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I relate more to this than OCD which furthers my “OCD doubt”

I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore

Is anyone else just confused by their ocd all of the time?? I was diagnosed 2 months ago and I feel more confused than ever. I have no idea what’s an intrusive thought, when I’m ruminating or doing mental compulsions or what my “themes” are. I guess I don’t really have intrusive thoughts the way it seems others do and I don’t struggle with themes that are extremely taboo or frightening so I’m always just extremely confused and frustrated. I feel like I just have a lot of intrusive doubt and I think a ton but don’t really know when I’m ruminating or not?? I have comorbid depression and anxiety so I’ve no idea what’s what. Do other people struggle with this?? How do I try to begin to identify these things or know if what I’m doing mentally is a compulsion or not?!

I’ve recently started dating a guy. It’s been a little over a week and I’m already questioning my feelings for him. Our first date went pretty well, but since then I’ve been obsessing over the fact that my feelings for him aren’t strong enough and that they’re sometimes flat. This is very distressing because I dated someone last year for 3 months whom I never really developed much feelings for, and it was very traumatic for me because I felt like I was leading him on (which to be fair, I never told him my feelings were up and down until 3 months in). The amount of guilt I hold over that is tremendous. But fast forward a year later, and I’m dating this new guy who I seem to like and want to continue getting to know, yet here are those same doubts and loss of feelings. It’s so discouraging. The only difference this time is the thoughts aren’t as distressing, and I also never left the first date questioning my feelings for him. Looking back at my relationship from a year ago, I feel like I never really formed a connection, both emotionally and physically. It was very slow paced and I really wasn’t that interested in him. With the new guy, I have interest and I do like him, but these doubts and dull feelings make me not want to see him—they create so much anxiety and dread. He will text me good morning and I don’t get excited but instead bad anxiety (which to me seems abnormal especially when first dating/starting a relationship, but I could be wrong). And so I’ve been led to believe that these doubts and feelings MUST mean I’m not interested in him, and any further interactions are purely me forcing myself to like him. My question here is—and I must admit this is me trying to seek reassurance—there must be a difference between GENUINELY not being interested in someone and then OCD TRICKING you into thinking you aren’t into someone. Where and how is that distinction made? I’m seeing him later this evening for a date and have been feeling nervous. There’s excitement underneath, but it’s very hard to feel with all this anxiety. I’ll be giving him a letter I wrote explaining how OCD impacts me in relationships. He already knows I have the disorder, but doesn’t realize its extent. I know I’m ritualizing by giving him this letter, but I personally feel I owe it to him out of pure respect. And especially after that last relationship where I told the guy 3 months in that my feelings fluctuated.

Can ocd convince you momentarily you want your intrusive thoughts only to snap out of it

How to stop it It's fueled my ocd to the extent that I am confused whether the thought came just because of ocd or it's me who is thinking it Purposefully I'm suffering from pure ocd magical thinking ocd Pls reply

