Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anybody else have obsessive ruminations about their partner being a “moral” person? It doesn’t relate to God or a higher power but rather being obsessed about my partner not causing harm to others/ fighting for social good.

I recently had a dream that i was romantically in love with a child, but we didn't do anything sexual. I've never had a dream like this before. But now when i recall on how i felt in the dream it's like i felt a romantic attraction. And i remember the feeling, it feels so real.. I wonder if the romantic attraction was just a figment of my imagination and OCD or I'm actually a pedophile. I've struggled with pocd for a while, but I've never been sexually aroused by a child. Does anyone have any answers?

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

So i’ve been working at my job for almost three years now and i’ve been friends with one of my coworkers there for a while now. i’ve always viewed him as a friend and we joke around a lot. all of a sudden today at work i got really worried that the jokes I make are actually flirty and that i like him. I feel so guilty and anxious right now and feel like i don’t deserve to be with my boyfriend. i can’t tell the difference between by real feelings and ocd and it’s freaking me out. i never think about this coworker outside of work and the only times i do is “oh i hope so and so is working today that’ll make the shift more fun”. but now i’m worried that i say this because i like him. I love my boyfriend so much and don’t want to be with anyone else. i can’t tell if this is a real feeling but i don’t want to have it.

What has led you to believe that OCD is the source of truth? Or it could be that you cannot distinguish between what are thoughts and what are OCD thoughts. A normal thought considered significant becomes a compulsion especially when you attach meaning and get anxious about it. What OCD is doing in your brain is searching for threats when there are none. Trying not to have a thought is like pushing a baloon into the water in the hope that the balloon will sink, but it will come up and you know it's hopeless. That's how it's with OCD. I get that everybody is afraid to do ERP because I don't know how to emphasze this enough, it's really scary to do ERP. It's not easy. It's not supposed to be easy. If it was easy, we as a community wouldn't exist, nor OCD specialists. Because it would have been easy, and we would have gone on with our lives simply because it was easy. It's hard to do ERP. But it's worth it. And those people who still think they can't do ERP. They can instead actually try "Do nothing" about the intrusive thoughts thing. We are already exposed to intrusive thoughts whether we consciously do it or not in the case of ERP. But take the opportunity and use those intrusive thoughts as exposure and change our response around it. Sometimes I sound like I don't have OCD. And I know that. I suffer from OCD just like you do. I suffer from Pure O, Magical thinking, and superstitious numbers, and the list can go on. Even as I am writing this, my OCD is like erase that sentence and think about something positive or else something bad will happen. So what have I done then? Nothing. How do I feel? Terrible! And the distress is too uncomfortable. But this way I know, I am starving OCD. And then it tries its best to change and attack other things that I value and love. But once you decide and tell yourself with courage that, I can candle anything that OCD throws at me, that's when you claim power back from OCD. OCD knows your limit of tolerance. So it always try to go higher than that. Try not to outsmart OCD. Because you can't. What you can do is sit in the discomfort and do nothing about your thoughts and compulsions. I always say this and I will say it again, it sounds so easy. But when it comes to doing, we are all back to doing compulsions, and neutralizing thoughts. Somehow it just doesn't work. Why? Because deep inside all of us we have the what ifs, and they have us fight and flight response which makes the thoughts, urges feel so real. Except, it's not dangerous at all. So an alternative to the ERP is "Do nothing". And it's not something new, nor do I take credit of inventing it. No. Most of us are tired of OCD. We need to get tired of the default responses we have for the compulsions and replace them with nothing. We can try. Stay Safe. Awais Bahar

This is going to be more of a venting post rather than being a post that asks for advice but of course any advice is welcome! I’m very fortunate in saying that I have many many friends and a very healthy social life. But something that pisses me off more than anything is having severe debilitating OCD. Not only do I have this horrible disorder but I’m also the only one of my friends who has it and I never dare mention anything about it to them. Sometimes they’ll get mad because I’ll occasionally be late or just no show events when we plan to hang out because of my compulsions. See they just think it’s “oh he’s just trying to be cool and fashionably late” yea trust me I wish that was the case lol. What’s the most sad about this is that even though I always had OCD it hadn’t become debilitating until 2 years ago. Everyone who knows me probably thinks I’m the happiest most fun person they would ever hang with. But behind closed doors I suffer everyday :(. I would do ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING to go back to the version of myself I was 3 years ago. My 25th bday is in May and this disorder has held me back in so many aspects of my life. Most people my age are planning to move into apartments and advance their careers. Me I’m just trying to go day by day and work to defeat this disorder. If I ever get to a point where I can defeat this disorder which is literally from the depths of hell I will never take anything ordinary in life for granted ever again!

