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Can intrusive thoughts sounds like “I want too” and not just “what if “

Hello! Over the past few weeks I have learned more about what OCD is and questioned if I had it. I didn't think I had obsessions/compulsions enough for it to be OCD (rather than anxiety) or for it to be worth pursuing anything. However last night was what really solidified things for me. I had convinced myself that homemade pickled okra my mom gave me that I ate was going to give me botulism. There was nothing to make me think anything was wrong with it but the thought just popped in my head and I spiraled. The whole time I knew it was probably fine and I was being irrational but I couldn't get the "well what if this is the weird case where it does happen?" I was obsessing over it for a few hours (I've now learned is ruminating I think), googling things about it (compulsion), and seeking reassurance multiple times from my partner. It even got so bad I texted my mom seeking reassurance that it was safe to eat. Today is her birthday and I woke up from a text from her telling me she follows all the proper techniques but if I'm worried just throw it out. I felt so bad and started crying. The first text she sees from me on her birthday is me questioning if her food is safe to eat. This led me to download this app. I don't have a diagnosis but this and many other things I experience have really pointed to OCD. Already, hearing that other people go through similar things has really helped me. I have felt so silly and irrational for so long and it's so reassuring to see I'm not alone in these things.

Does anyone else feel like the groinal response comes without specific thoughts? I suffer with POCD so sometimes I just see a child or hear someone talking about a pedophile and I’ll instantly feel the groinal and a lot of anxiety. You so often read that the groinal follows an intrusive thought, but for me it’s gone beyond this.

I have dealt with ROCD for years, and I’m in a LDR. I get to the point where my partner does something nice for me, and I feel guilt instead of warmth or appreciation. Does anyone have advice for responses in real time when your OCD automatically asks you to check your feelings to see if you feel the same as your partner? For example: Partner: I miss you My thoughts: Do you miss him too? If you don’t right now, then it would be dishonest to say it back. But if you don’t say it back, he might think you don’t miss him. My response: I love you (avoiding saying I miss him if I don’t feel it in that moment) There are other more triggering moments as well, like when we are talking about the future and he expresses his excitement. I know I want our future together too, but right now I feel this fear like I am waiting to see if things work out first or the OCD goes away. So then I don’t know how to respond, as openness, affection, and honesty are all values of mine.

This app is feeding my obsessions. I find some stories relatable and reassuring, but it’s only short-lived. I also find some stories are relatable, but triggering and they cause me to spiral. I also search and search and search different questions, spending hours reading other people’s posts. I deleted my Facebook app as I was spending so much time on my OCD forums, and I also thought it was sending me signs from the universe, but now I’m on here constantly. It’s feeding the OCD because I’m reading and comparing stories constantly, but half the old posts I read are written by people who don’t have a conclusion to their stories, so I’m like did they get better from SO OCD or were they in denial all along, creating more ‘what ifs’. This feeds OCD so bad and gives it more power.

I am having the absolute worst week. My anxiety is so bad, I can’t think straight. I haven’t had a moment of calm for days and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve had what I think is intense ROCD/RA for about three years now, and it is getting so difficult to tell if all the issues I see are just in my head or if there is actually something wrong with my relationship. We’ve been together for five years and the first two years were lovely. I had some fears and doubts, but I felt very happy with my partner. We were together 24/7 and always had fun with each other. Then we started to spend a bit less time together and ROCD or whatever this is hit me really hard. I started worrying that he didn’t love me anymore, and that I didn’t love him and I did a lot of feeling checking and other things that I have figured out are common ROCD symptoms. Flash forward to now, I still feel like we don’t spend enough time together, and I get super upset by little things like if he has positioned his body so that it is pointing straight forward instead of towards me. I know I have an anxious attachment style and I am finding it so difficult to figure out what are reasonable concerns and what are things that I need to learn to be okey with because they are actually healthy and normal. The longer ROCD has gone on, the harder it has gotten. Two months ago I felt super in love and was actually feeling like I was in recovery. Then I went away for a work trip for a week and I had a lot of fun and was very busy so I didn’t have time to miss him and after I got home my ROCD exploded again. I have been wondering why I don’t feel that excited when I’m at home and do we still have fun together and lots of thoughts like that. Of course, I know that my ROCD gets in the way of our relationship being as good as it can be, and my partner has had health issues since the past few years that make him very tired which also doesn’t help. He is super sweet and funny and caring and smart but I keep finding faults. I also keep wishing that when he was tired he wanted to cuddle with me or something, because that’s what I want when I’m tired, and I don’t know if that’s a reasonable thing or if it’s just that people need different things when they aren’t feeling well. Right now I am super triggered and my mind is pretty much completely sure that I need to break up with him and that my anxiety comes from uprooting my life and needing to have difficult conversations rather than from actually wanting to stay in the relationship. I am so confused and I can’t sleep because I keep waking up with anxious thoughts and I keep waiting for signs that all is good between us but even when I get them my brain explains them away. I should also add that during the weekend I was at a work party and was harassed by a manager, so I think that has contributed to my spike. Also, we are at my parents place for the next ten days now and that also usually triggers my ROCD. My anxiety is so high that I can’t eat properly, which just makes the cycle worse as well. I know this is a lot, and I know seeking for reassurance is not the right thing to do. I just needed to get some things out of my head because it has been spinning for so long. And if anyone has any advice on how I should cope that would be amazing.

