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Sorry for getting on everyone's nerves by reassurance seeking. I am just struggling and feel like a real P. I just want some help while I wait on my next therapy appointment

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.

So I've been working to address my OCD for about a month now. So far, I haven't been working on it with a therapist and have instead been trying to create my own exposure exercises. The primary obsession I'm working on is the fear that I'm somehow flawed or invalid on a fundamental level. The best way I can describe it it is that its similar to the feeling you get when you have germ OCD and you feel contaminated, except my whole existence and being feels contaminated, so to speak. I've identified a list of triggers, and a list of compulsions (pretty much all mental) that I've noticed myself performing. I started out by doing imaginal exposures and scripts where I'd write out triggering fictional scenarios and read them over and over, combined with mindfulness techniques to focus on my breath and bring myself back to the present when I noticed myself performing compulsions mentally. At first it worked to some extent, but eventually I started to feel like the stories I was writing about this obsession weren't triggering any anxiety anymore or a very low level. So I stopped reading them and focused solely on improving my ability to stay present and identifying compulsions as I perform them, and disengaging. Now, I'm at the point where it seems like my general anxiety levels throughout the day are lower, and the triggers I've identified are producing noticeably less anxiety. But that makes me wonder if somehow I'm just secretly doing mental compulsions without knowing it? Is only a month of rather disorganized and unstructured ERP enough to produce this much improvement? To avoid giving me re-assurance, I'd appreciate if you guys don't directly answer those questions, maybe just provide some possibilities or your own experiences so I can get a better idea of where I'm at. Any info would be appreciated. Thanks!

I’m half asleep and I went to grab my pet and I had intrusive thought about grabbing them hard or I should try to I can’t remember it happened too fast and when I grabbed my pet I instinctively grabbed harder like it wasn’t on purpose it just happened I guess cause I was having the thought at the same time as I went to do the action I don’t know. Like because my brain said grab harder I just subconsciously did because my brain said it idk I’m confused. Is this from OCD?

Having a severe ROCD episode right now. I’ve had an ROCD OBSESSION with another person for months now. I want to make it clear that not only have I made sure NOT TO act on it romantically at all, I have also made sure to NEVER EVER EVER even attempt to build a friendship with this person. I do not ever initiate conversations with them, I don’t even look at them or speak to them when i see them in person, i make sure to never be alone with them, and i never ever ever even attempt to get closer to them. My limerence extends to looking up their social media, fantasizing about them, daydreaming, and viewing their messages in a group server (where i make sure to only ever joke around with and reply to OTHER PEOPLES messages, NOT theirs (intentionally). I have told my partner ALL of this; he is aware and he told me it’s fine. However, I told him it was a crush, not limerence. And i know for a fact that the only reason this stuck around for so long was because it turned into a full-blown OCD obsession where I would constantly ruminate on my actions, wonder if it was cheating or not, and then daydreaming became a compulsion where i escaped that guilt. The thing is, I’m worried that this means I’m having some sort of internal emotional affair behind his back. I even told him this, that I’m worried I am emotionally cheating, and he told me “Okay so what? What if it’s emotional cheating? What if your biggest fear is true?” He said he cares about real actions and outcomes, not thoughts and feelings and that he doesn’t want to know what happens in my head. But I am constantly obsessing over figuring out the morality of it and if i’ve developed feelings, and if that’s unforgivable and if that counts as an emotional affair (my biggest fear).

And what is happening...let's say I come across a video of that person and then I stop the part where it triggers me and I deliberately imagine images of a sexual type, and if I don't feel anything, I look again, as if I want it or I have the urge to imagine it, i.e. I feel the need, and if I feel something or get a feeling in my groin and I feel like I fall into despair?

Has anyone had success “faking it until you make it” with discomfort? I’m having compulsions to check all my passwords and accounts and logging into every website I can recall from grocery shopping to tv subscriptions etc and coming up with all these insane scenarios that something’s not right and I’ve forgotten something I’ve done wrong and don’t know if I have or haven’t and if I can’t find the answers then my life is ruined and it’s stolen 4 months of my life. I’m exhausted. I am choosing to just stop and I am around family today and feeling like I’m dying insane. Has anyone had success faking it until you make it with compulsions? I’m really battling real event and false memory here and the lines are so blurred. I need help, my family can’t take my reassurance seeking anymore and I’m at my breaking point with feeling alone. I’ve lost every person I trust in this battles support for now. I know they love me but they can’t take it and I’m really down today and the compulsions and obsessive thoughts aren’t stopping and I don’t know how to just be in everyday life right now when my mind is so loud.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

