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the NOCD Community

Today I was listening to a sermon, and it was about pleasing God. Sometimes the preacher mentioned people who are not right with God, and I got scared. Sometimes I wonder what if it is conviction. But then I go and I pray but there’s some anxiety and I feel like I’m trying to force myself to do something. So it feels like either I was triggered by the sermon and as a compulsion I tried to pray really hard, or am I ignoring something? I feel like I am being OCD but I fear what if that is conviction. I know that repentance is not always easy, but I feel like sometimes I put unnecessary burdens on myself.

Recently I came to the realization that Chatgpt was feeding into my obsession, I was using it to spiral and ask the same question over and over again about my sexuality hoping to get the right answer. Has anyone else experienced anything similar with ChatGPT or Ai harming their ocd?

I’m really struggling with real event ocd at the moment because I feel like no one else has done what I did so I’m the exception. I spoke about this already here but I’ve literally been crying every day I feel so hopeless at the moment I wish I could just go back to the years I spent doing this thing and stop myself because my life could have been so much different now. I hate myself so much because I cannot forgive myself. What I did isn’t morally bad it just does not align with my current identity so I really struggle with accepting myself because of my past mistakes. I wish so badly that I had a friend who went through the same thing because I feel so alone

I am so afraid of developing schizophrenia or completely snapping im always checking to see if im hearing voices or if im seeing things im always making sure that I really heard what I heard from people and not in my head.

hiya, it's been a while because i was finally getting better.im a straight girl and i've been dealing with so-ocd severely for about a year now. i originally used to obsess over this one girl at my school and it was so bad and literally interfered with everything. after lots and lots of patience and avoiding compulsions i got over that false attraction and i felt myself be okay again. this year i have developed another attachment to someone, and im struggling all over again. also i thought id share that i experience friend crushes which is where you just wanna become closer to someone if that makes sense. anyways originally i was experiencing that and then my ocd keeps telling me what if its more and what if i am gay? i've completely forgot what it felt like but the thing is, it feels so real!!! i feel excited to see her and wanna be around her but everytime i freak out and obsess about the thought i could like her as more then a friend. deep down i know i don't because i don't feel any romantic feelings and i shouldn't feel such negative emotions and anxiety if it wasn't my ocd. i am so sorry for the rant but im back to square one. 😭😭

Hello, I’m a mother. My son is 17 and he has contamination OCD. We have been trying different ways to support him but he refused to see any therapist. He is struggling with paranoia and intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts make him so angry that he get yelly, throwing and breaking some furniture, and just yesterday he put a hole in the wall. He admitted that these didn’t help him feel any better, in fact it made him feel worse (because he didn’t want to act as such). We are doing our best to support him, talking with him but he refused to talk about those intrusive thoughts and paranoia. What do you suggest me to do? What would be helpful for me to do so he can talk with me more? We desperately want him to get help but he wouldn’t. Thank you in advance!

So I’m severely emetophobic but these past few weeks have gotten SO bad. I had a bad reaction to an SSRI that made me feel like I was gonna throwup, I stopped taking them over two weeks ago but ever since then the fear has got even worse. I haven’t left the house properly in weeks because I’ve convinced myself I’ll be sick. I feel nauseous even indoors a lot of the time (there are hours when I don’t, like for example this afternoon I was fine). But I challenged myself to go for a short walk this evening and omg it was so hard I really thought I might throwup. The thing is I KNOW it’s anxiety and not real nausea because it feels completely different to when I was actually nauseous from the medication. This feeling is more like a tight throat/sensation of a lump in my throat that makes me feel like I’m gonna gag. I also have RCPD (I can’t burp basically lol) so I just feel like I have trapped air in my throat that’s gonna make me puke. The phobia has gotten really really bad. I have started therapy recently but I’ve been scared of throwing up since I was a kid and I’m now 31 lol wtf. I remember last Christmas my mum said someone at her work had been sick and I was so scared my mum had caught it and would pass it on to me that I refused to leave my bedroom without wearing gloves and a mask and wiping everything with anti-germ wipes. But right now it’s so so bad because I have literally gotten to the point where I’ve convinced myself I feel nauseous pretty much 24/7 and I am taking anti-nausea meds almost every day. Has anyone else dealt with/has tips for this??? I’m literally desperate 😭