How do I stop ruminating so much? It seems like anytime I make a mistake (getting into a fight, doing something wrong, upsetting a friend, etc) I just ruminate and overthink the entire situation and what the results could be. I’ll also know deep down and in my mind that my mind is just overthinking and I’m just creating scenarios in my head (ex: my friend telling my mom what I did after we have an argument or something), but it’s like my mind just can’t believe myself. Any advice??

Hi I’m new, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced intrusive thoughts about being attracted to a family member such as you’re dad?

I am new, I seen this on fb and thought well this could be good! Anyways, I have suffered with health anxiety and ocd for YEARS! I’ve seen many therapists and they just dismiss me because I get so hooked on stuff I can’t seem to function. My biggest episode yet was about 4yrs ago, I was utterly convinced I had leukemia. I had become manic, I couldn’t function. I stopped eating and thus began to lose weight. It lasted about 3mo. I was supposed to be medicated but my insurance wouldn’t cover my medication so I just stopped taking it. Anyways, fast forward, my husband ended up paying for my medication out of pocket and making me drink smoothies which in turn I was able to eat and got myself out of the manic state. Now I still worry about every ache or pain, I panic about everything health wise. I have never been able to overcome it. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe someone on here could relate and together we could get some comfort. It feels very lonely. I’m a 41yr old mom of 3. All 3 of my kids have anxiety. My oldest son has health anxiety just like me, I was young when I had him so sadly he got the brunt of my problems. My middle son has social anxiety (I do too but can control it some) he is the only one medicated because he’s in school and he can’t control it; he does see a therapist and she seems to be helping him, my youngest has anxiety in small spaces. He can’t feel trapped he also sees a therapist and they have worked wonders with him. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️

I have been going through a really hard time lately in regard to my existential ocd. Not only that but my health anxiety has been horrible. What I wanted to bring up to see if a conversation could be had was my derealization. I have been having severe random bouts of derealization that are genuinely starting to feel debilitating. The best way I can describe it is I get sick to my stomach when I think about life, being alive, I convince myself im in a dream, that im stuck in a time loop and nothing around me is real and that ive been making up my entire life. With this also comes the intense feeling that everything has already happened before, its like deja vu but almost worse. I will be in moments lately and every single thing feels like it already happened, then that spirals into me believing nothing is real and im stuck in some kind of dream. Everything feels familiar, everything had already happened, sometimes stuff feels so familiar it genuinely will make me start to throw up because im so scared. Can someone please have a discussion with me and just let me know if theyve felt this way, what I should do, and if itll ever get better? Im genuinely convinced life will feel this way forever and im never going to be okay with being alive again and it genuinely makes me feel insane and so terrified. Thank you.

Today, I’m struggling with the difference between thoughts and intentions. I know that thoughts generally shouldn’t be confessed (as they don’t actually harm anyone else),but what about intentions? For instance, I went through a really hard time in my relationship years back, and one of my awful coping mechanisms was (which was totally entitled, immature, and embarrassing) thinking something about staying with her for her money. I can’t remember if this was just an upset thought in the heat of the moment or an actual intention I had as a consequence of our relationship problems. This thought (and others related to it) happened a few times. I think it always happened when either one or both of us was upset/we had an argument. But because the thought was repeated (and maybe thought on purpose), I’m afraid I acted on this thought/intention. I have felt sick all day. I feel like a gold-digger. These thoughts couldn’t be further from how I feel today, but I’m worried that back then, they weren’t intrusive thoughts. I have shared these thoughts with her (not in as much detail, but she understands the basics), and she wants me to let it go. I can’t. Who thinks like that about someone they love? Was I actually actively plotting in my head to use her, or was I just escaping my pain with angry thoughts? I need a hug and a wise word.

struggling with existensial ocd and what the meaning of life is and alof of whys in my mind right now! makes it so hard to focus and gives me really bad anxiety. any tips on how to recover from this? thankyou!

Lol, I've not been having any reaction to the thoughts and it feels as if I've accepted being gay..??? It feels weird, also I don't feel in love with my boyfriend anymore.. I'm worried, what if I really m gay? Feels like it.. I generally don't like girls (and have never), but when I think about it, it then feels as if I do. Scrolling through my gallery I found a lot of pictures of girls clothes, videos of pretty girls.. not to long ago I used to JUST watch girls, I've thought about them being attractive, but I've never been attracted to them, never thought about leaving my boyfriend for a woman.. I hate this

