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Many times I wonder about this: what is life like without OCD? How would my life be if I wasn't dealing/struggling/suffering from OCD

Why work on that if you end up the same way no mather what, cause "we are humans" and im not saying this as in a hopeless way. Im actually angry. I always end up in the same place, i always question the meaning of life and suicidal ocd gets strong then i dont know if its real or not, but im tired of this, im working on being stronger and view life in a positive way but bad things happens in life and i react in the same way "whats the point of life, life is suffering" and i get the answer from others that "this is normal human reaction". Then theres no point on getting stronger cause you will not be stronger. If this is normal reaction then its clear that we dont change, i know its a really depressing thing to say but it seems like it, no mather how hard you work on being positive, soon something bad will happen and youre back at questioning meaning and hating your life...ive been complaining awhile but its annoying now how much time and energy i spend to be stronger and i still feel weak, then this is me, im weak... Sorry about venting but this makes me angry

just want to let people know when u overcome a real event ocd theme it’s amazing! No matter what u did, ocd blows it way out of proportion. You probably didn’t know it was bad at the time and you were young and you’ve probably changed if you regret it that badly. You need to forgive yourself and everything changes!

Something triggered my ROCD really badly. It put me in a state where I feel defensive against anyone and everything and feel ready to lash out at the slightest provocation (I haven't and I won't, but I feel ready to). Feeling this way makes me feel safe in a weird way though. Does anyone else have this?

sorry but i feel like this is going to be a really long vent! In october 2022 my dad had major heart surgery and the effect it had on me was crazy. During the weeks he was in hospital i didn’t feel anything other than worry and fear. After the surgery and when he came home and started recovering and i started to relax i noticed a huge change in my behaviour. i became more depressed, i wasn’t eating or sleeping, constantly crying and then i started getting intrusive thoughts about my sexuality. These came out of nowhere and i couldn’t shake them off. A post came up on my instagram explorer page about OCD and i realised that maybe i had health OCD. One example of why i thought i had it was i was getting pain in my breast and thought i had breast cancer and kept going back to the doctor and it turns out to just being a spot 🤦🏼‍♀️. I then started reading more about ocd and learning about the different types such as: pedophelia OCD where when i’m holding a baby im worrying and have constant fear that i did something to that baby when i know i didnt. False memory OCD thinking that something had happened or that i felt a certain way about someone when i didn’t but i could have but i don’t know if it’s real or not. However, my main theme im really struggling with is HOCD. I’ve always been attracted to boys, always have crushes on them from when i was younger till now. After my dads op i keep getting the intrusive thought of what if i’m gay?. I don’t want to be ( i don’t have anything against it) and i fear that i am but i’m attracted to men and have only had crushes on boys?? Before i was having these thoughts i kissed a boy and i liked it (but now i’m thinking did i really like it) after these thoughts every time i kiss a boy i freak out and start crying because i panic and get the feeling that it’s wrong when i don’t want it to be. I don’t think it helps that i was bullied my whole school life so i don’t trust easily and i feel like it’s affected me in getting into relationships because i’m scared it’s just a joke or i’m going to be made fun of or i’m not good at a certain thing. I struggle to get to know new people especially boys ( i don’t know why) so that’s not helping the situation at all. Before the HOCD i used to fantasise about being in relationships with boys and being intimate with them especially my recent crush, but now i can’t even think about that without feeling like it’s wrong and thinking that i’ve never had feelings for them and that i don’t really want it. When i do, i really really do. Now when ever i think of having sex with a boy i panic and start thinking about sex with a girl but i don’t want to think of this. I question whether i’m attracted to this and i really don’t want to be. I’ve never thought about being with a girl romantically or sexually until recently and i really want it to go away! i feel like a completely different person and i don’t like it, at one point my brain was convincing me i was a boy and that i wanted to be with a girl but i don’t. After this i really struggle with catching feelings for boys and i’m scared that the whole time i was just in denial and i’m using HOCD as an excuse for it all. I feel like i have a heavy weight on my chest thinking of this and i could cry because i just want my life back. I get gronial response as well which really freaks me out because i can’t tell what’s real or not real. A friend of mine came out as bisexual and i haven’t been able to shake the thought of what if i am as well. what if i’m attracted to her and i really really really don’t want to be. I’m so scared and i don’t like it! writing this is bringing in so many emotions and my hands are literally shaking. I don’t even know whether it’s OCD because i don’t know whether i get compulsions or not. When ever i think about it i shake or shiver and cringe and go ew ew. In my head i pray to God to help me to stop thinking these thoughts and i read the NOCD posts to see if i relate to any of it and sometimes i do which is a relief and sometimes i don’t which causes me to panic. I feel so guilty because it makes me not want to be friends with her anymore. I also get the thought of what if i’m never going to fall in love with a boy. What if i fall in love with the wrong person, what if i’m getting to know the wrong boy, if i don’t feel something straight away then i don’t carry it on and then i freak out because i didn’t feel anything because i want it so desperately and they obviously aren’t the one etc i hope this all makes sense and if anyone could help me with any of it i would really really appreciate it.