Im sorry I have to come on here and ask for advice once again, but as some people on here know I have been suffering with ocd since I was around the age of ten, which only got worse as my beautiful children came along. or nearly 60 years Ive had every type of ocd there is, they always come down to the same thing , not wanting to ever harm the people I love more than anything. I had got on top of this and was managing well, I know I would never harm anyone I love ever and would never ever want to, no more of the hypothetical scenarios for reassurance either , but its like every time I try to stop the mental compulsions intrusive thoughts come back after a few days, As I was in between going to sleep and was half awake the horrible words ' hope ***** dies I cannot even write the name down who it was about. I do not know where it came from but I am constantly getting upset about this as it was about someone I would give up my life for. I think you can probably guess what I mean without me having to say it. I do read a lot of posts and ocd podcasts and once read someones story wher they used to wish bad things and I have never been able to stop worrying in case something like that happened to me . Could this be what it was that has caused it ? I think Ive also still held onto something from when I was a child when I used to worry that thinking something too much could make it happen,, Please, please give me some addvice and thank you,,, sorry for the long post.

I’ve posted something vulnerable here before and I’m trying to ride out the wave of reassurance where it’s getting at me and I’m scared of sitting still with nobody to talk to about this at the moment I genuinely think it would be easier if I wasn’t around. I view my friends as pure compared to me and I’m the most impurest. I feel like this would do a favour to stop being here I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know. I’m literally alone in this and I’m getting tired. How do you deal with stupid choices that you made as a child? I’m trying to be understanding of past mistakes but it’s gut wrenching to try and accept to say and admit you did it knowing you’ll spend the rest of your life with that guilt..is there another perspective to this..???

I’m scared people are using me for their personal gain and that no one on this earth will ever view me as an actual person. I don’t want to be someone’s friend/girlfriend/wife because they’re lonely, I want to be in their life because they actually like me and VALUE me. I don’t know the difference between my instinct and my ocd sometimes. I think I tend to make sound judgements and usually perceive others accurately to the truth of who they really are; but now im scared to do this because what if im proved wrong once again, wasted my time, and ignored signs I should’ve noticed all along? I cannot make this mistake again. I can’t trust another person again to the point where I think if they compliment me, talk to me, or make an effort to know me, they’re only doing it for a transactional, convenient purpose. They must want something from me that is something superficial/benefits only them, not a real or authentic connection. My brain is telling me they must all be lying to me because they pity me, and think im dumb or naive. This is not how I feel about my relationships with people, this is how my ocd thinks others perceive me. I feel like im getting punished over and over again for making past mistakes and God is sending me people who don’t actually like/love me to teach me a lesson. I can’t fucking stand it anymore. I wish I could trade lives with someone who doesn’t think this way. I don’t understand what I did to deserve the weirdest/meanest people come into my life and fuck my perception of humanity even more than how I viewed it before. Can someone tell me why I even care this much about it? What do I do? Why does this happen?? I’m crying and im so embarassed im even posting this. We have such small amounts of time on earth and my head sabotages me to hate every minute of it. I want it to stop

Hey all, as an OCD newbie, i have some questions. These might be obvious or stupid, but idk, i just need some answers. 1. Is it hard for anyone else to watch movies and not get triggered? 2. Does anyone else get OCD about their OCD? 3. Is it possible/normal to have a lot of subtypes? And i mean like 6 or 7. 4. Do people usually misunderstand us and assume that our intrusive thoughts are actually what we want to do?

Usually my thoughts go from statements, which I fight all the time, to doubts like “do I” or “i don’t know” but I don’t fight this. I’m not sure if this is progress or it’s the truth. Anyone else feel like this?

