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I feel as tho this is what I want and thoughts dont really disgust me. Anyone relate and some coping strategies?

It’s been a while since I’ve been here but now I’m back and more stressed than ever. I’ve gotten to the point for I am severely numb and I have no idea what my identity is. Humans have basic needs in life, and when you lose one of those like identity, love, etc. life just doesn’t seem worth while. I feel like im stuck being a lone wolf for the rest of my life, fighting in a war that’s all in my head, and I have no rescue or reinforcements to help. I can’t talk to friends, family, and not even my therapist. Even though I should talk to them, I know damn well they will not understand. All they can do is give me the illusion that they know how I feel. I wish I could just live my life, but I can’t because I have no clue what I am. I’ve tried to remind myself of who I am, but intrusive thoughts after another, I just can’t. I just recently called the NSP Hotline, but I can’t talk to a person that seems like they just wanna hurry up the call so they can go home. So now I’m here thinking about what the actual fuck I should do? I don’t have ppl that really know the struggle and give me genuine helpful advice. Therapy can help but it’s just me talking about my day rather than the actual problem at hand

I have this intrusive thought and extreme questioning that I'm changing and that I am no longer suited for my bf and then I just saw a tiktok that said smtg like "Do you just ever start hating your favorite person bc you both grew into different direction" and i'm so triggered and I'm about to have a panic attack rn

I’ve been called those things my whole fucking life and at first they didn’t rlly get to me. I’m like 4’11 which is obviously very petite but there are actual adults that are smaller than me but for some reason I’m always the one getting picked on, even at 19. By “friends” (not the ones I have now), family members, so many people. And it drove me to obsessively measure myself, find videos on how to grow taller, constantly monitor my posture, and wear shoes that add height. I’ve noticed that other girls that are only 2-3 inches taller never have the same issues. Yeah maybe here and there, but not to the extent of what I have to go through. They’re also the prettier ones, more successful, more likable, so on. I’m just so tired of feeling this way, especially when I was getting so close to accepting it anyway.

I’ve found myself in a sort of hellish situation lately, and I wonder if others have similar experiences with it since it seems pretty plausible. Basically I’ll have an OCD episode, get super anxious, end up disassociating because I’m so anxious, and then feel even WORSE because when I disassociate it feels like I’m not in control of my body- and I worry I’ll lose control of myself and my morals in that state. Anyone have tips? Or even stories of a similar experience?

I keep oscillating between telling myself that a faint memory could’ve been true since it popped into my head in a moment of distress and it was the first immediate memory I had so therefore it must’ve happened, and that I’m just in denial and trying to make it OCD so I can live with the fact that it “might not have happened”. I’m so scared that it did happen and that I’m relying on the fact that I didn’t remember the specifics so that I can have the possibility of it not happening. It’s not something I condone today nor does it reflect who I am nor does it seem like something I would do, but if so, why did it feel so familiar ? I have evidence that my memory is really distorted at times and it combines things and I was in a state of such panic that I might’ve just compiled memories together that is the worse scenario (since it’s something I’m so afraid of happening). But then I keep getting scared that I’m just in denial because I feel a faint familiarity to certain things. I’m honestly so panicked and sad and heartbroken. I keep fearing I did something wrong and faint memories would pop into my head and I would question when it happened and try to remember everything and it would anger me that I couldn’t remember everything. And it feels so wrong for me to just live with the fact that something could’ve happened even though it’s not reflective of who I am today. It feels immoral to not confess. I just want words of comfort and understanding and I just need to know I have hope for the future and I can be happy. Please help.