(Post also goes into topics of moral scrupulosity and a mention of abuse.) - Hi, so I’m not here to seek reassurance—although I understand and acknowledge my obsessive-compulsive tendencies are feeding into this and my anxiety around it—but I’d really like other people’s input on this. I had a lost a friendship a month ago. It was over Discord. I am very active in fandom, and was in a character role play server with other adult fans for a little over a year. I had met this person in said server, who would go on to be my friend. We became very close, to the point where we both shared our mental health-related struggles (on my end I shared that I have both autism and OCD). I expressed that I wanted to do more stuff in my real-life and build a career in the arts for myself on several occasions and the high-energy atmosphere was generally overwhelming to me. I communicated this with them and other server members. The server I was a part of has high standards for in-character role play. Many of the writers in there are very talented, and are able to write practically novella-length responses to each other. This response length is normal and high literacy is expected. I’ve been doing this hobby in different fanbases for over 10 years, and I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older I’ve had less and less energy for longer responses. I had a hard time accepting this until very recently, because role play is a lot of fun for me and my people-pleasing tendencies makes me want to write longer and longer responses for them. I want to continue doing this hobby, but I just don’t have the time, energy, or dedication to it like I used to have. So, back to my friendship with this other person and I: we had a role play with our characters going, and I’ve been growing more and more distant from the server. I want to emphasize: I wasn’t distant for any kind of negative reason. I still liked all of my mutuals and friends on there, and talking and exchanging banter when I could, but my general interest was waning. This wasn’t due to any member of the server; I had no personal qualms or gripes with anyone to cause this distance. It was a combination of my interests changing at that time and wanting to put my focus toward other things. I hadn’t responded to my friend’s role play exchange at this point in time for around three months. I hardly ever have a gap in responses like that. Again, it was a combination of all the factors I listed before that contributed to it. I was so sure I’d be able to muster the energy to respond, and I’d assure them I would before, but it never happened. This gap in response time had hurt them. I apologized to them one-on-one about this, and we had a nice heart-to-heart about it. I was so scared that they’d take my distance and lack of socializing in the server as malicious, but they seemed to understand that all of it wasn’t intentional. I had thought we had come to a greater understanding, learned what I could do to be a more attentive and better friend to meet their needs, and could move on from this as stronger friends. Two weeks pass, I’m not very active in the server again, but I made an effort to reach back out to them one-on-one and give them an update on my side of things. I had more time to sit with my thoughts and assess how I want to put myself out there on the server again, or even if I wanted to, still a bit intimidated by it and throwing myself in, being as insecure as I am. I had a better understanding of my new relationship to role play as a hobby, and explained to them that it’s changed, alluding to how I couldn’t output as much as I used to. I was given a very short response, essentially telling me that they’re sorry to hear that and hope I find what I’m looking for. I felt my gut twist up at seeing this, because of our previous conversation from the beginning of the month made it sound like we were on good terms. I then go back into the server, out of our private correspondence, and see a vague post being made by them a minute or two after our exchange. They said that the person they were venting about and being upset with had been victimizing themselves and called their actions abusive. I took this to mean, based on the vagueness and timing of the post, that this had to be about me. I am extremely sensitive around the subject matter of abuse, and I spiraled immediately. I didn’t talk to them after this, thinking that if they really perceived me this way, that I don’t want to do more damage than I already have, despite me really wanting to explain myself. It took me a couple of days to ground myself and assess the situation, but I found it in myself to finally leave the server. What held me back was the fear that I’d be retaliated against privately by other mutuals from the server if they had seen my departure. This didn’t happen. I haven’t heard anything from these old friends and mutuals since me leaving the server. It’s been a little over a month since this happened, but I’m still guilt-ridden, confused, hurting, and conflicted. I’m a whirlwind of doubt, uncertainty, and shame. Does any of what I described here sound abusive? Was I abusive in this dynamic? Was I in the wrong on all of this? Should I reach back out to them and apologize? And if so, how? I don’t know if I want to talk to them again after this, either. Does that make me selfish? I’m at a loss of what to do and how to perceive it all. Thank you for reading.

Hello! Thank You For Reading this!!! I got alot of fears. OCD. There is 1 fear, that is the scariest fear for me, one that i'm having for the last 5 years, i'm searching for answers. It's all about fears, OCD and Electricity. It would help me so much to get my questions answered. I'm afraid of things and i dont know if its a real fear and threat or OCD. Let me explain. My biggest fear of all time is electricity and electricity shock. I'm afraid that if i do something without knowing it, it will cause something really bad. My questions are: 1. If i put a glass of water or a other drink next to a socket, can i still eat and drink that? Does food and drinks absorb electricity? 2. One of my OCD Compulsions are: Washing my hands, and sometimes even taking a shower after i did something with electricty. Think of, plugging something in a socket. Or putting my broken phone charger into my phone. Or anything else about that topic. May i ask, is this a real threat & if not, how can i conquer that biggest fear(s)? 3. If my face touches accidentally a broken phone charger or a socket or something Electricity, would that be dangerous? 4. Accidentally if i walk out the shower with wet hair, and if my hair touches a light, would that be extremely dangerous for my head and me? 5. Turning on and off and on and off the shower and lights to be safe. 6. Putting a headphone on after charging the headphone. With many fears and compulsions. 7. Putting on clothes/clothing that touched something electricity or a socket. A big Fear. You get the point. As you can read, i'm doing alot of compulsions, because that keeps me safe. I'm doing all of that because my biggest main fear. That is: If something happened, like in scenario 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7. Or something else. Anything you can think of. For a great example, eating or drinking something that accidentally touched the socket. If i would get a shock of the electricity, a small one or a big one, would that change my personality? Let me explain. I love music, movies, guitar, doing stuff i like, and so much more. But after that electricity shock, i change completely. For example, i dont like music anymore and i become very rude, a completely new person. Someone i would never want to be. Or getting thoughts and feelings and doing action, that is never would do? My question is: is that a real fear and threat and is that how it works? How does it work? Reality? Or is it the OCD and is the fear not real? Can someone explain Electricity for me? How do i know if something is a real Electricity threat and danger, and what not? What are the dangers? That would be AMAZING! I'm so thankful for nocd and all the people who are helping other people. Everyone. Thank You! Have an amazing day!

