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i can’t sleep and i just need someone too talk too, or relate too, i’m struggling really bad.

As I was trying to check on my cat, which was in my sisters room, I noticed that the door was locked and I left because she was sleeping… my POCD and real event OCD are telling me that it’s because I’m going to do the real event again in the future when I dont ever want to do anything to my sister or any kid… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form…

Ever since my OCD and depression has gotten worse these past two years, I am disgusted by nearly everybody I talk to/everyone I was once good friends with. I find something wrong with every single person I know and have some kind of resentment towards them no matter how big or small. Even the small things that bother me about them seem astronomical and like deal breakers. I secretly wish the worst for people and are convinced they have wronged me in some way or another. I don’t consider anybody a “friend.” I view people like their garbage and get off by hurting them because I feel like it’s pay back for how they’ve made me feel at certain times. My hatred towards the world is so overwhelming at times that the anger will keep me up at night. I came from a broken home and both my parents are dead. Ever since my mother died, I turned into a monster and have been told that anger is a stage of the grieving process, I just didn’t know it would be this overbearing… I know I sound evil, but I just cannot control these thoughts. I used to be the sweetest person alive and loved everybody, but now I’m the utter opposite. It’s like I’m permanently jaded or something. It’s scary. I don’t know what to do to find any relief. I’m currently testing out all sorts of medications in hopes for some relaxation/rationalism and to be back to the way I used to be, but just can’t seem to get it right. I’m on like my 15th medication and none seem to do anything for me. Even when I vent and get good advice, it only holds me over for a couple of hours until my next outburst. I feel doomed. No I don’t feel like harming anyone or myself, I just simply don’t like people anymore.

How do you convince yourself to stop trying to “solve” the thoughts or questions when you feel really bad and it feels like if you could just resolve your doubts or figure it out you would finally feel good again?

Do you guys think that breaking up with your boyfriend will be easier then to go through all this things ( thoughts feelings etc…) I’m lost Also I wanted to create a support group on Instagram for ROCD so if you want give me your Instagram x

What if you did something really bad that your real event OCD comes back to haunt? Even when my mom reassures me that I didn't hurt anyone and that what I did is something anyone can do and that it’s not serious, I get intrusive thoughts about the real event constantly and it makes me feel extremely anxious and guilty… I was 13 when the real events happened and it's connected to my POCD….. I don't ever want to be what my intrusive thoughts tell me and I'm so scared and anxious about this... I can’t sleep because of anxiousness and guilt, and when i try to I have nightmares about it….

I wanted to share a sentiment on here for those with ROCD. I don’t know what the right way to share this is, I don’t know if it will help anybody, but I felt like sharing my story. I have ROCD, and have it bad. I would get breakup urges, doubts, mean/negative thoughts about my partner, you name it…I had it. I always wondered “will this go away if we just break up?” Maybe we should just break up if I feel this way, even if I love him. Maybe it will all stop if I give in to my urge. We broke up almost two months ago. It’s much more complex than me having an urge to break up and doing it, he needed time and space to heal from his own issues, and so do I. I have had very little to no treatment for my OCD by the way. I wanted to share with you all that no, the thoughts did not stop. They did not go away after the breakup, and two months later they are still here. They’re just different. I share this because I think this is a testament to what OCD really is. The obsessions/thoughts don’t just go away because you give into compulsions. The problem wasn’t my relationship, the problem was going untreated with OCD. The thoughts don’t stop because we broke up, they will stop when I seek help, when I do the work, and learn to live with the OCD rather than by it. I don’t know what the right thing is. I don’t know if my (now ex, for the time being) partner is the one or if he isn’t the one. I know what I feel. And while I feel devastated, heartbroken, alone, and all of the worst feelings that come with having your most cherished relationship end, I am still riddled with anxious thoughts. What this at the very least confirms to me is that my ROCD was and is very real, and that while my relationship was the obsession, it wasn’t the reason. It’s OCD, and I need to give myself space and time to recover from it. I’m going to do the work to get better, and I hope you all give yourself that space and time too.

... but I would like to find people on here around my age (I'm 38), who would be interested in proper chats and conversations outside of here (the app is great, but as there is no option to properly chat, but only blog, it's not completely satisfying my need for conversation with other OCD sufferers). I know younger people suffer from OCD, too, but certain things and views are just different, when someone is 20 years younger than me (no offence). Of course, we'd need to find out, if we get along and, if not, it should be fine to stop engaging without any hard feelings.

Ever since I developed really bad OCD and depression, I want nothing to do with my friends. I ignore them for weeks on end and they get pissy with me because I won’t go see them EVER and I just feel like they wouldn’t be able to relate to me anyway, so I just run away and hide. I feel like I barely have anybody anymore, but at the same time, I’ve been told that I do it to myself. I’m angry because I know they just don’t understand so I just don’t bother. Anybody else’s disorders cause them to disconnect with friends? I feel lonely at times and alone.

