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how do you stop ruminating on a thought? it keeps intruding back into my head. and I can’t feel relaxed

I’m ruminating a lot today as usual but not following through with the compulsions so far. It’s extremely uncomfortable, but after being here even for a little bit, I’m starting to internalize that the compulsions make it worse. Still, I wish my head was a more peaceful place and it’s hard that I feel like I can’t do anything about it. Who relates?

| don't even know what to say plus i don't speak English very well. One week ago we were discussing about living together (we're long distance). Yesterday he told me he was looking for plane tickets for the next week. | got suspicious and asked why the hurry if something bad was going on He said babe stop thinking that, it's nothing bad, I'm not going to break with you 1 hour later Just 1 hour later he calls and tell me "Sorry. | have to break up with you. I'm getting you blocked on everything because i fell you will manipulate me to go back to you otherwise" and then he just ended the phone call. 20 seconds and i couldn't even say anything just stared at the screen like a dog who was being abandoned. | just don't understand. | talked to a friend of him they don't understand either How do ¡ stop thinking about this. I'm going insane. Totally insane. This was like one of my biggest fears. | don't get it my mind don't get it can't sleep can't breathe I'm taking anxiety pills talking to friends who doesn't understand either | just want things to be normal again this is a nightmare, all the time I think he is going to unblock me call me and say he's sorry he was overwhelmed or something | feel like dying alive

How do you handle thoughts that just keep popping up random ill be petting my dog and hear kill your dog looking at my son and hear the same horrble stuff. My heart races . I keep saying sure thanks brain .maybe tomorrow . But they are like every 5 minutes . I'm avoiding taking more medication that is how I got here in the first place . Please help I just keep distracting myself.

reposting to see if I can get replies. putting a TW in case this triggers someone with SOCD. please please refrain from reading because I’m scared to trigger more people. I just want to share my thoughts bc I’m feeling guilt right now. ——— so there was this guy who posted on here a week ago I think. he wanted to know about other bisexual people’s thoughts on his question if his attraction to the opposite sex was ‘aesthetic’ or not. he shared his experiences. I put my response in and tried my best. eventually, I reply a few days later w/ my honest (since I was confused at first) answer & he replied days later as well. he said my answer was great & that he was just freaking out at the time asking the question & was secure with his sexuality. I was glad to know & I believe I added more to my reply in hopes of making him feel better but I think I might’ve triggered his OCD. I said somewhere along the lines of that “it’s okay to feel lost/confused/worried about [our] sexuality” because it’s “normal.” and that we are still learning about ourselves and “our thoughts right now could change in the future” & that it is okay. ‼️‼️again, please PLEASE do not continue reading as I feel like this might be triggering to SOCD. ‼️‼️ I was just going by what some people have said online (I can’t remember correctly but I know someone said this) because of their own experience. they said that there are older people who find out they’re gay/straight/etc later in life. like how people think they’re ____ and then find out years later they’re really ____. it was somewhere along the lines where us finding out about our sexuality can be a roller coaster and that it was fine not to know at the moment. as a kid, I thought I was straight and then looked back at some stuff I did that made me question. then had like a year where I obsessed dating the same sex. two years pass and I date the same sex but ends badly. I feel like it could have been OCD that ruined it for me and just my feelings at the time. I’m not diagnosed so don’t think I do but share similar or same thoughts as others. now I’m worried I’m straight and have been faking liking the same sex. I don’t see myself dating the same sex again. I have much much stronger feelings towards the opposite sex. anyway, that guy said that when he’s confident again about his sexuality, it feels like someone comes in and says that “feelings/thoughts can change in the future” and makes him doubt his sexuality again. he also mentioned that when he talks about his worries, people think he’s “confused” but I don’t think that. I fully believe he’s bisexual but didn’t say he was because we were talking about attraction. I felt like if I said “yeah, you’re bisexual, dw” I would have reassured him and that’s not okay to do with a person with OCD. now I feel terrible for having triggered him. it wasn’t my intention to. because of that, I have pretty much refrained quite a bit from replying to other posts because I’m scared of hurting another person. I am currently obsessing over the thought of checking up on him and apologizing a lot for making him feel bad. I feel like a villain. I was just trying to help. I feel like I can’t speak because my stupid self always can’t word things right. I feel like I can’t help people now because what if I hurt them? why am I not good enough…. now I feel like I’m just self-victimizing and acting like a bitch. I don’t know if I should just suppress my feelings and suck it up because I feel like I shouldn’t be acting like a crybaby. like, like, like…….feel, feel, feel……too many words…..I’m sorry for the disgusting repetition…. I just feel ashamed. and what if I’m wrong about everything? what if those people or person didn’t say that I think they said? what if I’m just trying to justify my wrongdoing? I don’t know anymore

