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I am 14.i used to only find older people attractive but now i cant.i only find kids goodlooking.is this part of pocd?

Literally noone wants to diagnose me with ocd My therapist said they are sure its ocd,my osychologist said its just my autism(I dont agree at all,like find me another autistic person without ocd having violent sexual intrusive thoughts what leads to seeking reassurance,rumination,checking bodily sensations and replacing thoughts) and my psychiatrist doesnt care and I feel like if she dont want to help me at all,she doesnt even talk to me I hate self diagnosing but I feel like thats the only option for me,especially because noone believes me with my ocd because my compulsions are mental,and in Poland practically not any psychologist,therapist or psychiatrist knows about this Also they think that autism is some sort of problem for me when its not

Today I realized I’m actually really scared of becoming a bad person. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of OCD for a few years now, or maybe they were always there and i never knew what it was. I’m scared that i’ll eventually become a bad person. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone one day, even though i have no violent urges or tendencies. I’m scared i’ll be a pedophile even though i have no attraction to kids. I’m scared that i’ve done something really bad to someone and i don’t remember. I’m just scared and I wish I could tell people my thoughts but i know it’s hard to understand intrusive thoughts when you don’t have them.

18+ I don’t know the ins and out of ROCD so tell me if I’m wrong here… I have been fearing lately that I have groomed my partner/friend. In the beginning I used to make sex jokes all the time. Something shifted in me and I don’t do that all that much anymore. I dealt with intrusive thoughts about them lying about their age and for the longest time I cut off all sexual talk even if just a joke. It made me incredibly ill. Now I’ve slowly gotten passed that and we make jokes like that once more but less frequently since I’ve found the old jokes now to be tacky and tasteless. Now my brain is telling me that my partner only returns these jokes cause I’ve groomed them…. They are one year younger than me so maybe that’s why these thoughts are coming up. I’m worried that I’ve somehow groomed them unintentionally to get sexual stuff out of them. That idea plagues me pretty badly. One incident does stick out and makes me sick to my stomach where they teased me by showing me a bit of a nsfw story they were writing and I played up the whole begging thing to see the rest. I felt as if I pressured them. They showed some of it but I begged to see the rest…. Of course I didn’t know to the extent how nsfw it was… but it made me feel ill. Please what should my next step even be anymore? I feel like I should just leave, but they always talk about how much they need me to stay. They talk soooo much about how they need me. I feel like… but do you really? How do I know I’m not hurting/coercing you… how do I know this is right and okay?

I just looked up if ocd thoughts can be right on ChatGPT and it said yes. I cannot do this. That answer literally put my anxiety through the roof. I’m so scared right now. Like I can’t even explain it. For the last month, my ocd has been revolving around having a certain fetish. It’s been telling me that if I were to go out and do anything related to that fetish in a sexual context, that I would enjoy it. My thoughts are telling me that I would enjoy it which is why I don’t want to explore it. But the truth is, I don’t want to explore it and im disgusted by anything that has to do with it in real life. I know I DONT have this fetish but my mind keeps distorting everything and literally ruining my life. I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. Like I literally cannot tell anymore. Like this is literally the worst thing ever and im so terrified of my thoughts being right. I keep getting intrusive thoughts about this fetish and it gives me a groinal response which scares me so much. I wanna throw up.

I swore I wasn't going to tell anyone this or even try to post about it but lately it been feeling like I have just been fighting with myself. I remember when I was a %100 sure that I wasn't the type of person to be creep twords anybody but now im so unsure, like one min I would know im not attracted to kids then the next I have to constantly ask myself if I am and even that I still wouldn't be sure or think I do want that. Imagies and thoughts would keep popping up in my mind and it feels like a boxing ring trying to just fix them, I remember when I would scream and cry to these thoughts and feelings but now I just feel numb.. it feels like my morals have been switched and im just in denial about me not being a pedo. I obviously dont want to be a pedophile but now it feels like thats just what I am now and there will be nothing to ever change that part of me.