Okay I have to vent because I truly just feel shit today. Last night I had this horrible dream and right before this incident happened in the dream I had thoughts that I was aware it was a dream & also had this thought saying “I better do this because I’m dreaming” now this was actually a really fucked ip dream in the sense I had sex and got off over an old friend of mine that is a girl, I have a boyfriend I would never cheat on him ever!! I feel sick to my stomach because lucid dreams people can control themself in the dream sometimes but I’ve also heard that just because you may feel aware you’re dreaming at one point does not indicate you have control over the dream, many people can still not have control even when they are aware they’re dreaming… I have had many dreams where I’ve been doing things and somewhat seem like I’m enjoying it in the dream about things that repulse me such as anything sexual! That doesn’t make me feel good and if I had control over a dream I would dream about good things? Things I had a desire to do? I’m just asking has anyone else suffered with feeling slightly aware you are dreaming when you can’t actually control anything you do? I feel sick because I don’t want to feel like if I was in control that I would’ve gotten off and basically slept with someone besides my boyfriend… it actually makes me sick! I think having control over your dream takes a lot of practice! Which I have not and would not practice… I guess I’m just asking has anyone had a dream that is based off things you’re afraid of and ocd themes, and you might have an awareness that you’re dreaming but don’t actually have control, I think I even had a thought in the dream before this happened saying basically “well this is a dream so I better take advantage of this opportunity” which is freaking me out like is this a deep desire of mine? Was this a conscious choice I made in the dream and did I have control over this dream. Or do you think that if I had control I wouldn’t have acted in those ways! I’m just worried because especially the thought saying basically I’m dreaming so I better act on this situation because it’s a dream… does that mean I had control or it could’ve been an intrusive thought in the dream??

My OCD makes me angry at the world. I have been so angry/irritable lately and I can’t seem to control it. Does anyone else struggle with anger and rage due to their OCD?

Hello. I am 39 years old and I see that OCD is increasingly damaging my mind. I forget things, I am unfocused, I tolerate changes less, I get tense very easily, I am more fearful and so on. I stopped leading a social and active life, let's say normal or functional, at 19 years old. I locked myself in a bubble in the hope that I would find a cure for my disorder and unfortunately I lost my youth without improving, which is a horrible burden that has often made me become very depressed and feel such a great degree of nostalgia and regret that it makes me think about suicide. I have never had a girlfriend and many years ago I stopped having friends. For many years I was fine with it and even enjoyed my loneliness, my misery, my depression, my isolation and my lack of connection and harmony with the outside world. The problem is that for about 6 years now, this has finally taken its toll on me, especially the fact that I have never had a girlfriend or sexual experiences. My libido has increased, I fall in love very easily and become attached to many women that I barely know or with whom I have minimal contact in a store, street, etc. My rational part tells me that it is not a real love, but my obsessive disorder is characterized by sabotaging myself and making me magnify many things. It is a disorder in which I ended up stopping going out and going to school because it suggested that I couldn't speak, that I was very hungry, that I liked vulgar and disgusting things, etc. Even to this day I can get a feeling of hunger because someone insults me while I'm driving or if someone says a mocking comment to me it can cause me to not be able to speak or any of my suggestions. All day I feel a tickle of anxiety in my mouth. He's not leaving anymore. I also can't speak naturally because there is almost always the fear of losing the topic of conversation, not knowing what to say and boring the other person. I imagine scenarios asking a woman out and I know that at any moment she could lose the ability to converse fluently and therefore bore her. Plus my self-esteem is on the floor. I have felt disgusting in the eyes of women since I was a boy. I've tried logging onto Tinder, Bumble, and other apps without much success, which further affects my self-esteem. Sometimes I can't stand the urge to have sex and it bothers me a lot because I also tend to have animosity towards women. I would like to be asexual or not have a libido. I also wish I didn't feel this need to socialize, but I can't. It's already overtaken me and all these years of isolation have finally sabotaged me and my body and mind are crying out for social contact. I really regret not having been braver in the few opportunities I had to have a girlfriend or sexual relations. I think if I had had these experiences right now I wouldn't have this need to date a woman. It would be the same as what I feel with friends. I did have friends, I know what that is and therefore, I don't need them. If I had had a girlfriend and sex right now it would be a reminder that I was once able to be functional, I would already know what that is and therefore, I could concentrate on other things and even close that chapter. To make matters worse, my disorder makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I suddenly have the opportunity to talk to women more or less my age. I feel something ridiculous and disgusting that makes me feel like I'm cheating on my mom and my brother. It's something very strange. My damn fucked up mind has me in the middle of needing to have sex and some relationship with a woman and not being able to, because I don't know how to flirt, I have low self-esteem, I'm afraid of cruel and mocking rejection and I also don't want to expose myself to women who could be shit Does anyone identify themselves or has something similar happen to them? I've been taking fluvoxamine and quetiapine for years, but they only keep me more or less functioning and not going under. I'm tired, really. I hate having this need and not being able to do anything. I see even ugly men on the street with girlfriends and it irritates me. I also have this fixation that when I see a woman touching, kissing, caressing or sitting near a man I am surprised that they are not disgusted by it. I do not know what to do. I am getting sicker and sicker and also all these years of isolation and bad social experiences have made me hate people in general and women even more for not paying attention to me. As a teenager when I went out with my friends I was the one who only saw how my friends flirted, were successful with women, had affairs, had sexual experiences and I was invisible. They didn't seem to care and didn't even know what to do. Furthermore, the lost years of my youth are a very heavy burden that does not allow me to live in peace. I could even win the lottery and my life could magically improve and I couldn't even be happy for these lost years. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. To make matters worse, I haven't seen a psychologist in years because I have never worked because of my anxiety and as a consequence, I depend in part on what my mother gives me in terms of money, who sometimes drives me crazy. The problem is that sometimes my body and mind also ask me to be alone, but my OCD makes me have at the same time fear of loneliness and panic attacks because if I am going to live alone, it is really being alone without anyone. No friends, no work colleagues, no girlfriend, nothing. I thank you in advance for your attention.