okay this is my third and hopefully final post of the night, but i think i’m having an ocd attack. it was so weird because i was just scrolling through tiktok when it came up on me all of a sudden. at first i just felt like there was a threat, mentally. i can’t describe what it felt like but it didn’t feel good. i almost felt like i was out of my body. it kept going and typically i talk to my mom when this stuff happens but she’s asleep so i had to manage. i tried getting my mind off of it by listening to music and playing a game but it wasn’t working well. so then i did some deep breathing and then the harm thoughts and urges started rolling in. i obviously have them everyday but it’s been background noise for a while now, so it hit me like a thousand bricks tonight. it felt so real and terrifying. then i got nauseous which was bringing in my emetaphobia. now i have an ice pack on my neck (i think the cold can help) and am listening to meditation music while telling myself this will pass. however, i wasn’t before, but now i’m terrified this summer will be like the last.

Hi everyone. I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years and love him so much. I have had ocd since I was 13 where i did therapy to learnt to manage the intrusive thoughts and was good for about 7 years up until about a month ago. My boyfriend hasn’t experienced me in this state of distress because my ocd was so under control and now im in a spiral. It’s causing me to think that my boyfriend won’t want to be with me or doesn’t want to have to deal with this until I get better. This spiked today because I was invited to go out with him and his family to meet one of his aunts for the first time and really wanted to but my thoughts stopped me from doing so. He then was sending me pictures of him having a good time which i am so happy that he is, but i want to be there too and he wants me to be there as well. I’m just really scared that this is disorder is what’s going to cause my relationship to end when it was going so well. We have so many events to look forward to in the future and I feel like I can’t even enjoy thinking about them.

Constantly struggling with the thought of "Am I a pedophile?" I have never harmed a child but have had horrible thoughts. Where's the line? If I have to ask does that mean I am one? Feeling suicidal and in need of support.

I was very unsure about posting the fact that I became a conqueror today. I was so happy and excited getting this accomplishment, but also later in the day I had intrusive thoughts that made me distressed and cry a bit (which actually hasn’t happened in weeks). In the moment it felt like how the heck did I become a conqueror. I don’t deserve it. Ofc that’s what my OCD wants me to believe. What I thought was going to become a panic attack, ended up subsiding in less than 10 minutes. I said some response prevention messages to myself, and used the tools that I learned doing ERP with my therapist. (Shoutout to my AMAZING THERAPIST at NOCD Shannon Graepel) To keep this short. I experienced my first ever OCD episode a little less than 4 months ago. I then got diagnosed with OCD and started at NOCD. I thought I would never get better and that I would have to live struggling every day. But (from a Ted talk I once saw), it’s not about surviving each day, but about fighting everyday. From this experience, I’ve started reading books (which is crazy cuz I haven’t picked up a book for fun since 4th grade), I exercise everyday, and I meditate and do yoga occasionally. All things Ive picked up since my OCD episode started. Anything you do that helps you mentally/helps with your OCD, even if it’s just a short breathing exercise, is SOMETHING and pointing to you to the right direction of recovery. Don’t get me wrong I have my bad days, like ironically today, but I am confident I will continue fighting and not let my OCD control my life. AND I am confident that all of you can too😊 Also shoutout to all the people that answered my community posts during the hard times🫡 y’all are real ones.

