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the NOCD Community

Not reassurance seeking but is it possible to feel so overwhelmed by your thoughts that you feel like you are going insane 🫠

I always put trigger warning just to be safe because honestly OCD will find ANYTHING to trigger itself. I used this app when I really needed people who had a similar experience and since I have ADHD and OCD my OCD meds are slowly not working because my ADHD meds were upped. Which stinks but I’m going to call and tell them I need the dosage upped. I wanted to come here and say that this road to recovery isn’t easy. It’s bumpy and it’s messy. I’m still confessing as a compulsion and giving any new friends an out so they can leave me. I just want you to know you aren’t alone and I know how it feels❤️we will get through this and we will be okay😊

Hi, I’ve always had OCD, but it was very manageable. I’d obsess over something not being clean or in the right place, but I’d be able to redirect quickly and move on from the thought. After my Mom died in 2015 and I had my first child, I started to have intreusive thoughts. I’d replay her death over and over and wonder where her soul was or if she was okay. It kept me up all night and turned into insomnia. I was put back on Lexapro at a high dose and a sleep med and anti anxiety med were added. It seemed to help for a while until til I started to get adverse side effects from all the drugs. About 16 months ago, I started to wean off. The tapering process has been horrendous and I have had every symptom in the book , the worst being bulletproof insomnia and extreme irritability. I feel like I’m reverting back to the intrusive thoughts, but ten times worse. I keep thinking that I will never sleep again and that my life is ruined because of the long term use of meds. I’m not even off all the meds yet, but I keep playing the worst case scores over and over in my head. How do I get through this tapering process especially the obsessing about sleep and health?

Someone in my house is sick right now, probably with a cold or the flu. All I can think about is how I am going to get sick. We share a single kitchen and bathroom, so quarantine is not available in this situation. Every time they sneeze or cough I panic inside. It makes me not want to interact with any members of my family but then I get shamed for that. They shame me for wearing a mask and wiping down surfaces because it is rude to the sick person. I don’t know how to stop being so selfish. I can’t look at any items in the house without thinking about all the germs that must be on them. The air feels poison. I think my family must be right and my avoidance behaviors are selfish, but I don’t know what else to do. Even mentioning the illness makes me freak out. Imagining getting sick is terrifying, even a cold, because it means everything around me changing and canceling important plans and not getting to see my other friends and family and being isolated. On top of that it means that the germs have infected me and I hate that.

I’ve been doing good by not posting but I’m hoping that someone can validate me a bit… I know I don’t feel sexual feelings towards anyone but my partner, but the thought of intentionally imagining someone’s body intentionally makes me so anxious, even my own family including my little daughter… I guess what I’m asking is do people without ocd experience that same discomfort of not wanting to intentionally imagine anyone’s body regardless of the context or who it is? I feel like depending on the person and context, maybe imagining someone as a whole person may not be bad? But I feel uncomfortable about intentionally imagining just peoples body even though there’s no sexual meaning? Does that make people without ocd uncomfortable too? I don’t want to feel like I have to do things like that to become “normal”… sometimes I’ll have intrusive thoughts saying to intentionally do something and then it’s like the image just comes in my head when I don’t actually want it to?? It’s really confusing and upsetting. Can someone please give me a bit of clarity? The AI thing on Snapchat said that it’s normal for people without ocd to feel uncomfortable by that… and I understand you could have a thought and an image just comes in on it’s own without you trying…

What are some wins you had this week?

When you realize that your thoughts will never go away, but that you need to create a world where you and those thoughts can exist in harmony, is where you find peace. ✌️

When I first started having so ocd symptoms- my thoughts always revolved around the sickness I get to think that I’m bi (even knowing I’m straight). Like repeated thoughts of evidences, sensations, false attractions etc. never did I think about my family and friends. Once i knew about ocd- it was sort of manageable until it turned to thoughts about my family knowing that I like girls or I’m bi (writing this phrase has already gotten my stomach twisted). It’s so triggering to have other people involved cause they’re really important to me, now it feels like I’m in the “closet” or in denial for the sake of my family’s approval. The only family I’ve told is my sister about this type of ocd- i cried so much cause I didn’t want her to think that I like girls or that I was coming out. It felt so good to say that I’m straight like it was the real truth. She was supportive about it and wanted to help me manage these thoughts. She even told me at some point in her start of college life- she even wondered if she liked women. But that was just about it- she didn’t think anything else after that. Somehow I got the bad part and just stuck to these thoughts and feelings. I’ve always been into men, always fantasize being with the love of my life. These thoughts feel like they’re normal now, like I’m living with them inside me as if they’re the truth. I just want all these feelings and thoughts to disappear, I’d honestly rather be asexual rather than liking the same sex.