Oh my god it’s just so awful. I think when people learn that ocd isn’t just a cleaning disorder they just hate it. Like probably one of the most stigmatized mental disorders ever. It genuinely hurts.

Feeling discouraged. Today i did an exposure and overcame a big fear item. I wore something i labeled contaminated (a high level fear) and i was so happy i did it and then a few hours later ocd hits me with something stronger and i just feel terrible now. It does this everytime i take a step forward. Feeling so lost

Hey, how is everyone doing tonight? I’m feeling pretty anxious, but would love to hear from y’all?

Debating on seeing a psychiatrist for medication. Does medication help you guys for OCD? Or at least help the depression and anxiety that comes with OCD? Thanks! 🫶🏼

No matter what your OCD says, don’t give into it. If you give it an inch, it absolutely WILL take 10 miles. Here’s the question you must ask yourself: Do you combat your OCD and it’s whining by NOT doing what it wants even though it’s really hard, or do you give in an continually make it worse for yourself until you’re in really deep, no matter what? That’s up to you, but I’ve been recovered for nearly 4 years because I NEVER, no matter what, give into my OCD. Do not give into your OCD, in any way, shape, or form. Temporary relief is NOT part of the recovery or healing process.

Some of my very initial thoughts when i first start dating my girlfriend (my first girlfriend and serious relationship) i had this fear that id end up having a crush on someone else. starting with a job i got in august, i was scared i was going to have a crush on one of the girls at my work. before my girlfriend, i would always be crushing on someone, fantasizing about them and whatnot. I was doing really good and i even thought to myself “wow you haven’t had a crush on anyone, good job”. then my rocd hits 3 weeks ago, really hard. causing me extreme anxiety, nearly breaking up with my girlfriend, unable to think of anything else and it hurt a lot. the thoughts died down thankfully in this past week, and i was so grateful about it. now my brain is trying to form a crush on my coworker, whom i have no interest in. she is a cool person and i would love to be her friend but my brain is starting to romanticize her i think. it’s very frustrating because i believe it’s a false crush but i know that if i was not with my girlfriend, my brain would obsess over my coworker and it would be like any of my typical crushes i had before. I don’t know what to do about it. i have even considered transferring to get away from my coworker. i live in fear that the more i’m around her, the more my brain will start to romanticize her. i don’t want to like anyone other than my girlfriend but this is my new fear. liking someone else while being in a loving and healthy relationship. anyone have tips?

I get so depressed sometimes when I’m in the app because I presume that most people on here may not be recovered. If I was recovered, I probably would not even be on this app. But, still, are there any happy ocd stories? You know, to give the rest of us some hope ?

Hi fellow (pure)OCD sufferers. I had a pretty big relapse in my OCD since summer last year. Cause most likely rapid weight loss via sport paired with very high level of stress (sysadmin). I switched back from luvox to zoloft wich i took for like 8 years when first OCD started 10 years ago. I started in Nov to titerat zoloft. Reached 100mg in Dec. Stayed there until new Year. And than upped to 150mg at kid of january. 2 Weeks later upped to 200mg. And now i am like 3 weeks on max dose. A few question i would like to ask you: 1. The zoloft journey is weird. I have a week where i fell great. Than two where its worse again. A constant up and down. After increase to 200mg i had the worst week so far. Which got better now. This leads me to the conclusion that i am turning on the right knob. Serotonin. Cant remember if it was the same last time. Anyone knows this? 2. Anyone had issues going on zoloft (or other ssri) again after taken it before? 3. The 8 years i took zoloft (150mg) i also took Seroquel XR 50mg with it and i was very good at the time. Only had a couple small relapses at high stress times (like examen...) which subsided fast enough. My thinking know is that i should ad an AP again but dont want Seroquel cause of sedation and weightgain. My Psych recommanded small dose of Risperidone or Wellbutrin what do you think?

Honestly I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle or as if I’m pretending to want to get better or to not want to be evil. I just feel disturbed and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I’m deliberate imagining the thoughts because I get some kind of sick indulgent out of it since it feels like I like the feeling of doing that action when I imagine it or whether I’m jsut highly traumatised by it and maybe it’s the adrenaline making it feel like I like the feeling when I don’t. It’s so scary I think this is the worst type of intrusive thought I have about suffocation it’s so disgusting, with the thoughts involving sharp object I instantly know I hate it but with this it’s like I can’t explain it but it makes me unsure I’m so scared