Hi all, I've a bit of a dilemma. I have the "Pure" OCD themes (I'm not sure if thats what its actually called?) and they're horrible. However, I do deal with the more stereotypical OCD theme, such as perfection. I used to ruin my notes copy in school cause one line looked 'ugly'. I would tear pages, nearly soak the page in tippex, make holes on the page due to excessive overcorrecting. My mind would think what I was doing is making things better lmao. This wasn't just with my notes, it was in scrapbooks, things I would make in art class, etc. It was bad, but compared to the likes of my POCD theme, it was nothing. However, its acting up with a tattoo I'm after getting. Its in the healing stage and I'm looking at it. I've noticed it isn't as clear as it was on the first day. Theres a a few lines of ink that doesn't looked 'filled in', one line is croocked, and you can see the lines where it was filled in. But this his when I look *really* close to it, like I've literally my face to it and a light shining on it. Other than that, its not noticeable AT ALL. And cause I'm so up close, ofc I'm gonna notice the small things. I'm looking at it while I'm typing and I dont notice anything wrong. And the 'croocked" line, its on a star thats really tiny. Plus its HEALING. Like it's still scabby. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had their OCD flare up with a tattoo. I think i'm overreacting cause this is gonna be on me forever. I just wish my mind would leave me alone. And if a line wasn't filled in properly ever so slightly (or maybe it didn't heal correctly), it shouldn't be a big deal. Cause again, it's not noticeable at all. I'm hoping maybe if thats the case, I'll be content with it and not ruin it by getting it done again (cause I know I'd be temped). Other than that I really like it. Its a butterfly tattoo in the style of a Celtic knot with little stars around it. I'll attach a picture if anyone wants to see. But I've gotten sooo many compliments on it :) I feel like that should outweigh whatever imperfections my OCD has latched onto. Juts a pity that something I've been looking forward to for years has turned against me.

But thanks to doing ERP, I feel like OCD is barely a part of my life now. It's crazy because I have had maladaptive perfectionism for essentially my whole life, and I developed tics that were probably OCD-related at a young age. I've had a variety of themes (mental contamination, existentialism, symmetry, gender, etc.), with the most recurring one being the "just right" subtype. Even though the thoughts still come, I no longer give into the compulsions. Sometimes, I think "oh no, I erased and rewrote a word just now - isn't that giving into a compulsion?" and then I just accept that I can't really know and go on with my life. As long as you're willing to commit to truly exposing yourself to your triggers, to sitting with uncertainty or imperfection, OCD doesn't have to be your destiny. I really never imagined I could get to a point where, for instance, I could write a post like this one in 10 minutes, rather than 3+ hours of googling synonyms of every word, reading it over and over again, checking how I felt about it, and ultimately deleting it (feeling that pressure in my head and body all the while, that feeling of things not being quite right). It's honestly hard to remember how bad it really was. Life isn't perfect, but it's alright. I'm finally letting myself just... do the things. To anyone in the throes of OCD who is currently reading this, you don't have to believe me. I certainly wouln't have when I was in your position. You just need to commit to doing the exposures (and to not doing the rituals), as much as you can, even - and especially - imperfectly. And maybe one day, you'll realize that the thoughts aren't quite as anxiety-inducing as they once were, and the urge to do your compulsions is not quite so strong, and now you have time to do some of the things that you wish you could before.

