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the NOCD Community

hey do i recent started taking birth control pills again and i noticed that my moods are really bad and i am feeling very depressed and suicidal should i stop taking them is this normal ?

What does your thoughts get like? i start having severe panic attacks to the point i can’t breathe. i also freak out and start thinking i have to go to a mental hospital because of my thoughts. i would never act on these thoughts but they are killing me and my panic attacks are getting out of control. i’m scared that my ocd is going to give in and im going to do it but i know for a fact im not but im freaking out because these are so distressing.

I am angry 24/7. I’m in a constant war with my mind, and the images I get inside my head are unbearable to say the least. My mom passed when I was 17. (I’m 24 now)my two older brothers died this past November 2023 in the same week. I have no way of expressing my grief. I feel like nobody understands me. I’m not an alcoholic, but I feel like the only times I’m able to feel genuine emotion is when Im out with family drinking. My OCD is a battle from the moment I wake up, until the moment I drift off to sleep. And I feel restless because I have no relief while I’m sleeping, because of the kind of dreams I get, that are based off of the themes of my OCD. This is my first time seeking help with this, and I have had OCD since elementary school. I don’t wanna carry this anymore. Please, any advice you can pass along, share it. I feel alone.

I literally can't sleep and I had a mental breakdown. I am afraid because guys don't find me attractive because I am a calm nonchalant female (often mistaken as a stud). Females always find me attractive but I only like men. I am masculine because of the constant stress of being the oldest daughter and having a father who is a narracist (cheater) who never showed me how love should be from a good man. My last relationship the guy was also a narcissistic and he saw me as competition because of my personality. It makes me very upset and emotional. Men will come up to me and say “ maybe if you acted more like a girl I would give you a chance” “ your not crazy like the others” “ don’t call me bro” “ your built like a man” I literally get used in relationships for my body. I have never been loved correctly by a man ever. And that's all i want.Every time I think about it I feel like I don’t want to date anyone anymore and save myself the trouble in the future.I just want to be taken off this earth. I feel like God is watching me struggle because he knows eventually I have to let my guard down but I can’t. Can anyone please help me? I feel like I am going insane.

Like, a specific time? I find mornings a struggle. I'm usually a lot better by afternoon. But the first 2-3 hours in the morning, it's just relentless.

Everything I see or read or hear, I seem to find some connection in the thing that I obsess about. Been going on for about a year. Is this normal?

I just looked up if ocd thoughts can be right on ChatGPT and it said yes. I cannot do this. That answer literally put my anxiety through the roof. I’m so scared right now. Like I can’t even explain it. For the last month, my ocd has been revolving around having a certain fetish. It’s been telling me that if I were to go out and do anything related to that fetish in a sexual context, that I would enjoy it. My thoughts are telling me that I would enjoy it which is why I don’t want to explore it. But the truth is, I don’t want to explore it and im disgusted by anything that has to do with it in real life. I know I DONT have this fetish but my mind keeps distorting everything and literally ruining my life. I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. Like I literally cannot tell anymore. Like this is literally the worst thing ever and im so terrified of my thoughts being right. I keep getting intrusive thoughts about this fetish and it gives me a groinal response which scares me so much. I wanna throw up.

I have been boycotting McDonald’s and all the fast foods and most brands that I know of that support Israel. Especially McDonald’s I haven’t eaten it since the news came out back in October but recently I ate it because my brother and his girlfriend were paying for most of my food from other places on Uber eats. They had limited choices as well because we were in hotel and they kept spending money on Uber eats to buy all of us food and they were running low. They didn’t want to eat McDonald’s because they know who they support but my brothers head was hurting and they were hungry , so we decided to eat some but they were telling me it’s okay you’re not gonna eat it again it’s only for this one time because ordering Uber lift or Uber eats is too expensive. But now that I ate it just feels like I broke a value or moral and idk if they’re that easy to break because I thought about it now but I could’ve easily just starved until the next day when I got back home. I know I only ate one time but that one time was enough for me to feel ashamed , which I feel I should be for knowing what’s going on. I do what I can to support Palestine but after this I need reevaluate myself.

HOCD is making me feel like I am in denial of my sexuality..I feel like giving up and coming out but I dont want to.

Hi, I'm currently on 40mg of Prozac for my OCD anxiety and depression and I have a fear of never being able to get off of my meds. I've been on them for 8 years now and constantly changing the mgs. I don't wanna be dependent on medication anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to have to be on it forever. My psychiatrist just upped me to 50mg and says it's normal for people with ocd to take that much. I've never taken this much and I'm genuinely afraid going up more is gonna cause me to die or have a seizure or something bad. Im afraid I'm going to be at the highest dosage eventually and it is not gonna work for me because of my tolerance. I'm so terrified of possibly going back to being very depressed again.

For a long time now I've been having problems breathing and having a narrow airway so I constantly check my throat and have anxiety and thoughts about dying in my sleep choking or having an allergic reaction. Some nights it is very hard for me to sleep where I just am overthinking and hyperfixating on my throat to the point it feels like my airway is blocked and air can't get through. I do believe I have sleep apnea due to the fact I have nights where I wake up choking and coughing as well as making weird sounds at night. For this reason I am also terrified to eat in restaurants for having a fear of choking as well as sleeping with someone in fear of them hearing me snore and make weird noises. I also worry nobody including doctors will understand what I'm talking about or how I think. I just scheduled an ENT appointment after years of putting it off and I'm more scared of them not finding anything wrong with me. Id rather have something wrong with me so it can be solved. I am constantly thinking about the state of my throat and worried that I am going to die because I can't get a full breath of air.