do u ever notice how like if u used to like someone u still acknowledge theyre attractive but ur not attracted to them? thats how i feel abt my past crushes but theres a guy i want to stay in love w and stuff but i feel like my rocd made me lose the spark and now i feel like im forcing myself to like him and i feel like im convincing myself id find him attractive but then i wonder if i know hes attractive but am not attracted. but im sexualy attracted to him still but i dont know if im still in love but i want to be desperately but also i wanted attention from other guys before and now i dont want to but i always try to feel how i used to i used to get so excited and fluttery around him and now i dont or maybe i overanalyze the moment but i never feel that anymore but i want to so badly and every time i get a thought that i wont feel that way again i get so sad and stressed. pls guve me advice

I am always anxious and overthinking in my relationship I’m scared that it’s the Lords way of telling me he isn’t the one. I always hear that when you’re with the right person you’ll have peace about it and know that they’re the one.. but that freaks me out because I’m alwaysss overthinking and anxious 😭 I’m scared that he isn’t the one the Lord has for me

I spend a lot of time ruminating about my health and how I'm going to get past all of the thoughts I think of and the events that I think of in the past. It leaves me really nauseous randomly throughout my days. Anyone else get this from their OCD? It makes me worry more about my health

Hello everyone, Happy Sunday. I am still working on locating individuals who are interested in partaking in my research. Please please take a moment to read the attachment on this post! I am initiating my integrated research project for my masters program and need a few participants to partake in a brief interview. Again, kindly read the document and message me directly to the email listed if you meet the criteria and are truly interested in participating. 💕🫶🏼 greatly appreciate you all who take the time to reach out!! Thanks so much in advance, Vanessa

This is the worst my OCD has gotten! I’ve freaked out many times about harming my children, touching them inappropriately, etc. the other night I got blackout drunk and woke up and had thoughts of something specifically that I did to my 5 year old. It’s horrendous. Do you think it’s possible to become our worst fear when drunk? Do you think my son would wake up if I did something? This is awful! And I’ve been very suicidal since. I’m not sure how I can accept the uncertainty of this and move on. Yes, I’m in therapy.

I can't seem to shake the troubling sexual images that come to mind when I'm feeling alright. I like men, hell I'm getting married to one. He's the light of my life. But when this started in 2022 I can't shake these sexual images that pop up so frequently about being with other women. I'm not into it. But my body reacts differently and it sucks. I don't know what to do or what this is but it's really awful. Please help

I developed ocd only after having my first baby. Postpartum ocd. It never went away and i’ve had it on and off ever since. I have a question..If you are so focused and stuck on an intrusive thought and you tell yourself over and over “it isn’t real because you’ve never had these kind of thoughts before it’s just the ocd” and then suddenly a random memory pops up from before the baby but this time its different than you remember and now you are having an ocd thought in the memory but you know you never had ocd before the baby..can ocd change a memory and add something to it to fit the lie the ocd is trying to convince you of? Has this happened to anyone else?

Does everyone really have em too?

For the past 8 months I’ve been terrified of developing schizophrenia, I’ve gone through various stages of this theme, like in the beginning I was really afraid of hallucinating and stuff like that but as the months and this obsession progressed I’ve become more afraid of having delusions and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. In the beginning after watching a demonic horror movie or something I would start getting awful intrusive thoughts like “what if I start to believe my wife is a demon” or “what if I start believing the government is run by satan” or some shit, but now i get thoughts like that all the time and even without watching horror movies, and now the “what if I start to believe” part is gone and now the thoughts are like “what if my wife is a demon.. well you can’t prove she’s not” etc etc. my ocd or anxiety has really latched onto these delusional, demonic thoughts. I hate them so much, I have never ever believed in superstitious stuff like this before, I am a literal atheist and a secular humanist. What is wrong with me? Has anyone ever had intrusive thoughts like this?

That I hate that joke. It's made a bunch of people that have no idea the depths that it can bring people to.

Has anyone here stopped taking hormonal birth control pill when in a relationship? How did it affect attraction to partner, sex, and ability to orgasm etc. I just stopped taking the birth control pill for medical reasons but I’m freaking out about how it might impact my sexuality/ attraction