This is my first post on this group. I feel like I have reached a point of no return. Long read ahead for context. I always assumed I struggled with OCD but never wanted to be the person who relies on the internet. I sadly waited until I had an intrusive thought to get help. I had the thought of “what if I stab my boyfriend” I had an instant panic attack. From there, I saw a therapist and felt better. Fast forward to a family vacation. I couldn’t sleep in the travel. I was awake 28 hours. Another thought comes in “what if I were to stab my sister?” I freak out, hide all items that could harm her. Next night, “what if you strangled her with your phone cord?” I freak out. Spend the rest of the trip with my parents. I spoke with my other sister who has struggled with anxiety for some time. She got me feeling back to myself. I manage to get through this trip. I head home, can’t sleep, awake 27 hours. I come home, thoughts about my boyfriend again. My therapist is able to squeeze me in. We come up with a crisis plan and set me up with a doc to get me on meds. I can’t make it, I get to a point I felt I was going to “snap” or have an extreme panic attack. Didn’t want to risk it, I went to the ER. Instantly feel better in the ER just being there. I take meds for the first time and get the best sleep I’ve had in months. I get assigned to a partial hospital program, but test positive for Covid. I managed to get myself to a better place at home in quarantine. I debated on doing the program. But I do, and I regret it. I was put on three different meds. Which I feel made things worse. Rather than being able to distract myself from my thoughts, I can’t anymore. I try to tell myself I’m not this person and wouldn’t act on these things and it doesn’t register with me like it used to. I feel so numb and disconnected from myself. The thoughts are becoming constant and more disturbing. Has anyone gotten to this point before? How do you get out of it? Am I too far gone? Ps, I have communicated this to my doc I am getting off my meds as of today and as instructed.

Hi, I’m not new here, and if you’ve seen any other of my posts you’ll know I’m undiagnosed, i don’t know if I have ocd The thing is, I think I’ve struggled with ZOCD (which is super super super horrible, since I’m a super fan animals) since 2022, but since last November it has became so horrible, and the worst part is that I think I have false memories too, so a really bad combination I’ve been working a lot, to the point that I’m not longer afraid of being in the same house as my dog (I was so afraid of it) but I still have some horrible thoughts that I’m gonna do something bad to one, and I have this intrusive images that make me think that this images aren’t imahes but repressed memories (since the images appear the exact moment when I’m for example petting the dog or washing the mares that babysit sometimes) But although that, I thought I was getting better but I have now this fear of impusivy acting on an image and it scares me a lot, but I try to not avoid things because I’m 80% convinced that I have ocd The thing is, today I was at school and I was writing with my black pen, blue pen and my red color and sometimes when I write the ink falls over my fingers, and gets in my nails. After I stoped writing, I and took a long time while packing my stuff in my backpack, and I was leaving my seat of the outside table because it was time to go home and this dog (I’m in Mexico, and sometimes dogs live in the universitys) wanted to greet me, and she was really cute so I pet her as an exposure I think, but then I had to walk past her to get to get to the exit, so I got mentally brave and passed by her side without grabbing both of my hands (I do that when I’m scared of involuntary doing something horrible) , but I got this image of me doing something horrible to her, and i first was like, of course that didn’t happen, but then my mind focused in one finger (I think was the one that I used to close my backpack) and I checked this finger and had like a little purple ink it, and now I’m freaking out because what if the image happen and I did something horrible to her, an the ink isn’t ink but blood or something (even though it seems like ink, since some pens ink turn a little purple when dried and the red color could have helped) but I’m freaking out now, I’m trying to recreate the exact same ink colour on my other nails to make myself sure that it was ink and not something else, the problem is that the pen is not working and I don’t have another pen of that exact brand so I don’t know what else to do I’m scared, and if it where true I could not live anymore, and I’m scared that I didn’t noticed that that hypothetical did happen but that that other people did noticed (if it were true) and they are going to think I’m bad person and I just never know and my life is gonna be a lie or that I’m just in denial AAAAA Please please help me :((