I was diagnosed with OCD 2 years ago and have struggled with it nearly my whole life. I’m 17 and the thing I struggle most with is thinking other people, mostly people I look up to or famous people are “watching” me or “listening” to my thoughts, specifically my intrusive or embarrassing ones. Although I know it’s not true it really affects my daily life. I believe this falls under magical thinking OCD. when I think of an intrusive thought, I think these people can hear it especially when I’m doing an action so I have to re-do that action over and over until I do it without thinking of that intrusive thought. This also affects things I enjoy doing, I’ve been really wanting to exercise but when I go to do it I get so embarrassed cause I think I’m being watched by a famous person or people I see as above me that I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m sorry if this is lengthy but I was just wondering if anyone else suffers with this and if you do, do you have any tips? Thank you if you read this much.💗

Hey, I am 16 years old and I was on snapchat quick add and i added some people. But i asked what age they were and three of them people said they were 12 and 13 which has been making me feel really uncomfortable. I blocked then right after. Im i in the wrong here? I am worried if i said anything abnormal to them.

Does anyone struggle with confessing? Not necessarily to police, but to friends? I saw a friend who I haven’t seen in a while and I just kind of info dumped about my struggles over the past two months. Which involve the thought that I’ve killed someone and repressed it. Which came about after other fears that I would go to jail for various things from my past. I also had a really bad reaction to an antidepressant that kind of exacerbated my anxiety and OCD symptoms from bad to unbearable. Hence the irrational thoughts about murder. And it’s been really hard to shake. I’m not freaking out as strongly as I was before, and I’m WAY more able to function on a daily basis. And now my OCD is going crazy and saying that she’s going to report me to the police, I’m going to go to jail, etc. But this is a friend I trust who understands mental health. I just hate that I can’t trust myself or my friends because of this awful thing. I’ve had insight the entire time. Realizing that this is not a true memory. That it goes against everything I believe as a person, etc. But then that insight triggers me into overthinking that I’m just reassuring myself and I should stop it. Because I also have perfectionism OCD about my recovery and doing it exactly right or I’m a failure. I guess what I’m really looking for is a shoulder. Someone who understands. Just some words of encouragement that it does get better and that I’ll find my way back to myself.

If i have a thought and i dont want to have the thought/its intrusive but i dont push it away right away does that mean its true? Or just a delayed reaction? If i have a upsetting thought but i feel indifferent about it is it really intrusive? :(

How do I know after going through a severe episode of a panic attack & then (what I think is Relationship OCD), what’s real?! It’s been about 4 weeks since my panic attack & still every time I stop and think about my husband my heart sinks and I feel panicky all over again. How do I know now what’s real and what’s not real? How do I know how I actually feel? How do I overcome this feeling? Any insight? Thanks sm

Since the start of the year i had been feeling guilty for being in a relationship with someone of the same sex. I wouldn’t specify my religion but being gay is considered natural but acting upon it isnt allowed. The guilt and the thought were so strong that I eventually ended a 2 year relationship. I didnt want to tho but i do believe in my faith strongly and even tho i do question why something isn’t allowed, i do believe that if it isnt, it isnt for a reason. I had that reason too, i was mentally drained because of that relation, it messed my head in ways nothing ever will. But that never pushed me to end it

It’s been 4 years since I started becoming so concerned about my heart rate and how I breathe. When it first started, I didn’t know what was happening. I thought it was asthma - I couldn’t take full breaths, my chest felt so heavy, I would get lighthearted, my pulse felt so low. After tons of medical tests, I discovered it was just anxiety and honestly I felt worse about that because it wasn’t just gonna go away. I have tried meds, cutting out caffeine, sleeping in certain positions, relaxation techniques. Nowadays, I usually fall asleep with my fingers on my neck so I can feel my pulse when I go to sleep (which is probably a compulsion and I should stop doing it but how do you stop doing something that makes you feel like you can breathe?). It gets in the way of my life dramatically - I get lightheaded at the gym, it keeps me up at night, it’s hard doing roadtrips and being in the car, I feel like I’ll randomly pass out at the grocery store. There are things I do that exacerbate it like drinking coffee but I love coffee and I just want to feel like a normal human being and do things that I enjoy. I’m saddened that through everything, it always comes back and I’m just so tired of it.

i want to feel human. i want to feel emotions how normal people feel them. i get everyone is different but i dont get it. everytime i feel human for a second i get a random feeling of discouragement and false sense of temporary joy. i want it to stop but it wont stop why wont they stop. ocd and bipolar are not a good combination

it started happening suddenly. i just get so scared when i take medication. i immediately look up the symptoms and i start to overthink that i am having the bad reactions. i have visited the er twice because of this. i dread getting prescribed something. it has made me stop taking all my antidepressants. i am terrified of having something wrong with me all the time too. any little chest pain i freak out and i try to tell myself its anxiety but another part of me thinks to the most extreme like a heart attack or pneumonia. i am not too sure where to start the journey to getting better about this.