Hello, What do you do to feel better when experiencing ocd worries? I wanted to share that I am starting to practise a bit of mindfulness based on my understanding so far of it and it may be helping me. I know prioritizing difficulties to discuss with a therapist or someone I trust can be good. I know ocd can really cause a certain amount of distress, so I want to keep my life balanced. Being disciplined to rest when I can and lay down or sit to do meditation can be challenging at first. I know self-care and this app are important in my journey wi ocd right now. As well as learning to practise lightheartedness and stress reduction before and when ocd symptoms flare up. What do you do to prevent your ocd flare ups? Thank you! Much love.

NOT FOR MINORS!!! My partner with whom I had been for 6 years withdrew from me, as he couldn't deal with me suffering from OCD any longer. But 4 years before we ended our relationship we started to barely have sex anymore (1 - 4 times a year). One time, when we snuggled, I touched his stomach below his navel, his whole body tensed and it felt as, if he also held his breath. I felt so horrible, it seemed he was disgusted by and scared of me... It real got at me. At some point, I asked him, if he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, because of my POCD, he said no, but I didn't quite believe him. He had often not been honest with me and it would make total sense. He is an MD, I thought, if someone understands it's him, but well... @POCD sufferers: What is your experience? Do you have a partner and, if yes, do they know, that you are suffering from POCD? If yes, how did they take it? Did anything change after you told them? How long in to the relationship did you tell them? If you are single, are you scared of dating due to POCD?

I had a breakdown yesterday. It has been three years of lying to my parents and telling them I am okay when I wasn’t. My mother saw right through me when I came to visit. The bags under my eyes and the weight loss made it obvious I was struggling. I bawled like I never bawled before when she called me out. I really appreciated what my stepfather said to me when I told him I was afraid I could never live like a normal person. He said: “Don’t aim for normal. Aim to be as free as you can be.” I want to feel free more than anything.

Anyone else on here being alone and therefore finding it difficult to tackle problems in general and OCD in particular? I feel stuck, I most of the time lie on my couch, or in bed... Only thinking about doing a load of washing overwhelms me and I start to cry...

how do we know the difference between intrusive thoughts and wanted thoughts? they all feel the same? anyone else get that way where it’s just hard to differ if its ocd? my brain sucks

So I’ve been having a really rough time lately. I’ve been super stressed about school and everything in my life to the point where I don’t want to go anywhere and I’ve missed a ton of school this year. My whole family and my therapist are saying that it’s all OCD which just makes me feel invalidated like I’m making everything up and that they don’t understand. I’m positive in my mind that all these things aren’t even related to OCD and I’ve started convincing myself that it doesn’t even exist. My brain wont let anyone tell me otherwise ever. I had a bad day at school and wanted to go home but since I’ve missed so much and because everyone said it was just a compulsion to go home I had to stay and ended up crying in the counselors office for an hour. Right now is not a good time for like erp stuff in my mind because I won’t believe it’s ocd and I’ve been under way too much stress because of this lately. I don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice or anything I’d really appreciate some.

Anyone on medicine for ocd and what is ur experience? I’m debating it

Why does erp feel so fucking weird? Like it makes me feel weird, awkward, kinda uncomfortable, idk how to even explain it.. is that supposed to happen? Is that anxiety? Idk what that feeling is. It feels weird. Like i went from laughing awkwardly to feeling weird, to getting sad, to feeling like i wanted to tear up. What is going on..? Like I’m so confused

I have dealt with this once last year, and I wasn’t diagnosed yet. I ended up confessing to my boyfriend I slept with a friend of ours. The anxiety was so bad and I told him cuz the guilt ate me up. We got through that. Fast forward to now, almost a year and a half later, I feel absolutely intense guilt for not telling him the truth when he asked if there was more stuff I did. I said there wasn’t. But there was. We had a very rocky past and so I didn’t tell him out of fear he’d leave me and also because he did so much stuff and I only knew from snooping or he would’ve never told me. I have been trying my usual ERP but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I been trying to sit with it, but it’s been a month of sitting with it & I maybe had one week where I didn’t feel bad about it. When I’m with him the thoughts aren’t there but when I leave, I just wanna die cuz I feel like the worst. I want to talk to him more about my ocd and this theme so he can get a better understanding. It’s the only time I lied to him and haven’t done so since. It was the past but now I just feel awful & like he doesn’t even know who’s dating like he should just leave me even tho that isn’t what I want. I wish I could just tell him everything and we could get through it together because if it was him telling me stuff I’d hear him out and it wouldn’t change how I feel to him. But I know he isn’t the same. It would affect him. We already broke up because I kept messing up snooping and now I just feel like I have one more strike & im out.

For fellow Catholics I dont know what I should to with ERP because of my OCD I always made promises to God but I dont know which of them are valid and which are not. So my OCD keeps telling me that when I am doing ERP that I commit a sin. How can I go to confession properly? Because if I am really sinning by doing just normal things then my clnfession wouldnt be valid. And with normal things I mean things that objectively are not a sin like eating pizza or hiking...

Any tips to stop ruminating?