i’m so stressed about college. i’m SO worried about meeting people, talking to people, making friends, meeting my roommates, etc. i’m scared that they won’t like me. i’m scared that i’ll say/do something that i couldn’t control and then they all hate me. i’ve been so on edge with my ocd lately, and it’s not very out of the ordinary to have me wanna do something like. weird. but it’s also just like…anything can happen. that little “your chances may be low, but they’re never zero” is always in the back of my head and it stresses me OUT. “the chances of you doing some weird and crazy thing or something out of pocket to your new roommates are very low, but never zero” like that TERRIFIES me dude. idk what to do. on top of it, im scared that they might accidentally do something and contaminate me or my surroundings or anything and then there’s nothing i can do about it. im always VERY particular with keeping things clean, with who can touch them, etc etc, but what if they do something behind my back? or what if they don’t but i think that they did and im stuck instead my head for the next like day or so? i’m so scared. i dont know what to do. does anybody have any college experiences they can share to help me?

It is crazy how long I have been suffering from OCD without even knowing, since most of my compulsions are mental. Now that I'm more able to identify OCD, it is insane how sneaky it is and tries to direct every negative emotion towards my theme. My therapist is wonderful and even though some of the things she says trigger my OCD. I know it's because I can't know for certain and that's the whole point of OCD therapy. I'm nervously optimistic about the future, but the idea of not knowing for certain is still really triggering for me.

(Please don’t be rude to me if you do reply. I know I could’ve handled it better) So my sister and I recently got into an argument, and I haven’t been able to stop obsessing over it. I still don’t know if I should apologize or just let it go. The argument started over me needing to wash some clothes. She told me they were already clean, but I explained they weren’t. They’re my clothes, and I know when they need to be washed. She pushed back and said I didn’t need to, and when I asked how it affected her, she said doing laundry costs her money. That was the first time I heard laundry being a problem. I offered to send her money for it, but she said no and told me I couldn’t wash my clothes at her house anymore and that I’d have to wait until I get to college. For context, I don’t have a car, I’m 18, and I’m temporarily staying with her because of a difficult home situation. Which gives me nowhere else to wash my clothes. I got frustrated because this wasn’t the first time she’s changed her mind after saying yes to something. I know she has every right to set boundaries in her home, but I just wish she had said something earlier instead of switching up at the last minute. It felt sudden and harsh. Part of the frustration comes from our dynamic. My sister can be very controlling. She likes things done her way, and sometimes it feels like she says no just because she can. For example A little while ago, my sister offered to pay me to complete three tasks after I quit my job. I agreed and started on them, but midway through she changed her mind and said she’d only pay me for one. I get that she might’ve had her own reasons, but it still affected me, especially since I was relying on that money. For that reason in the moment, I felt like I had to stand up for myself. But now I’m looking back and realizing she really didn’t owe me anything, even if I didn’t agree with how it was handled. Later on, my brother told me, “They don’t owe you an explanation. It’s their house.” And while I know that’s technically true, hearing that really stung. I grew up in an environment where I was constantly told “don’t ask questions” or “you don’t need to know,” so now when people say things like that, it hits hard. It brings back that feeling of being shut out or disregarded. I also found out after the argument from someone else that my sister and her husband had been annoyed about how often I was doing laundry and thought it might’ve been OCD-related. It’s not. I just don’t have many clothes here, so I wash when I run out. They never told me directly. They only mentioned it to my mom and brother, so I had no idea it was even a problem. If I’d known, I would’ve figured something else out with my clothes…but instead my sister blew up on me causing a drawn out argument where I genuinely thought she was being her usual controlling bossy self just because she can. I’m not trying to be entitled. I know I’m staying here for free, and I genuinely appreciate it. I just wish people understood that communication isn’t about owing someone anything. It’s about respect. If someone expects something, and you say yes multiple times, and then suddenly say no at the last minute, it’s hard not to feel hurt or caught off guard. I’ve been replaying this whole thing in my head nonstop. I don’t want to keep obsessing over situations like this. Ik that no one is right in a misunderstanding it’s just about perspective…but as I continue to replay it in my head I just sound so entitled. I was just frustrated because my sister always finds something to push me around about I misread the situation and escalated it. In reality I was racking up the bills and in reality they didn’t need to tell me that (which they didn’t) I was just supposed to walk away and accept the no. I just hate being the “bad guy” in situations. My sister told my brother in law and I’m pretty sure they’re both annoyed with me being here. (I’m not trying to be a victim that’s just the vibe I’m getting) I want to learn how to let things go without letting them take over my mind. If anyone relates or has advice, I’d appreciate it.