hey guys, i was recently diagnosed with OCD and i was hoping id find some guidance here. About two months ago, I started to re-do my bedroom. I was very distressed because this is the room i’ve always been in, i grew up here. Part of me felt bad for painting over the walls. In order to paint my walls though, we had to move everything out of my room and organize it all. One day I was at work, and i got home to see every belonging of mine sitting in my living room. this wasn’t the issue, the issue was 1. I was not there to watch it 2. my things were placed in the wrong place and actually just thrown in random spots For days, all my things sat in the living room because I had no motivation to actually go through it all. My mom said I had way too much stuff and I needed to go through every single item and get rid of at least half. I kept trying to put it off but eventually I found myself unable to avoid it. I began going through my things and I was NOT able to get rid of anything. here’s why: 1. someone gave it to me and i felt like they would be mad if i got rid of it 2. the item holds a specific memory 3. it was “one of a kind” 4. I might need it someday My things have always been there, and it did not sit right with me that i would have to part with some of it. I eventually found myself having an absolute meltdown and yelling at my mom. I felt so bad but the more my things were messed with, the worse it got. I even tried to walk out of the house and not return. My mom always said “there’s no way that you are okay living like this” because i had so much clutter, and i would always respond with “it’s comforting to me, and i like it there.” and nobody could grasp the idea of my organized chaos and i felt fucking crazy. My grandma was helping me decorate my room and she’s very minimalistic, and she was trying to enforce that on my room but i’m a maximalist, and I need my stuff there. No empty space. Another meltdown I had was when my grandma put my clothes away, but she didn’t put them in the right drawers. My entire life I have kept the drawers the same. sweaters on bottom, then pants, shirts, socks/underwear. So when my grandma put my pants in the sweater drawer i just about shit my pants. I hid in the bathroom because I know she was just trying to be helpful and i didn’t want to yell at her. This is just one of the things that i’m experiencing, there’s so much more but i’m still trying to learn what this disorder is and why it’s happening. tips would be appreciated:) i won’t disclose my age, but i’m young.

Does anyone else get fired from doctors because you get upset when they won’t listen? Or you have explained that the treatment option offered is one you have tried and didn’t work?

Hello all! I want to share some wonderful FREE ocd resources that have helped my healing journey immensely. Most of These were recommended to me by my NOCD therapist so no fear of the information on them as it is legit! The other half are from people that are LMHC. Kimberly Quinlan’s podcast really helped me when I was going through the beginning stages of ocd therapy and was really struggling with depression. She offers valuable insight and tips on compassion practices for ocd. Her book is also amazing! Obviously anyone can listen to her but I highly encourage my peeps with taboo related subtypes to listen to her since she offers so much compassion towards those subtypes as well! Nathan Peterson, aka my fav, he is awesome!! He offers so much advice and knowledge on his YouTube channel ocd & anxiety. Ali greymond on YouTube is also very good and knowledgeable, she even has videos that can help you during an anxiety attack because of ocd and talks you through it and it’s really helpful. Although I’ve only listened to a few videos, the ocd and anxiety podcast on Spotify is also very good and offers a lot of advice and information! Christie Hodges is my savior if I’m being honest. I watched her YouTube video on POCD before I got diagnosed with ocd and was in the midst of battling with the worst depression ever because of my intrusive thoughts I was considering ending my life and that video gave me so much hope and made me reach out to NOCD. She is a huge advocate for people with ocd ! I hope this helps you guys ! I wish u guys happy holidays and a great new year. Have faith and be kind to yourself I know the suffering is hard but you will overcome ! 💕💝🎄🎅🏼☃️❄️🩵🤍💙

i need advice bad. so i am a junior in college right now and my freshman year i met my current boyfriend. last september i caught him doing something i told him was against my boundaries due to personal reasons and things that my ex did to me. i broke up with him and we were completely broken up for around 3 months. during these three months i did stuff with another guy (not everything) and some guy kissed me. after i did stuff with the other guy i quickly realized i didnt want anyone else except my ex and i confessed to the things i did with the guy and he forgave me and we started dating again. we’ve been back together now for like over a year since that happened, but i am feeling extreme guilt over the guy that kissed me while we were broken up. in the moment it didn’t feel like i needed to confess to the guy that just kissed me because i already told him about the guy i did stuff with. now i am feeling like i dont even want to live and i dont deserve anything in life and dont know what to do. anyone please help. i think this is real event ocd. it’s all i think about 24/7 and the guilt is harder then i can live with. i just want to be a good girlfriend to him. and am so so so scared

why does calling intrusive thoughts “unwanted desires” make me feel better?? i think it’s cause sometimes the thoughts feel wanted even tho i still get distress and know they don’t feel like who i am

Oh, life would be so much easier if I had someone I really felt comfortable talking to, someone who really understood and listened to me. I'm feeling pretty desperate about it, but alas, here I am, I don't feel understood.

( I can’t tell if this is triggering or not so just in case I will be mentioning antidepressants) Recently Camhs have decided it was best for me to go off of sertraline and I was on maximum dose to switch to a different medication as sertraline was not helping. I recently however decided that I didn’t really want to live on medication for the rest of my life and didn’t want to have to deal w all the side effects again. Now I’m medication free (well I will 100% be in a few days I’m on my last dose before being completely taken off) but my anxiety is through the roof, my ocd has taken an awful turn, and my brain is so immensely foggy not to mention I’ve been suffering from derealisation. Has anyone been taken off of sertraline before? I really just wanna know how long will these symptoms last because it’s really very tiring I’ve been on sertraline for two years so it was expected but damn this is quite scary!!