I suffer with religious OCD scrupulosity so my thoughts insult God literally everyday do your insults become apart of how you actually talk like apart of your everyday vocabulary like usually you would say something completely different but your ocd drilled it in your brain so much that's its become apart how you talk and view others

My obsessive thoughts have been relentless lately and all centered around the belief that my mind is slipping cognitively as a result of the constant stress OCD and anxiety subject my brain too. Iv read a lot about how years of chronic stress can make you a higher risk for early onset dementia and i can’t stop worrying that I’m headed in that direction. How can I break this awful thought cycle. I’m exhausted by all the worrying. Thanks

I feel guilty every time I'm happy. I have cheating OCD, I read articles about having an emotional affair.. it said when you have an emotional affair you share details of your relationship to your friend. In fact, you love sharing your trouble and you love it when your friend listens to you so well. I have this guy friend who knows about my struggles with OCD and my relationship whenever I felt like it was falling apart. I would rant to him, he said I should prepare for a break up because my boyfriend wasn't making effort and I'm not his fav person if he doesn't text me that much cuz no one is too busy to text back. I was like yeah I agreed because I literally felt it was a one sided relationship and I couldn't open up to my boyfriend about this because of my past relationship it causes me anxiety, like I'm afraid if I complain about something to my boyfriend he'll get upset and tired of me.. so I had no choice but rant to my friend for the sake of advice. I did like few things about my guy friend but i see him as my brother. And idk what to do. Life is getting too tough and overwhelming and now I'm convinced that I cheated. Whenever I panicked because of something I would think of texting my bf but then I remembered he wouldnt text back.. and that frustrated me, and now I'm about to tell my boyfriend about all of this.. I'm guilty and I feel like I don't deserve happiness at all.

im having thoughts that i dont have ocd. im not !!extremely!! educated on it but i do know quite a few things, i follow quite a few insta pages for tips and encouraging quotes and i have googled quite a bit on it. i haven't been diagnosed but i have been obsessing over specific intrusive thoughts for a few months now. and i just had another thought that i dont have ocd since I've only ever really overly obsessed over two different themes being real event/false memory. (especially with the "what if" questions") but I've gotten over most of it (for now at least) except for a few thoughts every now and then that get me rlly anxious, and now im thinking that i never had ocd and that i was just overly anxious over these thoughts and that i was just using ocd as an excuse. im pretty sure anxiety and ocd are related in a way, and i do have really bad anxiety but idk about ocd, i wanna get diagnosed but idk how and i dont think I'd be prepared for it. i do relate to a lot of ppl who do have ocd but i feel like because the topics of my thoughts were quite serious (i didnt do anything illegal but the topics were about illegal things) that it was normal for me to make sure i was a good person and to ruminate and obsess over it, that any person would do what i was doing. and i did do a lot AND I MEAN A LOT of compulsions before i knew that what i was doing may be because of ocd, but idk. i keep thinking that if and hopefully when my current intrusive thoughts die down without me having breakdowns over them, that im just gonna be like i used to be again?? idk if thats gonna happen and it makes me nervous like I'd love for that to happen but if it does then does that mean i never had ocd in the first place?? its so UGH

Today has been a sensory hell. As I get older I’ve noticed I have a lot of sensory needs. I haven’t been diagnosed with adhd or anything like that yet (my psych said I only missed one question but he wanted to get my ptsd under control before returning to it) I have to eat a certain amount and go to bed on time certain things like that. Gone are the days of doing what I want. Going places is also limited for me now. It’s been a bad eating day. I started the day with caffeine which went south bc it suppressed my appetite and made me anxious. Ocd flared up and everything I’ve tried to eat today was a huge problem. My bf and I did a date and it was fun but by the end of the day my ears were ringing and I was very anxious. I’m still overstimulated and trying to soothe myself. Smells are the worst right now. I can’t wait to try again tomorrow. But I’ve barely eaten anything today bc of ocd and the fact that everything sounded terrible! I finally ended the night with a turkey wrap and baby carrots after fighting my ocd for like thirty minutes. I get so tired of this I wish I could go places and be normal. I have to be so careful now bc I don’t want to have a panic attack or be so anxious

Have any of you successfully weaned off of your SSRI medications? I'm about to start taking one, but I am extremely hesitant because I do not want to be on it forever. There are so many horror stories online about people who can't get off them due to the discontinuation side effects. Anyone ever get successfully treated and then stop?