I don't really know if these will count as ocd 'proof' and I'm almost trying to prove to myself that I have ocd at this point. I really don't know. And these don't even mention my current themes (pocd, soocd) and rocd but its kind of stopping idk. So here's what I wrote do you think it's worth mentioning or it even counts as ocd idk? -Blinking in a certain way, breathing in a certain manner till it feels right, making sure that im breathing right, holding my breath for a bit again and again, made sounds that disturbed others (my mom) because of that. -Focusing too much on my eyesight and what i see to make sure I don't have symptoms of an Illness in the eye, checking my body reactions a lot and getting scared. Checking my pulse regularly for a heart attack. Fear of dying, researching random illnesses of symptoms I have -When i was a child I pictured my family dying a lot and got intrusive thoughts about their heads being cut off, especially in Eid El adha (where we basically sacrifice cows and sheep) I couldn't handle being there because I was scared that the guy killing the cow will accidentally cut my mom's head instead and I'd picture it so graphically. random intrusive thoughts about me doing harm to others but they didn't make me anxious just disturbed, fear that someone will get in the house and kill my whole family since I was a child that I have a slight fear of doorbells. Can be sensitive to gorey images but not always a persistent fear unless I'm focused on it. In the streets I get stressed out by cars around me because I get thoughts that someone will shoot me and kill me from the car. Fear of dying in general as a kid I saw a video that talked about if you see fish in your dream it means you'll die soon and I wasn't able to sleep for a long time without literally collapsing out of tiredness because I was scared of sleeping and dying in my sleep. -Irrational fears when I hear really loud sounds, as a kid I'd hear sounds of parties or so and it stresses me out because I got intrusive thoughts about someone playing party songs but killing everyone in the enjoyment of the killing. Doorbell sounds stress me out and I keep hearing the doorbell ringing in my ears a lot that I check the door randomly sometimes. -When I play games I have to do things a certain way and I can click on a button multiple times in a different pattern until it feels right, repeating prayers constantly until they feel right. Same with the breathing from before idk if these count -I question morals a lot, I'm not sure If it's in an ocd manner but I am really scared of being a bad person with bad morals, I get scared I'm racist and sometimes I see someone from a different race and I get racist thoughts like racial slurs or so get in my head, I question morals in general a lot and the idea of them and why they exist. And that makes me scared that I'm just a terrible person and I don't want to be. I can fixate on "trying to do what's right" too much that I end up messing up more -Immense guilt on things from a long time ago that I already dealt with. -what I'd say my worst compulsions are (pure o I think) : Checking constantly, feelings or thoughts or reactions. Sneaky reassurance seeking from friends and confessing my thoughts. Excessive ruminating trying to find an answer, can take so long out of my life that I can't eat or drink. Researching my thoughts and asking people. Repeating prayers in my head constantly even though I'm not religious anymore but I get so disturbed by my thoughts.

Remember thoughts are just thoughts, feelings are just feelings. We generally cannot control our thoughts or feelings, and even groinal responses. No matter how much you want to, they just happen and they 100% happen more when you’re worried about them happening, instead except it. Say “that’s just my silly thoughts again” or whatever it may be, say oh it’s just that silly thing again. Don’t try to work it out, don’t try to ignore it, allow them to come but don’t solve them. Just expect that they’re there . The best advise I was ever told is OCD is like a drunk person, they start to say silly things such as “omg I’m such a silly person” or “Ong you’re so great you’re the strongest person alive” you don’t actually believe what they say because they’re speaking nonsense, but you most likely will reply with “oh yes you’re right” because you’re trying to just please them, but it doesn’t mean you agree with them. You’re just trying to “shut them up” basically. For example if you kept saying “no I’m not” “not that’s not true” “no don’t be silly” the drunk person would carry on saying “no yes you are” etc etc… this is the same with ocd, the more you try to argue with it and say “no this isn’t true” the more it’ll say “yes it is” however if you just say “yes okay you’re right” (even tho it’s not) it’ll start to show ocd that you aren’t picking a fight anymore, you’re just excepting it and it’ll start to get easier. Trust me you aren’t alone in this. Ocd is scary. But you can do this. Some other techniques that have helped me massively is this… When you’re getting these unwanted thoughts etc, name 5 things you can see around you, 2 things you can smell or 2 things you like the smell of, 3 things you can hear and 5 things you can feel, such as touch your hair etc and describe how it feels, etc. this is a way of just distracting yourself. It’s a very good technique for ocd and I went from getting 20 showed a day due to my ocd down to 3 showers a day…. From using this. It works!!! Or take deep breaths that also helps people You aren’t a bad person, you’re just suffering with ocd and that doesn’t make you a bad person

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging minors and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... ChatGPT just told me I inappropriately messaged minors when I dont ever want to be like those dirty disgusting youtubers who inappropriately messaged them and did P3do stuff with them at all... Im so triggered please someone help me...

Today, I accidentally said "sit with the thought and let the thought be there." And now I'm obsessing that because I used "and", that now "sit with the thought" and "let the thought be there" mean two different things. I should have said: "Sit with the thought. Let the thought be there." I'm afraid that because I said sit with the thought AND let the thought be there, that this means make the thought real 😞

I used to be able to determine what was my OCD and what’s real life but now it’s all just blending together. I literally can’t tell what’s true between what’s not true. my overthinking is absolutely terrible and rituals and everything is just crumbling.

I think I’ve learned with having OCD for almost 10 years being diagnosed for 5 Is that you have to fight every day and use your ERP and tools. I’ve gone through multiple relapses. I’ve had bad days bad weeks bad months, but I always remind myself to keep going to keep fighting. It’s OK to be discouraged every now and then what we have to deal with every day is tough and most people won’t ever understand. But I think that we are the real warrior la that are fighting a battle. No one can see. And I’m proud of everyone. I am a religious man. I used to see this as a curse and something I didn’t want in my life at all. But now I’m starting to see as a blessing which may sound odd. But I feel like I was given this so I could help others Reach peace and freedom. Hope everyone’s having a good day today, keep fighting. Don’t give up. We got this.