putting a TW in case this triggers someone with SOCD. please please refrain from reading because I’m scared to trigger more people. I just want to share my thoughts bc I’m feeling guilt right now. ——— so there was this guy who posted on here a week ago I think. he wanted to know about other bisexual people’s thoughts on his question if his attraction to the opposite sex was ‘aesthetic’ or not. he shared his experiences. I put my response in and tried my best. eventually, I reply a few days later w/ my honest (since I was confused at first) answer & he replied days later as well. he said my answer was great & that he was just freaking out at the time asking the question & was secure with his sexuality. I was glad to know & I believe I added more to my reply in hopes of making him feel better but I think I might’ve triggered his OCD. I said somewhere along the lines of that “it’s okay to feel lost/confused/worried about [our] sexuality” because it’s “normal.” and that we are still learning about ourselves and “our thoughts right now could change in the future” & that it is okay. ‼️‼️again, please PLEASE do not continue reading as I feel like this might be triggering to SOCD. ‼️‼️ I was just going by what some people have said online (I can’t remember correctly but I know someone said this) because of their own experience. they said that there are older people who find out they’re gay/straight/etc later in life. like how people think they’re ____ and then find out years later they’re really ____. it was somewhere along the lines where us finding out about our sexuality can be a roller coaster and that it was fine not to know at the moment. as a kid, I thought I was straight and then looked back at some stuff I did that made me question. then had like a year where I obsessed dating the same sex. two years pass and I date the same sex but ends badly. I feel like it could have been OCD that ruined it for me and just my feelings at the time. I’m not diagnosed so don’t think I do but share similar or same thoughts as others. now I’m worried I’m straight and have been faking liking the same sex. I don’t see myself dating the same sex again. I have much much stronger feelings towards the opposite sex. anyway, that guy said that when he’s confident again about his sexuality, it feels like someone comes in and says that “feelings/thoughts can change in the future” and makes him doubt his sexuality again. he also mentioned that when he talks about his worries, people think he’s “confused” but I don’t think that. I fully believe he’s bisexual but didn’t say he was because we were talking about attraction. I felt like if I said “yeah, you’re bisexual, dw” I would have reassured him and that’s not okay to do with a person with OCD. now I feel terrible for having triggered him. it wasn’t my intention to. because of that, I have pretty much refrained quite a bit from replying to other posts because I’m scared of hurting another person. I am currently obsessing over the thought of checking up on him and apologizing a lot for making him feel bad. I feel like a villain. I was just trying to help. I feel like I can’t speak because my stupid self always can’t word things right. I feel like I can’t help people now because what if I hurt them? why am I not good enough…. now I feel like I’m just self-victimizing and acting like a bitch. I don’t know if I should just suppress my feelings and suck it up because I feel like I shouldn’t be acting like a crybaby. like, like, like…….feel, feel, feel……too many words…..I’m sorry for the disgusting repetition…. I just feel ashamed. and what if I’m wrong about everything? what if those people or person didn’t say that I think they said? what if I’m just trying to justify my wrongdoing? I don’t know anymore

I’ve been struggling a bit after being in the hospital for two weeks and this my first day out. Any words of encouragement would be great❤️

Hi guys! I've turned to you before but a new situation occured today and I want to understand my response. Like I said I have OCD harm and it is surrounded about my children and my residents I take care of, whom I love with my whole heart. My youngest son is very physical and always on top of me. Because of my disease it drives me up the wall! I feel so bad but it really freaks me out. Long story short he was on me today. Hand wrapped around him. I had an intrusive thought " what if I did something no one would know" it scared me and I pushed through but my nerves were so bad I ended up pushing some part of my hand on his arm. I was rushed with guilt. I'm also fighting strep and just feel so guilty.

Because of the thoughts or mentally exhaustion, and got over it?

I just want to feel normal again. My new theme is destroying me. I feel so lost and I just needed to say it somewhere. I'm glad this group exists. One of my few comforts has been knowing I'm not completely alone.

Went to the church for the second day in a row to help with some decorations. I asked the priest to say a prayer with me. This was the first time in my life I ever said a prayer in church with a priest. It was much needed but I feel horrible I got a bunch of intrusive thoughts throughout the entire time there. I know god loves me but I feel bad for getting these intrusive thoughts. It doesn’t help that I hear people talking the entire time judging me for my thoughts. (I know hearing voices isn’t part of ocd)

unfortunately I'm having a rough few days with OCD this week, even though I'm super excited to be finishing college and making progress in my treatment and therapy, last night I had a dream about an intrusive thought and it made me worry and it's on my mind throughout the day, I couldn't even sleep very well because I kept waking up and ruminating about what that dream could or couldn't mean. I hope tonight is calmer and that it doesn't affect my sleep so much, I really wish I could get rid of OCD for good, it's just too tiring and confusing some days.