. I’ll walk into a room to do something but end up doing several other things before getting to that. I’m 67 and retired but every day I struggle with unwanted thoughts (never about harming anyone or myself but about bad things that could happen. I think the worst in any situation. I’m so tired but know no other life. Glad to know I’m not alone.

Hello! I'm not quite sure if this "symptom" is part of OCD, but I'm curious. Does anyone have an absolute need for a routine? I usually create a bullet point list (sometimes with times) either on my phone or on a sheet of paper. It feels like I'm a bit rigid at times as well. Not a huge fan of events or things happening that would disrupt my routine or list. I'm fairly new to understanding my OCD diagnosis, so I would love to hear other opinions! Thank you.

What do you usually press when you’re selecting how much time to warm up your food in the microwave? Increments of 30 mins like 1:00, 1:30, 2:00 etc? Just realized I do Just Right compulsions with the numbers… thinking about pressing 2:00 is making me uncomfortable

It’s a long post. 🙈 I’m embarrassed. Brand new diagnosis. I’m 40. My OCD subtype seems to be “Order and Symmetry.” 1st session I arrived feeling good. I finished all the homework early and was excited to begin. We didn’t get through the full assessment; I’m pretty sure I talked too much. I was too detailed and we had to finish at today’s appointment. I arrived at today’s appointment stressed and got more stressed as the appointment progressed. I only realized a day or two ago that there was more homework (which I don’t mind- in fact, I enjoy!), but then, after I made note of it, I forgot all about it until signing in today’s Zoom. We spent the whole appointment completing those forms together. I had terrible difficulty doing the forms with my therapist. I was/am so afraid of answering a question without a true enough rating or expression of my experience to give an accurate assessment of my condition. I don’t want to over score or underscore myself! I only experience my life, so I’m not always sure if something’s unusual- it’s just my normal. Even though 3 professionals have now mentioned I should look into treatment for OCD, I still feel like treatment professionals will think I’m not OCD enough to warrant the attention. On the outside, I’m fully functional. It’s only once you start to consider the whole picture- my social habits and motivations for organization and having knowledge of what’s in my brain- that an outsider might put the pieces together. Now that I’m cognizant of its presence in me, so many things make sense. But I second guess myself when talking about it to treatment professionals or completing rating forms. I almost feel like I need a whole bunch of talk therapy first for verification that- yes, this is a manifestion of OCD, or that was, or that was. Figure out what it is and what it looks like in me, before the real work on behavior modification can begin. Or more time for me to explain what OCD looks like in my head first- like following certain rules or processes to keep life ordered and calm, and then making certain accommodations and new rules when something can’t be avoided- and of course, the people in my life have no idea when a rule or formula has changed and are caught out in the dark! 🤣😩 Therapist told me not to be hard on myself, told me not to overthink it, but I felt like she was frustrated with some of my answer paralysis during the assessments- not knowing how to scale myself. And goodness, I’m not throwing shade. I’m just stressed about getting it right! And surprise! We didn’t get to all we were supposed to in today’s session!

With a little backstory, I've been struggling with physical sleep issues that a medical hospital is trying to to help me with (sleep apnea, TMJ issues, etc.). Anyway, I guess my OCD knows that sleep is a problem, so it's created an obsession around it. I was laying on my two pillows, on my side, and had the thought "Hmm, my shoulder is up against the pillows, is this squishing the pillows in, bunching them up? Is the level of the pillows now unevenly distributed because of my shoulder against it? How soft/hard is my shoulder pushing against the pillow?" It's ridiculous, because I've slept this way my whole life. But now I'm hyper focused on how my body is laying against the pillows and having to have the pillows perfectly even, without any dents or flaws in them. This sucks because on top of the physical sleep issues, now I'm having OCD sleep issues. Im just so tired. I wish I could ignore it, but OCD gets so strong when I lay on my pillows now. Any advice? Anything to tell myself that could help? Thank you ahead of time.

does anyone else really struggle with feeling like their feet are uneven when walking on sidewalks that have lines or floors that have indents. For example; if a certain part of my left foot touches the line (like the middle of my foot) as i walk, i have to touch the line on same part on my right foot. Also, having to even out which foot i start and end with for each sidewalk square, like if i end on my right foot more than 3 times ina row i start to feel the panic set in and end up having to do stutter steps to even it out. it’s really embarrassing, especially when i’m with people or people are around. it can also be quite exhausting.

i just downloaded this app. recently ocd has been absolutely exhausting. I have really bad issues with feeling body symmetry and needing to feel like my body is even; if that makes sense. Intrusive thoughts have become louder and are affecting my relationships, i feel like a burden. i’m hoping to find some support and sense of community here as i try and learn to better manage.