Often, I think that having violent intrusive thoughts is so much better than when they’re sexual. I mean, it’s exhausting— even the simplest actions can set them off. And it’s not that I only have these thoughts, I do have violent intrusive thoughts as well, but I believe that being physically violent with someone is, in a way, better than forcing yourself upon someone. For so long, I’ve thought myself disgusting and gross and repulsive and I’ve found myself sobbing over it in the past because I do dearly yearn to be normal. To not have these thoughts because by god, they are awful. I feel guilt looking into their eyes. I feel shame when I see statues of them playing. I can’t even call them what they are, can’t even type it. It’s awful and I’ve come to understand that these thoughts are rooted in my fear of it, in my strong sense of morality and what is and isn’t wrong. This, too, shall pass. I swear it.

I have pocd and i’ve started feeling better about the whole thing but I can never fully get over it. I don’t have panic attacks over the intrusive thoughts anymore, but I can’t help but feel so grossed out and whisper “ugh i hate myself, i wanna kms” to myself. It’s like every time i start feeling happy about anything, I get reminded of the fact that I have disgusting thoughts that I shouldn’t and I can stop thinking about how it’ll affect my future. What if it gets worse. What if I get in a relationship and he wants kids. I don’t ever want to have kids and I don’t ever want to explain to my s/o what i’m going through. What if my ocd gets really serious like it was last year but I won’t be able to get help because I can’t tell anyone. Ik others without ocd will never understand. Sometimes I really wish that I die so that I don’t have to deal with that. But I want to live and enjoy life. I want to travel and fall in love and have a family, but Ik my ocd will never let me be happy.

For those OCD Conquers who have POCD, Harm/Suicidal OCD etc ... I would love to know how you got through Of course ERP, but how are you really doing today?? Do you still get thoughts of POCD or Suicide OCD? If yes, what's one Response prevention TIP that really worked for you? Needing some inspiration NOT reassurance that it's possible to move on from this OCD loop I am in at the moment

Anyone here who got over the pocd theme?Do you have any advice? It's really scary .I dealt with it for a long time . I think it's one of the wost themes that I had besides harm ocd and real event .Also have you talk with someone about it? I am terrified to talk with someone , even a therapist

Every time I’ think about going outside for a walk - my brain pictures them - maybe with a groinal response - and will do this randomly throughout the day even if I’m at home And when I do leave the house there all I seem to notice Is this pocd or fantasy? I feel like I’m in denial Also sometimes I get in these manic states when at home (no anxiety or fear anymore) but I guess a state of panic where the line between what’s right and wrong is blurred and I don’t know who I am anymore And sometimes a surge of adrenaline like I’m going to do something Please help I’m speaking to a psychiatrist soon and I really don’t know what to tell them