So I've had ocd for about 9 or 10 months so I'm wondering will it ever get better without a therapist

Was chilling with my housemate and we was watching family guy the episode was of Peter griffin and the other guy forgot his name dressed up as police beating up a cleveland (black guy) and she was like look look and then laughing saying they’re gonna do a racist joke and I understood the context behind it but me as a black women idk I felt uncomfortable with her saying I do find racist jokes funny no race is safe they even mocked Portuguese people (We both speak Portuguese but she’s white) Like idk am I overthinking it for not wanting to be like hanging with her anymore why do ppl always have to ruin something we had such a good night.

So been trying to do erp with my therapist for a while now, and tis really hard and feels like it's not working. Il get this weird sensation or feeling that makes me feel"gay" or as if I'm attracted to someone, and I know my therapist keeps telling me" you don't have to put meaning into the thoughts or feelings" but that seems impossible to do because and I'm sorry to say, it makes me feel that specific way. And I'll use the Erp quotes, "maybe maybe not" or"the more I struggle, the worse it gets" or"these feelings and thoughts are here, but I'm choosing to let them be" and I'll do nothing and try to let it be here but it's so distracting and feels very real, and it's like this sensation, small or big and it last all day, and even just sitting with it isn't working. And my therapist will tell me"you don't have to believe in it" and I'm sorry I feel like if it were that easy, OCD would have never been a problem in the first place, or live with uncertainty, however it doesn't feel like uncertainty, but feels very truthful or valid. Idk what I'm doing wrong tho

I have a friend that’s asking me questions about God but I don’t feel like I know enough about the Bible as much as I should. So I don’t really feel worthy enough to preach it bc I should know more but I feel like my Bible time hasn’t been that great

i have a family friend who i've been friends with years. we caught up and i asked her how shes doing, and shes doing good. she went traveling after undergrad and right after her mom got her into her company- basically nepotism. but thats okay i guess. and i was super happy for her and congratulated her. but when she asked me how i was doing, i was honest. i told her something i never told her which was i was being verbally abused by my mom and i told her what my moms been doing to me tormenting me because im unemployed. my friend was like "im sorry about that." and super awkward. she said the right things i guess but it didn't seem genuine and she seemed super off after i told her. she offered to drive by or i come to her house whenever, and that this stuff needs to be talked about. but it felt super fake when she was saying it. then when i asked her about any fun stuff shes doing she immediately started talking more and being happy again and had a lot to say. i felt really rejected. i also told her i got into a masters and she was like "cool" and she didn't really congratulate me. she then asked questions like "you sure you can handle it if you get a full time job" and i said yes and that most of the people in my program do that. i also got a part time job recently which is really important (she knows) because i have been so broke for a while and it was taking a toll on me, but all she said was "oh okay" while awkwardly laughing. then we kept talking and she said some stuff like "you know this girl she's doing really great she works ___ and now is moved to ____" and i was happy for that too. but i kinda felt like things were rubbed in my face. and to some extent inside i felt like i was being compared. and my other friends had real and nice reactions. they are here for me at my low like i was for them. and i have the feeling this friend only wants to hang out with me when im "doing good" in her terms. which means on her level. if im gonna be honest, i have two bachelors and a masters. and tons of experience. and she got her job through nepotism with zero experience, it kinda makes me feel weird. sorry for comparing but i feel very vulnerable right now after this catch up with her, i know i shouldn't compare.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF GASLIGHTING AND MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA I was looking to laugh with some memes in a Reddit subreddit but I ended up stumbling with an antipsychiatry post saying that OCD is a bad diagnosis and that mental health is a myth, and something about OCD being something that's blaming an external entity and being gaslighted, and I'm panicking now, I know it's a post only but it was enough for me to get triggered and completely question who i am. I kinda don't know what to do, after all i did get told that I was suffering with OCD but that post sent me into a spiral questioning my identity and who i even was and what my thoughts even mean now.