I turn 20 this year and wonder if I’ll be able to have kids and start a family if I have contamination ocd. My partner is great and we’ve been together for 4 years and I’m just thinking about how in the next 10 years id like to get married and start a family but I constantly see kids as germ carriers. I want to be a good mom and a good partner but sometimes I can’t even kiss my partner.

Made up scenarios have gotten so much worse lately. My intrusive thoughts make this whole story up where Im an awful terrible person, and vivid images show up in my mind. I feel so so guilty about it until i finally snap back into reality and realise its just my brain trying to trick me. I am so sick of this.

i was with my gf yesterday, we held hands when walking, she even sat on me at one point but i never got a boner is this normal? i always used to get boners in situations like this before

I have SO-OCD and I’ve been doing really well and making progress but I’m tired of the repetitive thoughts some are truthful and some aren’t I have more that aren’t or a truth that is being twisted around. Anybody have any good ways to stop the repetitive thoughts?

My family keeps mocking my ocd- and acting like its some sort of joke 😭 I can’t handle being near them sometimes

Does anyone think that from age 18-19 and from early twenties are like the worst to have ocd. I’m 19 and my ocd started when I was 18 and I feel like my OCD is so sensitive to everything that happens in my life. And everyone says that early 20s are the worst and I kind of agree. Maybe I’m wrong but it kind of feels like that.

so ive accepted the typical "what if i dont love my partner" part (even tho it still bothers me) but i think it stems from me not "feeling" emotions sometimes. like i dont feel super obsessed or those chest feelings when your so in love, but i KNOW that i love them. but because i dont have the physical sensations i question it so much?

Does your ocd ever make you feel like people/pets/loved ones are somehow "contaminated"? I have about 1 real bad episode per year.. that my dad & my cat are somehow "contaminated" just because I had scary thoughts about them. The belief that they are "contaminated/messed up", leads to depression. It is the scariest thing. It's like an emotional contamination fear.

If anyone has anything they want to talk about, or if you'd like to vent/talk about anything, or if you just want to chat, or anything, I'd love to listen! :) If you need something specific out of a conversation (i.e. you just want me to listen and don't want me to comment or give my opinions or thoughts), let me know and I'd be happy to oblige! And, of course, I'm no therapist. Just thought I'd give that disclaimer. Also, if I respond in a way that seems like the conversation would logically be over but you still want to talk, I'll still be ready to listen! Sometimes I don't have a bunch to comment, but I'll listen for as long as you want to talk! And here's a fire for a fireside chat if you want 🪑🔥🪑🛋 Love you guys!

I (20f) adopted a cat about 7 months ago from my local animal shelter. I absolutely adore him and he is the light of my life. However, I can’t help but obsess over the fact that I am not giving him the quality of life he deserves and that he’s actually suffering and depressed. He is a healthy cat and I’m giving him the best quality foods/toys and attention that I can as a busy college kid, but this thought just plagues my mind and I can’t seem to think that the life im giving him is sufficient. How do I get over this guilt?

I’ve fully convinced myself that I want to harm my family, and I don’t know what to do, as I’m completely paralyzed by this and can barely get out of bed. I’ve been struggling for the past three months, 24/7 every second of the day. I used to have panic attacks, and I knew for a fact that I didn’t want to do these things, I just couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head. Now I keep telling myself that I just don’t care anymore if I do act on them. It’s like there are two completely people inside of my head, one convinces me that I want to, and the other is completely terrified. I bought some weed gummies yesterday, knowing that it was going to try and convince me that I bought them to make my thoughts worse and so I would act on them. I’m feeling super guilty because I feel like I just don’t care anymore, and I still ate one anyway while convinced of that. Fast forward to today, I can’t function at all. I have no idea how to forgive myself, and then I question if I do want to forgive myself. 😫😫😫 If I was truly this evil person, why would I be completely debilitated and unable to focus on anything?

This is my first time posting here. At the beginning of this year, I started obsessing over an event that happened two years ago, which then led me to obsess over events from seven years ago. I'm certain those events happened, but now I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or if I truly did something unforgivable. After reading someone's real event, I had a disturbing memory of doing something the exact same thing. It's the first time I've ever had this memory, and the problem is, I can't remember if it actually occurred. Every time I think about it, the details change, leaving me with no concrete answer. I've searched through all my pictures, messages, and memories, trying to pinpoint if and when it happened. Ultimately, I know I can't change the past, and even if it did happen, there's nothing I can do about it now, but it haunts me every day. If I did do this, I feel undeserving of anything good in this world. It's affecting my relationships and work, and I fear that if I accept it as false, it might resurface later, potentially ruining my life. I've always condemned this act, but maybe I myself did it as a teenager and either forgot or chose to forget.