Am I insane for having such thoughts? I'm not asking for reassurance. A single "I can relate" would make me feel less alone and less like a creep or the exception. I will practice ERP after this post, but I just really felt the need to address it. I shouldn't because then I make it more meaningful, but if I don't this will come back to haunt me in the future again, if I do this, and these triggering thoughts comes back I'll just say "I already addressed this, I don't need to do that again, this is OCD" I had remembered that time when I was little when I had phimosis and my mother had to help to open it because i couldn't, the doctors said that she had to do it, until I could do it my own. And then I had a thought what happens when it's not a male but the female side does something like that happen? And I got triggered so much thinking about that, had a few vague intrusive images. It was so triggering and disturbing. I needed to solve it but I didn't want to because it was so triggering to think about so I didn't. I have to let uncertainty be there. I also had obsessive thoughts because I got triggered of the fact that adults share the same private organs like ****s and wondered the difference because in men you can understand clearly the difference with the size as you grow so I started to thinking about what happens in the other side and got triggered so much thinking about that and felt like a creep. I didn't want to think about that and felt horrible that my thoughts lead to wonder about something like that. The fact that the se&ual features that we enjoy in adults are the sames as when we are young triggered me a lot and I was afraid of not seeing those se&ual elements in adults as normal features but costantly associated with that knowedge. Before I was attracted to the female adult organ but now I'm just weirded out because in my mind there is this triggering connection, this knowledge. But if there is a substantial difference that makes me differentiate definitely so that I don't get triggered anymore I can't think about it because then I would be going "there", in a very triggering topic, I don't want to think about "that", I'd feel like a **** and it would destroy my already broken sanity for how triggering it would be. Then one would think "you're messed up if you can't distinguish the difference" but I do, I know the difference, but the fact that we share the same organs triggers me a lot because there is an association and I don't want it at all. I don't want to think about that. I'm so triggered by these thoughts but I'm not going to entertain OCD any longer. This is clearly an OCD mechanism because I've been stuck with these thoughts in my mind since, feeling distress and needing to address them, ruminating. I'll move forward and sit with the distress. Now I remembered an another triggering rumination discourse I had for an whole 1 hour inside a car alone in my brain, that I can't believe I had, it was a voice asking me what's the difference between the body of an adult and a trigger and I couldn't find a clear answer to it and I got triggered by that question and my lack of a ready and certain answer, so I ruminated about it, and I was so afraid that I could be agreeing with the question, and triggered that it could have been valid, that that messed up logic was indeed logic, when it was a question so disgusting. And I feel the need to review it again, ask for reassurance abt it, check what I wrote in my notes to check that I didnt write anything strange. It was just overthinking I guess, but I'm so bothered that I even entertained that question. It made me feel like a ****. And it was before my med school exam. I was tired from my lack of sleep and instead of sleeping in the car I ruminated and tried to answer that question for more than 1 hour. I felt so disgusting. I think these are all questions of the same nature that OCD gives me as an assignment to solve, and my brain needs me to solve them otherwise it thinks I'll be stuck with those question forever unsolved, and the trick behind those questions is that they are so triggering that the fact that I'm willing to entertaining such horrible and triggering questions makes me doubt my own integrity. But in order to move past these triggering questions is to accept uncertainty and the discomfort that happened as a result of the thoughts and disengage with the triggering thoughts, knowing that we can't solve it in a way that makes us stop having anxiety about it.

Does anyone’s mind every try to justify why their intrusive thoughts are not immoral? My OCD revolves around sexual taboo themes and my mind is always trying to come up with reasons for why certain things are not inherently immoral. I’m thinking this is a sort of mental compulsion? I try to remind myself that even if nothing in this world can be labeled as inherently immoral, it is still wrong according to my morals and move on with my day.

When i posted saying it feels like i want to harm kids when i dont.its not acting on my thoughts it just my brain tellibg me i want to do stuff when i dont.i dont know if this is a compulsion since its not part of my thoughts?

I often notice that i get into this rabbit hole, that i feel like what i have is a temptation and not just ocd. I feel that i label everything as ocd while i can have temptation too. Recently i was dealing with sexual thoughts and i said its ocd but at the same time i acted on ways that it seemed like its not ocd, its temptation. It scares me cause then when i have agressive harm thoughts or any intrusive thought, it might be temptation. Or when i dealt with this sexual problem, i had really bad feelings same as pocd, and now im questioning if it was temptation or not. How do you know if its temptation or ocd? For me tenptation is like when you fight to not do something but you are in danger doing it. Ocd is different. Maybe im afraid of it cause i watched alot of christian videos and everybody is talking about temptation, it makes me scared now that these thoughts/feelings were temptations but the same time i feel like im arrogant if i say its ocd and i cant have temptation...

If there is anyone hete that has made it through this, how does one manage the fear of the intrusive thoughts being true when trying to do erp? it terrfiies me to my core and gives me a overwhelming amount of anxiety to a point where i developed ocd tics and freeze. Its very scary but i really want and need to get better. Any advice?