Hi all, I have false memory ocd, harm ocd and pure ocd, I also suffer really badly from intrusive thoughts every single day. I was minding my nephew last weekend and I got an intrusive thought that I’m ashamed off, I’m now worried that I acted on that intrusive thought and just can’t remember, there’s also a false memory image in my head of me acting on the thought which I’m scared is actually a memory even though deep down I know I didn’t act on it. I’m worried though that the fact I even had this thought in the first place means I’m inherently a bad person who would act on these thoughts. My stomach is sick with the worry I may have acted on it and can’t Remember, anyone else ever have something like this? I start meds and therapy next week so hoping that helps

What is the solution for ocd what if question?

I feel like I did something bad but when my brother smiles at me or wants to get near me I’m suspicious like what if he’s the one doing something to me I’m just like he feels comfortable with me so he feels safe around me but what if he’s the one doing something he looks at me and I’m just suspicious because why does he keep looking at me It’s the same when I keep looking at him it feels like I’m fixated to his face I just can’t with this it’s either me or him I feel like garbage

I have had OCD my whole life and was diagnosed by a therapist 2 years ago. Specifically I struggle a lot with health, contamination and pure ocd. I was doing exposures and really felt like I conquered by contamination ocd. With the health ocd I have an intense fear I will have a food or medicine allergy and go into anaphylactic shock. This takes up a lot of my energy day to day. Within the past year, we bought a home, renovated and recently got married. My husband wants to start trying for a baby soon but I am not ready at all because of how much I feel like I have gone backwards with my anxiety and ocd. This spiked a lot with the stress of wedding planning. I’m scared pregnancy will spike my health/contamination ocd even more and I won’t be able to handle it. I always wanted babies but now that it’s getting closer and I know how much ocd I truly have I am so nervous I will cause myself and baby more stress than good. Does anyone have positive stories of TTC/pregnancy/PP and motherhood with ocd?

I was recently prescribed Zoloft for my OCD and GAD. I was started on 12.5mg once a day. I’m really nervous and I’d love any good advice. I’m scared of gaining weight and becoming numb (what I’ve heard on tiktok). Is 12.5 or 25 mg enough for one to feel numb to emotions or crying?

Trying my best to stop ruminating and practice acceptance and the possibility and not possibility of things being real. How many times am I going to have to tell myself the exact same thing

i'm suffering so much, i don't know if this is only OCD but i can'f do this. i'mm to frustrated to even type or do anything so ignroe the awful spelling. i'm so sick of this, i keep having such extreme urge in my hands to move, also in my arms & legs. it's a stmptom of medicatuon that i had but i had it before & still jow it keeps getting worse. every sibgle thought intrusive or not keeps yelling at me, i have no rest, i can't rest. i can physically feel every single thought, i want to crawl out of my body. i have the urge to touch everything , i cant do this sorry im feeling so fucking awful. i feel weird. pleadhelpme i already spoke about this with someone & i tried to test some things out but its still just so extreme. i cant do anything at the moment jot even lay down, half if this is OCD half is bot i dont even care i keep attemtping anythunv to make it go away

I hate each and every one of them. They're money hungry people who gatekeep the mental health I need all because I'm unemployed. I can't function because these idiots charge like $200 each session. They skimp when it comes to the sliding scale. It's all about profit to them. I'm right here dealing with an OCD loop that has been lasting like 3 days and there is no way to stop it because I've been priced out.

Where it's like "help the poor, oppressed, marginalized or youre a bad person" but also "don't help them too much cause that's saviorism" but also "don't talk about how you help because that's virtue signaling ," but also "silence is complicit speak out!" Like how do we know if we are doing the morally right thing?