I feel like OCD has taken up a massive chunk of my life. I don't really have anything else, most of my time has been spent with obsessions for years. I'm 21 so I know I'm young and everything but that is time I won't get back, and it's had aeasurable impact on my future, with stuffike grades, or just missing out on social stuff due to obsessions. I wasn't even aware of what was wrong with me for so long.

Like being afraid you’re not handling your thoughts right? Being afraid if your counselor knew you were ruminating they’d be disappointed.

I have a theory that OCD is the human instinct to protect themselves, their family/ tribe and the values that keep it together. Intrusive thoughts are to me your brain basically reminding you of threats that could possibly happen to your tribe. By that logic I feel like other animals with a similar social situation probably have OCD- like symptoms too. I’ve heard dogs have it so I don’t doubt that wolves or cows have it too.

I came home from a trip today to find mold growing out of every vent in my apartment. This has been an intrusive thought of mine for a long time (i.e. everything is infected, spores in my possessions, spores in the air) and I feel like this has just confirmed everything I thought to be true. I’ve been reading statistics about mold to try to calm down (how common it is to have an issue with mold in vents and how low the chances are of illness from it) but I don’t know how to stop thinking about it being everywhere. Any advice?

Im worried i have a cancer lump in my chest, i cant tell if it's a lump or just fatty tissue im so worried

This is about OCD but also I just want to rant, I feel very lonely at times. My dad died when I was very young & as the oldest daughter I feel like I’ve had to be strong my entire life. My friends & family love and support me but for some reason I’ve never felt comfortable being vulnerable or discussing my feelings. Everyone tells me I’m the person they go to for advice/support but I have never once opened up to anyone, it almost feels impossible to do so. I mask so well that none of my friends or family know I struggle. No one has ever seen me cry. Also, as a college student with a small group of friends who go out of state, I don’t have many friends in my area so that contributes to feeling isolated. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, & ADHD. As long as I can remember I’ve felt like a bad person and undeserving of love unless i prove myself by being good or useful. I try to keep myself working, volunteering & double majoring in school to feel worthy of love. I genuinely do love life & am so thankful because I feel very blessed. I have good friends & family. But I also feel isolated. (Ik I isolate myself but at the same time I don’t know how to stop). Anyways back in December I broke up with my bf who I had dated for yearsss. He really violated my trust & cheated on me after making me feel crazy for so long & swearing he would never betray me again. It hurt deeply. But ofc I handled it the only way I know how. By being strong. I self isolated. I didn’t tell any of my friends for weeks that we broke up and when I did, I didn’t tell them why (to preserve his image). No one saw how badly it hurt me. To everyone else I seemed fine. I started coping with it in embarrassing ways. I had casual sex with multiple people very quickly that clearly only wanted that from me & didn’t care about me as a person. I am ashamed of this. I’ve stopped meeting new people and decided that’s not the way I want to be and I want to put my energy into healthy outlets. But sometimes in moments of weakness I have had relations with past people (wanting to feel loved & desired & wanted). Anyways my recent theme of OCD has been health + morality related, specifically the fear that I have an STD. I started having some bodily sensations (that i’ve had in the past & aren’t STD related) and started worrying that I may have an STD. When I get health anxiety, I sometimes avoid doctors. I did that for about a month but finally scheduled an appt for Monday. But now the guilt is eating at me and saying “what if you had an STD this whole time & knowingly gave it to others bc you avoided doctors?” That causes me a lot of guilt & shame. I know this is OCD so I’m trying not to ask for reassurance. Sorry that was so long, this is the first time I’ve ranted in a very long time. I just want someone to see me.

Is it wrong to not want to help a narcissist I feel bad because as a Christian you should but then also need boundaries. It’s so hard and I feel selfish for not wanting to help and it’s probably making these situations worse but I always just try to not be around this person any chance I get. If anyone has advice or has experience with narcissist people that would be appreciated