I saw my mother asleep in a triggering position and noticed her triggering bottom area and I'm afraid I was attracted, and having seen her that way. The lightning hit that area in a weird way, and highlighted it and they looked weirdly lucid like the tights that Taylor Swift wears during her live concerts. And like the tighs area was unusually big but maybe that was because of the side sleeping position. I saw something unexpected that I didn't want to see and it was triggering was bothered, but what if I was bothered because I saw something "attractive" on someone I care about and do not feel that way? If that wasn't my mother and someone else would have I liked what I saw? Like how friends joke about other friends' mothers but they don't feel discomfort because they are not theirs. So I didn't want to see that, but was I only bothered because she is my mother? And what if I thought what I saw was attractive? Even though I wasn't the fact that I felt shocked and distressed implies I saw something that would be attractive in normal situations. I don't like that at all. I didn't want to notice what I saw. I could have gone all my life without this. I'm afraid that this is going to develop in a new ocd theme and that I'm never going to see my num in the same way I feel so sad about this My mother is pure and now my mind has degenerated her too. I feel hopeless. There has been times that I saw her in like similar situations but I didn't "notice" like I did this time. I'm afraid that I found it attractive this time. I can't live with this. I was shocked at what I saw. I'm trying to recollect what I thought and what I felt at that moment. I couldn't believe my eyes. I noticed too much. When I go past her I feel weird. I feel like things can't be normal again and when I see her I'm reminded of that trigger experience, it feels like I can't act normal anymore as if nothing happened, I get reminded of what I saw. I'm afraid that I can't see her normally anymore after this. And I'm afraid that this will stick and become a new theme. I didn't need this. I don't know what to do. What do I do.

I have screenshots of messages that i just found back in 2021 of me flirting with someone and me not remembering their age is bothering me really bad. And I texted an account i think it them to ask bc im worried. I’m so scared that what if they were super young and I didn’t care but I never worried about this before

Anyone have precum with POCD and holding newborns? #POCD #Precum #newborns #baby #babies #parents — randomly holding a newborn and worrying about POCD thoughts and checking for days for groinal response and precum leakage and randomly checked once and maybe a self fulfilling prophecy a little precum was noticed but there are no sexual thoughts or sexual attractions to the baby. Am I pedophile or is this POCD?