Moved back in August and have no excuse. Watching everyone around me move on and I am stuck here. So mentally ill that no career path sounds worth it. Tormented constantly with thoughts about my loved ones dying and yet I waste our time together by letting them down. I feel like I can't ever undo the past year and there's so much guilt. I feel so bad for my parents. I feel like they've lost all respect for me. I was always unusually smart, the oldest of two girls, and I grew up to be completely incompetent. I can't even send an email. I have applied to a few jobs since I got here, I talked a lot about going back to school in January because they wanted me to, but I never follow through. Time is just moving so fast. My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer and has had 2 surgeries and starts radiation in a few days. My childhood dog I love more than anything is dying before my eyes. I try to be as helpful as I can to my parents, I'd do anything they asked. I try so hard to help that I think they're tired of me. But I'm also too anxious to even leave my room until mid afternoon because I feel embarrassed that they even have to see me like this. I usually go to my partner's as soon as possible every day and stay there as late as possible and try not to to think. But I also feel guilty every second I'm away. I can't have fun because I should be doing so much more, and I've been avoiding moving on with my life every day for years. But I don't want to get a minimum wage job. I don't know what I'd go back to school for. I don't know what I want at all. I don't understand how anyone is functional and responsible when there is so much pain. I can't make any commitments because I don't know who I am. I have been hurting so long, I've wasted so much of my life. I just never thought I'd still be here. I didn't make any plans.

Does anyone have very bad driving anxiety. I do. I didn’t get my drivers license Until I was 23 my mom made me. I know I’m a good driver but my OCD tricks me into saying you hit this, or that. And I always have these rituals and compulsions such as driving back to the area where I thought something might have happened, seeking reassurance, or if I’m thinking in my head about what I need to do when I’m getting home from work or wherever I’m driving back from like I’ll say to myself what I’m going to dinner, or I have to do laundry when I get home. I’m still paying attention to the road. My OCD tricks me and says you weren’t paying attention to the road what of something happened.

Just spent waaaay too much time on google. So much time that I went through literally all the articles that covered my question. Just haven’t gone through all the Reddit conversations. No more for today 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've been having SOOCD attacks/triggers for the past three weeks I always thought I'm a straight female, I've never been in a relationship and never had male friends I know it won't kill me if I'm bi, but I'm really scared of completly losing attraction to men I know I'm still attracted to men when I have moments of clarity, but sometimes I feel like I'm not "attracted enough" and experience false reactions/memories I've always had dreams of having a husband and it hurts so much to think that I could never achieve this When these OCD attacks started I completly isolated myself from my friends, because I'm morbidly afraid that I may fall in love with one of my close female friends When I have my moments of clarity, I know that I'm not attracted to them, but these moments of clarity are very brief I'm deeply scared of getting too close to my friends and I keep on making plans for a "new life" without them Because my OCD tells me that I'll break these friendships if I don't talk to them everyday It triggers a terrible panic attack whenerher I try to talk to them and I keep thinking about this failed attempt for the rest of my day My hobby is art and when all of this started I wasn't able to write/draw anything Whenerher I see any motif of love (no matter if straight or gay, my reaction is the same) or want to continue/start drawing something about love I get a panic attack I used to imagine love scenes with characters all the time, I absolutely loved it it was my thing and made me sooo happy Can I ever go back to how it was before? Can I get back to my friends without fear? Can I ever create art about love without feeling pain? I just keep crying all day and can't move out of bed How do I help myself?

i feel like my life is ruined from this crap, i will never enjoy a happy moment because of this, i can’t go through every day with this on my shoulders anymore, my mum says things will get better and that i’m only 17 but she doesn’t understand what goes through my head, i don’t have the courage to tell her she won’t understand and will never think of me the same. she says it will get better but it won’t, my life is ruined, obsessions seem to real i think i’m faking it. i’m so alone and scared and there’s no way out.

Does anyone else have weird periods where they become obsessed with certain people in their life? I’ve had this a couple of times in the last 2 years and recently with my colleague. We get along really well and I think of him as a good friend, but recently i’ve become weirdly obsessed. I’m thinking constantly about posting things to impress him, speaking to him, wondering what he’s doing. I’ve never found him attractive before but all of a sudden i’m thinking about him sexually. He’s actually the opposite of the type of person I would go for and I am in a relationship with someone (3 years strong). It’s to the extent i’ll want to post things on instagram to try and make him think i’m cool (cringe) and want to get to know me more. He’s also been with his girlfriend for 6/7 years and i’m not jealous so it’s not a physical crush, it’s an obsession. It’s overwhelming. I’ve had this before with a colleague who also had a partner and I think it targets people that do because they are less of a threat to my ROCD (I have the excuse they are also in a relationship). I’ve started having dreams about him and thinking about him constantly or what he would think about this/ would he find this funny. I want to be best friends with him and spend loads of time with him. Last night when I was having sex with my partner he was coming into my head a lot, which was irritating. In my experience this disappears after 6 months or so, but it’s annoying me. Weirdly it’s not that triggering for me at the moment but i’m worried it will become so. Has anyone had this and have any tips? I feel so weird and strange for having this, and I genuinely really like him as a person so don’t want to sabotage it for myself by having to distance myself because i’m scared.