Triggered over Tik tok again ugh

So I was on insta and saw a edit of Kristen Stewart in an old movie she did and she looked young but I didn’t expect for her to be SO YOUNG when she did that movie and when I saw it I was like “omg she’s so pretty like omg” then it showed her in like shorts and slim clothes and I noticed I checked her out and I was just thinking like omg she was soo skinny before and was kinda thinkng she had a nice figure at that time bc I wish I had one like that yk like I wasn’t trying to sexualize her 😭 and then someone commented “my gay awakening” and then someone else responded to that comment saying “ she was 14 in this-“ and now well I feel like I sexualized the actor younger self :( and like a pedo for noticing her body.. bc my abuser was like that too like he would litterally check me out when I was going through puberty and made comments abt me like how I had a nice body and even called me sexy when I was only 11.. now it just feels like I’m doing the same and becoming more and more like him. I wanna cry man idk what’s wrong wit me it’s like I can’t help it anymore lik with the thoughts like denying them bc they feel and seem true :( pls someone help

I read tarot today like in google and god it was horrible it triggered my health and harm ocd 100% I feel so bad

Anxiety dizziness is horrible I swear I feel that everything is in diagonal and I can’t sleep because I feel the whole room is spinning god somebody knows tips for feeling better?? If you go through this we will go out together

I feel like my friends hate me. I feel like my own family hates me. My mom won’t even help me anymore and when I bring up what’s bothering me she gets mad and won’t help me. My friends are getting tired of me and I think they hate me. Everything goes wrong. Everyday feels so dark and scary and my past keeps haunting me and it doesn’t matter what anyone says about how I should forgive myself and not be so hard on myself and I can’t do it. I was so stupid growing up as a teenager and I’m afraid of it being past 18 years old too because of a stupid and embarrassing tickling fetish I used to have and the things I’ve come across because of it during self pleasure and I didn’t know better at the time and also characters in memes and so on that had to do with the fetish and I hate myself and now I feel like everyone should hate me too. I feel like I don’t even deserve to live and that no one would miss me if I were gone. I don’t want to be a monster I never have. I never had bad intentions it was all for a stupid fetish 💔 I’m sorry I just need to vent. It’s been bothering me for years and now I feel so haunted

I’ve struggled with OCD since I was 12. Some body dysmorphia popped up a couple of years later. Now in my early 30’s I have been diagnosed with both. I read they were highly related. When I was twelve my OcD started with a fear of germs and now BDD is driving my OCD right now. I am constantly thinking/fearing troubles on my face and having issues checking/comparing flaws. Driving myself crazy here. It also jumps from my face to a body part. It jumps around but it’s really affecting the quality of my life. Is anyone else struggling with these two disorders together? Were you able to find help?

I feel like every time I get a negative emotion like anxiety or anger or frustration or stress a gross sexual or violent though will automatically generate in my mind and I’m pretty sure I’m doing that on purpose and also flexing my (tmi) vagina muscles every time, this is all day even when I’m working. If I don’t think the bad thought/maybe flex the muscles I feel anxious or something like it’s a compulsion to relieve anxiety, but a bad one. Am I a sicko? I think I flex muscles sometimes as an emotional reaction but is it like sexual AND when I’m thinking those bad thoughts probably intentionally ? But also it could just be ocd or is it some kind of Tourettic ocd or rarer one? I really don’t know what to do or how to help myself

I’m so nervous to start erp with my therapist as I feel it’s truly a lost cause for me and my situation. I’m any case I just want to be able to calm down. I don’t know how to stop feeling so uneasy about this. How do you stop feeling so uncomfortable with yourself and with interacting with other with pocd? I just can’t calm down and focus on anything. I isn’t want to rest existing is so incredibly painful