Hey guys. I'm currently in therapy for my OCD and we've began the process of having a more manageable life. The theme I struggle with the most right now is POCD, and its been this way for a good while now. The problem is I have one session every Wednesday, and this event I want to talk about, has happened today (Saturday) meaning I can't talk about with my therapist for another 4 days, which for me right now is going to feel forever. We're currently working on trying to stop myself from confessing and seeking reassurance, which I know is exactly what I'm doing with this post, and I know I shouldn’t but I'm really struggling right now and need something to tide me over until Wednesday. Essentially, right now I have a lot of fears around Pornography and watching inappropriate pornography, whether that be featuring people who are underaged, or other types of Pornography such as animated/cartoon. As a result of these fears, I had stopped watching Pornography as there was no way for me to enjoy consuming regular, normal and safe pornography anymore without me worrying about something inappropriate coming up, OR me having really intense intrusive thoughts to purposely search for inappropriate content and consume it, and with those thoughts I could really see myself in my mind searching for inappropriate, disgusting and weird pornography and so my mindset was if I don't watch pornography AT ALL, I can't possibly have thoughts to search for something inappropriate can I? Anyway, as a result of that, when it comes to indulging in self pleasure and things like that, it has become really difficult, in order to feel pleasure and climax I need to have some sort of additional stimulation (probably because I have ADHD), I wish I could sit there and fantasise with my mind but I can't come up with anything or focus on something for too long without being distracted, so I use audio or visual stimulation, like erotic audio or porn. Obviously I can't do that anymore so it's very hard to enjoy self pleasure etc. So, I thought if I bought a toy instead it would allow me to feel that additional stimulation and pleasure something like audio or visual pornography adds, and while it feels nice, I just find myself not aroused enough because there's nothing "sexual" going on, there's no sounds I can hear, no Visuals, I'm just using a toy on myself and it doesn't feel nice. Anyway, this is where the event comes in from today. I was at home and I was interested to try and use the toy again to see if I could actually feel aroused and enjoy self pleasure, because if I can it means I can just do this for pleasure and I don't have to worry about Pornography ever again. I was walking up the stairs and heading to my room when I heard both of my parents mention they were going out (meaning I would be home alone). I then had what to me is a really sinister thought of "Now my parents are gone I can watch Pornography WHILE using this toy and it'll feel great'. I then counteracted that thought with "I can use the toy but I can't watch or search Pornography" because of the reasons I listed earlier. Then, I was plagued with various intrusive thoughts to search for inappropriate pornography, as well as animated pornography featuring characters from video games that would be deemed attractive. This last part is based on a previous fear I had once. One time, I went to search for animated pornography of an adult character from a video game I found attractive and when I did, 9/10 of the search results I found were what I wanted, the other 1/10 was pornography featuring a character from the same franchise that SHOULD not be depicted in that manner because they're not an adult. Ever since then, I've steered away from searching for animated pornography because even if I intended to search for an adult, the fact it could come up with something different scares me, and I would be enabling that content if I allowed it to even appear on my screen. Anyway, there's thus character in a game that recently released that everyone online is head over heels for, particularly on social media spaces like twitter. As a result of that, my brain has now latched onto that and I am plagued with intrusive thoughts to search for that character in a pornographic manner. Now, if I was to do that, it would be okay because the character is over the age of 18, but to me I don't want to, because I know what else CAN pop up. I also am troubled by the thought that if I did search for content of that character, it would come up, which makes it even more difficult. Anyway, once my parents left the house I had thoughts to not only use the toy, but to search for that character, followed by intense urges and thoughts to do that, that felt like I really wanted to do that. I then felt sweaty and a wave of anxiety hit me and at that point I felt like I was doing something secretive, the act of a closested creep and pedophile. As a result of that, I just tried to use the toy and to no avail I wasn't pleasured, and at that point I wasn't even aroused or particularly in the mood (probably because of prior thoughts). This is where the event worsens for me because I then searched on Google for ways to use that toy properly because maybe there was something I was doing wrong which is why it didn't feel great. I then found a post on Quroa that was basically titled the same as what I wanted to know, e.g. "How to you this toy properly because it doesn't feel great" I then saw a reply to the post from a guy who's profile picture was an old man in lingerie, which I guess is fine, but then I noticed his reply to the original poster which was "since you're 14 years old, I wouldn’t use toys but I'd maybe try using a finger until you're a bit older and you never know what you might discover" I felt gross and disgusted reading this reply because I know its okay to sexually educate younger people, I get it, but it just doesn't sit right with me telling a 14 year old to use their finger, especially coming from an old man, but maybe that's just me. The problem with this, I then had thoughts I was turned on and aroused by this comment I read, where groinal responses soon followed and I felt even more perverted and gross. I then closed the page down and tried to look for other alternatives. I wondered if there was some sort of way to view and listen to strictly audio pornography, that's from a site that's DEFINITELY not going to come up with anything weird, or even video sites that wouldn't either. I basically typed in better alternatives to Porn, but it just came up with like "weight lifting" etc. My intention wasn't for better alternatives to pornography, it was for better alternatives to regular porn so that was my poor wording in the search. I then changed my search to ethical types of Pornography, hoping someone would mention a site where everything is checked, monitored and there were a few listed. After I found the names of some, I did an additional Google search to basically check they're legitimate and it came up with "similar results" and one of them was an article stating "IF YOU SEE WARNING DO NOT CLICK ! do not engage as engaging with any type of child pornography is illegal" and that threw me off and scared me so I closed all of my tabs. I then went onto one of those ethical sites, it was called Bellesa. The video I found on there was very normal and passionate and I was able to focus on that video and I felt genuinely pleasured, but then also guilty because I felt like I had done something wrong and sinister and pedophilic, hence the confession on here. I am worried that I have done something wrong. That I am a closeted pedophile. I'm looking at my family and my friends and all I can think is how ashamed and disgusted they would be of me if they knew I was a pedophile. That's not me saying I'm a pedophile by the way I'm just phrasing what my mind says to me. I look at everyone around me and I feel like why I can't I be normal like them. It doesn't help either I just saw an article that a pornography star was found to be in possession of CP and arrested for it. I also saw that Dr Disrespect a youtuber was outed for being a pedophile too. I guess when I see stuff like that it reiterates to me that pedophiles are real and I could be one. I am also going to show this to my therapist on Wednesday and go from there. Any words or advice would be appreciated. I'm feeling down today.